Egotism and Enmity

by originella

Felicity Darcy is the youngest child of Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth Darcy. When her father, a former war hero, is called upon by Sir John Conroy to produce one of his daughters for the household of Princess Alexandrina Victoria, the Darcy family jumps at the opportunity. Soon, Felicity realizes that London is a much larger place than she ever thought, and her heart shall too break.

11. A Love So Strong

Chapter Eleven: A Love So Strong

It was no secret around court that Victoria was with child again, and I did my best to be pleased for her. Harriet was now returned to court and seemed all too eager to please Ernest, now that Christmas had come and King Leopold of Belgium had brought a suitable princess for Ernest to consider for marriage. I knew it was entirely possible for Harriet and I to end our friendship, should it ever come to pass that she would know about my brief encounter with Ernest, so much so that, on the day Ernest was to go and fetch many trees—one for each member of the royal family, to be decorated just outside the banqueting hall—I managed to pull him aside, fear in my voice.

"What is it?" Ernest asked with a kind smile. Despite our transgression in Scotland, it was always a pleasant surprise that Ernest was always a perfect gentleman. "Is something on your mind, Felicity?"

I sighed. "You know as well as I do that our mutual lapse in judgement haunts me every single day," I hissed back at him. "I know you gave me your word that you would not breathe a word about it, but—"

"You fear that my dear sister the queen will send you away?" he guesses.

I look around then, fearful that we could be discovered at any moment. "Not only that, but that my husband could poison your brother against me," I whisper. "As well as the notion that my dear friend, Harriet, whom I know you love very much, could potentially wish to sack our friendship..."

Ernest sighs. "I had believed you and your husband had reconciled," he put in, in an equally soft voice. "Why would he wish to poison my brother against you, since you two have returned to your mutual good graces?"

I sighed. Despite the fact that Wilhelm and I shared a bed again, it was only to produce children needed for more heirs. Since our reconciliation, I had produced a daughter, Harriet, before finally giving birth to another son, who we had too named Albert. "Reconciliation?" I say bitterly. "I hardly think so..."

"Albert says that Christmas is a time for family," Ernest tells me, cutting across my thoughts then. "And though I do not believe it, I find it comforting to be about them as much as I have."

I sighed. "You do not understand," I reply. "Wilhelm still resents me for what I did... For what we did, and rightly so, for I've betrayed him, Ernest. Can you not see that?"

He nods, his dark eyes filled with sadness. "Yes, I can. By the same token, Felicity, he betrayed you as well. It seems as though you have atoned for your sins, but he not for his."

I lower my eyes. "Perhaps," I allow.

"Felicity, do you wish to know the true reason for my sadness on that day?" he asks me, softly. "About why I am sad, even now, when my brother is so happy with his life and family?"

I raise my eyes to his. "Why?"

"Because I have a disease," he tells me softly. "I have a disease which I cannot cure naturally, and, as such, I will never marry and cannot have children. This is why I cannot succumb to my heart's desire—Harriet."

I stifle a gasp by quickly covering my mouth. "A disease?" I whisper, shivering all over. "Good God, no!" I grab him by the collar then, shaking him. "Could you have given it to me?" I hiss at him.

He shakes his head. "No, no sometimes people are lucky," he says quietly, "unless you experienced sores and a rash after our encounter."

Immediately, I shake my head—I would have railed at him otherwise. "No," I say, the thoughts entering my subconscious then vile and unforgivable. "No, I cannot say I experienced such a thing."

Ernest smiled. "Well, then perhaps something prevented you from getting it," he tells me then, looking outside, to where the materials needed for chopping trees have already been assembled. "Pray, excuse me, Felicity," he said quietly, and managed to untangle my fingers from his collar, "I have my previous engagement with my brother this afternoon."

"Of course," I say, letting him go willingly. "Do have fun," I managed to get out, before turning about and going on my way. Shakily, I make my way away from him and head down a main corridor, running into Wilhelm, and quickly avert my eyes from his. "And how are you this afternoon, husband?" I ask.

"Very well, wife," he replies, looking around to be sure that we are alone. "I shall be joining you this evening."

I raise my eyes to his. "Oh?" I ask, cursing myself that my voice is full of hope that I will have the pleasure of his company.

"Yes, it has been eleven months since we were blessed with our Albert," he says softly as he regards the thick snow falling out of the window beyond, where we can see Prince Albert and Ernest leaving on their tree cutting expedition towards the forest. "I should think it is time to attempt to make another baby."

I lower my eyes again, all hope gone. "Yes, of course, husband. Whatever you may wish, you need only command me."

