The Last Temptation

Twilight Lament

Oct. 2004

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII nor any of its characters.

Chapter 11: So Many Goodbyes

Tonight we made camp on the opposite side of the island closest to the Northern Continent. In the morning it wouldn't take more than a few minutes to reach its shores. My heart clenches and for the first time, I am forcing myself to think about all of it. By nightfall tomorrow, we'll be at the edges of the Sleeping Forest. The following night we should reach the Lost City, or Corvash as my people had named it.

Then it would take an entire day to summon holy.

Three days, that is all that is left to me.

I want to be strong and sure, but I feel the tears gathering. Somehow I don't think this part of my journal will be legible.

I think of them, my friends, in short bursts. A memory here, a recollection there. Each time it hurts. I wonder if they are okay, it they are looking for me. Am I being overly dramatic? Does it really matter?

I can't stop thinking about Cloud and the guilt for it is heavy. He belongs to Tifa despite whatever infatuation or responsibility he might feel towards me. But Cloud isn't here, so I guess there really isn't any harm in wanting him, right?

He kissed me on our 'date' at the Gold Saucer. Now I kinda wish that I hadn't let him. I know it was wrong. I know it would have been better to regret not doing it, than allowing...okay I'll be honest... indulging myself in it. But still...

I can't help but smile at the memory. We'd just been yoinked into the play. Something about a princess and a dragon. I must admit that we screwed up the play pretty badly. But what can you expect from a flower girl from the slums and a guy whose mind is so fractured he isn't even sure who he is anymore? Anyway, we laughed about the play all the way to the gondola ride. In fact I don't think I'd ever laughed so hard in my entire life. I'd developed a stitch in my side and hurt like you wouldn't believe. Cloud helped me into the carriage, letting me fall back against the soft seat so I could regain my composure, or at least try to. I knew then how torn he was inside and the longer we talked, the more my heart ached. Was it because he reminded me of Zach? I don't think so. Even as much as he'd assumed Zach's life, there is still so much about him that is purely...Cloud.

We'd both leaned towards the window to watch the fire works. I didn't notice at first when his hand brushed mine. Not until he strengthened the contact anyway. His fingers, rough with calluses, felt so hot against the backs of mine. My hand started to shake under his. How long had I wanted this very thing? Just such a simple contact. I looked down and saw his hand, watched as his fingers curled gently around my own. His thumb started to stroke the edge of mine and I felt my breathe catch in my throat. Zach had never done more than hold my hand, and it hadn't created the strange fluttering feeling in the pit of my stomach that Cloud did with his touch. My own gasp reached my ears when his other fingers found my chin. Ever so slowly he exherted a gentle force, and in response I lifted my eyes to his. Mako eyes and Ancient eyes met one another and I let out another small gasp at what I saw.

Desire...

For me...

"Aeris," His gentle whisper caressed my ears with such a soft and stark need that I thought I would cry. My throat worked, but for the first time in a long time, I couldn't find any words. But I guess my emotions shown clearly enough in my eyes for even Cloud to read, because he started to lean towards me. Little by little he came closer until I felt the brush of his breathe against my lips. So warm and sweet. I could taste his breathe on my tongue when I inhaled at the same time. His eyes grew heavy lidded and even as his fingers squeezed mine, he tilted my chin up a little further. I knew I should have pulled away, I should have stopped him, but...I...I didn't want to. Damn me, but I wanted this memory. Something to cherish and hold onto. Some savior I am right?

I can still taste him. I still remember how it felt when his lips touched mine. So soft and gentle. It was a chaste kiss, just his lips against mine. It was a moment that seemed to stretch out for an eternity and the entire time, my mind was screaming for me too pull back. But I didn't, and when he pressed his lips harder against mine, I felt such a rush. This strange surge of electricity all along my skin. A little moan parted my lips when his tongue brushed against my lower lip. Embolden by my response, his tongue slipped past my teeth, just enough to brush the roof of my mouth.

