Gifts and Curses
Chapter Eleven : Drifting
When I look into your eyes, I can see I don't know you anymore, wish I knew what's wrong I know you're lonely and you cry, wondering why
Such a sad man in disguise
waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me
Hurts my heart to see you cry
waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me
Can't we try to slam that door, start a brand new song
I know it's lonely but if once, you could help me understand
What it takes to be a man
Look back on what you've said, and the life you've led
Is it what you dreamed when you were young like me.
Now it's time you took something back
just for the sake of your mind.
When I look into your eyes, I can see
Life has buried you alive
waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me
You can't breathe
Heart as big as ocean's wide
waiting, wishing, dreaming, drifting from me
"Drifting" - Yellowcard
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Disclaimer: I own nothing except some of the story line… This is definitely going to turn into Brathan. Brooke and Lucas were going out, but then he cheated on her with Haley, Brooke's best friend. Even after the death of her parents, Brooke's life was starting to go down the right track. She made a new friend, made peace with the old ones, started a new job, and is absolutely and totally in love with her boyfriend. But in case you haven't noticed… this girl can't catch a break. And an oldfriend from her past helps her realize that...
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Haley started laughing with me. "She's been singing right along with me, since we were like six right, Tigger?"
I just winced at her nickname for me. Like we were back to how it was before, happy and content. Do I want that? Of course I do. Would it come easily? Definitely not. Will everyone make an effort? Who knows.
"Six or seven, I think, Tutor-girl." Well no one can say that Brooke Davis didn't make an effort.
She gave me a smile, and mouthed, 'Thank you.'. I gave another nod.
"Well, I'm beat, I'm going to go to bed. You guys are welcome to stay… if you want." I left it hanging in the air, I didn't know what they wanted to do.
Nathan immediately got up, and started walking behind me.
I turned around, and saw Haley and Lucas looking at each other in confusion.
"You can use the guest rooms. Hales, you know where they are." With that I walked up to my room, and started getting changed.
I was sliding on my PJ bottoms when I felt Nathan's hands on my hips. He leaned his chin on my shoulders, and slid his arms around to link in front of me.
We stood there, with him holding me, for ages. It felt so good to be wanted, for him to love me in his own way. I moved my head slightly, and kissed his forehead.
"Thanks, baby." I whispered softly.
He didn't really say anything for awhile. He had a small smirk on his face, but that was about it.
We disentangled ourselves, and went to get into bed. He took off his pants and unbuttoned his shirt. He jumped onto the bed, and wrapped his arm around my waist.
I was almost to sleep when Nathan leaned his head over mine, and whispered, "I love you.", kissed my ear, and settled back in.
I didn't want to ruin the moment, so I just glowed and kept my excitement to myself.
I love that boy so freaking much.
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I looked around all I could see was a green field. Purple tulips everywhere. The wind was soft and warm, and the sun shown brightly. I heard children giggling behind me, and I turned and saw a playground. I slowly walked towards the happy kids, and when they noticed me, they started to gesture me over. I put a little skip to my steps, and was there in no time.
The little girl with deep brown hair and rich green eyes, hugged my leg immediately and stared up into my face.
I was looking down at her with love and wonderment and then all of a sudden her face began to morph. It turned black and her entire body started to grow larger and larger. I remember closing my eyes in fear, and then I felt a rough and heavy hand lying on my throat.
When I opened my eyes, I noticed that I was in a hospital bed with Dan Scott standing over me with tears in his eyes. His hand moved up and cupped my face, just like Nathan usually did. Dan leaned down, and gave me a soft kiss on my forehead, and then in a blink of an eye, began to strangle me.
I started straight into his eyes, and saw not rage and anger, but sadness and guilt. He kept whispering "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." over and over again. He said it so much that I found myself chanting the same words.
His grip got tighter and tighter, and I gasped the words, "I forgive you."
Gasping for breath I sat up quickly in my bed. Looking around I noticed that I was in my own room, and with a sigh leaned back down.
Why in the hell did I dream that? I glanced over to the clock and saw that I woke up 45 minutes before the alarm clock was going to go off. Knowing that I wouldn't get back to sleep after that disturbing nightmare, I got up and went into the bathroom.
