Book Nine-The Divide

Distance and time are a great enemy, the farther something is from you the harder you must fight to get to it. We were very far away from our destination, but we were fighting a losing battle against time. We were fighting to be free. Freedom begins where silence begins. Without speech there is no freedom, but the silence tells the truth, so we try to blot out the silence filling the holes we create in our hearts with lies to shield us from the truth. But what is the truth you might ask? If I knew that I wouldn't be here. Truth is freedom, but freedom is slavery to ignorance, to be truly free you must be free from your self. Freedom makes us a prisoner to ignorance, because within there is only lies, the lies we put there ourselves through rationalization. Unfortunately true freedom comes only with death. Not the death of body but from the conquering of one's innermost thoughts, from defeating the ignorance within. And becoming one with the truth. Some say that ignorance is love, because love shields us from the pain of truth. Love is Truth What compels humans? Is it fear? Fear is just the lack of the truth. Where there is ignorance there is fear.

I awoke, perhaps out of instinct, or perhaps the snoring of Sailor Moon had peaked? The night was passing away, and with the light came sight. But the brilliant light brought a horrifying truth. As far as sight would allow the landscape was devastated. We were, no I was fully responsible, if I had wanted this destruction then Sailor Saturn's power would have worked. Since it didn't I blame myself. A horrifying scene. The world in all its wonder was torn asunder by a person who couldn't understand its greatness. I didn't truly appreciate the world and since I failed the world, I had failed myself. I wondered for a fraction of a second, did Andrew know that I wouldn't be able to destroy the Earth, that deep down, I was just like him, I loved the Earth and I believed that even in the darkest of places there is still light. Then I had to screw it up, how dare I, That's funny me against myself, I had always been against myself. My life was just one big joke. I turned to look around, tears filled my eyes as I glanced at the sweet child Hotaru. I was in a perfect state of serenity, for at least a second or two, then just as fast as the feeling came it passed. The feeling turned to an utter loathing of myself and I wanted nothing more than for it to end. I wondered how disappointed Queen Serenity must have been. She was like the mom I never had. Sarah was like a sister, a sister that I betrayed to save this small fragile life. Hotaru had grown a lot since I had last seen her. She was now a year old baby. At this rate she would be fully returned to her original age. It is funny that I was surrounded by such power. Some say people with power are chosen, but I don't believe in that way. People make themselves who they are, I didn't want power, or perhaps deep within I did, perhaps I wanted power to become something I was not. To me I wasn't worthy of this, I wasn't worthy to help the sailor Scouts. I was just one person who the world rejected and because the world rejected me I rejected myself. I had altered my shell so much I didn't even recognize what I was turning myself into. Deep within me I knew that I was special, but on the surface I doubted myself. I wasn't truly smart, I definitely wasn't attractive, I wasn't strong, I wasn't fast, I wasn't caring or compassionate, to others it would seem that I had no heart, no soul, no spirit, but only darkness. However, perhaps, I was good enough to try, if others believed in me then perhaps I could become something worthwhile.

Everything that was hidden by the shroud of darkness had been lifted. The bus was filled with light. For once in countless years I cracked a smile. I couldn't remember the last time I smiled. Uranus tried to speak but was cut off by an outrageous sputter of snoring.

When the uproar had ceased, or at least subsided Uranus spoke, "We are running low on gas." She paused, in the light her hair gleamed, in a subtle fashion she stared out into the grimacing landscape and said, "It is sad what the power of destruction can do."

