If Rey wasn't watching the digital numbers on the clock roll to the next minute, she would've thought the night was paused in time. The minutes came close to feeling like hours as the evening appeared to be unhurried to reach morning.
She would open her eyes after what felt like an hour's worth of sleep, blinking once and sometimes twice to see that the clock changed only by a minute or two since she last looked. Sighing heavily, she'd revert to what was the failure of counting sheep: forwards and backwards in numerical order before reverting to counting headlights.
She eventually lost count how many times she saw the occasional lights of a passing car drift over the walls of her room, disappearing into the designated corner based on where the car was coming from down the street.
With Rey no longer using her sleeping medication at night it was inevitable that her thoughts kept drifting back to everything that had occurred recently. She couldn't even remember the time or day that she decided against using it.
In spite of everything that she discovered about her late fiancé, she no longer felt angry or bitter. She might've involuntarily thanked Ben for that – in her thoughts, of course.
Rose spent the entire day with them at the house earlier, including making a body-cleansing dinner that they should've been more eager to question what was in it.
It was – interesting – to say the least, but nonetheless edible.
During that time Rey admitted to a renowned sense of admiration for the woman, sparking a possible friendship between the two. Rose was strong-willed, kind, and just as much as a victim that had fallen for Poe's looks and charismatic charm; another thing that she could admit to them having in common.
At the end of the day Rose left for their hotel, carrying a sleeping Bee-Bee with his head limply propped against her shoulder. She smiled at the memory, thinking that a few good things had come from the rubble of buried secrets. Rose was given a son, and Rey – Rey had Ben.
Sliding her legs out from under the quilt she carefully crossed the room to her bedroom doors. She could barely make out Ben's sleeping form in the living room's shroud of darkness when she opened them. The only source of lighting was from the street lights creeping through the three small windows at the top of the main doorway, barely enough to illuminate the foot of the futon.
She took a few light steps to cross the short distance and slid under the blanket next to him, remaining careful not awake him – at least not yet.
Ben was lying on his back, oblivious to her presence since his face was turned the opposite direction in a deep sleep. She could hardly see his chest slowly rising and falling underneath the white muscle-tank that clung to his torso.
After a few moments of patiently watching him sleep, she brought a hand up to place under his cheek that was resting on the pillow, coaxing him with a gentle pull to face her. Ben acknowledged her with a lazy 'hum' before attempting to wake.
Men.
She smiled, keeping her hand in place before she grazed her fingers softly down his cheek, slowly reducing to use a single finger that trailed down his jaw to his chin. She retrieved her hand away to settle on her forearm, whose palm she held pressed against her cheek and separated her from the fluffiness of the pillow underneath.
Ben opened his eyes, blinking a few times to toss aside the sleep that was still lying heavily on them as he considered the form of the barely distinguishable figure next to him.
"Rey?" Ben asked sluggishly.
She nodded, though it was very unlikely that he was able to see her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I couldn't sleep."
Moments of silence passed on Ben's side of the mattress. Scoffing, he frowned at her words. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Rey shook her head; feeling worried that she would only sound pathetic to him if she were to admit that it was nothing more than her feeling lonely. Her dignity over honesty was surely epic.
Ben shifted to lie on his side, allowing him to face her completely as the make-do bed shook along with his movements. His face was now inches away from hers; their noses barely brushing at the tips as he settled comfortably into the new position.
He draped an arm loosely over her waist, coaxing her to be closer to him with a gentle press of his hand against the small of her back. Inching herself closer, Rey closed the remaining inches that separated them, huddling into the warmth radiating from his chest as she settled with her head underneath his chin.
She sighed contentedly, acknowledging how Ben softly circulated his fingers consistently over the outer fabric of her shirt, loosely clenching and unclenching his hand as the tips of his fingers massaged the small area of cloth that covered her skin.
Eventually, his hand found its way up under the bottom hem of her shirt. He repeated the former motion over the bare skin along her waist, gradually moving up the mid-plain of her back. Closing his eyes, he lowered his head just enough so that his lips were pressing into her hair. Every slight intake of breath enabled him to wallow in the subtle fragrance of coconut that lingered long after her prior evening shower.
