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Chapter 11

BPOV

He strode toward me, his lustful gaze moving up and down my body. Fear sliced through me. Where was my angel? Hadn't I just been in his loving arms?

Jacob grabbed my arms roughly, and I winced in pain as he held them in a vice grip. His vile, hot breath surrounded me as he bent down to whisper in a threateningly possessive voice. "You're mine forever now, Bella." He paused briefly, then said with malicious satisfaction, "No one will be able to find us. You'll never see your precious bloodsucker again."

Despair washed over me, and I felt the piercing pain in my chest as my heart was ripped open. I should've known it had been too good to be true. I hadn't escaped from Jacob after all. I would never see Edward again.

Jacob tore off my clothes, and I could soon feel his violent, hot hands all over my body. I wanted to pull my mind away from what was happening like I had before, but for some reason, I couldn't. All I could do was struggle hopelessly. "No! Stop!" I cried out in terror.

He pulled off his own clothes and shoved me to the floor before pulling me against him. No! No! Not again! Please…

xxxxx

How many ways could one relive the same nightmare, over and over, and over again, each time more real than the last?

I pushed myself further into the wooden plank behind me, ignoring the ache of pain from the increased pressure on my bruises. I was awake now, I knew, but my breath was still yanking violently in and out of my chest, and I kept my eyes squeezed tightly shut, terrified of what I might see if I opened them. What was it that had awakened me? I was in a bed, it seemed—a mattress was beneath me; the wooden plank was the headboard…

I remembered then. My eyes flew open, and there he was.

He sat several feet away on the edge of the bed, his perfect face twisted slightly as he looked at me. "Bella…" he whispered, his voice agonized.

My eyes filled. "Are you r-real?" I heard the shaking of my own voice. It was a stupid question, but a part of me still couldn't believe that he could even bear to look at me.

His lips turned up briefly in a sad smile. "Come here," he said. Then he opened his arms.

My tears spilled over and I dove into them, my chest choking up a sob.

He held me to him, rocking gently. "Shh, it's alright, it's alright. You're alright now." His lips brushed my forehead.

I clung to him greedily. He was real. Last night had been as I remembered it. He loved me still.

My chest heaved on a dry sob. "He…he told me that I was meant to be with him…and that he would take me away with him where no one would find us." I tightened my hold around his waist. "I thought I'd never see you again," I whispered.

His fingers stroked my hair. "I would never let that happen," he said firmly. Then I heard him let out a slow breath, his palm flattening against my hair. "Why didn't you tell me, Bella?" he breathed. "Why did you try so hard to keep it from me?"

I squeezed my eyes close. I knew he wouldn't like my reasoning. "I…I was sure that he was telling me the truth…when he said he could get the pack to do whatever he wanted…" I trailed off and he suddenly went still.

"Bella," he choked with an edge of horror. "Are you telling me you were trying to protect us?" He pulled back slightly to see my face.

I averted my gaze from his. "I…I didn't want you and your family or…or the pack to get hurt because of me."

I heard an odd sound shudder up from him, not quite a growl, and my eyes shot to his face. He smoothed his features, but still the edge was there. He caught my chin, eyes fierce. "They're your family now, too. And families fight for each other. We're in this together, and if someone did get hurt, it would be because of Jacob, not you. I will say it as many times as I have to; this is not your fault."

I tried to swallow. "And…I also thought…that you wouldn't want me anymore anyway, so…" I spoke in a whisper, trailing off at the end when I took in the way his face twisted again at my words.

His arm hugged me to him again. "But now you know that that would never be true."

We were silent for a long moment, the sound of my heavy breathing growing calmer.

"You should go back to sleep now," he said finally. "It's just after two a.m."

My stomach tightened, and I pressed my face into his shirt. "N-no, I don't want to," I whispered. I knew what would haunt me the moment I allowed myself to slip into unconsciousness. Edward did too.

"I know," he said gently. "But you need your rest, love. I'll be right here with you, I promise."

xxxxx

By nine o'clock the next morning, I was still far from completely rested, thanks to my disrupted sleep. In spite of this, now that it was an acceptable time to get up, I certainly didn't want to go back to sleep where I knew my dreams were forever haunted.

