Okay so I suddenly had a brain burst, so sue me lol. Hope you like this chapter. Everything has been building up to this one so it may be long. Do not worry though there is still more to this story, they have to get the bad guy remember.

Chapter 11- The Inevitable Fall, Hope Rekindled

And there she was. The one person he didn't want to see, the one person he would not be able to say no to. She would force him stay, forced him to tell her everything that was going on in his mind. He hated that she knew so much but…loved it too. Why? Why had he told her everything, why had he started to trust people again? He truly did trust her, they needed each other, they balanced each other, helped each other, anytime, anything. No matter what. How could he hate that, that which he had been looking for all his life, and that which made him happy. Oh so happy that he could almost forget his past. Almost. It was still there, still eating into his confidence, into everything when the smallest of things went wrong. Would it ever go away?

No, never the little voice at the back of his mind sneered. You will always hurt people and be weak. You have to run if you want to save them, but if you run then you'd still be weak, weak for not wanting to protect them anymore, weak for running. So there it was in all its marvellous frigging beauty, he would be weak no matter what decision he made. A liability to the team, but weak for running away from a duty he loved. He couldn't win, never win. But Gibbs…Gibbs could help couldn't he, Gibbs was there now right in the room with him. Gibbs could do something, could save him. Couldn't he? Couldn't he?

No he couldn't, he wasn't worth it in the end anyway. The thought so ingrained on to his mind he had started to believe it long ago. The line so easy to say, so easy to believe, everyone had proved it. He had never been wanted, not even by his own family and the one he had created, had dreamed of for a long time thought it too. Didn't they? Didn't they?

He laughed at the bitterness of this moment. The moment he didn't want before he left, couldn't deal with before he left. His resolve and strength were slipping in her presence; his gaze flickered between the two people in the room. Gibbs and Abby, two of the most important people in his life, his friends, his family but…but they didn't want him…but they did. Or, at least seemed like they did.

What the hell was he suppose to believe, he had heard Gibbs' declaration and now Abby, Abby was here, she was meant to be miles away, he wanted everything back to normal, needed it normal. Not like it was now, he was lost and tittering on the edge of a cliff that he could no longer see the bottom of. Abby could always help, she had done in the past, and even Gibbs had in his own way. But still, they didn't, couldn't want him…him, he was not good for them, he would hurt them.

Then Abby was trying to move closer and he couldn't have her near him, he would break her, make her cry. He panicked, he was trapped and couldn't breathe, all the emotions came in a crushing wave and he couldn't fight, couldn't surface. Needed to get out but she was still there and so was Gibbs. They wouldn't move, wouldn't…Give up? Wanted him to stay? He couldn't. Couldn't do any of this anymore, they were such insidious liars, all of them, they were lying, had to be. They couldn't care. Could they?

"Please don't." he begged, his voice nothing but a whispered whimper.

He saw the shock on their face, in their eyes, but there was something else…Love? NO! That wasn't supposed to be there. Nobody was meant to care for him, his father had said so. Nobody. They had already proved that they didn't. They wanted Ziva now. Was he jealous that they had someone new to love, to care about, he didn't even know. He saw Abby's eyes glisten with tears that threatened to fall.

No! What had he done, see he said he would hurt them. Make her cry. Look at what you've done now Anthony, you hurt them that much they cry because of you. It ripped out his heart again and again as each tear fell from her eyes, he couldn't look at her now, he'd caused this, caused everything. He hated it, hated everything about him, about his life. Hated that he always caused people pain, or caused their deaths. First Kate, then Gibbs by rejecting Gibbs' words now…now Abby, his new family, his everything, his world. All gone. Destroyed by himself and he couldn't handle it. Not again. No more. Please.

"Tony, please."

Abby's almost inaudible plea shattered his resolve and he was falling, falling so fast down into the darkness, he couldn't, wouldn't do this to her. If she let go now it would be best for all of them, if only he could let go to, but Gibbs' words were still in his head, gave him hope, hope he had lost. He found a footing in the dark, maybe they did care. Maybe they did want him. But they had still left him, left him when he needed them. But then…then his father's voice was back again telling him he wasn't worth it.

"No I can't…please…let me go."

His own tears started to fall and he felt embarrassed and weak, he couldn't protect them now. Not now. Not ever. He was trembling and losing his steam, had no energy left, he was spent and he couldn't fight the end any longer but he wanted them to care…but they still wouldn't be safe.

"No, Tony please, we are sorry. Please let us help you, let us in. Please." Abby pleaded through her tears. She could see the battle in him, the battle she had cause within him. She knew he was fighting against all the words his father had said to him, every little action that had been done to him by the person he should have been able to trust.