Wilhelm looks pained at the declaration, but merely takes my hand and lifts it to his lips, kissing it. "I assume the queen will have need of you," he says in a stoic-like manner, before dropping my hand and walking away from me.

Careful not to permit myself to cry, I continue walking down the corridor, towards the study of Victoria, and the doors are let open for me immediately. I smile at my queen and curtsy to her, and she returns the smile, motioning for me to sit. I go and sit in the offered chair, Isla lets out a small whine so I bend and lift her into my arms, stroking her soft white fur as Victoria's quill becomes the only apparent sound in the room. Finally, she returns her quill to the pot of ink and gets to her feet, moving to sit beside me.

"Are you all right?" she asks me quietly.

I give her a smile. "It is a year to the day, you know," I tell her softly, running my fingers along Isla's soft ears very carefully. "The notion that I no longer have my dear Flight with me is still a devastation..."

Victoria smiled. "Well, perhaps for Christmas, someone shall help you in that regard," she tells me gently. "Although, there is something..."

"What is it?" I ask.

"I've sent for a Captain Forbes to come to court soon," she replies.

"Captain Forbes?" I ask, the name sounding vaguely familiar. "And what has he done of significance?"

Victoria smiles. "Apparently, he has discovered a princess, from Africa, in need of our help," she replies.

"An African princess?" I breath, allowing Isla to walk from my lap to Victoria's. "I am in shock, to say the least."

She sighs. "As in shock as I was when Wilhelm demanded of Albert to give him a separate bedchamber?" she wants to know.

I lower my eyes. "I would not begin to presume to what degree you were shocked, Victoria," I reply.

"What happened between the two of you?" she asked. "You had separate chambers for two months..."

I raise my eyes to hers, feeling the tears entering them. "Have you ever been faced with a situation where you yourself firmly believe something, and deliberately do not speak with the person the situation is about?" I whisper then. "And, in so doing, become so enraged that you end up committing the greatest crime, one that you cannot take back, even if you wanted to? One that you regretted immediately after it had begun, but grew up knowing that you were born to be subservient to men, and could not stop it?" I whispered to her. "And then, when the worst happens, and it all comes spilling out, and you cannot stop any of it? And then you're faced with the ultimate wrongdoing, and then everyone is hurt and pained by each parties' actions?"

Victoria goes white. "When was this?"

"In Scotland," I reply, lowering my eyes again, covering my face with my hands as I continue weeping.

"What happened, Felicity?"

"You will send me from court," I blubber.

"I shall not," she says, determination in her voice, so much so that I raise my eyes to hers. "You were with me in the final days of darkness, and I shall be forever grateful to you. Now it is an opportunity to return the favor. I'll not fault you for anything, Felicity, I swear it."

"The Duke of Atholl informed me of something disturbing, and I acted rash following the revelation," I replied.

"What did he say to you?" she whispers, rage in her pale eyes. "What did that blaggard dare say to you?"

"He said that Wilhelm was illegitimate," I reply, my voice shaking at the prospect of informing Victoria of this.

"Illegitimate?" Victoria demands. "What?"

I nodded then, tears continuing to stream down my face. "He stated that he was not a true Marquardt, and that his true family was... That his true family was..."

"Was who, Felicity? Tell me."

I raise my eyes upwards. "God forgive me," I whisper before turning to look upon her, my dearest friend, once more. "The Duke of Atholl informed me that Wilhelm's mother, Maria Anna, became the mistress of your uncle, Ernest, Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha," I tell her in a rush. "Which would make Prince Albert and Duke Ernest—"

"Wilhelm's brothers," Victoria replies, a new understanding entering onto her expression then. "Did anyone confirm this theory?"

"Ernest... Duke Ernest himself did," I say quietly, lowering my eyes then, feeling physically ill at the direct mentioning of my greatest sin of all. "He confirmed the theory, saying it was all true."

"And Wilhelm?" Victoria asked.

"Confirmed it as well," I reply. "Neither party denied it."

"And so, because you felt wronged by Wilhelm, and Ernest has been informed by Uncle Leopold more than once that he may not be with Harriet, you sought comfort with Ernest?" she guessed.

I keep my eyes lowered then, shivering as more tears passed from my eyes. "Yes, and God forgive me for it," I whisper.

Victoria unexpectedly reached out then, taking my hand. "You were obviously in a state of distress—and you were with child at the time," she replies. "Of course, it had to have been when Albert and I went missing—all of the court was frightened of the eventual outcome of our return," she said gently.

I nodded. "It was. The Duke of Atholl was questioning me, attempting to figure out if I was involved directly. Of course, I told him nothing, for although I was, I had as much knowledge as your whereabouts as anyone at court did."