As I turned on the light, I squinted into the mirror. I noticed every dent, every shadow, every imperfection, and frowned. Lifting up my shirt I noticed that only a few ribs were sticking out, and frowned even more. Turning slightly I noticed that my back wasn't getting any leaner. With a soft sigh I reached under the sink, and got out the scale. Stepping on it, and looking down, I saw that I was only 112 pounds. I just stared at it, in confusion. I'd lost a little over 30 pounds after the whole ordeal with my parents. It's been almost 4 months, I should have lost more. With a quick shake to my head, I started into the shower. I definitely should have lost more than that. Well, I guess I'm going to have to crack that invisible whip. Oh, goody.
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After mother and father passed on, things have really turned around. I've made better friends with Haley and Luke, made a new friend with Peyton Sawyer, who is fabulous by the way, and fell even more in love with Nathan. I started working at this bed and breakfast place called Mother Maria. It was cute and with me being a receptionist, it was a hell of a lot more cuter. I had great hours there, and they totally understood my after school practices. They accepted me as their family, and it gave me time to think. Peyton was actually the one to introduce me to the owners. I think they're her aunt and uncle, or something like that. But anyway, we've spent a lot of time together because of that.
Peyton is such an awesome person. We get along so great, and have a lot more in common that most people believe. Her birth and adopted mothers both passed on a couple of years before, so she's been a great help to me with my situation. She understands me, and is not there with fake and unneeded sympathy. She is one hundred percent honest and tells you exactly what she's thinking… that remind you of anyone?
The rest of the gang accepted her with open arms, and ever since then, we've all been tight. Haley has totally changed, but for good. She's more independent than she once was, and is even more of a free thinker. Luke pretty much stays to himself, but he tends to catch you off guard sometimes. Jake and Jenny are still healthy and happy, and I'm starting to think that Peyton is getting attached to both of them. It was so cute.
I must have been distracted by my thoughts because suddenly I was on the ground, with a big scrap on my elbow. With furious eyes, I turned to see who the jerk was. My eyes widened with I noticed the one boy I really didn't want to talk to.
Ryan Michaels. The ex-boyfriend/good friend that 'went away with the chick he got pregnant'.
Ignoring his helping hand, I brushed off my jeans, and checked out my elbow.
"Thanks dearly, Ryan. So why'd you come back?" I asked in a semi-amused semi-hurt tone. I wasn't mad that he left, I was mad that he never said anything to me about it. You see after we broke up, we became pretty good friends after he announced to me and only me that he was gay. We would trade relationship advice, and talk about our misfit parents.
"Hey Brookie. What's up?" He said in his confident, husky voice.
"Oh nothing, just bleeding here." When he heard that, his nostalgic expression changed quickly into a concern look.
He grabbed my arm, and turned it so he could see what happened. With a tisk, he took out a napkin from his pocket, have no idea why it was there, and placed it on my scrape. After he was sure it stopped bleeding, he threw it into the nearest garbage can.
Turning to me, he then said, "What no hug?" With a smile and a huge laugh I jumped into his awaiting arms. We've always had a touchy feely relationship. That was just who Ryan was. He expressed his emotions often, you just got used to it.
"Dang, girl, you've lost some weight, haven't you?" He groaned out as I squeezed most of the air out of him. I got a little nervous that he noticed as quick as he did, but he hasn't seen me in like 2 years.
With a fake smile, I just replied, "Nope, just toned down a little bit. So how are you? What have you been up to?" I really wanted to change the topic if you haven't noticed.
"Nothing much, Brookie. Chicago wasn't as fun as everyone thought it would be." While he was talking, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and we started to walk into school. "The kids all thought that they were cool or something. Pfft. They ain't got nothing on us." We both chuckled at that. He and I always joked about how we were so 'popular' blah, blah, blah. It was awesome to have one of my great friends back.
He knew me before the funeral, and he knew me before Lucas. He knew the real me.
