Heyyyyyy

I'm horribly depressed now... WHITE ANGEL CHAN? WHYYYYY?

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

As soon as Ryou was awake, he felt guilty.

He curled up into a small ball under the covers, on his side. His arms were around his knees, his head bent as far as it could go. Malik had tried everything he could to rise the teen out of his funk, but nothing worked. It was fifteen minutes before he gave up, rolling over to his side, and standing up.

"Ryou," He whispered softly, staring at the huddled lump under the covers. "Look. There's no reason for you to feel bad like this. Bakura… He's gone. You've accepted that. You're going to let him die." Malik pulled on his boxers, before walking around the bed, and sitting onto the edge of the bed. He placed a hand on the thin form, biting on his lower lip in thought. "Ryou please… You have to go to school soon, you realize?" The teenager was silent, and still. "Do you want me to say I'm sorry?" Malik gently took the edge of the blanket, and tried to pull it over Ryou's head. The whitenette held onto the blanket firmly, resisting. The Egyptian sighed, and stood up. He turned around, running a hand through his sandy locks. "Fine, Ryou." He muttered, exasperated. "Stay in your room and hide under the blankets. But damnit, you enjoyed last night as much as I did, and if you say otherwise, then you're lying to the both of us." He walked out of the room, without bothering to get his other clothes. Malik slammed the door behind him, and then ran into the guest room. It was a light, sunny room, with lemon-coloured walls, and matching white furniture.

"Fuck…" Malik sighed, leaning against the closed door, and shutting his eyes. "Fuck!" He repeated, louder. He placed his head in his hands, swearing. Malik sank to the floor, gritting his teeth. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be! Ryou was supposed to be happy about them expressing their love! He wasn't supposed to be depressed and upset…

He wasn't ever going to get over Bakura, Malik realized as he stared at the floor. Ryou would never be able to love anyone else. That last night was a total fluke. And even so, Ryou was begging for Malik to stop, at least for the first part. Malik looked up, leaning his head against the door. I can't push Ryou. He still feels guilty... He's gonna keep feeling guilty, even when Bakura's dead and buried, Ryou's gonna carry this guilt. Malik let out a long sigh, biting his lip.

I think... I think I might have to let it go...

OoOoO

"Why don't ya have any food, Bakura?"

The talking of the other three teenagers stopped, and Ryou froze. Four pairs of eyes looked at him, finally realizing that the whitenette had no tray in front of him. Unused to the attention on him, Ryou blushed, and looked down.

"W-Well…" He stammered, his breath hitching in his throat. His stomach churned unpleasantly, despite being empty. "I-I'm not that hungry…"

"Really?" Jounouchi eyes Ryou's skinny frame. "Bakura, if I were as thin as you, I would be eating all the time…"

"That's because you're a pig." Honda remarked.

"Hey!" A fight between the two ensued, utensils flying. Ryou jerked away with a gasp, Anzu ducked, and Yugi tried his best to break the pair up.

"Are you an anorexic?" The fight died immediately at Anzu's words. Yugi, Jounouchi, and Honda, all turned to Ryou with wide eyes. Ryou's mouth fell open slightly, his eyes widening to the size of saucers.

"No!" He gasped, shaking his head from side to side. "No, no no. I-I mean, I was trying to lose a little weight, but that was months ago, before Ba- The spirit of the ring had his… Accident." Ryou let out a long sigh. "I-I feel really sick…" He mumbled, closing his eyes.

"Bakura… What's wrong? There's something you're not telling us, I know." Ryou chewed on his lower lip, twisting his fingers together.

"I-I… I can't." Ryou pushed his chair back, staring at the floor. "I-I…" He looked and felt like a fish out of water. Ryou held his hands over his face, and let out a long, low moan. "Please…"

"Bakura." Jounouchi said quickly, noticing how quick Ryou was to completely breaking down. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to, you know." He exchanged a momentary glance towards Yugi, before breaking his gaze. Ryou sniffed, his shoulders shaking.

"Must be bad." Yugi only whispered the words, just loud enough for Jounouchi to hear. The blonde inclined his head in a slight nod, keeping his eyes trained on Ryou.

"I… I'm turning it off." Ryou finally lifted his head, his face streaked with tears. Jounouchi's eyebrows furrowed in a frown, and he bit on his lower lip.

