Redemption and Ruin
Chapter Ten
She lifted her hand and felt herself slip into his mind She felt him stiffen at first, his mind instinctively trying to protect itself from her intrusion. But aside from the initial resistance, he truly had opened himself to her.
Rey remembered what it felt like to have him inside her mind before. How sacred she'd been. Helpless.
She pushed those thoughts aside and tried to concentrate. As far as he was concerned, she was a girl named Kira. And Master Luke had known her before she set foot on Ahch-To.
But who left her on Jakku? Why? And where were her parents?
She pushed further into his mind, wincing at glimpses of his parents at the thought of family. Of a younger, less world weary and still alive Han Solo helping his son learn to walk, then to fly. Of bone-crushing hugs from the furry uncle that was as much a part of his family as his blood relatives. Leia, even when stressed and tired, still tucked him into bed at night until the day she put him on a ship with his uncle even as he begged to stay.
Blinking back a tear—his? Or her own?—she kept going, searching for her own answers. To their shared past.
She heard a voice she recognized as her own.
"Ben! Ben!"
A small girl in beige robes, normally clean, but today caked in mud and dirt, ran toward him, tears in her eyes.
The figure in his mind retreated as she approached and he crouched down out of habit as Kira flung herself into his arms. She wasn't overly affectionate with anyone but him. He'd watched her with the other younglings before. She was friendly for the most part, but often withdrew into her own little world.
He frowned, a part of him angry at whatever or whoever made her cry, just at seeing her in pain. "What happened?"
Sniffling, she said in a rush, "Sana pushed me in a puddle and the others laughed. She said I belonged there and shouldn't get up…"
He held her tight in his arms, feeling the pain and hurt in waves from her.
"They said I'm trash… that I'll never be a Jedi. That I'll never be any good…"
"They're wrong," he said confidently. "You'll be stronger than all of them. I feel it. And one day… when you're older, you'll prove it."
"And you'll teach me? When I'm older?"
He nodded. "You'll be my apprentice. Just you."
"Sana won't like that." Kira looked worried.
A smirk crossed his lips. "She won't get a choice. Master Luke told me I can pick my own apprentices one day. And I already picked you."
He rubbed her back, feeling the tension ease. "You're sad again, Ben. Why are you sad?" she asked quietly.
"I miss my family… like you."
"But Master Luke is your family."
He felt the anger again. Luke was blood, but being here was punishment. It would always be punishment. One that his own parents brought upon him. He didn't miss them as much as he missed what used to be.
"Now I have you," he said with a smile. "We'll be each other's family."
She didn't seem convinced, but nodded. "Don't be sad, Ben."
"I can't be around you. You're like a little ray of sunshine. The other younglings are just jealous."
"A ray?"
"Yes," he said. "A small beam of light. That's what you are for me. A ray of light in the dark."
"But it's daylight!" she said, her face twisted up in confusion.
"You'll understand one day."
Rey recoiled from the memory. Her name? Her parents hadn't named her 'Rey'. He had. Indirectly, he was responsible for her name.
She wanted out, but she couldn't. Not yet. There were more answers to be found in his mind. More pieces of herself she had to reclaim. She had to understand what she was to him. Why he wanted her to stay. Why he was so afraid.
She fell into another one. A darker one.
He knew what he had to do.
It was time. There was no turning back. If he even tried, it would only be worse. Snoke was coming for him. To train him. So he could reach his full potential.
Even so, he risked the pain and wrath for one last act of defiance.
He hurried to the younglings' quarters. He found his way to the room where little Kira slept. He scooped the still sleeping girl out of her bed.
She stirred, limbs dull from sleep. "Ben?" she whispered softly, her voice rough.
"Ssh, sleep. You're dreaming."
She burrowed her face against his robes, snuggling into him. She had no idea what he was about to do. What he would do. She could never know. He didn't want her to know.
He didn't to do this, but the voice in his head did. It was a test of loyalty.
But he wouldn't hurt his little ray of light. He hurried to a hiding spot he'd discovered while exploring one day. It was a tight and cramped natural structure similar to a cave. It hurt to try and squeeze his lean frame inside. But soon it would be the only safe place.
She whimpered, waking up more. "Ben… no…"
"You need to get inside. We're playing a game."