I didn't know how to formulate a sentence to shed light on the perilous devastation. The surrounding landscape had become a wasteland, I wondered where all the people were. I was happy to had finally found a place that I might be able to belong. I was part of a band of criminals and was I to be their leader? I guess to try to change the world isn't a crime, but the way we had done it was. I gulped at the thought of all the countless people I murdered. Was I evil? Was it me? Was I becoming the very thing I swore to destroy? Let me reiterate, I wanted the best, but feared the worst. I loved the Earth, not its sin. I loved life, but hated its hardships. I was like any person I guess except I was different. I had a power that I couldn't understand. No matter how hard I tried to push it aside it busted out. When I finally was able to push it back I was expelled by society. They thought of me as a failed freak. I never expected to be a part of anything. I was very much alone. In the dark cell of the jailhouse I was consumed by the darkness because it was my only friend. My greatest fear was to be alone. I didn't fear death because I knew it was unavoidable. I didn't fear heights or tight places, I didn't fear making mistakes or being in crowded places, what I did fear was being alone, without anyone, my fear was my reality. To me I was worthless, void of talent, to others I was a freak, I wondered how the Scouts viewed me? The saying Sticks and stones… Well having a broken bone is better than having a shattered heart, yes words are the greatest weapons. Words are stronger than any person. Words can kill, heal, destroy, or rebuild. The tongue is like a viper coiled waiting to strike. Even the uneducated masses have the ability to speak. To conquer a person's soul you must alter the very speech pattern. In the Bill of Rights, the Freedom of Speech is the first right. The reason is without speech there is no freedom. Freedom can be lethal however: speech in itself can only be conquered by other speech. There was now only silence, the silence that proclaims the truth. We were criminals because we cared for the Earth. The Evil King knew what we were planning to do, he knew that I wouldn't have the strength of mind or a hardened heart. Somehow he knew that I would fail. Did he plan this? Brian wasn't in control anymore. I guess is shouldn't be mad at Brian after all the real enemy was the darkness that had taken over his body and that of countless others. I guess to be alone isn't all bad, at least you still have yourself. I couldn't speak right because I hadn't spoken in years, my words were often misplaced or discombobulated, and I had been tripping over my own tongue on countless occasions. The Freeway continued onward, on a normal day hundreds, no, thousands of people would be using this path. Now there were none. Where had they all gone? I feared that everyone on Earth was dead except us and the Enemy. As we passed through a town unharmed by the meteor storm I sighed in relief.

I said, "Even through disaster the human spirit stands tall, and holds firm."

Uranus made a noise I could barely describe. It sounded like a partial laugh, but resembled a muted scream, or at least a hushed one. I guess she believed the same way I did but had even less hope than me. People think they can fix everything, they think they know exactly how others are feeling. I'm not one to talk. I over rationalize quite a bit. Uranus' eyes glazed over with beaming sunlight. She cracked a smile, or the strong façade that pretended to be stronger than it truly was had crumbled. Or perhaps she was just tired! She said, "Ten hours of driving almost nonstop. I know you have gone through a lot, but could you please drive for a while?"

I yawned and said, "I will"

Sailor Uranus pulled the bus over to the side of the road. She got up and stumbled into a row of hairs where it seemed to me that she passed out instantly. Poor woman, I was sorry that I couldn't have taken the wheel sooner. Sailor Moon's snore stopped abruptly. She started to cough in rapid succession. Finally after the long hours of listening to her snore she let out a yawn and snapped back to reality. Sailor Moon rubbed her eyes and immediately asked, "Where are we?"

I said somberly, "We are just outside Toledo, Ohio."

Obviously she had no clue where Toledo was. I said, "I wonder how badly my city was damaged!" I was so lost in thought that I ignored her next outburst.

She said, "I have to go to the bathroom!"

I pointed to the bathroom on the bus. She nodded and started for it almost running. Unfortunately she was just a second too late. Sailor Mars rushed past her into the small bathroom and slammed the door. Serena yelled out, come on Raye, you did that on purpose! I have to go!"

Raye giggled and said, "Ha, tell me who's better me or you. Then and only then will I let you in!"

Serena pouted then in a sarcastic tone she said, Why Raye is the better of us two!"

Raye popped the lock and opened the door. Serena grabbed Raye and flung her towards me. She then proceeded into the bathroom, and locked the door.

Raye lay on the ground in disbelief, Serena had never retaliated before. Raye wondered if Serena was becoming a grown person capable of making sound decisions. Then in a reformed mood, somewhat happy, Raye picked herself up from the ground. Raye stunk of pride. She was taking credit for turning the wimp-like Serena of the past into the Future Queen.

All I could do was watch the road. I looked around the dashboard for the radio. I flipped it on, constant static. The toll booths were completely destroyed. A thought came to my mind, a thought to go home. I knew that it would be a detour from the main line, and if I did decide to go home I would be tempting the limited time we had, but why Not? If we were going to fight a war, we might as well get guns. And Detroit was just the city in which to do so, it was a city where guns outnumbered people roughly 3 to 1.

Interstate 75 approached, I don't know if it was out of instinct or just intuition, but I turned off the turnpike and onto I 75. Unbeknownst to me twelve miles more and we would have fell into a massive crater. An hour and I would be home. Or I would return to a wasteland, I didn't know what had happened to the place of my birthplace. All I could do was hope for the best. Sailor Mars and Sailor Moon began to bicker back and forth. The Sailor scouts started to bicker amongst themselves, all but Sailor Uranus, she was so exhausted that she slept through the hurricane of endless stupidity. I pressed the button which scanned channels. Static, then in a low grumbled, gurgling manner the station started broadcasting.