Suddenly I was in his lap. Our hands still entwined and squeezed so tightly together it was painful. His other hand entangled in my hair and mine his. I kissed him as if his breathe could save me, as if his touch could erase everything that would come. I kissed him the way anyone who knows they're going to die tries to grab onto the one thing they desired and loved the most. I grabbed onto him with a cry and whimper that left him confused but unwilling to break away. The kiss turned rough, forceful and needy on both our parts. I thought time had stopped and perhaps the universe was going to allow me this one reprieve.

Then the ride came to a jolting halt. The carriage swinging back and forth with enough force that I almost fell in the floor. Only his strong arms saved me, cradled me against his chest. I couldn't look up at him. I knew he'd kiss me again and I didn't think I could stop him. Hell, I knew I couldn't stop him. Slowly I stood, my fingers still entwined with his. I knew he was confused at my sudden change in behavior, and I felt bad for letting it go so far.

At my room, he kissed my forehead and before he could do anything else, I darted inside and closed the door behind me.

It would have been pointless for me to let it go any further than it hard. Already it had made things far more difficult on myself and on Cloud. I love him though, and I wish... Well it doesn't matter what I wish. It's better than it was left where it was.

Tifa, Tifa, even though we love the same man, I still consider you a good friend. I think you always knew how I felt about him, and I'm sorry for being a little, errrr, weird about him at times. I know you'll do right by him thoug, and I know you'll make him do right by you. You're so strong and I've always looked up to your strength. He'll need that you know?

I can't help but grin writing this you know. Just the image of you smaking that spikey head with a frying pan when you're married is enough to cause hysterical laughter. Just make sure you don't cause permanent brain damage. In the future, he's going to look off sometimes, like he's not really there. Part of him is always going to be connected with Mako and the Lifestream. So sometimes it's going to pull at him, make him feel like he should be somewhere else. It'll pass though, just be patient with him.

Take care of him for me okay?

Yuffie Kisarangi. You know sometimes you were more trouble than you are worth. Heh... I'm just kiddin'! I do have something to tell you though, and I hope it will mean something to you. You don't need materia to resurrect Wutai. You're strong, your people are strong, believe in them and yourself. If you do that, trust me when I tell you that you'll find more power in a single piece of materia than in a mountain sized pile of it. It's strength comes from you. Stay sharp kiddo! And for the love of Planet stop stealing from people!!

Cait Sith, or should I say Mr.-Reeve-head-of-Shinra-Urban-Developement hmmmm? You betrayed us, but you also helped us. I understand why you did it. I know you were just trying to lessen the damage to other innocent lives. But...this goes beyond anyone person or even a group. I hope you continue to help them, Reeve. I have this feeling you're going to discover more about your own worth. In the end, I think it will take everyone to get the job done. Even with what I'm going to do, there's still going to be Sephiroth and Jenova to deal with after. You have a good heart. Trust in it more often.

Cid, I don't know you as well as some of the others. We never got to spend enough time together. Still I know that beneath your...ahem... colorful vocabulary, you're just a big softy! Keep following your dreams. There is so much out there to see, and I wish. Well, I know you're going to do great things even after all of this is over. Dreams need to be shared though. If you share yours, I think you'll reach them faster, and find more than you thought possible. Oh yeah... STOP BEING SO MEAN TO SHERA! She's just trying to look out for you.

Barrett. Y'know between you and Cid I think you could corrupt the next generation. Marlene is a sweet girl, and as long as you have her, you're not alone. You've always been so strong. Remember though that even the strongest sometimes need to lean on others to get through the day. Let your guilt go, Barret. Sometimes things just happen no matter what our best intentions are. And... thank you for everything.

Nanaki... You are more like me than anyone. We're both the last... well maybe ... of our respective kinds. Not to mention we're both just now finding our ways in this world. I was so happy to be able to go with you through the Gi Cave. To see your Father and to see that heavy weight lifted from your shoulders. You shouldn't have to carry that burden. Take care of Bugenhagen he's older than he lets on you know. I just have one more thing to say, because there is too much that needs to be said. I am honored to have met you and had the chance to be your friend. Help watch over Planet, please.