She looked to Gibbs, his hold on his emotions slipped and a single tear escaped. He couldn't face losing Tony, not now, not ever. She knew what they had done and that she needed to fix this. She tried to move closer to Tony but he backed away, the blood dripping slowing down the back of his hand from where he had ripped the IV out, on to the floor leave little drops staining the sterile floor. She was worried, he really shouldn't lose anymore blood he was already pale and shaking enough. He needed their help, needed medical help to, but Ducky was watching over them, he would signal to the doctor when it was safe to come in.

"Please let me go…so…so I can't hurt you…please." Tony begged again, his breathing ragged and harsh.

His shoulders slumped, he swayed a little. But he had to keep them away. He was drained; the tears had stopped because he couldn't cry anymore. The movements had stopped because he was against the wall of the small hospital room. Abby and Gibbs both stood a few feet away from him waiting to catch him when he fell, catch him so they could pick up the pieces. They only hoped they could. He needed to see their love, their care for him. He had to.

Tony knew he had to say more, and then maybe…maybe they would let him go. Maybe if he told them everything he was thinking they would think him as pathetic as he and his farther thought.

"Let me go…I don't want you to get hurt because of me…please. I don't matter…never have. Please stop lying and saying you care when I know you don't…please…" the tone as plain as day as if…as if it was…normal?

How the hell can that be normal Gibbs thought worriedly, he needed to get Tony to see through his nightmare, see that they really did care. Gibbs' heart was on the verge of breaking, even though he thought it wasn't possible since that last time with his own family. Since when had he had emotions beyond what he had shown to others? He was a class one bastard. But damn it, he cared more than he thought he should for Abby and for Tony; they were the children that helped him heal. They needed him now, needed him to fix this.

The whole scene playing out in front of him scared him; it didn't seem to be going anywhere. What the hell could he do to turn it in their favour? What could he say now? Why hadn't what he had already said worked? He barely had the time to think before Tony crashed and fell to his knees. He rushed over but…but Tony flinched away from his touch. Still trying to get away from him, even when it was painfully obvious he needed help. Gibbs really wanted to get his hands on Tony's father for this. Tony was quite literary falling apart before him, shaking himself apart and there was nothing any of them seemed to be able to do to help. He tried one final time, appealing to what remained of Tony's hope.

***

Ducky wanted to rush in, to tend to Tony as he saw him fall, but he couldn't, he knew this conversation was needed. His medical oath was telling him to go but…but Tony didn't need that now, Tony needed to know they cared. Needed so much more than he had been given in the past. He hated watching from the side lines but he knew his time would come, and then he could tell the boy what he needed to know. Needed to understand. Ducky could tell that they were very close to this coming to an end, but the sense of foreboding was unnerving to say the least. If everything was meant to be getting better then why…why would something else happen now? None of them would be able to handle it right now. Especially, Tony, Gibbs and Abby.

The begging and desperation in each voice told him of the anguish they were all going through, by far the worst was Tony's. It sounded almost…childlike? And painfully lost. He wasn't at all sure that it could be fixed but knew Jethro would find a way. He had to, for Tony's sake.

***

Both Gibbs and Abby kneeled down to Tony's level against the wall, they got as close as he would allow for the moment. He looked at them warily and with doubt. They read fear in his eyes and his posture, was it them, were they causing him to be scared. What was it he said? Gibbs thought. He moved slowly forwards and Tony tried to make himself as small as possible.

"Tony?" Gibbs asked softly. Tony's trembling increase as Gibbs got hold of his face gently, forcing him to look into his eyes as he said his next words.

"Tony, have we ever lied to you when it mattered." Gibbs asked calmly. He had lied to him in the past, but, only if it was a need-to-know kind of situation. When it came down to personal, he had never, and Abby hadn't at all.

Tony stilled at the words as they washed over him, they were right, they had never lied to him when it was something important. Never. He knew what they had said was the truth and the truth was freeing, he almost felt giddy with relief. He wanted to laugh as his fathers voice faded but…but it would still be there feeding his doubts. The doubts were fading a little and he was aware that his whole body was aching. His defences were gone and he had no protection, but that's what his friends…no, family were for. But, he had still hurt them by trying to leave and he was sorry. Oh so sorry for hurting them, and for making Abby cry.

"I'm sorry Abs, Boss, I- I didn't mean to-" Abby stopped his words with a bone crushing hug but at least he was starting to feel again. Gibbs had his hand on Tony's shoulder, offering the comfort that they were both comfortable with.

All the emotions had been overwhelming and too much for Tony to handle all at once. From slipping down a deep dark abyss to now having a rope to guide him up, he wasn't out yet but he had help now. He was embarrassed when more tears escaped his eyes, he still had his fears that they would eventually leave him alone or his father would find out and hurt them, but, for now, he was content knowing that they had told him the truth. That they cared. And that they could look after themselves. Abby's soothing words and her steady heart beat against his head lulled him into a somewhat peaceful sleep….

TBC

Well I hope you all liked that, though he still has his doubts and fears. Like I said I haven't finished with this story yet hehe so I hope you will stick around for the rest of it where more things will be explained.