He placed a long kiss to her crest, his lips remaining in place as he spoke low and wearily. "I haven't gotten the chance to tell you how beautiful I think you are."
Rey quirked a corner of her lips and blushed, acknowledging him with a wistful 'hum' as she closed her eyes. She couldn't help wondering if he gave every woman that line when he was with them. "Rose is pretty, too."
"I'm not interested in Rose," he affirmed hastily.
She frowned and huffed exasperatedly into him. "You make this sound so easy, Ben. It's not that simple."
His hand left her back as Ben brought it up under her chin, encouraging her with a bent finger to arch her neck slightly back to look at him.
"Given the circumstances it's never going to be simple," he said. He moved his hand, cupping her jaw where it met the base of her skull. "He was my best friend, Rey. There's nothing that won't make this any less complicated."
Rey swallowed thickly, feeling her chest growing heavy with every word he said. She could barely see his eyes, but, judging how much she already knew about him there was surely some emotion behind them. His words always managed to bring about a begrudging effect on her, realizing that her body was no longer responding to her brain's command as she brought a hand up through his arm to cup behind his neck.
"Then, why continue putting ourselves through this?" She grimaced at her words, knowing deep down how much she was lying to herself. "We could let it go before either one of us ends up getting hurt."
"I would never force you into anything that you don't want," he affirmed knowingly. "If you can tell me what happened at the shop honestly meant nothing, I swear, I will never bring it up again. If that's what you really want."
The words were heavier than what she was willing to ponder, currently. Putting a formal title on whatever this was between them only meant that it was something that could eventually be broken. She had no idea what she wanted beyond the fact that now, at the moment, it was simply just her and him.
The reasonable half of her mind settled on the notion of just kissing him instead. Kissing was easy, and, so was the concept of physical expression rather than having to say the words that Ben was wanting to hear.
To her own approval, Ben didn't object as he met her with his own determination. Kissing him now, felt different than it had the night on the porch. Like, he was pouring every word that his mind was harboring into the act, and Rey could no longer tell if her lips were leading the kiss or Ben's.
She felt like he was pulling her into his own emotional spectrum of what he was attempting to implore earlier, literally as his hand dropped from her neck to grasp the back of her knee to hitch over his hip. She moaned in satisfaction of his cock growing hard against her abdomen.
A low groan rumbled in the back of his throat as Rey rolled her hips against his, seeking friction to ease her own growing arousal. Ben moved his hand from her knee and up her thigh, breaking the kiss in a moment both needed to gasp for air.
He took the brief moment to urge his free hand under her waist, tightly grasping her with both hands to shift their positions in a fluid motion so that Rey was now on top of him, straddling either side of his waist on her knees.
She shrieked in surprise at the sudden change, keeping a hand gripped tight behind his neck and planting the palm of her other into the mattress above his shoulder. Ben was quick to silence her outburst as he raised his torso up just enough to eagerly claim her lips once again, exerting a hum from her in content.
Keeping balance on her knees, her hands frantically searched for the bottom hem of his shirt. Ben assisted her, having to break the kiss as he crossed his arms to pull his shirt up over his head, tossing it carelessly into the dark off to the side. His hands immediately returned to her hips and pressed his forehead to hers.
Rey ran her hands over the bare skin of his chest, using her sense of touch to take in every ounce of muscle underneath her fingers. Her bruised lips grinned at the newfound urge to explore more of him, to feel and taste more than what she had denied herself from experiencing initially.
Planting a few soft kisses to his lips, she moved to the subtle groove along his collar bone, grazing her lips and trailing the tip of her tongue along the serration. Beginning her descend to explore further, the ends of her hair trickled over his skin along the way. Grazing her fingers tips down his sides, Rey used her knees to guide her way back, slowly until her mouth and fingers ended just above the waistband of his sleep pants.