Vincent, if Nanaki is the most like me, you are the one who best understood. So many times I wanted to tell you. I know you wouldn't betray my confidence, and I knew you would understand that I have to do this. But you carry enough burdens my friend. SHE would want you to be happy, and I think she'd be first to tell you that it wasn't your fault. How could you know just what Hojo had planned. I'm not even sure that HE knew just how powerful Sephiroth would really be. Hind sight is always perfect Vincent, so please, don't be too hard on yourself, and take care.

Cloud, I really don't know what to say to you. In you I saw the future I would never have, but it didn't make me sad, well not all the time. It's selfish of me to think of what might have been and I'm really sorry for that kiss. Everything is going to sort out, and I know that one day you'll see that you aren't weak, or worthless. Worth isn't measured in how hard you swing a sword. The reason you didn't make the cut for soldier had nothing to do with if you were worthy. It's because you do have some latent Cetra blood. Too little for Shinra to detect (thank Planet!), and it would have made it hard for the Mako treaments to work on you. The only reason it infected you at all is because they subjected you to such a high dose. Take good care of Tifa, Cloud. She deserves it and so do you.

Sephiroth. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write you a goodbye. I should hate you, loathe your existance and what it means for me, but I can't. I know you don't want my pity or sympathy, so I won't bother. After last night, I'm so angry with you. Damnit why couldn't you just wake up! Then neither of us would have to face this aweful destiny we're careening towards. I do hope though that you get to meet your real Mother when this is all over, and maybe when you're reborn, things will be different for you. I'll pray for that once I'm with Planet again. I'm sure I'll talk you to before then. Hell I'm reasonably sure you won't ever see this letter. But I'm sorry, Sephiroth.

I'm sorry I can't save you.

I think about leaving the notes for them at the excavation site near the Forest, but should I? They are all going to have a hard enough time with my death as it is. Should I leave them reminders of that? I don't think so. It just seems far too unfair.

Damn...

Three days...

Fleh, sometimes I hate Fate.

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Last night I dreamed of Costa Del Sol, but because I called it up, not Sephiroth. I recreated the vivid sunset and basked in the last imaginary rays. Kicked back in a beach chair and sipping a margarita, I let the water lull me to sleep. When we had visited the resort, Cloud and I had stayed up all night talking. Mostly about his fears and his insecurities. He didn't like to talk about them with Tifa or the others. With me, he felt like he wouldn't be judged and that someone could offer sympathy without the humilation of pity. We watched the sun set and then rise together before heading back to the hotel and grabbing some early breakfast while everyone else was still asleep.

It's funny, we saw this condo for sale near the beach. It really was beautiful. High cielings with lazy spinning fans. A HUGE bathroom, and a kitchen fit for any gourmet chef. The price though. WOW it was steep. More than we could afford even if we pooled everyone's money together and sold off all our gear. Cloud proclaimed that one day, when it was all over, he'd buy it for me so I wouldn't have to live under the plates of Midgar anymore. In a magnanimous tone he even proclaimed that I'd just have to let him use the last guest room whenever he came around. His wide, expressive shyly peeked over at me from beneath that spikey hair. I smiled and squeezed his hand, telling him that I might just be nice enough to let him buy a place like this for me.

We sat in a coffee shop. His head turned towards the large bay window with its perfect view of the beach. I knew he was worrying about Sephiroth, about me.

When my eyes opened in my dream, I saw Cloud standing in front of me. Caught in one of his rare moments of happiness. His smile quiet, almost shy, and his eyes half hidden under wet blonde hair. It had taken all day to coax Cloud into the water, but once he did, he relaxed. The first time since I had know him he'd let go. Splashing Yuffie, dunking Cid, and floating next to me as the waves rolled us back and forth from the shore. I had watched him for a long time, committing each detail to memory so that I would always remember how peaceful he looked in that moment.

I could've had the dream-Cloud talk to me, but why put myself through that kind of torture? Instead, I contemplated his visage, and wondered what his and Tifa's children would look like. Would they have his hair? Her eyes? Would they have Tifa's open smile, or Cloud's more subdued one? Those particular ruminations let the sadness slip away from my thoughts. I lost myself in those immagings and others. Letting the peace that they inspired settle over me while sitting on the nighttime beach of my dream Costa del Sol.