Breaking me out of my thoughts, he stopped strolling and placed both hands on my shoulders, facing me. "How about we go to a party tonight. We can show Tree Hill who the Terrible Two-some really is." After seeing my hesitance, he puckered his bottom lip and gave me the puppy dog eyes. "Come on B. We have to celebrate me coming home. I mean, didn't you miss me? No one knows how to party like I do, right?"
With a soft smile, I nodded and said, "Okay, Ry, but you have to pick me up, and take me out to eat before hand. There's no way I'm going to get a hangover because of you." With a bigger smile, I started to walk away. After a couple of seconds, I felt his arm around my shoulders again. Leaning down so his chin was on my head, he said, "I missed you, you know?"
I just kept my smile on, wrapped my arm around his waist and answered, "Me too." With that, I walked him to the office so he could get his schedule, and went to my class.
As I was sitting there, I started to feel a little guilty. Because of my job, I never really had any time to spend with Nathan, and one of the days that I'm actually off, I spend it with another guy. Shaking my head, I thought to myself., 'He'll understand. And if he doesn't, then I'll make him understand. I really hope he understands.'
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"What do you mean you're going out to a party tonight? Brooke I thought we were going to order out and watch a movie at your house?" Okay I guess he doesn't understand.
With a soft sigh, I answered, "Nate, my friend just got here today and he wanted to hang a little."
I saw his head lift up at the word 'he'. "He? He who?"
With a roll of my eyes I just said, "You wouldn't remember him. Babe, it'll only be for the night, and I have off on Sunday. We can hang out then, right?"
Shaking his head slowly, like I was stupid, he strung out, "Brooke, I have a basketball conference this weekend. That's why we were hanging out tonight. Baby why don't you---"
He was interrupted by a deep voice exclaiming, "Brooke-baby, are you really to jam or what? Tonight is going to feel so good!" Then the deep voice proceeded to wrap his arms around my waist and give me a huge kiss-a-roo on my cheek… very close to my mouth.
When I looked up to Nathan, you could tell he wasn't excited. With a very impish smile, I said, "Nate, meet Ryan."
Ryan immediately reached one of his hands to Nate to shake, but Nathan just stared at him. I rolled my eyes, once again and said, "Nathan.", very sternly.
His eyes met mine, and with a disgusted scoff he started to walk away.
Breaking away from Ryan, I ran to meet up with him. "Why are you so mad at me? You've been saying that I needed to get out of the house. And now that I do, you turn all bitchy on me."
He spun around, and you could clearly see flames in his eyes. "I wanted you to get out of the house with me, Brooke. I wanted you to hang out with me, not Mr. I'm Too Sexy To Wear An Actual Shirt, over there." Then he made a grunty exasperated yell, "And you let him touch you. God, Brooke. What are you trying to tell me?"
Okay, I'm so freaking confused right now. "What are you talking about? Ryan's a very old friend. It's not my fault he wants to touch me, at least someone around here does." Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say.
"You want someone to touch you? Well then fine, you better get use to that sleaze-bag over there touching you, because right now I don't even feel like looking at you." With that he turned around once again, and headed to his car.
I turned around as well, and headed over to a very confused boy. With a fake smile, I said very chirpily, "You really to go, babe?"
He could see right through it, and then he put his arms gently on my shoulder. "You sure you want to party tonight? We could just chill at my house…"
He left it open-ended so I didn't feel pressured. With a strong shake of my head, I just said, "So where are we going?"
He gave me a brief kiss on the cheek and smiled, "Tonight's going to be so amazing."
As we walked to my car, I just couldn't help but feel as if the party was going to be the exact opposite.
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The party was hosted by some kid by one of our rival schools. They always seemed the best, because you didn't really know everyone, and the people you did know were actually cool. The first step wasn't as bad as I would have thought. They had some awesome music playing, and it looked as if the bar was fully stacked.
With a huge smile, I pulled Ryan over to the said place. I walked around the bar top, and checked out what they had. I spotted my favorite liquor and grabbed it right away. Smirnoff Ice Vanilla Vodka. Yum. I reached behind me and grabbed a can of Coke.
As I was concocting the best drink in the world Ryan pulled me close and gave me a sideways hug.