Victoria squeezed my hand, waiting for my eyes to meet hers before she spoke once more. "I shall not punish you, nor shall I make an example of you," she informed me quietly. "Of course, had Wilhelm demanded a divorce or an annulment, there would of course have been an inquiry, but he did not." She pursed her lips. "Why did he not?"

"I believed he thought that there was still love between us," I reply, "and that he believed that we had both been wrong... But it has been so long, Victoria, so long since we have permitted ourselves to love..."

"He shares your bedchamber—"

"Some evenings," I reply. "But it is merely a formality for more heirs. He is with me during the births, of course, and stands beside me for the christenings, and walks me into dinner—as you know. We dance in public and converse, but we are virtual strangers when we are alone... I shall never forgive myself for what I have done, Victoria. Never."

"You must forgive yourself," she replies, and my eyes snap to hers. "I know it sounds silly, but forgiving yourself is the first thing you must do. Only when you permit yourself the possibility of forgiveness, will the rest follow suit..." She hesitates for a moment, before asking, "Have you forgiven Wilhelm for not informing you of his true parentage?"

I nodded. "Yes, after the birth of Harriet."

"Did you inform him of it?" she asks.

I blinked, not wholly sure of what Victoria was asking me. "What do you mean?" I found myself asking.

She smiled. "Did you inform Wilhelm that you forgave him for not informing you of his true parentage?"

I sighed. "I would have thought my actions and behavior towards him would have spoken for themselves..."

"Men are interesting creatures, Felicity," Victoria informed me gently. "They have to be told things—sometimes more than once—to fully understand and appreciate their meaning. They may say they have heard you before, and they may have, but it is always safe to inform them of things more than once."

I squared my shoulders. "Should I just come out with it, then?" I ask her. "Come out with my forgiveness?"

"That is one way of accomplishing the task, yes," she replied. "It is always better to be direct, Felicity. Don't attempt to allow him to get out of the conversation—it needs to be heard."

"I will try," I reply.

"No, you will," she said firmly, squeezing my hand again.

I nodded at her. "I will," I say, feeling utterly steadfast in my loyalty to her and, because of that, knowing in my heart that I had to save my marriage.

. . .

Wilhelm and I were summoned to the great hall to meet with Captain Forbes, who had brought young Sara with him to court. Wilhelm and I stood off to the side, with Wilhelmina, Albert, and the Duchess of Buccleuch, watching the captain present the little child next to him. She was a pretty little thing, yet unlike anything I had ever seen before. She wore a dress that anyone that age would, and when Captain Forbes informed Victoria that she was eight years of age, my heart went out to her. We learned that she was the sole survivor of an African kingdom, and such a thought made my heart go out to her.

"Most unfortunately, Sara had been forgotten in the carnage and I was able to save her by saying her death would displease the greatest queen in the world," Captain Forbes said passionately.

"Quite right," Victoria put in.

"King Gezo then said he would give Sara as a gift to you," the captain said, albeit a bit uncomfortably at the prospect, "as a token of friendship from one nation to another."

"He's giving me a little girl?" Victoria asked, in a voice full of shock.

"His desire to impress you is the only reason why Sara is still alive, ma'am," he replies reverently.

"Well, I am glad of that," Victoria says.

"So am I, ma'am. Sara is... She is a most delightful little girl, and a very quick learner. She learnt English on the voyage over here. And my wife has already taught her how to read and write," Captain Forbes continued.

"Well, I cannot accept her as a gift, of course," Victoria says, and I find myself relaxing with relief. "But I think it is only fitting that someone of royal birth should be asked to stay here at the palace."

"Are you sure that is wise?" the Duchess of Kent asks, and Wilhelmina, who was standing on my other side, and I share a glance.

"She is a princess in her own country, Mama," Victoria chides her. "What could be a better expression of the Christmas spirit than by taking in an orphan? Who has suffered so very much," she said, in a voice only intended for her as she quickly gets to her feet. "I can see that you have royal blood, Sara," Victoria says, turning to the little girl and walking towards her then. "I want you to know that you are welcome here and will be quite safe."

. . .

Ernest's and Prince Albert's tree expedition had been slightly delayed, but what followed would be truly a sight to behold, according to Victoria. I just smiled and listened to her words of excitement, which were interrupted by a household servant coming into her study. It took a moment for me to realize that it was Mr. Penge, the master of the household, as I straightened in my seat, especially when he approached me directly.

"My lady duchess, a missive," he said quickly.

"For shame, Mr. Penge," Victoria said, twittering slightly. "I thought that Albert was ordering you about with how the Christmas trees should be hung outside the banqueting hall."