Cloud's image pulsed and spun just before something split it in two. A face hidden behind the dream until he pushed forth, breaking the illusion without a second thought. Sephiroth banished Cloud. His impassive face taking the place of the one I had called.

GAH! That man really irks me! Of course I'm pretty sure that's why he does what he does. It's his way to toy with people.

"Dreaming of the puppet, Cetra?" He quirked a brow. Arms crossed in front of him and even in the dream the smell of leather hit my nose. Was it my imagination or did he sound...indignant? "That is...dissappointing." Then it was my turn to quirk a brow, pushing the sunglasses down so that I could get a better look at the stoic General in front of me.

"Why do you care?" I flinched from the venom in my tone. Couldn't he allow me just one night's peace? I waited for a response and I got...

Silence...

Then I waited for him to leave in disgust, but got...

Nothing...

Annoyed, my eyes narrowed and I pushed up out of the lawn chair. Forgetting that I had dreamed myself up an itsy, bitsy, tiny, weeny, blue polka dot bikini.

"All right then...Who, in your esteemed opinion, should I be dreaming about?" My bare foot tapped a rapid beat against the sand. Inside I think my blood started to boil. It certainly felt like it.

Silence. He was acting weird. Well weirder than his normal come-to-destroy-the-world-bow-before-me-weak-mortals self. It was my dream afterall, and it's not like he walked in on Cloud and I... eerrr...nevermind...anyway moving on with the story.

"Oookay... Since you've turned into some glaring statue, I'm going to go talk to a wall." Still nothing. I pondered dumping his illusory self into the insubstantial ocean. I wasnted him gone, but even him talking was better than this stoney silence. Then... I grinned and reached up, slowly pulling the sunglasses down further. Just enough to look him right in the eye. "Awwww you're aren't jealous are you?" I teased and expected a derisive snort, outright denial, or at worst a stinging back hand. What I got was a scowl just before her turned away. I blinked. Several times in fact in an attempt to process this rather strange signal he was sending. "Holy Planet! You are jealous!" Oh that was toooooooooooooooooooo rich! It made some kind of bizarre sense. I think Sephiroth has some kind of twisted respect for me, but I dreamt of someone he considered a failure, unworthy of his time. More to the point, someone he considered to be beneath him in every way. Therefore, Cloud should be unworthy of my time as well.

His shoulders tightened beneath the heacy black coat, and still he gave me only silence. I reached down to dust the sand off my legs. Yeah it was a dream, but I had wanted to indulge. To make so real that I could feel each tiny grain of sand against my skin. So why not go all the way right? When I reached him again, I peeped up and around his shoulder. Trying to get an angle to see his face, his expression.

His jaw clenched tightly and I could see the muscles move and strain underneath skin that looked so smooth there should be a law against it. Do you know how many women would kill for skin that showed not even the faintest blemish? His green eyes remained stormy and sullen even underneath the Mako glow in them. So Sephiroth doesn't like to teased eh? Well to damned bad for him.

They're my dreams that he keeps invading...

My life that he's going to take in a matter of days...

So he could put up or get the hell out...

"Dont worry, Sephiroth, you've been in my dreams for over a week now... uninvited, but here you are." I frowned he refused to rise to the bait. Not even the flicker of an eyelash.

"He is beneath you, Cetra." Honest if a weeeeee bit arrogant. I laughed, unable to help myself.

"Don't you think that's for me to decide?" I paused before adding, "And you can call me by my name you know." I knew why he didn't, name gave meaning and definition. I would no longer be the last of the Cetra. I'd be a woman he was going to kill. A woman with a name, and dreams, and hopes. He scowled. Those perfect lips twisted into an expression that bordered on pure menace.

"That is not something open for debate. It is fact. He is weak, you are not." He stated it in the same tone someone might proclaim the sky blue and the grass green. To him Clouds...defects...were obvious and unchanging... oh yeah and not something anyone should overlook or forgive. I wondered if before he went mad and became bent on the destruction of the world, if he ever saw flaws himself. Was his perfection as a warrior and a soldier a driving need to hide his own inadequacies? Right, good job Aeris, rationalize the psycho. Really, they're all just abused children waiting for their Mommies to pet them on the head. No, I could mourn for the child Sephiroth had been, but I had a hard time mourning the man he'd become and the decisions he'd made.