He set her down, pushing her to climb through the narrow opening. Reluctantly, she did so, but lacking much of the enthusiasm she usually had when it came to exploration.
"I don't wanna."
"I know, but you have to."
"Why?"
He ignored the question as he got her settled in. "No matter what, I need you to stay here."
"But it's dark!"
"The darkness is only in your mind."
"Please don't leave! Ben, don't leave!"
Indecision gnawed at his gut. He felt the pain coming off her in waves. The hurt. The loneliness.
"I'll be back. Promise."
She withdrew from him, this little shining beacon of light. She was so bright and good that it hurt.
He wanted to spare her the pain and agony. He knew what he must do, but he couldn't subject her to it. She's not the youngest of them, not anymore, but he has a soft spot for her. He has to protect her like a brother protected their sister.
She was his Kira and he'd fight to the death to protect her. No harm would come to her or there would be hell to pay.
Compassion. Weakness. For her, or the girl she once was. Was this the night that ruined Luke Skywalker? The night that Ben Solo was lost to the Dark Side?
She had to know. To know more about what happened that night.
She felt a barrier then. She felt more than heard him say no. He didn't want her to see that night. Not yet. He was afraid she wasn't ready for it. That it would hurt her.
Rey pressed against the barrier, but then she felt another tug. Stronger. Darker. It was the presence in his mind. The other voice in his head.
It had a name. Supreme Leader Snoke. And it oozed evil.
She wanted to know more about the massacre. Remembering that night—their last night together—would do more harm than good at this stage. He didn't want to hurt her any more than strictly necessary at this moment. He needed her to trust him.
If Rey wouldn't listen to him, she would die. And he would have to live with the knowledge and the guilt. He couldn't do that.
He'd spared her before. He just needed her to trust him. To work with him instead of against him.
"I perceive the problem. It isn't her strength that is making you fail. It's your weakness."
They had a common enemy, whether she believed it or not. Snoke could destroy the galaxy given enough time and resources.
He'd seen it. He'd seen his master's plans. Seen his excitement at the destruction of the Hosnian system. And his disappointment at the loss of Starkiller Base before he could destroy the Ileenium system.
He thought back to before, to when Rey was first his captive. When he first learned of his master's plan.
"We were able to track their reconnaissance ship back to the Ileenium system. We are coordinating with our own reconnaissance craft in the area in order to lock down the specific location of their base," Hux said, pleased with his report and eager to be praised.
"We do not need it. Prepare the weapon. Destroy their system," the hologram that was the Supreme Leader said.
He didn't pay attention to Hux's response. He was too busy in his own mind. He'd watched the destruction of the Hosnian system. He'd felt the ripple through the Force as millions of lives blinked out in agony. Innocent lives, meant as sacrifice for this test of their weapon.
And now it would happen again. And his mother and her people would be part of it. She would die. He wouldn't be able to save her. To save any of them. Not without the information in the girl's head. There would be no survivors—no hope. This act of violence would cripple the Resistance and kill millions of innocent lives throughout the system.
All of this because the droid was in his father's hands. Because he failed.
"As soon as the weapon is fully charged, I want the entire Ileenium system destroyed," his master ordered.
"I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance," Ren said, pleading.
"And you promised me when it came to destroying the Resistance you wouldn't fail me. General, prepare the weapon."
"Yes, Supreme Leader!" Hux hurried off, eager to play with his shiny new toy. Happy for praise, like the lap dog he was.
He felt the pain in his mind. His Master.
"Kylo Ren. It appears that a reminder is in order. So I will show you the dark side. Bring the girl to me."
He froze. Not her. She wasn't ready. She was only being to test her power. She would be destroyed—ripped apart by his master. She wasn't ready.
He felt the nails scratching in his mind, daring him to defy him. Snoke knew the girl meant something to him. He knew that the boy he'd once been had cared for a Force-sensitive girl—a girl who had never been accounted for.
Rey, bleeding out at his hands, his saber humming. Her life extinguished at his hands, the way it was meant to be all those years ago.
He hadn't known at first that this Rey was the same girl he'd lost. Once he'd entered her mind, he knew. He knew for sure it was his Kira.
He had a choice to make—his mother or the girl. Sacrificing the girl to his master might stop the destruction of an entire system. But it would destroy the only person who had ever seen past the exterior mask.
