Chapter Eleven – So, this is Forks High School
First day of a new school year, at a new high school.
"You okay?" Edward asked Nessie quietly. He was driving everyone in the Volvo, girls in the back, guys in the front – they needed the legroom.
Nessie looked up to see her brother staring at her in the rear-view mirror. "I'll be okay."
"The people here don't really know anything."
"Alice, the entire country knows everything," Nessie said. She was right; the abduction of the daughter of an old-money family by her obsessed boyfriend had kept the country on tenterhooks nationwide for two months.
"Yeah, but the media never said you're name," Alice persisted.
"And how many Cullens are there in America?"
"The media said it was the Volturi family, didn't it?" Emmett asked from the front passenger seat. "An old-money Italian family?"
"Yes," Alice rubbed Nessie's arm, trying to give comfort that Nessie did not manage to feel. "You see, Nessie, the Cullen name wasn't even mentioned – Aro made sure of that. No one will know it was you."
Nessie looked out of the window at the tiny town flashing by. "A town like this, everyone knows everything," she said quietly.
They pulled into the school car park and headed to the administration building. They were earlier than they would normally be, wanting to get the layout of the school before they were stuck into their schedules; they wanted to be able to find each other quickly.
"Okay," Emmett grabbed the four schedules. "Right, before lunch, Nessie you're in building one, Alice building three, me and Edward both in building four. We'll meet outside the cafeteria at lunch."
Edward and Alice both nodded, but Nessie still looked unhappy. "You guys don't have to babysit me, if you want. I'll be okay."
"Nessie, the last time we made that mistake, we lost you for sixty three days," Edward said, his gaze and his tone brooking no argument. "We are not making that mistake again."
"We can't lose you, Loch," Emmett said, nudging her shoulder with his fist.
"Yeah, Monster," Alice teased. "What would I do at school? You've just caught up with us! I don't want to have to hang out with a bunch of boys again!" Popular as they were, the Cullens preferred to keep to themselves, forgoing close friendships – it made for less difficult questions.
"This is what we've always done, Ness. Why mind now?" Emmett asked – Emmett, who never cared what anyone thought of him.
"Because, it's not like Denali – that was a big high school, several hundred kids in each year. In a town this small, they'll just think we're being stand-offish."
"We are being stand-offish, Ness," Emmett grinned.
"Why are you so worried, Nessie?" Edward asked, looking at her in that way that made her feel like he was reading her mind – Edward always seemed to know more than everyone else. "You hate people. This thing with ... lately you haven't been able to leave the house you're so terrified of people, now you want us to leave you alone to deal with them? I don't get it."
"I just don't want to draw any more attention to us." Nessie dragged the sleeves of her top over her hands. She had been so grateful that they had moved to a place like Forks, where it was nearly always raining, calling for a lot of long sleeved layers; her ordeal had left her with angry red scars on her wrists. Esme still cried when she saw them.
"We're new in a small town, Nessie. We're going to be the centre of attention for a while. The best way to be left alone is to alienate them. We ignore them, they'll leave us alone," Edward promised, covering Nessie hands, still twisting her cuffs, with his larger ones. Alice added her tiny hands to the pile and so did Emmett; his were the largest cocooning the rest.
"I just want to be left alone," Nessie said softly, staring down at the hands covering hers. Tears burned her eyes at the love her siblings showed her. Emmett released their hands so Alice could hug her.
"Come on, Jasper!" A sharp, melodic voice rang across the lot to where they sat. They turned to see the classic-model type stalk to the administration building, high heels clinking on the asphalt. Behind her, a less well-groomed boy walked after her. Where her blond hair hung to the small of her back in perfect waves, his was a shock of blond that clearly said 'no, I didn't brush it before I left the house, so what?' Looking at him walking, Nessie recognised the slight fragility of someone coming off drugs – part of her therapy had been to deal with the dependency she had on the morphine James had fed over during her nightmare. The boy, Jasper, tugged at his clothes, which were baggier and decidedly less stylish than the fashionata glamour of his ... sister?
"Looks like we're not the only new ones," Edward said.
"Certainly not the most interesting," Alice observed, her eyes following the boy. Emmett was staring at the girl. While Nessie had clocked the movements of the boy and what they meant, Emmett was only interested in the way the girl's ass looked as she walked.
"I hope," Nessie said, watching as the two disappeared into the building.
"Are you sure you can do this?" Edward asked Nessie quietly. It was the time for class to begin and they were dropping Nessie of at her room.
Nessie nodded. "Mom phone ahead, I can sit at the back of all my classes, none of my teachers are going to do the 'introduce yourself thing'. It's the beginning of the school year anyway, they'll just want to get started."