Still right then I did not want to fight with him. After the last dream I'd realized the pointlessness of trying to change his mind about anything. Sephiroth was far too gone for my words. Or maybe he just believed in what he was doing with every fiber of his being. I didn't know...I couldn't know, and right then, I didn't much care.

So why didn't I just up or make him leave? Yeah he's powerful, but with Planet's help, I think I could have forced him out of my mind.

Ashamed as I am to admit it, I'm lonely. He is the only other person I have to talk to, and maybe the only person I'll have a chance to talk to until...well y'know. There is something singularly humbling in that realization. Last night, during that dream, I stayed because I needed a connection, to anyone. I missed Cloud and the others terribly, but I couldn't risk contacting Cloud again. I wouldn't risk him finding me in time to stop what had to be done. So I turned to my mortal enemy, Sephiroth, for companionship. Sad huh?

"So..." My voice broke the long silence, "You never did answer my question about who you thought I should be dreaming about." He looked at me with quizzical eyes and suprisingly no mockery.

"You are acting strangely, Cetra." I frowned and smacked his arm on impulse. Then promptly waiting for my impending doom. When neither death nor splitting headache occured, I deemed it safe to continue.

"Aeris, please, and I'm not the one getting bent out of shape about who's in your dreams am I?" I felt one brow lift up over my eye, and both hands position themselves firmly on my scantily clad hips. He smirked. No, I think he might have smiled come to think of it.

"Fair enough...Aeris." Now it was my turn to smile. "He is still beneath you though." I snorted, rolling my eyes.

"Stubborn aren't you? Okay how about..."I pretended to think hard. "Cid?" He blinked twice, unsure of what to say. Until he realized I was joking.

"Too crass."

"Mmmmm...Reeve?"

"Too old."

"Barret?"

"Too crass and too old." I think he was trying not to laugh if the quick jerks of his lips were any indication. I decided that my goal for the night would be to make Sephiroth laugh. My finger thumped a rapid beat on my chin, and I schooled my features into mock seriousness.

"Rufus? Nah, the whole wanna-be-giant-corporate-overlord thing just doesn't appeal to me." I watched him with all due care, and noticed the repeating slight lip twitch.

"Ummm Heigigger is sooooooo out of the question."

"The laugh alone would drive any woman away." He murmured with a grin threatening to form. Not one of his usual -HAHA weak mortal, I shall sever your head and delighted in your inhuman cries for mercy.- Or however it is mad General's show off their maniacle side.

"Yep, I've to agree with you there!. How about Rude?"

"That has to be a joke." He deadpanned and actually turned to look at me for a second or two.

"Oooo I know...Rena!" Reno was a Turk, true, but he had always looked out for me. Not to mention the man wasn't hard on the eyes. A couple of times I had caught myself just dying to run my hands through that messy hair of his.

"Ah yes, hunter, turned lover. THat's a realistic goal."

"Sephiroth, we're having a hypothetical conversation about my non-existant love life in my dream no less." Three days before you're going to kill me, but I left that part unsaid. No need to spoil the mood right? "All because you don't like, Cloud. I think we're beyond the boundaries of realism." He chuckled. Well that didn't really count as laugh, but I thought it might be the best I was going to get from him.

"Well is not Reno," I shrugged, feighning hurt. "I'm out of men to meet your approval." I looked at him sideways with such a sudden urge of mischieviousness I wondered if it was really me. "Unless..."

"What?" He quirked a brow.

"hmmmm... nah... nevermind." He frowned. The kind of frown you really didn't want aimed at you and shot by him. "Okay, okay!" I walked around him until I stood right smack in front of him. If this weren't a dream, I never would have dared getting this close to him. He waited with a mixture of curiosity and confusion. My eyes narroed and I peered up at him. "Hmmmm. Do you want the job?"