Mr. Penge had the good sense to chuckle. "He did, Your Majesty, but the Duke of Marquardt came upon us then and asked for someone to hand-deliver this to his duchess. Of course, His Royal Highness believed it best for the task to be performed by me, ma'am."

"Well, of course," Victoria replied, picking up her tea cup and sipping it ever so slightly, "for nobody else in the palace knows it better than you do."

"Thank you, ma'am," Mr. Penge replied. "Now, if you would excuse me, ma'am, my lady duchess, I would return to the foyer outside the banqueting hall and complete the task set forth by His Royal Highness."

"Of course, Mr. Penge," Victoria said. "Do go on."

"Ma'am," Mr. Penge said, bowing to Victoria. "My lady duchess," he said to me, in a bow far less substantial, before exiting the room.

"What has Wilhelm said now?" Victoria asked as I lowered my eyes to the letter, before opening it and gazing down upon it.

"Perhaps I should look," I said, averting my eyes from the thick parchment betwixt my fingers and smiling at Victoria, before hastily opening it.

Felicity—

A strange delivery has been sent forth. What to do with it, I know not what. I do think that something should be done, but perhaps you would be the better person to decide what to do.

I shall be awaiting you in our rooms.

—W

"How peculiar," Victoria replied. "Perhaps it is something to do with Christmas. I do suppose that your Toria and Maria Anna will be considering what to do for Vicky and Alice, and your Albert for our Bertie..."

I nodded, quick to smile at her as I pocked the letter. "Of course, just as Wilhelm and I have begun to consider about what to do for you and Prince Albert."

Victoria smiled as I got to my feet. "If only Albert could bring himself to at least interact with Sara, I cannot even think of would be a better Christmas present in all the world."

I hesitate before walking to the door. "He has not grown warm to her yet, then?" I want to know.

She shakes her head. "He has not."

I sigh, biting my lip. "Well, I shall attempt to think of a solution with you, Victoria, however, I must go and see what my husband is doing."

She smiled. "Yes, of course, Felicity," she replied. "Go forth—and remember, do tell him that you forgive him."

I nodded, flashing her a smile. "I will do so," I inform her then, turning on my heel and leaving her chambers. I make my way down the corridor, finding my way easily to my suite of rooms before letting myself in. I see Wilhelm sitting on one of our couches then, the children surrounding him, and find I cannot help but smile at the sight I am seeing.

Six year old Toria is sitting beside her father, her long curly black locks secured by a green silk bow as she speaks in rapid German to him. Five year old Maria Anna, her own raven-like hair secured by a white bow, sits on her father's other side, her German nearly as quick, as she attempts to draw his attention away from Toria, who Wilhelm is still listening to. With her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her red hair wild about her face, three year old Charlotte giggles into Wilhelm's ears and pulls at them ever so slightly, wanting his attention for herself. Harriet, blonde haired and blue-eyed, stares adoringly up at Wilhelm from his knee, not saying much as she is nearly two, but does her best to look between Wilhelm—the only one of our children who is obeying his instructions for quiet—while Wilhelm keeps a firm grip upon something in the crook of his left arm. That thing would be our little heir, eleven month old Albert, who is fast asleep despite all the noise, a fine crop of brown hair upon his head, his green eyes hidden from us all, but his dark lashes sweeping his cheeks all the same.

"They certainly seem to love their papa, don't they?" I asked, my heart stirring within me then as Wilhelm looks up at me, joy in his eyes.

"Mama, Mama!" Toria cries, getting to her feet then and jumping from the couch, crossing to me and holding out her arms to be picked up.

"Oh, dear," Wilhelm says, laughing as I struggle to pick up our eldest, but just manage to succeed as Maria Anna comes to my side next, disappointed that she did not get there first. "Well, come along children," he says, helping Harriet from his lap, all the while keeping a grip upon Albert. "Mama and I need to talk urgently—say your goodbyes before Toria and Maria Anna are returned to the royal nursery, and the rest of you to your bedroom."

I lower Toria to the ground, kissing her briefly before picking up Maria Anna for a moment, kissing her as well before moving on to Charlotte and Harriet. Next, I give Albert a hasty kiss before the two governesses step forward, one for the royal nursery and the next for the bedroom the rest of our children shared. I smile and wave to my children, who thankfully don't make a show of themselves as they leave us, and turn to my husband.

"Mr. Penge delivered the letter himself to Victoria's study," I said quietly. "Is everything all right?"