"Turn it off… Wait… What… You mean the life support?" Jounouchi's coffee-coloured orbs widened in shock. "No…"

"Yes." Ryou whispered, threatening to burst into tears again. "I can't… It's been so long. There's nothing else I can do anymore, Jou. The chances are less than one percent… I can't. I love him. I-I love him so much, but I can't keep putting myself through this." Ryou wiped at his eyes. "I-I know it sounds selfish, but-"

"Don't." Yugi said abruptly. Ryou blinked. "Bakura… You have to think about it. Like you said, it's been nine months. Were you going to let the spirit stay in limbo for the rest of his life, and yours?" Ryou looked down, biting his lip. "Maybe it is time for you to move on."

"I know." Ryou murmured, sounding and feeling very small. "But I don't want to… It's so hard to explain… But I can't think of him buried… Being underground, when I can't see him every day…" He sniffed. "It's so hard, just thinking about it."

"Hey…" Jounouchi sighed. "Bakura, if you don't wanna do it, then you don't have to, you know that." Ryou let out a long, shuddering sigh.

"I… Organized it a couple of days ago." Ryou murmured gently. "They're turning it off in about three weeks… It gives me a bit of time to, you know, get ready for it all…" The whitenette bowed his head, clasping his hands tight.

"It's okay, Bakura." Yugi said kindly. He locked eyes with Jounouchi again. "We're behind you, whatever you do."

Malik sighed as he gently closed the bedroom door behind him. Ryou was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down on the floor. Malik bit his lip as he approached the teen, sitting on the edge of the bed beside the teenager.

"Hey." Malik said gently, turning his head gently to look at Ryou. The whitenette sighed, his expression mournful. "You okay?" He gently brushed his fingers along Ryou's shoulders, the teenager shivering slightly.

"Yeah." Ryou breathed gently, his hands twisted together in his lap. Malik slid his hand down Ryou's spine, Ryou arching his back, just a little. "Tired." He whispered, closing his eyes. Malik started applying slightly more pressure onto Ryou's back, working the muscles with his palm and fingertips.

"Yeah?" He asked, gently starting to rub Ryou's back with his left hand. He shifted slightly on the bed until he was sitting behind Ryou, his legs crossed. "Long day?" He started massaging Ryou's back with both hands, focusing on his shoulders.

"Mmm." Ryou groaned in appreciation, lolling his neck to one side. "That feels really good, Malik…" The Egyptian grinned, massaging Ryou's shoulders gently. The whitenette moaned, his back lax. "Lie down if you want, and I'll get it really good." Ryou nodded, and settled back on the bed, before rolling onto his stomach. He rested his head on the pillow, closing his eyes. Malik straddled Ryou's thighs, and leaned forward, starting with Ryou's tense shoulders.

"You've always given really good massages." Ryou mumbled gently, sinking into the soft bed. "It's so relaxing…" Malik smiled, and continued his massage.

"Thanks." He said softly, enjoying the way he felt Ryou under his back. Before Malik had the pleasure of sleeping with Ryou, of exploring every inch of his beautiful body, he always jumped at the chance of being intimate with Ryou, who was as naïve as ever. Malik had always longed to be close with Ryou as much as possible. Not that now was any different…

"Mmm…" Ryou moaned gently, burying his face into the pillow. "That's so good, Malik." The Egyptian let out a long sigh, moving his hands in sync along Ryou's back. "Oh…" Ryou sighed. It were as though the stress and anguish of the day faded along with the tense muscles, soothed by Malik's tanned hands. The blonde bit his lip, enjoying the soft moans and sighs that issued against his lips.

"Like it?" Malik smirked, applying more pressure on Ryou's back. The whitenette gasped, and then smiled, nuzzling the pillow. "I'll take that as a yes." He muttered, lowering his hands just a little more. The blonde now worked on the small of Ryou's back, closing his eyes. Malik continued his massage, prolonging it as much as he could. Ryou moaned gently, almost asleep.

"Oh." Malik muttered ten minutes later. He lifted his leg over Ryou, and perched on the bed, staring at the teenager, who's eyes were closed. Malik sighed as he slid his hands underneath the teen, his deft fingers searching for Ryou's button. He found it, and slid the button though it's hole. Ryou made no movement as Malik unzipped his jeans, and slowly, gently lowered them without disturbing the whitenette. After that, the Egyptian crawled to the end of the bed, and lifted the folded blanket. He gently dragged it over Ryou's sleeping form, and smoothed the wrinkles out. Ryou sighed in his sleep, but didn't move. The smile on Malik's face was almost sad as he leaned down and kissed Ryou's forehead. He drew back, staring down at the sweet, angelic face.