Knowing what she was imploring, Ben raised his hips just enough for Rey to pull the elasticity down enough to free his cock from the linen's loose confinement. He breathed sharply when Rey took him in hand, bucking his hips in acknowledgment to the warmth of her fingers around him.
His breathing grew sporadic when Rey began moving her hand in an up and downward motion over his length. She licked her lips at the notion that it would surely take more than just her mouth to pleasure him to the fullest extent. Keeping a hand at the base of his shaft, she gathered her hair over a shoulder with her free hand and relaxed her jaw.
She slowly lowered her head and took his tip into her mouth, exerting a strangled moan from his chest as Ben struggled to grip the mattress in his fists. She ran her tongue over and under his head, tasting the salty flavor of precum protruding from the tip before releasing him with a satisfying pop of her lips.
"Holy fuck," he exhorted with a gasp. "Jesus, Rey, don't stop."
Rey grinned at the encouragement, proceeding to oblige him as she ran her tongue up the underlying length of his cock. Her hand remained on him steadily and took what she could of him into her mouth. His hips bucked slightly at the heat of her mouth engulfing him, exerting incoherent words of reassurance as she bobbed her hand in sync with her mouth.
She loved the feeling of being in control of something for once. She expected Ben to stop her from coming prematurely before the initial act, like her fiancé would've done. Instead Ben propped himself up with a forearm to thread his fingers through her hair with the other, gently massaging her scalp encouragingly.
"So close, baby," he exerted as his chest heaved with stilted breaths. Closing his eyes, his head drifted back with enthrallment over the few remaining moments that he had left to enjoy.
She wished that she could see him better through her lashes in the darkness when she attempted to steal a glance at his reaction. Pride swelled within her chest when she felt the muscles in his thigh tense as she ran her free hand down, focusing on his sporadic gasps of air before releasing him entirely.
His hand left behind her head to grip her hand at the base of his shaft, assisting her with pumping his cock as Ben came onto his abdomen. He kept her within his grasp as his breathing quickly returned to normal, releasing his grip to cradle her face between his palms and eagerly claim her lips with his.
"That was fucking incredible," he gruffly affirmed against her mouth. "But now it's my turn."
Rey grinned. Her hands moved to assist him removing her pajama shorts before a sound coming from the top of the stairwell made them pause on the spot, holding their breath in anticipation.
Initially thinking that someone was coming down the stairs, they waited momentarily as the sound of footsteps surpassed. Regarding one another's bleak form in the darkness, they chuckled nervously with a sigh in relief.
"Stay with me tonight." She murmured, taking his hand and threading her fingers between his. "In my room."
Ben wasn't about to protest. He said just as much as he quickly wiped himself off with the blanket. Wearing a grin on her face, she led them both into her room; which had perceptively better lighting than the former.
His hands were on her within an instant of the doors being closed. He assisted her in shedding her clothes, dropping each garment somewhere onto the flooring. He allowed himself a moment to take in her bare figure that the dim lighting enabled him to see: everything from her pert breasts to the definition of lean muscle on her stomach and legs.
Christ, she was beautiful.
"He was a fucking idiot, Rey." Ben growled assertively whilst placing his hands to the bare skin of her waist, pulling her flush against him. His lips traveled in heated kisses from her jaw to her neck. "You're so goddamn beautiful."
Rey enveloped her arms around his shoulders, humming in gratification as she closed her eyes. She instantly felt every care come unraveled as she melted into the warmth of his bare skin against hers, no longer feeling guilty when Poe had been mentioned.
"You said that already," she whispered.
"And I will keep telling you until you believe it," Ben replied into the curvature of her neck and shoulder. "You better believe that I'll be taking my time and enjoy every minute of this."
His words inadvertently sent a ripple of goosebumps over her skin. Rey never got the chance counter with some sort of a remark before Ben hungrily claimed her lips once again, cupping his hands to cradle her jaw in their palms. She hummed happily as he guided her to the edge of her bed.