Wilhelm smiled tightly, the warmth in his eyes gone with our children. "I heard tell you wrote to Edward Drummond's fiancée in the wake of his death and his quick burial," he informs me.

I nodded, wringing my hands together. "Yes. If such a thing displeases you, I am sorry for it," I reply. "I only wished to give her comfort in the likely dark days that followed her. She was such a good friend to Wilhelmina and me that I believed that offering her comfort would be appropriate..."

Wilhelm shook his head, his eyes somber at the notion of our fallen friend. "No, I would never say that you offering comfort to someone in such pain was untoward in any way, Felicity."

"I thank you," I replied quietly.

"But you received a note from her this afternoon, and I thought it best for you to read it as quickly as possible."

I raised my eyes to his. "Have you read it?" I asked, no resentment in my tone, as I knew full well I would have done something similar, had our circumstances been revered in some way.

He sighed, his mouth thinning. "Yes," he admitted.

I gave a slight nod then. "Very well, then," I said quietly, turning towards my desk beside the window, where I had written my mother in the wake of Wilhelm leaving me all those months ago. I saw the letter opened upon my desk, and walked towards it then, slowly, heart in my throat as I spotted the slanted, neat writing of Edward Drummond's fiancée. It was short and to the point, informing me that she was now accepting suitors and that she wished to leave her life of Edward behind, which I could understand wholeheartedly and, since I was a part of that life, I knew that it meant me as well.

I saw the little thing the folded up parchment carried, and unfolded it ever so slightly, the dark hair of Edward Drummond staring back at me. I fingered it ever so slightly, and found it was quite smooth. I wondered then if Alfred himself had ever managed to touch it. My answer came swiftly, that it was likely so that he had done such a thing in his, Edward's, lifetime.

"Why did you ask for a lock of Edward's hair?" Wilhelm asked.

"Friends often ask for such a thing, do they not?"

"I suppose so," Wilhelm replied. "I suppose so..."

. . .

I left my chambers then, after Wilhelm said he would go and check on the preparations Prince Albert was making, while I had Edward Drummond's lock of hair clasped in my hand. I found my interaction with my husband far from enlightening, but at least knew that we had made enough progress not to scream at one another during every interaction. I made my way to Victoria's presence chamber, knowing that she herself was in her study, and found exactly who I was looking for as I crossed the threshold.

"Good afternoon, duchess," I said, curtsying to the Duchess of Buccleuch. "How are you this afternoon?"

"Ah, my dear Felicity," she said, smiling warmly at me as I crossed the room to perch on the chair beside her. "I am well, thank you."

"I am glad to hear it, duchess."

"How are you, Felicity?"

"Everything is on the mend, I believe, duchess," I reply, remembering full well that she had been the first, and only, person to realize what had befallen Wilhelm and myself.

"Wonderful," she replied, leaning closer to me. "I must say, I took to heart that conversation you had with me about Wilhelmina and Lord Alfred," she told me, a shine in her dark eyes.

I raise my eyebrows then. "You have?"

She nodded. "Yes. Merely mentioning to her the promise of Lord Alfred as a potential husband has piqued her interest twofold."

I smile at her then, clapping my hands. "That is wonderful," I reply, looking around then. "I wonder, do you know where Wilhelmina is finding herself at this very moment? I have a theory about how we can get them to come together once and for all..."

The duchess smiled. "I myself prefer for things to happen naturally, but in this case, I believe a shove in the right direction would be of help." She looked around the room, almost as if attempting to remember where Wilhelmina had gone off to in the last few moments. "I believe she stepped out for a walk. Mayhap you can find her before somebody else does."

"Thank you," I reply, leaning forward and squeezing her hand briefly before I rise to my feet and walk out of the chamber. I walk from one corridor to the next, before I finally find Wilhelmina. "Wilhelmina!" I call out to her, and she turns her little blonde head and smiles at me.

"Lady Felicity," she says.

"None of that, none of that," I say, gently waving her off. "I hear the duchess has been speaking to you of Lord Alfred."

Wilhelmina sighed, a flush coming to her cheeks then, a shy smile overtaking her lips as she considers it then. "You got to my aunt, did you not, Felicity?" she asked, looking away.

I nodded. "I did," I say, following her eyes and managing to catch her gaze. "You don't need to hide it from me, Wilhelmina."

"Hide what?" she asks.

"Your feelings for Lord Alfred," I reply, and she quickly averts her eyes from mine again. "It is all right. I know you've got them."

Wilhelmina sighed. "I do," she said quietly. "I know it sounds silly, given all that we know about them..."

"Wilhelmina..." I begin.