He shouldn't care about either. Emotion was weakness. Sentimentality was for the weak. He was stronger than that. He had to be.
But he couldn't look at her or think about her without remembering the little girl who looked at him with curious hazel eyes, asking him why he was so sad.
"Yes, Master," he said reluctantly as the claws in his head dug in, threatening to rip her apart. To take her away from him.
Ren felt her repulsion in his mind. The turmoil. She hadn't been expecting Snoke or even a taste of the pain his master brought upon him.
He eased into a different memory, still painful, but in a different way.
"Ben!"
He glanced up from his meditation to see his uncle. The Jedi Master looked furious.
"Yes, Uncle?" he called, not willing to use the formal title of respect. There was no one else around to hear them.
"The youngling. Kira. You should keep your distance from her."
"Why do you care?"
"She is in my charge. I won't have you corrupting her, Ben. She hurt another student today."
"Sana? She had it coming." He used the Force to flick a rock lazily.
"What have you done?"
"You're blind, Uncle. I taught Kira to protect herself. Sana has been bullying her since she got here. So have others. She deserved it."
"Someone might have died!"
He whipped his head up to look at the older man. "But they didn't, now, did they?"
"You were lucky this time. Next time…"
"Perhaps you should worry less about me and more about protecting your precious students from each other. We both know I'm a lost cause." He threw another, larger rock with the Force, feeling a bit destructive.
She took control from him then, jerking him out of his foul mood and back into the present.
Ren stared at her as she lowered her hand, shaking a bit. "What was that?" she breathed.
"Which part?"
"All of it."
She felt as if she'd just spent three days in the sun of Jakku with no food or water. Probing Ren's mind, even without his supposed resistance, was exhausting.
"Just a tiny bit of the life we shared. I can tell you more… show you more. Everything I have… everything I know can be yours, if you'll just trust me. Join me. Stay here with me."
She shook her head instinctively. "No."
"Trust me, Kira. Or do you prefer Rey?"
"You're like a little ray of sunshine."
"Yes… no… I don't know."
He took a step forward, his head bent toward her. His emotions were written plainly on his face.
"Stay here," he begged softly. "Help me."
She stared at him, seeing a glimpse of the boy he'd been. A sad boy that her younger self befriended. Who cared deeply for the girl she'd been.
But the woman she was wouldn't be so easily swayed. She'd seen what he was capable of. He wasn't the boy anymore. He was a man with blood on his hands.
At the same time, she sensed the honesty. The pain. He needed her.
With a wave of her hand, she released the binders. They fell with a clatter from his wrists. He looked down, startled, but made no move either toward her or to harm her.
"I will stay… with one request."
"Anything," he said without hesitation and she felt his sincerity.
"I don't trust you. Even if I trusted you, I don't trust your master. I'm willing to stay if—and only if—you let me reach out to the base. I just want to give them a chance to evacuate. That's all."
He was quiet a moment. "One short transmission. I will do my best to keep it encrypted, but I can't promise it will be. If I agree to this… you have to stay. If you even try to run, I will hunt down your friends one-by-one and you'll watch them suffer. Do you understand?"
Rey bristled at the threat. But she knew that the man in front of her only understood pain. It's all he knew. Pain and fear.
Fighting back tears, she nodded. "I understand."
He reached a hand out, his glove touching her cheek, his thumb stroking the skin gently. "Then we have a deal?"
"Yes… yes, I will stay."
Author's Notes:
Whew, what a pain this chapter was. It could've easily been twice as long with lots more flashbacks. But I know you guys were eager to move forward, so onward we go! Yes, there's still more past pieces to come. We will also see more of Ben/Luke and Kylo Ren/Snoke to better understand the difference between his two masters. Rey will also come face-to-face with Snoke sooner or later, as much as Ren tries to put it off.
She still doesn't trust him, but seeing his concern for Leia upset her balance. She hasn't been expecting any of this from him.
I was planning to post this on my lunch today, but I had an allergic reaction to a different medication my doctor put me on, so I'm home and I get to start the next chapter now between naps. If all goes well, I should have another short chapter for you guys tomorrow night or Thursday morning. There should also be a Friday night post. Mondays and Thursdays are pretty much the only nights I can't write so if I haven't posted in the morning, it's unlikely there will be a post that day.
Enjoy! Let me know what you think about Rey's choice!