Shepard snapped her computer off and sat at her desk, putting her hand up to her head. She stared down at the pile of manuals on her desk. What was it Hackett had told her? Something about a friend of his, held by Batarians. She shook her head, she'd have to replay the recording later to get the facts of the mission. She was so shaken by her confrontation with Garrus she'd been completely unable to process anything Hackett had said.

She leaned back in her desk chair and put her hands behind her head, looking up at the ceiling. She thought over exactly what she'd said to Garrus, his responses. She had a hard time believing what Garrus had told her. It just seemed a little too convenient after being dumped by Tali that he was now telling her how broken up he'd been by having to pretend he didn't still care for her. "What a bunch of bullshit," she said bitterly. "The first words he uttered when he woke up in medbay were 'Where's Tali', he was all about her until now." She jumped up in anger and smacked the chair back under her desk. She leaned back against her desk, replaying the scene earlier again and again in her mind. She huffed in disgust, "He thought he could just pick up where we left off, what an asshole." She seethed in anger. Well, she wanted no part of it. Now it would be his turn to suffer for his actions. "' I wanted to spend time with you, I didn't want that guy messing it up' - sure, it's all about him, right!"

She looked across at her bathroom door and went in, leaning over the sink and taking a washcloth off the shelf. She slowly let the water run through the gray fabric and wrung it out. Looking at her reflection, she patted her neck and under her hair, holding the cool, wet towel on her skin to cool herself down. Finally she patted her cheeks lightly and opened the washcloth, putting it over the edge of the sink. She leaned her hands on the stainless steel counter and studied the drain for a few seconds. She looked up at herself, took a deep breath, and went back to her desk. She sat down and replayed Hackett's transmission. The seriousness of it finally impacted her. She pulled up her omni-tool, "Joker, change of plans. Set a course for the Bahak system, planet Aratoht."

"Aye aye, Commander."

She pinged Lawson and briefed her on the mission. "And who is going on the team with you?" Lawson asked.

"Just me, and before you protest, trust me, I feel the same way. Hackett said it's imperative I go alone. I have to be discreet."

"Understood, Commander."

She grabbed a few protein bars from her desk and ate them on her way down the elevator. She sat in cargo bay, waiting for the word from Joker they were close enough to start the mission. There was no option but to put her personal life out of her mind. By now she was becoming an expert at it.

Two days later, a Reaper invasion avoided, Kenson killed, a Batarian system and Mass relay destroyed, Shepard was trying to explain to Admiral Hackett the progression of events. She felt lucky to be alive, nearly indoctrinated then almost killed by the Reaper's subjects. Then at the end, she hated that feeling of jumping off a sinking object. She had nightmares like that. Hackett's tight jaw and lack of eye contact she hated more, she knew he was disappointed, and he was strongly hinting of serious trouble for her in the future for her actions. "Politics, Shepard. I'll do what I can for you, but we have to avoid war with the Batarians." He frowned at her, handing her datapad back.

She was speechless and disturbed by his reaction. In her mind, she'd saved the galaxy. It was no longer a matter of trying to convince him of the Reapers, he agreed with her, it was a matter of how the whole mission went down. He walked out of medbay and as the doors closed behind him, she threw the datapad down on the bed. She crossed her arms and thought about what she could have done differently. She felt fear in the pit of her stomach. Dr. Chakwas came back in and approached her.

"You're set to go. Has everything pretty much subsided at this point?" She studied her.

"Just a little tingling from the implants, like intermittent stinging. Nothing serious." She rubbed her arms.

"That's a normal reaction. If it gets worse, or continues let me know."

Shepard nodded and walked past her. Dr. Chakwas reached out and stopped her with her hand on her arm, "You did the right thing. We're all behind you," she said quietly.

Shepard gave her a small smile and walked out of medbay. A crowd of the crew stood outside the door, looking at her with concern. She gave them a bigger smile and a little wave, "Everything's fine, sorry to worry all of you," and briskly walked past them to the elevator. Her hand shook a bit as she reached her hand out to summon the elevator. "I'm safe for now, I guess." She thought. She had to focus on the remainder of the mission and put the ramifications of the destruction of the system out of her mind. She knew every system would have been destroyed if she hadn't done something. She couldn't worry about how it looked to the rest of the galaxy.

Back in her quarters, she took a long shower and tried to recoup. She'd been in medbay since she'd been back from the Bahak system, Dr. Chakwas hooking her up to medical equipment as Shepard tried frantically to type up her report for Hackett. She put some cargo pants and a tank top on and flopped on her couch, drying her long dark curls. After a little while, there was a ping at her door.