So I made move to sit up, afraid that I might fall asleep again if I remained lying down. I moved slowly, but I could still feel my sore body protesting loudly. Edward dropped his arm from my shoulders and then remained completely motionless. I could tell he was watching me closely, so I tried to hide my discomfort. I had already burdened him with so much. But when I used my stomach muscles to pull myself completely upright, I felt a strong surge of pain shoot through my severely bruised abdomen and had to clench my teeth together tightly to prevent myself from letting out a gasp of pain. Although I hadn't made a sound, I realized that I had unconsciously moved my hand to clutch my stomach.

Edward pulled himself up as well, and I knew he must have noticed. When I looked up at him, however, he just reached out and traced a fingertip from my left cheekbone down to my jaw with a featherlight touch. "That looks painful."

His touch felt even cooler than usual, but it also felt unbelievably soothing. I could see why when I reached up and touched the side of my face that had been on the receiving end of Jacob's powerful blow. It felt hotter than usual and was swollen in size.

Edward's eyes were watchful on mine. "Bella…" he started. "…it might help if you talk to me about what happened. It's not good to keep things inside," he said carefully, keeping his gaze locked on my face.

I was horrified. He wanted me to tell him all the details of that night? I started to panic at the thought.

"Calm down, love. I didn't mean you have to tell me everything now. I just want you to know that I'm here to listen when you're ready. You can just tell me bits and pieces at a time if it's easier."

I couldn't stand the thought of telling him any of the details. Not only because it meant I would have to think about things that I wanted nothing more than to forget, but also because I was terrified that he would finally see how disgusting and worthless I'd become.

He slid his arm around me and pulled me close. "It's alright, love. I don't expect you to tell me anything now."

I relaxed and shifted slightly to get more comfortable, but when I moved, Edward's arm rubbed against a tender spot on my back, and I winced.

He dropped his arm from around me as if he'd received an electric shock.

"I'm okay," I said quickly.

He narrowed his eyes at me slightly. Then his face softened, and he took my hand in his. "Bella…" He trailed off, and I could tell that he was finding it difficult to say what he wanted. "You're going to need to go to the hospital today to be examined," he said quietly.

I felt myself start to hyperventilate, and I pulled my hand free from his. "N-No! I'm fine! I-I can't! If I go to the hospital…I'll have to talk to the police…they won't be able to help anyway…and Charlie…"

It wasn't the only reason that I was terrified at the thought of being examined, but I was hoping my reasoning would convince him to drop the subject. After all, it was a good reason. It would be completely unnecessary for me to have to report the rape to the police since Jacob was a werewolf and they wouldn't be able to catch him, let alone keep him locked up. Also, if I reported it, I would have to tell Charlie, which I did not like the idea of one bit. I suddenly remembered that yesterday Edward had avoided telling me what had happened when he'd spoken to Charlie. What had he told him?

"Bella—"

"You told Charlie, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wanted to wait so that you could tell him yourself, but he came over here yesterday, demanding to see you and when he saw you…well, it was necessary to tell him."

I was breathing in quick, short breaths, and trying my best to stay calm. Knowing Charlie, I could see why they had told him; he didn't like to take no for an answer. But there was still something that didn't make sense to me. "H…He believed you? That Jacob…" I trailed off but Edward understood, and he nodded in reply. "And…he let me stay…the night...?" My eyes were wide.

Edward's lips curved upward into a regretful smile. "He realizes how much I love you. He trusts me now."

At first, the fact that Charlie had finally accepted Edward pleased me tremendously, and I found myself calming down. But then I remembered that if Charlie knew what had happened, he would also want me to agree to an exam and report the rape. The panic set in even worse than before. I was terrified of being so exposed in an exam and then having to talk about what had happened.