I still can't believe I said that to him. It was in jest and I tried to make sure that he knew it, but still maybe he was right. Maybe I was acting weird. Maybe there was no maybe to it?

He leaned fown. His face hovered just over mine. I saw each strand of his white forelocks slip from behind his ears and ball a bit towards me until the silvery threads formed two curtains around his face, and a bit around me. 'He's angry.' I thought. This time I had overstepped my bouns and under that cold, emotionless gaze, I tried not to flinch. It felt like my insides were turning to jelly. I tried not to gulp or shift, or otherwise betray the sudden nerves I felt all too much.

"And just what would you do if I said yes?" I laughed and it sounded strained to my ears. Forced and jittery. Why wouldn't he pull back? The urge to step away almost won.

"Well, I mean, you're already here so it's a moot point right?" Again that damn nervous laughter. Why couldn't I be a lil stronger in front of him?

"Don't be obtuse, Aeris." Fine silk spun his words, but this time he lacked the sharp edge beneath the softness of his tone. His eyes grew heavy lidded and something else pulsed behind the Mako glow. Something, an emotion, the same emotion shown by Cloud on the gondola ride. He couldn't be serious could he?

When I didn't, or rather couldn't answer, his head tilted to the side. I watched a slow, elusive smile curve his lips. If that dream had been real, I would have fallen down with that smile. Part of my wondered how many women had falled before it's hushed call. It was so gentle, and inviting. I really couldn't have called it warm, but it spoke of hidden warmth. It...well it made me want to try and find out. Planet, I really must be loosing my mind.

A wreck, that's what my thoughts. A severty four car pile up of thoughts and emotions on the Aeris NervePath Express.

"Ah." I cleared my throat. "I, um, don't think that's really... ummm anyway." I started to back away only to feel his hand press against the small of back. That simple touch reminded me quiet well that I only wore the bathing suit...a skimpy bathing suit. His fingers were cool and calloused. The tips rough, but not unpleasantly so against my skin. By my Ancestors, the man must have lightening in his viens, errrr thoughts rather, 'cause I swear I felt a jolt of electricity rush through my spine. A yelp died in my throat.

It wasn't real afterall.

But it was real enough.

The touch was not hard. I could have escaped if I chose, but the face that he did not force the issue is why I didn't command my feet to move.

"Tsk, Tsk. You opened the box Aeris, now close it." You know the old expression 'playing with fire'? Well I think that moment was the epitome of that very phrase. He was daring me to press this strange little game. Neither retreating nor advancing, Sephiroth waited with his heavy eyed patience. He knew that he had me. I'd have to back away, and put an end to this. Zach, my first boyfriend wouldn't have know this kind of subtlety if it jumped up and bit him the bum.

Don't get me wrong. He was never rude or crass, but whatever he'd been planning to do if he was standing in Sephiroth's place would have been done by now. Cloud? Well Cloud is continuously baffled by females. Despite the fact he'd kissed me, he wouldn't have ever willingly instigated something like this. It really was pure luck that he'd kissed me at all.

But Sephiroth showed none of Zach's brashness, nor Cloud's hesitance. I realised that was just him. Sephiroth is the Master of himself in every aspect. He demanded perfection and persued it with a single minded determination. Never looking back, much less succumbing to doubt, but at the same time he didn't rush in headlong. He knew when to press, when to wait. And how to make a certain Cetra squirm under the sudden intimacy of a single moment. Something occured to me. An unbidded thought that should have probably remained silent.

I wish I had know him sane.

A master work sword made flesh.

A thought flittered across my mind, reminding what had started all of this to begin with. My eyes narrowed and I positioned both hands on my hips.

"You're teasing me aren't you?" He held that relentless gaze for a long time. So much so that I began to doubt my assertion. Maybe he wasn't teasing me, but then, what did that mean? About the time that I started to really get nervous...again. He grinned and a soft chuckle worked its way out of his throat.

"Only replying in kind." He pulled back with an amused look, the spell around us broken.

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A/N: I had toyed with the idea of having them kiss just to offset the Cloud kiss, but in the end, I don't think it's something either one of them would have done in this iteration of the characters. Anyway... I hope everyone enjoys!.

-TL