His hands gravitated to just below her ass, giving her cheeks a firm squeeze before hoisting her up the remaining distance onto the mattress. Breaking the kiss Rey moved herself back along the surface of the quilt as Ben quickly chased after her, hovering above her with his hips now between her bent knees and his hands firmly pressed into the mattress on either side of her head.
Her hands roamed freely down his chest, over his sides and back. A throaty groan escaped their mouths as Ben devoured her lips with his. When he eventually broke the kiss, Rey was left gasping for air as his attention diverted to tasting her elsewhere.
Rey wound her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp with the tips of her fingers as he took her nipple into his mouth, alternating teasing with his tongue, nipping and sucking fervently. Keeping his weight on his forearm, he gently massaged her other with his free hand, noting how perfect she felt within his grasp.
Rey closed her eyes, enraptured by the heat of his mouth whilst imaging what else he could do to her with those lips. Her hands moved to his shoulders, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth as she tried to stifle a pitiful moan regarding the growing ache between her legs. He moaned into her as she rolled her hips against his, hoping to seek the needed friction whilst imploring for him to pay attention to where she desired it most.
She was relieved when Ben acknowledged the notion that she was attempting to implore. Puckering his lips, he released her nipple with a satisfied pop as he moved his hand to the apex of her thighs. He used his index finger to massage her clit in a circular motion whilst rubbing her nub with his thumb.
Ben was attentive to her reactions, grinning slyly when he could feel how soaked she was already. He repeated the notion momentarily before sliding a finger inside her.
Rey gasped at the newfound sense of relief. Arching her spine, her eyes rolled back and mewled a purr when he inserted another. Her hips rolled in unison with his thrusts, seeking the release that had long been denied that evening before it became apparent that Ben had other plans that differed from hers.
She was livid when he removed his hand from her and Hell bent on planning to deliver a line of profanity before his head disappeared between her legs. She was quickly silenced when she felt his tongue beginning to finish what his fingers started.
Ben cupped his hands up over the tops of her thighs, holding her cemented with a firm grip while his tongue grazed over her slit. He groaned satisfyingly as he savored her taste with every flick of his tongue.
"Oh – fucking Hell, that's amazing," she gasped.
It was all she was able to say without sounding stupidly incoherent to describe the sensation that was coursing through her body. Her hands balled into fists behind her head, tightly clenching the quilt within her grasp as she arched her back to enhance the feeling in a different angle.
His hands skimmed over the sides of her thighs to her hips, gripping her loosely whilst lapping her with the span of his tongue. He remained attentive to her incoherent praises, occasionally exchanging the former to tease her with a flicker of his tongue to meet her needs.
With a jumbled mind in a winded state, Rey wasn't certain if she was able to properly cry out Ben's name when she came. Her chest heaved in labored huffs as she attempted to regain proper use of her lungs.
Running his tongue over his lips, Ben savored the remaining flavor of her juices before trailing soft kisses up her inner thigh to her stomach and, finally, settling on her lips. She moaned softly within a sigh over his mouth, tasting herself on his lips.
"I need you," she whispered as her lips brushed over his.
Her mind was too feverishly caught up in the moment to decipher if it was her way of saying that she needed him inside her, or if it was something far heavier in meaning. Regardless of what she meant, Ben quickly rid himself of his slacks without protest, holding her gaze as he entered her slowly.
Their shuddered whimpers were a unified echo as he lowered himself onto her. He remained mindful of her beneath him and kept his weight propped upon his arms as Rey lightly grasped his shoulders. His eyes held her gaze as her rolled his hips over hers, slowly meeting Rey's halfway with her knees bent and her thighs loosely clenching his waist.
Rey closed her eyes, lolling her head back slightly as he peppered kisses over her cheeks, chin and neck. Everything about the moment was different. Like, they were making love rather than engaging in casual sex.
Her hands blindly found his at either side of her head to intertwine their fingers together, occasionally exchanging a tender kiss with prolonged eye contact. It was only when they came together that they broke their gaze. Their hands remained clasped as Ben breathed into the shallow junction of her neck, and she with her head turned opposite to the side.