"Alright. Well, we've got it all organised. One of us will always be there to walk you to your class. Don't leave until we get there," said Edward.
Nessie smiled at them all – it was small, and still nervous, but it was a smile, finally after months."Thanks, guys."
"You don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to," Alice said, rubbing her arm.
Nessie nodded and walked inside. She kept her head down and took her assigned seat at the back, ignoring the whispers and flurry of movement her arrival caused. She didn't talk to anyone the entire lesson, just took notes, did what the teacher asked, then left the room at the bell. Emmett was ready for her, ready to walk her from English to Chemistry.
"'Sup, lil sis," Emmett said. He was massive and everyone stared at him. He put his arm around her shoulders and steered her from the building. "How was your first class?"
"Fine," Nessie said, shrinking into his side as people got too close. "No one talked to me; I think they wanted to know though. What are you so happy about?"
"I got Government with the blonde," he said, the smile widening to Cheshire cat proportions.
"The shrill uptight from the parking lot?" Nessie asked, incredulous.
"Yep, her name's Rosalie – Rosalie Hale. Jasper is her twin brother."
"What are they doing here?" Nessie asked.
"I don't know – that's when the teacher told me to be quiet," Emmett grinned broadly. "But, they should be joining us for lunch!"
Nessie stopped dead, her eyes wide with fear.
"Ness, don't worry," Emmett rushed to comfort his sister. "You don't have to talk to them. You'll sit between two of us – they'll say hello, goodbye, and that's it. I promise, you can be invisible."
"Emmett," tears welled up in her eyes. At the back of her mind, she knew she was being ridiculous, but she could not get over the fear of people. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to remember what her therapist had said.
She felt hands on her shoulders and flinched. "It's me, Ness, it's me." Emmett's voice was soft and close to her ear. "That's it, just breath. It's all okay. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. I'm so stupid."
Nessie opened her eyes to the rare sight of Emmett frowning. "No, Em, it's okay." She took deep breath and managed to keep the rising panic at bay. "All new kids together, right?" She smile weakly, but her lip trembled and she bit it to keep from crying. "I'm sorry."
Emmett hugged her close, murmuring into her hair. "I'm sorry, Nessie. I didn't mean to make you cry. I didn't know that new people still affected you so bad. I thought you were doing okay, you've held up so well."
"I've spent the last hour wanting to run. I hate them, Emmett. I hate the classrooms, I hate it when they shut the door, locking me in." Emmett felt the front of his shirt getting wet and hugged his weeping sister closer. "I hate being at the back. I thought it would be easy, no one can see you. But they do. They see me and I can't get to the door. Emmett, why is this happening? Why can't I just get over this?" Emmett started to rub her back, trying to slow down her breathing.
"Because some fucker screwed you up six ways from Sundays. It's not your fault, Nessie. Maybe we pushed you into this too soon." The hand that was not soothing circles into her back, went stiff – Nessie could tell Emmett was desperately trying to reign in his strength.
"No," Nessie shook her head. "It's okay."
"It's only been three months, Ness. You've spent the last couple of months surrounded by family, hell, even your shrink is a family friend! Now you're being pushed into a new environment with new people. Maybe it's too much." Emmett loosened his grip and Nessie took a step back. They were definitely late to class – there was not a single person in sight, the flux of moving students having ebbed. "You want me to take you home?"
Nessie sighed in defeat, but nodded. She hated running away but it was too much. She just wanted to go home.
"Come with me, Edward has Math now and I need to get the keys." He put his arm back around her shoulders and led her to Edward's lesson. Nessie looked at the ground the whole way, her arms wrapped around her binders, trying to ignore the brewing headache.
At the classroom, Emmett knocked on the door and was allowed to enter. "Er, can I get the car keys off Edward, please?" The teacher nodded and Edward threw the keys to Emmett, frowning. Emmett caught them, nodding towards were a pale, subdued Nessie was just visible. At the sight, Edward stood up, almost knocking his chair over. The teacher looked confused at the goings-on, but settled down the fussing students.
Ignoring the protests of his teacher, Edward walked out of the classroom to talk to Emmett. "What's going on?"
"Nessie's just finding it tough. I'm taking her home."
Edward nodded, "good idea." He looked away, running a hand through his hair, almost pulling it out in his agitated state. "I told them, I told Mum and Dad she wasn't ready." He looked over at Nessie. "You okay?"
"Getting a headache, but, according to the therapist, that's an expected reaction to crowded environment." Nessie rubbed her forehead, massaging her temples to relieve the pressure.
"Panic attack?" Edward asked – Nessie had been prone to them since meeting James.
"No, she managed to hold it off, did real good," Emmett said, looking at Nessie and smiling proudly. Then his smile faded, "I think I set it off."