"Don't deny it," she said then, her voice firm, yet not unkind. "I know you know they were special to one another—Lord Alfred and Edward Drummond. I know that you know that they loved—"

"Don't say it," I said, and my severe expression was enough to cut her off. "We shall not speak ill of the dead, Wilhelmina."

She lowers her eyes. "You are right. I am sorry."

"Find Lord Alfred," I said, looking around before reaching into my pocket and fasting the lock of hair—still wrapped in the handkerchief Edward's fiancée had sent me—into her hands. "Give him this."

"What is—?" she asked, before unfolding the handkerchief and getting a good look at what lay inside. She let out a gasp. "Felicity..."

"Florence wrote to me herself," I say quietly, shaking my head, "and I accepted her offer, but you need not tell him that. Tell him it is from you."

She shook her head. "I... I don't..."

"He will like it," I assured her, squeezing her hand briefly before letting her go. "I shall go and find him and send him her way. Mayhap we shall be able to celebrate something else this Christmas," I call out over my shoulder, making my way down the corridor and up another, hoping that I can find Lord Alfred. My prayers are answered when I spot him coming in from outside, handing his wool coat and thick hat to a servant before he spots me.

"Ah, Felicity! How are you this lovely day? Beautiful weather, isn't it?" he asks, and then, sees my expression. "Why Felicity! Whatever is—?"

"Go and find Wilhelmina at once," I tell her.

Alfred blinks. "Find Wilhelmina? But why?"

I look around for what must have been the thousandth time that day, for I soon found that I was speaking of far too much in the corridors of Buckingham Palace for my own good. "She needs to see you."

Alfred lowered his eyes. "I see."

"Do you?" I ask him. "Alfred, you are one of my dearest friends, but I do not believe you do see very well."

He raises his eyes to mine. "Meaning?"

"Meaning that I do not believe understand Wilhelmina's feelings towards you," I tell him in a rush. "Can you not see them, Alfred? Can you not sense them?"

Alfred sighed. "Yes, Felicity. I can see and sense them. I can."

I smiled at him. "And how do you feel, Alfred?"

He looked around then and, after judging that it was safe, managed to form the words he needed to say. "After Edward..."

"There are different kinds of love, Alfred," I said gently, and his eyes locked with mine then. "For example, I love you as my brother. I love Her Majesty as my dearest friend and my sister. And I love Wilhelm..." I stopped there, and Alfred raised his eyebrows—although he had suspected discord between Wilhelm and I, he had never directly mentioned it. "...I love Wilhelm, as one should love their protector, husband, and lover... I love him above all things—him and my children combined, Alfred... Do you not wish to have a family?"

Alfred smiled. "There are truly different kinds of love, are there not, Felicity?" he asked me then.

I nodded, crying yet again, and yet I was laughing, at two of my dear friends coming to terms with their mutual destinies. "Yes, Alfred. Exactly. I knew you would understand."

"I do, Felicity, I do!" he cried out then, gripping my hands then and kissing me upon the cheek. "Where is Wilhelmina?"

"Near the entrance to the gardens," I reply. I lower my eyes to our hands, still clasped, and find the ring with the blue stone that I frequently wore, which I had caught Wilhelmina eyeing at more than once, yet never made direct mention of it to me. I loosened my hands from Alfred's then and removed it from my finger, placing it into his palm. "Give her this, when the time is right," I said to him then, before kissing him on the cheek and parting his company then.

As I took ahold of my skirts and ran down the corridor in the opposite direction, I saw outside the main windows a carriage, where Captain and Mrs. Forbes stood, ready to take Sara back with them to their home. I smiled at the picture, knowing that it would be a wonderful Christmas indeed, for everyone was returning to where they were supposed to be. I continued my pace down the corridor then, where I saw Prince Albert—newly recovered from his near-drowning experience in the iced-over pond—speaking to Wilhelm. I hesitated for a moment, slowing my pace then and approaching them.

"Your Royal Highness, husband," I said, curtsying to Prince Albert and nodding to Wilhelm in the moment that followed.

Prince Albert smiled; although he was the dear friend of my husband, and his first loyalty was to him, he had never shied away from his polite behavior towards me in the last years. "Lady Felicity," he said, turning to Wilhelm. "Victoria and I expect you both in the banqueting hall this evening for the reveal," he tells the both of us them, smiling at each of us. "Of course, you may choose to dine with us or in your chambers. It is up to you."

"We shall be there, Albert," Wilhelm replied.

"We are much looking forward to it," I said quietly.

"I must go and see to the final preparations," he says, smiling at us before slipping away from us.

"Wilhelm," I say, turning to my husband then, and, for the first time in the past two years since our emotional separation, he looks at me as if he is seeing me for the very first time. "We must speak."