He allowed himself a moment to regain some composure before rolling onto his back next to her. They remained momentarily silent, turning their heads simultaneously to regard the other with only the sounds of their winded breaths filling the air.
Rey smiled contentedly, rolling to her side to take up the empty space next to him. Ben happily accepted, allowing her head to lightly rest on his shoulder. His arm was under her with his hand lightly gripping her waist as she stretched her arm over his chest, bringing their sweaty bodies closer together.
"Do you wanna know something?" Ben asked seriously, breaking the silence.
Rey eyed him keenly, expecting him to admit something that was of high importance. "What?"
"I'm fucking starving."
Rey blinked. She looked at him like he had just expressed the most absurd idea in the world and laughed: a laugh that was more genuine than she had done in weeks.
Rey expected Ben to make toast, or fix a bowl of Cheerios at 2:00 in the morning.
No, he was making them each a Panini with the grill that had been one of the many unwanted wedding gifts. There was something so domesticated about the notion of watching him build sandwiches in the middle of the night like it was the average norm – adding on the fact that he was also shirtless.
"How in the Hell are you so bulky?" She chided, arms loosely crossed whilst leaning her back against the counter they were standing at. "For being a photographer I never would've guessed that the profession required you to be so physically fit."
"It is when you have to lug camera gear and lighting equipment." Ben stated frankly, tossing a slice of cheese onto each sandwich. "Oh, and climbing up trees to get the best angle for a shot on the 18th green at Augusta."
Rey rolled her eyes. "Okay, but still."
Ben shrugged and closed the lid to the grill, hearing the beep of the automatic timer beginning to count down.
"I also have a lot of downtime between shoots." He said whilst turning to face her, leaning his hip against the counter's edge with his hand resting lightly on the smooth surface. "Being a gym rat also helps kill the time, I suppose."
Rey regarded him knowingly, cocking her head slightly to the side. "Why didn't you ever settle down with anyone? It's obvious that you are capable of caring," she added with a goading smirk and a quirked brow.
Ben scoffed; chewing the corner of his mouth as he thought over a genuine answer. "I guess – I thought it always made more sense to walk away. My parents never had the best marriage, either. I guess it felt safer that way."
Rey frowned at his words, considering she always longed to have companionship – a friend even, during her lowest of times. "It sounds lonely."
Ben nodded pensively, moving to return the excess food to their designated storage locations. "It was, but it's not anymore."
Her frown quickly turned into a smile at his words. She was going to press the topic further before the sound of footsteps descending the stairs diverted her attention.
Her chest cramped at the thought of having to explain why she was in the kitchen, in the middle of the night, with a shirtless Ben making sandwiches for two – like a normal couple that was dating would do. Finn might've been easier to make understand, but Hux – not so much.
She halted Ben mid-stride as he went to put the cold meat into the fridge, placing a quick kiss on his lips and made a haphazard gestured with her hand towards her bedroom. He eyed her heavily with confusion as he watched Rey disappear around the corner opposite of where Finn was approaching, easily vanishing into the surrounding darkness to her bedroom.
Finn yawned dramatically, announcing his arrival. "Dude, I can't believe you're still up." Finn stated groggily before the smell of something cooking filled his senses. "Whatcha making?"
Ben blinked from where he had been staring dumbfounded, momentarily even though Rey had been long gone.
"Uh, sandwiches." He replied, scoffing warily to Finn. "I got hungry."
"Hell yeah, I love Paninis." Finn replied enthusiastically as the grill's timer dinged to alert that the cuisines were done. "Are you gonna eat both of those?"
Ben regarded him blankly, like Finn had just asked him to hand over his liver to donate to the Black Market. Finn took the momentary silence as a 'yes' and helped himself to one of the sandwiches.
"No, it's all yours," Ben finally replied in a delayed reaction.
He went back to the former task at hand while his mind toyed with reasons as to what caused Rey's sudden change in behavior, ignoring Finn's praise over how excellent the sandwich tasted.