The entire night was okay so far, but I couldn't stop thinking about Nathan. I didn't want him to be mad, but he wasn't fighting to hang out with me. It was like he just gave up, and that doesn't make me at all happy.
I gave Ryan a small kiss on the side of his neck, and started to drink. Well chug was more like it. I was going to get drunk, that was a given, so why not start sooner than expected.
Ryan walked behind the counter and grabbed a couple of bottles of hard liquor and took my hand. He walked us over to one of the couches and we just began talking, and drinking, with a little bit of dancing. One of the kids brought a stroblight, and that just made everything better. After dropping our bottles onto the coffee table, we got up and started to dance. It wasn't some 7th grade type of dancing, it was hardcore, sweat running everywhere, and every body part touching everyone else's body parts. It was just one dancing orgy, and I definitely needed it.
During the festivities I didn't notice that a lot of the boys were very close to me, I wasn't really paying attention. All of a sudden I felt someone place their hands on my waist and felt their fingers going down the front of my pants. Boy was I paying attention now. Thankfully Ryan was paying more attention, because all of a sudden the guy was being ripped off of me.
I heard Ryan's fist meet that guys face before I saw it. I turned around and say Ryan on top of the boy, just slamming the shit out of him. I mean he didn't stop. I quickly went over and placed my hand on his shoulder. It was tense at first but it calmed down, and then he got off of the kid. He turned to me, and ushered me out with a hand on my waist.
When we were by my car, he finally stopped and looked me in the face. Gently he cupped my face, and placed the softest kiss on my lips. I kissed him back, knowing that it wasn't a romantic kiss, just a 'I'm so happy that guy didn't rape you' kiss. I slowly put my arms around his neck and slightly deepened the kiss. We both backed away and enveloped each other in a hug.
I didn't know this, but during the entire experience I started crying. By the time we hugged each other, I was sobbing.
He whispered in my ear that he was going to take me home, and I nodded. I missed this kid.
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I was pretty sober by the time we got to my house, so when I invited him in, I fully knew what I was doing.
I also knew what I was doing when I invited him upstairs to my room, and into my bed.
I knew when I stripped to only my underwear and no bra, and I knew when he took everything but his boxers off. We both knew what we were doing.
We didn't have sex, we didn't do anything except for hold each other, because at that time, I needed someone to love me, for me, and not for my body, or for my money, or because they feel bad about me. I needed a best friend, and Ryan was amazing at that.
What I wasn't aware of at that time, was that Nathan felt bad about the whole situation and wanted to come and apologize.
I finally knew how Lucas felt in that one moment when he saw my eyes well up with betrayal. I didn't cheat on Nathan, but with the look he gave me, I might as well did.
I heard the door open, and then slam against the wall. I opened my eyes, and sat up with a blanket around my chest. I gave him a small smile, but stopped when I saw his expression. His eyes were tearing up, his hands clenched, and his face furious. I was confused at first, but when I looked to where Nathan was concentrating, I felt my heart plop down into my stomach. Ryan was there, and it looked like he was pretty naked. You even saw some of his hipbone because of when I moved the blanket.
I quickly shot around to Nathan and started pleading, "Baby, it's not what it looks like. He just needed a place to sleep." I stopped talking when he held his hand up.
With that he walked away.
Feeling the tears well up, I started shaking Ryan awake. "Ryan!" I whispered loudly. "Ryan wake up." When he started to stir a little, I started shaking him harder and faster.
With a mumble, his eyes opened. He shot up, when he saw me crying. Putting an arm around my bare shoulders, he asked what was up.
I couldn't do anything except for shake my head and choke out, "I truly hate myself."
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What's to come…:
Nathan ignoring Brooke.
More about Ryan, and why he came back.
Brooke's unhealthy eating habits escalating along with some … new … habits.
'Hey girl, you wanna try some?'… 'Why not?' Finally there was something else Brooke could control. Her weight was her own, her social status was her own, now she can finally control what she was feeling, and she only needed some white substance to make it all feel better.
I'm so sorry it's so short… but it sucks when you can only type with about 7 fingers… Bahhh! But I really wanted to post something up here so you all didn't think I was dead.
I love you all,
Meghan