Edward reached toward me. "Bella, I know it's hard but—"

"No!" I cried, snatching my hand back. "What do you know about it? You don't know anything!" I shrieked. But then I felt even worse for my actions. My vision blurred, the tears slopping down my cheeks once more. "I-I'm s-sorry. But I c-can't…I don't need…go to hospital…please," I choked out, and the last word came out in a pleading whisper.

His eyes were sad. "Bella, love," he said, his tone horrifyingly kind, "you could be seriously injured."

I knew he was right. It felt like my injuries were getting worse instead of better, probably because, until yesterday, I had been so focused on keeping everything a secret that I'd managed to somewhat ignore the aches and pains all over my body. But now they were screaming at me loudly. The most perturbing was the very uncomfortable soreness at the junction of my thighs. I could very distinctly remember the pain being so intense that it had felt as if I were being ripped apart from the inside. But I was terrified at the thought of letting anyone touch me, especially in my most private place. Not to mention the humiliation, and I knew I would be asked lots of questions. How could I ever agree to all that?

Another thought struck me. Would Carlisle be the one to examine me? Oh, God. Not only was he a male, but it would also be so much more humiliating to have him examine me than someone I didn't know.

Despite everything, I knew that agreeing to the exam was the right thing to do. Edward was right. It was very likely that I was seriously injured. I looked up at him, but I couldn't see his face clearly through the haze of my tears. I nodded slowly and tried desperately to keep myself together as I thought about what I had to do.

He reached out to grasp my hand again, and this time I welcomed his touch. "Would it make it easier for you if a female doctor conducted the exam?"

I was taken aback. Sometimes it seemed like he really could read my thoughts. I nodded quickly, feeling slightly relieved.

He brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into my face and stuck to my damp cheek. "Would you like me in the room with you during the exam or would you prefer that I wait outside?"

I felt a knot tie in my stomach, and I looked down at our entwined hands. I was torn. A big part of me desperately wanted him to be there because he made me feel safe and would help to ease my terror, but another part of me was horrified at the thought of him seeing more details of how ruined I really was. I knew that by some miracle he still loved me, but he might change his mind if he saw how damaged and disgusting I had become.

I felt him gently squeeze my hand. "How about you think about it and we'll see how you feel when we get there?" he suggested.

I nodded again. He was so understanding. What had I ever done to deserve him?

"I…need to have a shower before…we go." I hadn't had a shower since before Edward had rescued me yesterday, and the thought of Jacob's scent...and touch…lingering…all over me…

I tugged my hand from Edward's. Surely he could still smell Jacob all over me. I couldn't look at him to see his reaction. I saw his hand start to reach for me again before he changed his mind and dropped it.

"Aright, love," he said finally. He knew as well as I did that the loss of any evidence was not a concern. The police couldn't help when it involved a werewolf. It was too late for evidence now anyway, and even if there were evidence remaining, it would be best to eliminate it; Jacob's non-human DNA would raise a lot of questions.

"But maybe you should give Charlie a call first," he added. "I promised him I would tell him what was happening." He saw my horrified expression and then modified his words. "Or I can call him for you if you'd like. But, Bella. Don't forget that he loves you and only wants to help you."

"I know…but can you call him, for now? And tell him not to come…for the exam…please." I was not ready to face Charlie yet.

EPOV

It was nine o'clock that morning. I held her cradled in the bend of my arm, trying to pretend for a moment that all was well, that the fates hadn't dealt such a horrible, cruel blow. Because thinking about it, thinking about what that monster had done, hurt more than all the pain in the universe.

But I deserved it. Didn't deserve even a second of relief.

And clearly the Gods agreed because they wouldn't give me that relief. Wouldn't let me not think about it. Not for a second.

She shifted slightly, pressing herself just a little bit closer to me, and I wanted to weep. I'd never understood how she could stand to be close to me, stand to let me touch her at all, for that matter. My cold, hard skin should have repulsed her, sent her running in the opposite direction. But it never had. Never.

Even now, after all she'd been through, my touch seemed to comfort her, soothe her. I'd witnessed her reactions to Mike, and Charlie, so the significance of this very fact certainly wasn't lost on me. And knowing that, on this level at least, I could make her feel safe, even after all that had happened to her, brought forth a wealth of emotions.