"Come, then," he said, and took me by the arm. We walked down the corridor which would take us directly to our chambers. As we reached the doors and stepped inside, I felt my heart in my throat as he closed the doors behind us. "I am listening, Felicity. What is it?"

"I love you," I said then, and he turned to look at me as I felt the words leave my lips before my cowardice could call them back. "I love you and find I can no longer be in a marriage where, despite my failings as a wife, my husband does not love me anymore."

"Is that what you think?" Wilhelm asked. "That I no longer love you?"

I find the tears have returned as I nodded. "Yes," I reply, turning halfway from him, for I do not wish for him to see me coming undone in such a way. "I've apologized so many times over the past two and a half years, Wilhelm, and you never say you've forgiven me..." I whisper, gripping onto one of the couches inside our outer rooms, the hard material biting into the flesh of my palm.

"It is hard, Felicity," he replies, his dark eyes filled with sadness.

I nod, conceding to that, yet find I cannot face him when he stares at me so. "It is hard for me, too," I reply.

"I've missed you," he said quietly to me then.

I turned around then, quickly, for I could not believe the words which came forth from his lips. "Have you?" I asked him, my eyes misting over.

He nodded. "Yes. It is not easy to be so in love with someone, and hate an action they committed so badly."

I nodded back at him. "Yes. Yes, that is exactly how I feel, Wilhelm."

My husband smiles at me then. "Well, I do suppose that we can move past this eventually, Felicity," he puts in, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing it, far more sweetly than he did earlier. "I forgive you," he tells me then. "It is Christmas, and Albert says I must forgive you, even if you cannot forgive me..."

I brush away the notion that the prince knew what I did, and the realization that Wilhelm forgave me, for it was not the time. "I've forgiven you," I inform him then, and his eyes lock to mine.

"You've forgiven me?" he asks.

I find I am smiling at him. "Yes. When Harriet was born, for I knew we had to be all right if we created such a beautiful thing," I tell him then. "I found I could no longer resent your decision-making in not telling me about your true parentage, for I know now that you did so to protect me."

My husband stiffened at the seriousness of my words. "I said as much when you informed me of knowledge of it," Wilhelm said.

I nodded at him, relieved that he has not released my hand, feeling comfort and joy in the physical contact from him that was of his own free will and not from an ancient sense of duty. "I know it," I reply then, the tears falling freely from my eyes then. "And I am sorry I did not understand as much at the time... It was such a trying day, Wilhelm... I'd only just lost the child..."

"And you witnessed Edward's saving of Sir Robert Peel," Wilhelm said then, his eyes darkening with sorrow then as he pulled me into his arms, just holding me. "I know we hurt one another, Felicity, and I know full well you would have done something to stop it if you could. I am so sorry that I left you to deal with all our misfortunes on your own," he tells me.

"Your knuckles were bleeding... At that first dinner...that night..."

Wilhelm pulled back from me then, shock in his face as I revealed my knowledge of this to him. "What?" he whispered.

"When you came to fetch me for dinner, I merely took your arm and we walked there together," I said quietly. "Victoria had me sit beside her that evening, in between her and Wilhelmina, and you with Prince Albert... Your knuckles were bleeding," I say, shuddering at the thought.

My husband looks utterly pained at my revelation. "I needed some physical pain myself that day," he tells me, lowering his eyes. "After your loss of the child, you couldn't have been feeling altogether well..."

I shook my head then, gently reaching out then and taking ahold of his cheeks, which I raise upwards. "Whether or not I was in pain should have had no bearing on yours," I tell him. "You lied to protect me. I lied to protect myself—"

"And to keep our marriage pure—"

"Our marriage could not be pure if I kept that one indiscretion secreted away," I tell him, revulsion in my voice. "I spoke with Ernest about it, merely to tell him not to tell Harriet... I would not wish to end my friendship with her due to my momentary lapse in judgement..."

"I cannot say I am pleased that you found an opportunity to speak with Ernest, but I can understand your desire to preserve your friendship with Harriet."

I feel my eyes fill with tears again, lowering my eyes. "He informed me of why he cannot be with Harriet," I told him.

"Because of the King of Belgium's insistence?" Wilhelm asked.

"No," I reply, looking up at him then. "Ernest informed me that he had a disease, which makes him wary of marriage and an inability to have children..."

"A disease?" Wilhelm wanted to know, looking me up and down. "Dear God, please tell me he didn't—"

"No," I reply, shaking my head. "No, for some reason, I did not get it," I inform him then, my fear of the subject diminishing. "He explained that it would have involved sores and a rash, but since I did not get it—and it was so long ago—that perhaps I will not get it. Perhaps I shall be safe from it all, Wilhelm, although I do understand if you do not..."

