Chapter Eleven

Draco

I tried to keep my mind off of what I felt when I was dancing with Granger. She just… she fit so nicely against me as we danced, and I lost myself in her honey colored eyes, and the damned scent of lavender and happiness clung to her skin…

Fuck. What was she doing to me?

The girl I had been shagging came over to me while I was in the midst of these thoughts. She dragged me out to the dance floor while some upbeat song was playing. She was rubbing against me while she danced, and all I could think was that Granger, that insufferable Granger, would never lower herself to this sort of behavior to get the attraction of a man. She didn't have to. She just worked her way under someone's skin and stayed there like some annoyingly pleasent itch that wouldn't go away no matter how much you scratched.

I took my dance partner by the arm, whispered in her ear that we should get out of there, and we found an abandoned class room down the hall. She went to take her mask off, but I was in no mood to see her face, so I had her keep it on. While she was on her knees in front of me, my thoughts kept drifting back to Granger. I couldn't… I couldn't get her out of my head. I pulled my partner up off her knees and flipped her around so she was bent over the desk I had been leaning against. From behind, her brunette hair was all I needed to imagine this was Granger and that I was fucking her and that I was doing it simply to hurt her. Everytime the truth bubbled up to the surface, that I wanted it to be Granger because she was beautiful and vivacious and incredible, I thrust in harder. Even when she was spent, I just couldn't reach that point. I couldn't bring myself over the edge.

Finally, I was disgusted enough that I pulled out and zipped my pants up again.

"Draco… What's wrong?" she asked, turning around to face me, finally breaking every ounce of my fantasy.

"Just get the fuck out of here. I'm sick of looking at you. And you better not tell a soul about this or I swear to whatever Gods there are that I will ruin your life," I said, reiterating the point by giving her the most vile glare before I pointedly looked away from her. The sobs that came out of her mouth were almost haunting.

I headed back to the common room after that. I didn't have the energy to be around people. I was pissed off and angry and wanted nothing more than to be able to hide from the world for a while. I found my bottle of firewhiskey and sat in front of the fireplace, still in my costume, just minus the mask, and drank until almost half the bottle was gone. I wasn't sure what time it was when Granger returned. She was quiet as she entered, and she asked me if I was okay.

In response, I threw the rest of the firewhiskey, bottle and all into the fire, creating quite the explosion. She flinched backwards, and I walked over to her, caressing her face.

"No, Granger. I am not fucking fine. You are ruining my life."

With that I shoved her up against the wall, yanking off her mask so I could see her face. Her eyes were wild with fear and I knew she could smell the whiskey on my breath. I knew her fear was justified.

"Malfoy what are you doing?" her voice was strong despite her increasing heart rate.

"You have no idea what you're doing to me, Granger. None. You're destroying my self control, you're ruining my outlook on life, and you're giving me… you're giving me these urges that are so wrong, so disgusting, but I can't resist them. You're a mudblood, for God's sake! You're lower than me, inferior, pathetic, yet I want you more than I think I've ever wanted someone in my entire life. I hate myself for wanting you. I hate you, Hermione! I hate you!"

She looked at me with such wide eyes, but there was no longer fear in them. Somehow, that pissed me off even more. I wanted her to fear me. Perhaps if she would, then I would know when to stop, I would know that it was time to give up, that I had pushed her away for good, but the pity and sadness that was there… It was enough to make my blood boil.

I pushed her to the ground and pinned her arms to the ground. She made no noise, she didn't beg, and she was still looking at me with those cursed eyes.

"Why won't you say anything? Why won't you fight? You know I hate you! I could do so many terrible things to you right now, and you're just going to sit there and take it! What kind of person are you? I hate you," my voice was reaching hysterical levels, and still she looked calm. "I hate you, Hermione. I hate you…"

"I know you won't hurt me," she whispered quietly.

My anger flourished again, "How would you know that, huh? What makes you think you're so damned special?"

She smiled softly, "Because you called me Hermione."

And then she did something I don't think either of us expected. She leaned up and kissed me gently on the lips, and my grip on her wrists slackened. I felt my entire body begin to vibrate, and only when she reached up and brushed a tear from my face did I realize I was crying.

It was like floodgate had been released, and the tears flowed freer than they ever had before. I collapsed onto her chest, and of all the things she could do, she held me, running her fingers through my hair and mumbling sweet words to try and calm me down. I supposed that was when every idea I had bred into me burst into flames. Having your entire life ripped away from you because of one person, one woman, who defied all your logic was more painful than getting the Dark Mark. I realized that my father had been wrong, that Voldemort had been wrong, and that the mark on my arm was the worst mistake I could have ever made.

I burried my facein her hair until all the tears were gone, and she held me the entire time. When I was done, she led me upstairs to my room, helped me strip out of my clothes and put on my pajamas.

"Please… stay with me, Hermione. Please…"

She nodded, her eyes catching the light from the candle beside my bed. I realized, vaguely, that she had been crying as well. She disappeared for the longest minute of my life, then crawled into bed next to me, pulling me closer to her so my head was resting on her chest and she could run her hand through my hair to put me to sleep.

I think that was the moment I fell in love with her.

A/N: This was a really difficult chapter to write, trying to put my head in Draco's while all these thoughts were going through it. I wanted everyone to know, before flames begin, that it was meant to be extreme and slightly incoherent. Every single thing he ever believed in was being eroded because of the girl he hated and competed against for the last 7 years of his life. I just wanted to assure everyone that the next chapter will bring a bit more clarity.

Thanks,

Chaos.