But the guilt overshadowed all the rest. Guilt that, by some unforeseen miracle, she could still feel some semblance of safety in my presence when I had failed her so horribly as a protector.

Still, even with the guilt of knowing I didn't deserve this one reprieve, I couldn't help but feel marginally better, knowing that she could still let me touch her.

I was in no way ignorant to the effects that such a trauma had on the victim. I knew that, despite this concession she had given me, I had to be careful not to overstep any boundaries. So very careful. Now that I knew the horrible truth of what had happened to her, I could scrutinize every little detail, every action, every spark of terror that I had witnessed her suffer through over the last few days, both awake and asleep. I hadn't understood it then, but now I knew that I'd been the trigger of that terror on more than one occasion. Not intentionally, of course…

If I'd only known! That time I'd tried to kiss her…

And I couldn't forget that first night I'd returned from the hunting trip—I'd sensed the onset of another nightmare; the slight crease of her brow, the small whimper, the way she'd twisted in my arms…

I had then proceeded to soothe her like always; my touch, my light kisses—despite how it had never ceased to amaze me—had more often than not succeeded in chasing away any nightmares before they even really began.

They hadn't that time.

Not by a long shot. Instead of soothing away her nightmare I'd made it much, much worse.

Now I knew why.

Knowing was almost worse.

The terror I read on her face each time she had a nightmare was forever etched in my mind, leaving a burning pain in my chest and a feeling of utter helplessness.

Even now, when the change in her breathing told me she was awake, I didn't know how much to touch her, how to act, how to comfort her…

But all of this wasn't even the worst part. No, the worst part was something else. Something I had noticed last night after she'd realized that I'd learned the truth of what had happened. It was the way she'd sometimes avert her gaze in shame, the way she wouldn't initiate any contact between us, as if she were afraid I didn't want to touch her.

That hurt the most. It hurt the most because it told me just how much that monster had wounded her.

That she would think I could see her as any less beautiful! That he could completely shatter what little self-confidence she had!

It broke my heart a thousand times over.

I closed my eyes and tried not to think of it. Because I would fix this. I would make her better, no matter how long it took.

Opening my eyes again, I watched her gradually become more fully awake.

Although she was awake now, I knew that the nightmares had prevented her from getting a decent night sleep, and that fact certainly did not act to ease the dread that I felt for what I would need to get her to agree to today. But there was no avoiding it. She could be seriously injured physically. From what I had already seen of the damage Jacob had done to her body, there was really no doubt to the severity of the damage elsewhere. But I couldn't think of it. It hurt way too much…

I swallowed and took a breath, her scent so familiar to me now it was a comfort rather than a discomfort. I glanced at the clock again; it was a few minutes past nine. I hadn't heard anything from my family in several hours. Should I call them? Find out if they were any closer to finding the beast? Would Bella want a female presence?

Alice had stopped by in the night when Bella had been sleeping, wanting to be here to offer her support, but in the end she'd had to leave. Being near Bella seemed to be wrecking havoc with her visions, blocking them to the point where they were too blurry to make any sense, but enough to drive her—and, by extension, me—insane. Despite the fact that Alice had been willing to endure it if Bella needed her, Bella would no doubt notice something was wrong, and the last thing she needed was any additional stress. Not to mention, she had seemed panicky about the idea of facing any of my family. Besides, right now we needed as many bodies as possible out scouring for Jacob. Our chances of finding him grew slimmer with every hour. I gritted my teeth with that thought. I wanted to be out there hunting him, leaving no stone unturned, but I couldn't, I wouldn't, leave Bella alone.

I felt the warmth of her cheek disappear, and she shifted slightly as if to sit up, so I dropped my arm from around her shoulders. I then watched her closely. She moved slowly, and it was obvious she was trying to hide her discomfort from me. Typical. She was trying to make me feel better by easing my worry. She needn't have bothered. I knew from all the nasty bruising I had seen that it must be painful. When she pulled herself completely upright, the pain had obviously become too much for her to successfully hide, and I could see it flash across her face while her hand flew to her stomach. I felt the familiar jolt to my chest at the sight.