"Night, Ryou." Malik pulled back the blankets. He stripped down to his boxers, and slid between the sheets. He curled up beside Ryou, resting his forehead against the whitenette's. "Sweet dreams."

It was very late.

The nurse let out a long sigh, staring back down at her paperwork. She cast a gaze over to Bakura for a moment, catching a glimpse of his vital signs. The desk was only a few feet from his bed, stacked with various forms and sheets.

"What a Sunday night." She sighed gently to herself, reaching for a fresh pen (the other had run out). The only answer was the soft beep of machines. "Coma patients are surprisingly silent." The nurse remarked dryly. "I don't even know why I'm here…" She sighed, setting down the pen, and now staring straight at the still form of Bakura. "They're shutting off the ventilator in the week…" She continued to rest her chin on her hands, gazing thoughtfully at Bakura.

His eyelids twitched.

The nurse froze, sitting straight up. Her eyes widened, and her mouth fell open. No… She flung her chair back and stood up, all but running over to the gurney. She leaned over Bakura's still face, staring at him intently.

It happened again. Bakura's eyelids fluttered, just a little, as his eyelids flickered. The nurse gasped, and took a step back. She held a hand over her mouth, shaking her head. Almost nine months of total inactivity, of zero response, and now this? She took another step back, before grabbing the phone with a shaking hand. She dialed the number for the nurses' desk, her fingers trembling.

"He-Hello?" Her voice shook. "I need a doctor in here. Now."

"This is amazing."

Bakura flinched, and moaned as the point of the pen was pushed firmly into his forearm. The doctor stared down at Bakura, and the two nurses exchanged looks.

"How long has he been active for now?" The doctor asked, grabbing his tiny torch. The blonde nurse looked over towards the clock.

"Well… It's 5AM." She said thoughtfully. "So… Four and a half hours." The doctor nodded, pulling back one of Bakura's eyelids, and shining the light in his eye. All three watched as the pupil dilated, the small black dot surrounded by a ring of crimson. The doctor removed his hold on Bakura's eye, and the yami returned to his silent state.

"Rapid Eye Movement." The doctor blinked. "And he's reacting to light and pain."

"Ryou." The blonde bit her lip. The other two turned to her, confused. "Oh… I'm thinking about his fiancée." She explained. "We have to tell him-"

"No." The doctor said firmly. "Not yet. Don't tell anyone until he wakes up. We don't wane people getting their hopes up." The other two nodded. "Okay. Good." He took a step away from the bed. "I want twenty-four hour supervision." The brunette opened her mouth. "I mean supervision." He muttered. "Don't take his eyes off of him. Contact me… Or another doctor if I'm not rostered on… If he makes any progress." The brunette nodded. The blonde couldn't help but smile, staring down at Bakura. His lips moved, just a little, in a silent, unspoken word.

"I can't sleep."

Ryou sighed as he sat up, staring over at the alarm clock. 5AM. Although he was dog-tired, having lain awake until after twelve, Ryou couldn't sleep. He felt… Restless.

His forearm ached.

Ryou blinked, rubbing at his right forearm. It felt a little like being stabbed, but more… Blunt. Ryou bit his lip. Random aches and pains were nothing to him, though, so he shrugged it off. The whitenette drew his knees up to his chest, biting his lip. One week... One more week until I have to say goodbye to Bakura for ever. I-I don't think I can say goodbye just yet. I feel like it's just too soon... Tears threatened to spill from Ryou's eyes, but he pushed them away. Ryou raised his eyes to the window, through the open curtains. Dawn was beginning to streak along the sky. Ryou sighed, and looked over to his bedside table. On an impulse, he reached over, and snapped on the light. Malik, sleeping beside him, was deep in slumber. Trying to be as quiet as he could, Ryou opened his drawer, and grabbed his journal. He opened the journal to the current page, and picked up his pen. His tongue between his teeth, Ryou began to write.

15th April.

I think this week is going to really be hell for me. It's sort of a countdown now. I'm counting down the days until Bakura does. And I don't want Bakura to die. I really, really, really don't want to. Of course I don't want to. I love him. Bakura's the only person I have ever loved. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him. Sure, Malik's sweet, but he's not Bakura. He want ever be close. Bakura... He's so much more loving than Malik. In his own way. No one will ever understand what we had. Malik doesn't understand at all. It was never just about the sex, it ran so much deeper than that. It's so hard to try and explain to anyone. It's like... He has this image, that he's a cruel and evil person. And he is a cruel and evil person. But not to me. Originally he was, I would agree to that. He beat me and raped me freely. But I managed to forgive him. I guess my love for him was just too strong. Of course it was. Nothing will ever stand between us.