"Enter," she called out. The door opened and Kasumi stepped a few paces in.

"Shep? Is it okay if we come in to see you?" she peered around the corner.

Shepard leaned over and put the towel on her coffee table, "Yeah, it's okay."

Kasumi turned behind her and said something, then walked down the stairs. "Hey, we just wanted to check on how you were doing. We don't know a lot about the mission, but you were missing a few days, we were worried about you."

Shepard scooted over on the couch so she could sit next to her. "I appreciate you guys being concerned about me." She smiled, touched. Kasumi gave her an impromptu hug that made her realize Kasumi probably knew every last detail of the mission for her to have that level of worry for her. She looked over her shoulder up at Joker and Samara.

Joker looked down at his feet, "Not everyday Admiral Hackett comes on board. Everything okay?"

Shepard pulled back from Kasumi's hug and looked up at him, "Yeah, well, it will be. Just a debrief. Can't go into all the details."

"Glad to see you are recovering well, Shepard." Samara smiled.

Kasumi looked at her, "Hope we aren't barging in, we won't stay long."

Shepard started at the sound of Garrus' voice on the stairs, "I brought something for you to eat." He handed a box to Samara who gave it to Shepard.

"Um, thanks." She put it down on her coffee table.

They all stood around in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.

"I appreciate you guys coming over. I'll be okay, really. Tomorrow the mission goes on."

Garrus shook his head no, "Dr. Chakwas said we were on shore leave another day while you recuperated."

Shepard glared at him.

He cleared his throat, "That's what she told us, anyway."

Kasumi stood up, "Let's go guys," she turned back to Shepard, "It's okay to take it easy you know, you've been through a lot." She walked towards the door.

"Yeah, try not to get indoctrinated again, please." Joker pointed at her.

She laughed, "Trust me, it's not on my agenda."

They filed out of her room, with Garrus hesitating at the door. He turned back as she was pulling the box of food towards her.

"Jane-" he started. Her look stopped him. He looked down at the floor, "Well, glad to have you back safe." He turned quickly and left.

She continued to glare in the direction he'd left and frowned. "Whatever." She opened the box and started taking food out, favorite things she liked to eat. "Wow," she said sarcastically, "he remembered what I like." She wanted to be petty and give the food back to him, but she didn't want to make the others uncomfortable, and she was hungry.

After a day of rest, she threw herself back into the mission, keeping conversation with Garrus short and avoiding him at all costs. He was not included on any missions, that wouldn't continue forever, she knew, but at least for now, until she could distance herself from her emotions and his.

Garrus sat in the mess hall, staring at his untouched plate. For the hundredth time he mentally rehearsed a conversation with Shepard, but rejected action on it. He sighed and got up, throwing his food down the chute. He stood by the cold storage drawers, finishing up his drink. Tali and Jack stood in line to get some food from the chef, talking about yesterday's mission. Tali noticed Garrus' countenance, and took her plate over to where he was standing.

"Oh, sorry," he moved out so she could grab a drink.

She looked at him pityingly, "So, no change?"

He shook his head no, "You were with her yesterday, anything?"

Tali sighed, "We were so focused on the mission for Jack, there wasn't really an opportunity. She seems fine with me, as she has been since I came back on the Normandy. I don't know, I want to talk to her about everything, but I guess I'm afraid I'll open up a whole bunch of problems and make things worse."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." He finished his drink. "I've really fucked everything up."

"I'm sorry Garrus, I feel responsible too."

"You shouldn't."

Tali shook her head, "I should have been honest with you when I came back on the ship. I saw how hurt you were from your surgery, and thought it would be better if I let you down easy, I'm an idiot, what can I say." She felt her face get hot with embarrassment.

"We've been over this Tali, I should have been honest with you about my feelings for Shepard. I think we both kind of sensed it. Things weren't the same when we came back on the Normandy, and we both knew it. It was just a matter of time."

"I know. And I'm glad we can move past it and be friends again. I just wish-"

He let out a grunt, "Me too. And, who knows, with time, maybe things will turn around with Shepard. For now, my plan is to keep a low profile and just keep trying. No matter how many daggers she shoots my way."

"Daggers?" Tali asked quizzically.

"It's an expression."

"Oh. Well, you know I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Tali. You're a great friend."