When she looked up, I noticed that the red mark on the side of her face looked even worse this morning than it had yesterday. It was turning a deep shade of purple around the edges and was swollen in the middle. It stood out vividly in contrast to her pale skin. I wished that I could somehow heal all of her pain with a simple touch, and I couldn't help reaching out and very lightly brushing my fingers over the side of her face. I noticed that it felt even hotter than usual. "That looks painful," I whispered.

She reached up and ran her fingers over the area I had just touched.

I searched her face. Although she'd opened up to me more about her feelings, I could tell she was still holding back. She hadn't spoken of any details. Even though it would be difficult for her to talk about them, and for me to hear about them, I knew it would help her in the long run. She would also have to give more details for the examination and police report. "Bella…" I started carefully, keeping my gaze locked on her face, "it might help if you talk to me about what happened. It's not good to keep things inside."

A look of horror appeared on her face, and I quickly modified my words. "Calm down, love. I didn't mean you have to tell me everything now. I just want you to know that I'm here to listen when you're ready. You can just tell me bits and pieces at a time if it's easier."

Still, my words did not calm her, and I wanted to kick myself. It was probably too soon for her to talk about it. I shouldn't have tried to push her. I slid my arm around her, pulling her close. "It's alright, love. I don't expect you to tell me anything now."

She relaxed against me, but then winced in pain suddenly, and I jerked my arm away.

"I'm okay," she said quickly.

Her obvious pain at just the slightest movement reminded me of what I had subconsciously been trying to postpone. I couldn't delay it any longer. I had to convince her to go to the hospital to be examined. I took her small hand in mine, hoping to provide her with support. "Bella…" I trailed off before finding my courage again. "You're going to need to go to the hospital today to be examined," I said quietly.

Horror-stricken, she pulled her hand from mine, her breathing becoming labored. "N-No! I'm fine! I-I can't! If I go to the hospital…I'll have to talk to the police…they won't be able to help anyway…and Charlie…"

I hadn't really expected a different reaction, but it didn't make it any easier. Though it was true that filing a report to the police would not be able to help bring Jacob down, it was, unfortunately, unavoidable, because Carlisle didn't have the necessary equipment at home to perform the exam and at the hospital they would have to know what had happened to conduct a proper exam. Once they knew, they were required to try and get her to report it to the police. Not to mention that Charlie would insist that she report it. "Bella—"

"You told Charlie, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wanted to wait so that you could tell him yourself, but he came over here yesterday, demanding to see you, and when he saw you…well, it was necessary to tell him."

"H…He believed you? That Jacob…"

I nodded.

"And…he let me stay…the night…?"

A half smile touched my lips. "He realizes how much I love you. He trusts me now."

For a few seconds, the good news started to calm her, but then her thoughts must have strayed back to having to have an exam, and her panic set in even worse than before. I reached for her hand, wanting to offer her comfort, while at the same time, knowing I had to explain to her why it was important for her to be examined. "Bella, I know it's hard but—"

"No!" she shrieked, lurching away from me. "What do you know about it? You don't know anything!"

I hauled in a deep breath, as if it might somehow lend me strength, because, God help me, I was ready to fall apart.

Her eyes filled with tears and spilled over onto her cheeks, falling fast. "I-I'm s-sorry. But I c-can't…I don't need…go to hospital…please," she choked out, and the last word came out in a pleading whisper that sliced through me much worse than when she had yelled at me. I wanted so badly to pull her into my arms and somehow take her away from everything.

But I knew that that wasn't possible, and that no matter how much it hurt, the best thing for her was to be examined, so I tried to explain it to her as gently as possible. "Bella, love. You could be seriously injured."

She was silent for several seconds, and I waited, praying that I had gotten through to her and she would agree. Finally, she looked up at me with fresh tears gleaming in her eyes, but when she nodded slowly I could also detect her silent strength, fighting its way through. My Bella was still there, hidden behind all the pain and suffering. I just wished she could see it herself.