The Disk Jockey started speaking in a somewhat erratic tone, "Hello", he seemed scared, but continued, "It would seem that the Earth has been partially destroyed by a severe belt of meteorites. The Death toll may not be as high as previously expected, but major cities all around the world are reporting damages in the multi-trillion dollar range. Wait one second please."

The radio returned to a semi-static mode. The DJ continued but now he seemed very upset, "Death toll estimates are in", he stopped afraid to mention how many people there were that had died. He cleared his throat and in desperation to form the words he failed to speak for several seconds, then in a fury started speaking, "There are over one billion dead, and nearly two billion reported missing. Power companies are struggling to restore power to certain areas immediately. Hope everyone is alright out there, we have to go off the air, the back up generator wont last much", the signal was cut off. I scanned the stations to see if there were anymore people broadcasting. In dismay I turned the radio off. Sailor Pluto came up beside me. I didn't hear her come up however.

She said, "A billion people dead, that is terrible!"

Her words startled me. I guess I wasn't expecting anyone to talk to me. My heart was running a million miles an hour! We both smiled in the face of an utter catastrophe! I quickly said, "One Sixth of the population of Earth!"

Sailor Pluto may have been more satisfied than shocked but questioned, "One sixth?"

I answered, "Yes, and we should be thankful that it wasn't higher!"

Sailor Neptune walked up behind me and placed her arms on the back of my seat. She was deep in thought and was struggling to ask me a question. After a minute or so, she forcefully asked, "So, why do you think Sailor Saturn failed?"

I don't know what came over me but for some reason I slammed on the brakes. A bout of rage was swiftly taking over, I used whatever was left of my demeanor to subdue its influence over me. I was furious and spouted, "So, do you blame me? I guess you have a right to question my ability. It was me alright, I couldn't do it! I couldn't allow Sailor Saturn to destroy the Earth, there has been too much bloodshed already. How much more will there have to be? Huh? Why must I have to kill? Is this why I was drug out of jail? To kill? I would have rather spent an eternity in that cell than a minute out there watching countless people killed for no purpose but to run to kill more. How can this be right?"

Sailor Pluto said, "It is our…"

I cut her off abruptly, "Destiny? Ha! The countless times I have heard that garbage. I have no destiny! I am as worthless as the slums I came from. From the recesses of the Earth. Tell me this, how can our destiny be to kill countless people? I heard that you stand for something greater than that, I heard from Queen Serenity herself that you were the warriors of peace, love, truth and justice, but I see clearly now, you along with the queen are a bunch of liars. The Same goes for everyone else. Andrew, Sarah, and Brian! All they did was use me for their dirty work, but no longer! I will not allow anyone to direct me, I have to fight alone!"

Pluto was very upset, she was almost furious by the time I finished speaking, she took her scepter and clunked me in the head. I deserved it, I knew I did, but my ego was as strong and as hard as a diamond. She said, almost screaming, "No, our destiny, our true purpose as you might call it is not to harm others, you forget who we are fighting. Who Andrew was and Sarah is fighting. You are never truly alone! Fighting each other is exactly what the enemy would want. Don't be fooled by your emotions! They are the end of a man, you have a purpose, and everyone believes in you, don't let them down. You may feel alone, but don't let that feeling take over you! Believe in yourself and you will find your true purpose, your place within the universe. Believe in yourself, the way the countless others do, don't let the countless people's deaths be in vain! We won't fail you if you don't fail yourself first."

I was dazed but spiritually satisfied, as if a morale blockade or the extreme weight of the world had been temporarily lift. I said in the utmost respect, "Thank you!"

I was calmer than I had ever been before in my life. I don't know why but I started to cry, Sailor Neptune handed me her handkerchief! Sailor Neptune pulled out her mirror. I never see myself before. The reflection scared me, I couldn't believe my eyes, I never wanted to look at myself, but now I saw something. I didn't know the person looking back at me, but somehow deep within I realized that I wasn't as ugly as I thought myself to be. I said, "You know I have never seen my face before. I was only told what I looked like."

Sailor Pluto asked, "So where are we headed?"

I said, "I'm going home, I guess I need to just to be there! Besides if we are going to fight a war we might as well get some weapons. Special powers only work up to a certain point, but lead slinging can last as long as the clip will allow."

Sailor Pluto was shocked, but said, "I think it is a little deeper than that! You ant to go home because you are afraid, I don't blame you! I'm very scared, but I can't remember where my home was. I guess we are similar to you, we have no home. So why return to nothing? I guess if you must you must!"