She gave him a sympathetic smile and walked to a table at the mess hall. Garrus got another drink and made his way to the armory bay.

Later Tali was mulling over talking to Shepard about her and Garrus, like she had so many times before but chickened out. She brought up her omni-tool, "Shepard, do you think you could come down to engineering for a moment."

"Sure Tali, give me a minute."

Tali felt a little jolt of nerves, but knew that things were at an impasse with Shepard and Garrus, and it was effecting them both too much, even the mission. Steeling her resolve, she worked on the efficiency quotients until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"What's up, Tali?"

She turned to face Shepard. "I wanted to go over the new efficiency equations I've been implementing." She went on to show her, with Shepard's approval.

"Yeah, looks great. I mean, you don't really need my permission to make those types of changes on the ship. I trust you."

"Well, I also wanted to talk to you, if you have the time."

"Sure."

Tali gestured down the short hall to the drive core. She looked at Shepard and started wringing her hands, "Um, I don't know how to really bring this up, but I know the whole situation with Garrus and me has been pretty awkward." She watched as Shepard took in a deep breath and started turning pink.

"We've been good friends a long time, and you have welcomed me back with open arms. I appreciate that. I want you to know that I had no idea you still had such strong feelings for Garrus. I'm also not that good at reading other people's emotions. I'm so sorry that I hurt you-"

Shepard cut her off, "Tali, you didn't do anything wrong. I appreciate you clearing the air, but honestly, I don't blame you at all."

Relived, Tali continued, "When I came back on board, I wasn't honest with Garrus about how my feelings had changed, and he was different towards me as well."

"You guys seemed pretty much together," Shepard looked at her pointedly.

"Yes, it was more like going through the motions, as humans say. It was a mistake. Fortunately, Garrus has forgiven me."

Shepard huffed.

"Look, I know you are mad at him, we've talked about it. I wanted to talk to you mostly to tell you to please give him a chance."

Shepard folded her hands in front of her, "He sent you to do his dirty work, huh?"

Tali furrowed her brows under her mask, "What? No. I wanted to talk to you to help straighten things out. I think if I hadn't complicated things, you guys would be together right now, and both of you would be happy, instead of apart and miserable," Tali put her hand on her hip, "I mean, when you look at it, why hold onto all these hurt feelings and misunderstandings because of pride."

Shepard stared at her open-mouthed, "Are you serious? As soon as you dumped him, he was suddenly on my doorstep, wanted to get back with me, after he had refused to acknowledge my feelings, flaunting his relationship with you in my face, there's no way I'd let him hurt me again."

Tali shook her head, "You just proved my point Shepard."

Shepard turned and started walking away.

"Wait!" Tali called out, "you owe it to me, to all of us to hear me out."

Shepard paused and reluctantly turned and came back. She rolled her eyes, "Fine. Say what you have to say."

Tali was not used to seeing her this way. She took a deep breath, "After you died, we spent a lot of time together, and sort of clung to each other, our grief for you bonding us together. We had some good times, he's a great guy, but it wasn't meant to be. The truth is, I'm not you. You're the one he always wanted, and when he came back on the Normandy and you were alive, he kept our relationship going out of duty and loyalty. I let him out of fear and not wanting to hurt him. He's the first boyfriend I've ever had, I didn't really know how to end a relationship."

She reached out and touched Shepard's arm, "I know he was insensitive to you, he knows that now too, and he made a mistake, but don't continue that mistake by letting that keep you guys apart. He loves you, he always has. He never really talked about you when we were together, but in the last few weeks he's told me about everything he went through, and believe me, he adores you. Just – think about what I've said, okay?"

Shepard nodded.

Tali studied her face, trying to ascertain if she had broken through her pain with some logic.

Shepard gave Tali's arm a squeeze and turned , walking down the metal walkway around to the elevator. She felt relieved, and validated by Tali's acknowledgement of the situation. She had no intention of changing her decision to stay far away from Garrus. Riding back up to her room, she thought again about her anger and conversation with Garrus last week. This time his words that came back to her were about his pain in having to hide his feelings for her, how she was the 'love of his life,' and Tali being "plan B". She shook her head, "It doesn't change how much he hurt me." She breezed through her door and over to her computer, researching the next planet they were headed for. Thoughts kept creeping in, about what they told him about Turian loyalty. She mentally put herself in his place, being back on ship with her after putting himself in a relationship with her friend. "I was dead, after all." She said. She let out a frustrated grunt and put it out of her mind, focusing instead on the upcoming mission.