Wilhelm smiled down upon me. "I have forgiven you, have I not?" he wanted to know then, his arms fasting about my waist. "If God has willed your safety, he has also willed my forgiveness to you. I shall not waver in my servitude towards Him, nor my vows to you."

"And neither shall I," I reply. "Neither shall I, Wilhelm. Never again shall I allow any other man near me."

Wilhelm looked around then, leaning down and brushing his lips with mine, sending warmth throughout my body. "We still have some time before supper," he informed me in a soft voice. "Perhaps we should proceed to expand our family a bit more, now that it is the season of forgiveness..."

I bite my lip and lower my eyes. "Ah, well," I said then, "actually, I considered giving you your Christmas present early..."

"Did you now?" Wilhelm asked.

I raised my eyes to his then, taking his hands from about my waist and placing them upon my midsection. "The physicians confirmed it yesterday, but you were out and about with His Royal Highness," I said quietly.

Wilhelm grinned then, dropping to his knees and kissing my stomach. "When shall this wonderful child be born?" he asks, looking up at me.

"The summer," I reply.

Wilhelm got to his feet, taking my face gently into his hands and kissing me. "I could not have asked for a better wife."

"But what of all I've done?" I whispered then.

He smiled. "We are mutually imperfect, Felicity," he replied. "I would have not asked for any other life."

I find I feel absolutely safe when he pulls me back into his arms. "Neither would I, Wilhelm," I reply. "Neither would I."

A knock upon the door startles us then, and I feel a slight ache within me as Wilhelm smiles and releases me then. He crosses the room to the door, opening it to reveal a servant, carrying a hat box. He lets out a chuckle then, looking it over for a moment.

"Everything is in order?" he asks the man.

"Yes, my lord duke," the man replies.

"Good, good," Wilhelm says, taking the box from the man. "I thank you," he tells him, handing over some gold coins before shutting the door behind him and approaching me with the box, which he places on the table before me.

I blink. "What is this?"

"You have given me your Christmas present, Felicity, and now I shall give you mine," Wilhelm replies.

I find I give him a rather odd look then before taking ahold of the scarlet ribbon holding the box together, before pulling it and lifting the lid off from the box. I let out a gasp at the shock of black fur, and for a moment I believe that Wilhelm has gifted me with a furred cap, but it suddenly lets out a little yowl at the notion that light has impeded on its slumber and gets to its feet, looking around, its dark eyes darting around the room and its tail coming to life. "Oh, my!" I cry out, instantly leaning down and lifting the little thing from the box.

"It is a Schipperke," Wilhelm informs me proudly as I take note of the triangle-shaped ears, which stand right on end. "It shall be another girl for us."

"A girl dog," I whisper, kissing its little face as the pup yawns ever so slightly, settling into my arms. "Oh, Wilhelm... I love her," I whisper.

"And what name shall you decide for her, my darling?"

"Frieda," I reply then, nodding to myself. "Frieda Wilhelmina Marquardt," I say fondly as I scratch her behind her ears. "Frieda, for Alfred; Wilhelmina for our dear friend who bears that name, and Marquardt for us."

Wilhelm smiles. "What have you been up to, Felicity?"

I raise my eyes to his. "At this moment, Alfred is proposing marriage to our dear Wilhelmina," I reply, and rush to finish as Wilhelm moves to interrupt me. "She loves him, Wilhelm, and Alfred now understands that there a different kinds of love. I do declare that he, as a final gift, shall be giving her the ring I gave him earlier..."

"A ring? What ring?" Wilhelm asks.

"The one with the blue stone that Wilhelmina loved," I reply. "I realize that the Duchess of Kent gifted it to me during our months at Kensington Palace, but blue was a color that never suited me. I'll doubt she'll remember it," I tell him with a quick smile. "I wore it often enough around her and she never breathed a word about it. Just another thing she cast off after she knew herself to be the mother of the next Queen of England."

"Albert wants to heal their rift, you know," Wilhelm put in as I stroked Frieda's fur in an absentminded manner. "We all believed it to be healed after Princess Vicky's birth, but it seems as if the Duchess of Kent is not to be forgiven so easily..."

"She is a force to be reckoned with, Victoria," I reply, shaking my head. "I only wish that the memory of Lehzen can be forgotten completely..."

"Not all memories can, Felicity," Wilhelm replies, and my eyes snap to his. "They shall always remain, my love. Some must be forgiven, while others shall merely linger on until the end of time."