Edward looked at him sharply, "what do you mean?" His tone was harsh.
"I told her that I'd invited Rosalie and Jasper Hale to sit with us at lunch," Emmett said. "That's when she started to freak out about being in the rooms."
"It wasn't that, Emmett. It was me, I was scared. I'd spent the last hour feeling caged and knew I had to go through the same for the rest of the day. When Emmett told me that they were sitting with us ... lunch will be the only time I'm not in a closed room full of people I don't know. I guess the idea of having to keep my shields up even then just sent me over the edge. I overreacted and I'm sorry."
"Oh, Nessie," Edward hugged his sister. "It's okay. I told Mom and Dad a full day would be too much at first." Nessie nodded miserably – she hated being as dependent on her family as James had always tried to make her on him, but she could not help it. She was not enough to keep herself safe right now.
"I'm going to get her signed out and take her home – could you tell my teacher? I had Miss Glenn for Chemistry."
Edward nodded at Emmett's request. "Get Mom to call the school to get them to agree to have her in for half days for the first week or so." He let Nessie go. "You going to be okay, kid?"
Nessie nodded, "I'm just going to go to bed. I didn't sleep well last night."
"Surprising," Edward said wryly. He looked at the close door of his classroom. "I better go – teacher's probably pissed."
"You go; I'll see you at lunch," Emmett said, nodding to the closed classroom door. Edward went back in the classroom; they could hear Edward apologising to his teacher for his abrupt departure.
At the admissions building, Emmett got her signed out and they headed out to the car. On the drive home, Nessie barely spoke. Emmett tried to make conversation, to get her to talk about what she was going through like the therapist told the family to, but she was not cooperating. "Em, please, can we stop this now? I really don't want to talk about it."
"Okay, but will you talk to Mom, please? Loch, we just want to know you're okay," Emmett's voice was caring, bordering on desperate. Nessie nodded and Emmett let out the breath he did not know he had been holding.
When they got home, only Esme was there. Carlisle had started to work at the hospital the day before but Esme had found a renovating job she could do mostly from home. "Nessie, Emmett? What – what's going on?" Esme asked, bewildered as her daughter buried her face in her mother's shoulder and started to sob.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I tried, I really tried, but I couldn't! I can't go back to those classrooms, Mom. I can't breathe in there. I'm sorry," Nessie wept uncontrollably. Esme rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair and murmuring nonsense comforting words. Emmett stood looking at them, unsure of what to do now.
"Okay, everyone to the kitchen," Esme said. Emmett and Nessie sat at the breakfast bar while Esme made the tea. Nessie was still sniffing and Emmett looked drained. Esme put three mugs on the bar and took a seat. "So, what happened?"
"I freaked. Emmett was walking me from class to class. He told me about a couple of other new kids that were going to sit with us and I freaked."
"I'm sorry," Emmett rested his head on his hand. "I'm so stupid, this is all my fault."
"Emmett, it wasn't," Nessie said, resting her head on his shoulder. She wrapper her arm around his huge bicep – it was her turn to do the comforting. "I thought I could do this, but I can't. I'm not ready for all this."
"Okay, finish you tea," Esme took a hand of each child. "Emmett, you go back to school. Nessie, you go up and change, you'll be more comfortable."
"Edward wanted you to call the school," Emmett remembered.
"Yes, I thought this might come up," Esme nodded. "I hate to say it, but I think we got it wrong. Edward didn't think you were ready; we just wanted to give you a chance to get back to normal. We let you down, Nessie. I'm sorry, baby girl."
"I just want to be safe. How can I not feel safe in a room full of people in a public place?!" Nessie threw up her hands before burying them in her hair. They slid down until they covered her face. "I'm so tired of being scared."
"We'll deal with that, baby, you'll see," said Esme, an idea forming in her brain.
Emmett drained his cup. "I got to head back – I've missed a couple of lessons but I'll make the one before lunch."
Esme looked pleasantly surprised. "You don't want to ask to stay?"
Emmett shifted, "er, no. I'll head back."
"Okay," Esme said, still wondering.
"There's a girl involved," Nessie said and a look of comprehension spread across Esme's face.
Emmett blushed and headed to the door, "okay, I'm gone now."
"See you later, Emmett," Esme trilled.
"Good luck!" Nessie called after her retreating brother.
"Shut up!" Emmett's voice floated back a moment before the door slammed closed.
They laughed quietly. "Okay, kid. Time to start. You get changed while I talk to the school."
Nessie nodded and walked out of the room. She could hear her mom on the phone as she walked up stairs. Getting to her room, she stripped and walked to the en suite that had been added at one end of the room. She needed a bath – she was way too tense.