I snapped back to reality, or something like that! I knew that if I was to fight a war I needed an advantage. I wasn't like the other Sailor Scouts. Their powers were fully developed, my powers were only slowly coming to me. In shades and wisps at times. To me I would never realize my true powers. To me I was weak! I had started what some would have called the true end of times! I guess the End of times was destined to happen sooner or later anyways! That was an inevitable part of life; death I mean.

Time passed somberly until with an awakened and enlightened spirit my city appeared through the darkness cast about it. The Clouds had returned and utterly cut the daylight in half. The aura that surrounded the city was dubious, it lacked morale meaning, truthfully the city was always morally uncertain of itself. Overall the city cast an eerie feeling of self doubt, and an overwhelming feeling of dread. Not that it didn't do the same thing before it was partially destroyed. Thugs and thieves roamed about the wasteland, killing and stealing, vandalizing what was left of the partially destroyed buildings. The Sailor Scouts were appalled at its current condition! I was over exaggerating a bit, and said, "Welcome to hell!"

Sailor Moon asked, "So this is your home town?"

I answered, "Yes it is!"

Sailor Pluto was shocked at all the buildings that were vacant, she asked, "Was it like this before the disaster?"

I unfortunately had to answer, "Yes! Welcome to Dystopia itself! The affront of the United States and the American Dream. Unfortunately most of the stuff you see destroyed was already destroyed. The Meteorites just added to the forgotten pieces of history. The Government could care less about its people, especially those that live, or have lived here."

Sailor Jupiter asked, "What about the countless death?"

I laughed, but caught up with my train of thought then said, "It is more safe to fight in a war than to live in Detroit." I pulled the bus over to the side of the road. Sailor Uranus jerked awake abruptly. She quickly jumped to her feet as if she was sensing something sinister.

She said, "Why have we stopped? Do we have to fight?"

I shook my head no, I said abruptly, "We are in my city."

I opened the door of the bus and stepped out onto the street. The road was full of debris, and around us dangerous buildings loomed. Amongst the rubble on the street, the street sign lay, it read, "Fort". The street was littered with miscellaneous debris. There was glass and concrete blocks, as well as countless human corpses. The medium and high rise skyscrapers loomed over me. Even in the midst of the day whole sections of the city remained in darkness. Perhaps it was just the clouds that shielded the sun that made the city that much more eerie. It could have been the lack of people, or perhaps the annoying fog that consumed the skyscape. Above where I stood the people mover had derailed and was hanging off the side of its track. To the North, Cass Avenue was cut off by a humongous crater. To the south rubble blocked any possible access. I started walking east toward a familiar building. I tried to open the door, but the heavy metal door refused to budge. I got fed up with trying nicely. I kicked the door very hard. The Metal door gave way and swung peacefully open as if it had never given me a hard time. The Sailor Scouts grudgingly followed. I traveled down the flights of stairs until I reach a secret room. I pulled out a set of keys I hadn't looked at in several years. I stuck the key into the lock and turned. A feeling of dread came over me. I couldn't continue. Thoughts of the past cascaded through my very being. Before Jail, I was a respectable citizen, I may have been a freak, but at least I obeyed the law. I did know countless criminals, and while in jail I heard of a weapons cache so full of illegal guns that any group of people could start a miniature war. I was given the key by accident long ago.

The horrifying time I spent in jail flashed through my head. I quickly thrust the door open, inside, just as said, there were more weapons than an armory. There were some that I had never seen before in my life.

I picked up an AK-47 and tossed it at Sailor Uranus, I asked, "You seem startled. Have you ever seen a gun before?"

Sailor Uranus nodded and cocked the bolt back. She fired the gun towards the wall in the distance. The loud popping sound of gunpowder exploding, and the clunk of shells hitting the ground echoed throughout the building and filled the city outside.

Sailor Neptune spoke as Uranus stopped, "Don't go all Rambo on us!"

I quickly asked, "So where did you learn that?"

She smiled and said, "I didn't, it's my first time!"

I handed Sailor Pluto a gun, I asked, "So do you know ho to use one of these?"

Sailor Pluto shook her head in despair. I picked up a pistol and shot at the wall. I said, "It is pretty much self explanatory. You just pull the trigger, and instant kill. Sailor Moon Picked up a RPG launcher. She said with extreme amazement, "Ooh can I shoot this?" She quickly placed her hand on the trigger.

I quickly took my hand and grabbed the weapon and said, "Alright, let's not launch the RPG in a small room full of explosives!"

Sailor Mars smartly commented, "Whatcha tryin' to do blow us all sky high? Geeze Serena!"

I asked, "Mars, do you know how to handle a gun?"