Except death.

But that doesn't mean I won't stop loving him. I'm terrified about burying Bakura, about committing him to the earth. Whenever I think about that happening, I just freeze up. I know that he's not really alive even now, but at least I can go and see him, at least I can hold his hand and give him a kiss and talk to him. I can't do that if he's buried.

If I didn't have Malik here with me, I don't know what I would do. He's really been my rock. I don't know if what I feel for him is really love. He makes me smile, he's so sweet to me... Who knows, maybe we might end up settling down together, despite his constant moving.

I'm already thinking about life without Bakura. It's so insane. Then again, I haven't had a life with Bakura for almost nine months. Going down to the hospital for an hour or so every day doesn't count. Not like living with him. Not sharing a bed with him and loving him… Not like having those special private moments with him...

Is it wrong for me to miss the sex? Because I do. Bakura's way, way different to Malik. He's better, definitely. Not that I have anything to compare to, but I think he's wonderful. I feel kind of guilty about missing Bakura's sex. I feel like I'm settling for Malik. Am I? If Bakura were here, lying next to me in bed, I would never even look at Malik that way. Sure, I might have a stupid teenager crush, but that would be it.

I slept with Malik.

Nothing can ever undo that. I slept with him. I cheated on Bakura. He's still alive... Malik knows that... Why couldn't he have waited just a little?

No. I can't pin this on Malik, That's not fair. It's my fault just as much as his. I wanted it. Part of me did want it. Why else just I just sit there and take it? If I begged enough, he would have stopped. If I'd fought or pushed him, he wouldn't have pushed me into it. I can't try and skip past that. I wanted it. I wanted Malik to sleep with me. Maybe... Maybe it's more than just a teenaged crush. Maybe I love him. After Bakura's buried, and I give it a little time, I might sleep with him again. I might settle down with him. Maybe even go back to Egypt when Bakura's buried...

I don't know. I hate the thought of Bakura lying in the ground. And I couldn't ever leave him. Maybe I should look into cremation. I could get a nice urn and keep Bakura on the mantelpiece, and have a photo next to it... Heh. Like a dead cat or something. I hate to have to think about any of it. Bakura dying... It doesn't seem real. I don't want it to seem real. I just want to wake up and find out that the past nine months have been one long horrific dream. Please, please God, just let me wake up and realize it's all a sick dream. Please... You have to spare him. I know Bakura's done a lot of wrong. I know that he deserves to die, but You've taken away my mother and sister already... And essentially, my father too. Can I not just have this one bit of happiness? Is this because I'm on love with a man? I know it's wrong in Your eyes, but I can't help how I feel... Can I? I've been praying for him every night, even though he doesn't have any faith... I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I'm scared and alone...

I should stop writing now, my hand's cramping up and there's tearstains all over the place.

Ryou sniffed as he closed the book, drawing his knees up tighter and resting his head on them. After a long time, Ryou lifted his head, looking over to the clock. Almost seven.

"I better get up…"

The nurse flicked her gaze constantly from the paper to Bakura, and back again. True, it was a slow process to get anything done, but she was absolutely not allowed to stray her eyes from Bakura for more than a second.

The mid-afternoon sun streaked through the windows, lighting up the room. Bakura moaned gently, and the nurse froze, peering over the yami. It had been over twelve hours since Bakura first moved, and he was becoming more and more active every second. He was waking up. Or so the nurse dared to hope.

She stared at Bakura doe a moment, before looking back to the sheet of paper. She filled out the film, chewing on her lower lip thoughtfully. It was another, louder moan that drew the nurse back into Bakura. She frowned, leaning over Bakura. The white-haired yami frowned slightly, his eyelashes fluttering.

He never frowned before…

The nurse groped at the pager at her waist, keeping her eyes trained on Bakura. One finger twitched. Her eyes widened even more. Bakura's head tilted to one side slightly as he groaned again, his hands clutching the sheets. The nurse stood up, the forms fluttering to the floor. She held a hand over her mouth as Bakura let out a long sigh, tightened his hands on the sheets,

And opened his eyes.

Hehehehehehehe. Kura liiiiiiiives! Ohh the drama. XD

R&R!