Mars didn't answer, apparently she didn't know how to either. Sailor Moon asked, "What's RPG stand for?"

Sailor Uranus answered, "Rocket Propelled Grenade", she turned toward me and asked, "So how much of this do we take?"

I answered, "As much as you think you'll need! We do need to hurry!" I pocketed a few glocks and held onto a 22 cal. Shotgun. I continued, "Grab as much ammunition as you think we will need."

We left the supply bunker, our hands full of illegal weaponry. Sailor Mercury took me to the side and said, "Something has been on my mind, and I just had to ask."

I asked, "What is it?"

She grinned sweetly and asked, "Well since you have been away from society for so long how can you speak so clearly, ad how do you know all the things you know?"

I stared out into the darkness and said, "Being alone in the testing facilities I read countless books. I talked to myself to maintain sanity. While in jail I was forced to rot like a common criminal. I never went to a real school, but I completed the GED and I am hoping that I can attend formal school."

Mercury looked on as the others tried to move a box of ammo into the bus, Mercury asked, "Do we need to have guns? After all we are powerful!"

I answered, "You may be, but I am not! I'm planning ahead like a true tactician, this is like a game of chess. Unfortunately the enemy has taken all of our pawns, and a knight. Let me ask you this! What are the strongest pieces in a chess game?"

Mercury quickly said, "The Pawns of course. Without the ability of the pawns trying to win is rather useless."

I commended her for her selection of words, "You are very smart. Oh I forgot to tell you When we get to the Moon Kingdom, I can show you around Queen Serenity's Library, there are countless books on Philosophy, the Arts, and Science."

We boarded the bus again. The glock beat against my intestines as I climbed the stairway to the driver's seat. I reach the top step and asked, "So who's driving?"

Serena brayed, "I will!"

Sailor Mars said, "I wouldn't trust your driving abilities even if my life depended on it!"

Sailor Moon stated, "Don't be so mean Raye! Champion of Nothing!!!!"

For the next minute or so they continued to fight. No matter what we tried to do to stop them, their argument grew until it was so far stretched out it fell from existence. I yelled, "So are we going to go, does anyone else want to drive?"

Sailor Pluto volunteered for the job. I gave them a tour of the downtown area, or at least what was left of it. Hotaru had grown to roughly a year old. I held her as I slept. Every ten to twenty minutes she would tug on my hair. The Sailor Scouts went about getting food, and the like. I remained on the bus with Hotaru. Out of nowhere Hotaru said her first word, well not really. Her first word was, "Rini?" In a seconds time, right before my eyes she had grown more than four years. She was now a small little girl. She sat down beside me and asked, "Why you afraid?"

I answered, "I am not afraid!"

She Smiled and said, "You are lying, your eyes tell the truth!"

I watched as she made the transformation from a small child into her original form. I was so shocked I fell back onto the floor. She sat there waiting for me to say something. When I didn't answer she said, "Why did you save me?"

I couldn't answer so I turned away from her face. I was so upset at myself again that I couldn't understand what she was getting at. She was a thirteen year old now, and what surprised me is the clothes she had on had changed along with her. Her short black hair blended well with the grim surroundings. I said, "I don't know why I saved you."

Sailor Saturn said, "Yes you do."

The words pierced my inner being. I loved her, almost as much as I loved Sarah, I guess it was her frailty that led me to her. She was like me in many ways; she had become a tool and like me was all alone. I wanted to hug her but feared that she would push me back. I wondered deep within how could this be? I was sitting face to face with the Angel of Death, but I was alive. Or was I? I was conscious but at the same time I was divided. I hated myself, yet at the same time I cared for the first time about others, as well as myself. I hesitantly threw my arms around Hotaru and said, "I couldn't imagine a world without you! You are meant to be with Rini, you are friends, and your compassion for one another is great. I cant let Rini down. I wonder what she is like? From what people have told me she sounds like a marvelous person. You should be glad at least you have someone, I still have no one!"

Sailor Saturn looked up into the sunroof and said, "You have me, you have the Sailor Scouts, please don't take it for granted. Yes Rini is amazing! I thank you for helping me, eve though it cost us the world. It's all for Rini isn't it?"

I said, "For the future and for love! Rini is a huge part of it."

Saturn looked out of the windows suddenly conscious of her surroundings and asked, "Where are we?"

I laughed and said, "This is my hometown!"

She shook her head and said, "Thank you once more!"

Darien paused from reading, his throat became sore from dryness. Sailor Moon left the room to grab him a glass of water. Across from Darien and Serena, Rini and Hotaru were giggling. Rini asked, "So was it for me?"