Chapter 11
Stiles refused to think that maybe Derek didn't like him or any other shit like that. He remembered clearly what Derek wrote, and he can feel the tension between them. Also he just saw how Derek responded to his honesty, if only Deaton would have waited for a couple of hours, or days. Who knows what would have happened.
Unfortunately now was no the time, they had other issues.
"Guys?" Scott called at the middle of the room and everybody kind off moved near the couch.
"So was it Dr. Linda?" Allison asked, the only one in the room, who hasn't seen the body.
"Yes." Derek said, after saying to good bye to Deaton. „She went a little over board, but Deaton was sure that it was her."
„A little over board?" Isaac snorted.
„A lot then." Derek rolled his eyes at him.
"Weren't you keeping an eye on her?" Allison asked, her brows furrowed.
Derek sighed, understanding that he was supposed to do that – keep an eye on her, but his focus has been on Stiles the whole time
Stiles answered when Derek didn't say anything "She canceled our appointment that was supposed to be today."
"And you didn't think that it was weird or think to check it out?" Scott asked this time.
"Sorry, we had other shit to handle." Stiles said, but his voice was quieter. He was disappointed at himself, for not keeping his head clear. How was it that he never even thought about it. He stole a glance at Derek and when his eyes met his, Stiles looked down uncomfortably.
"Other shit?" Scott didn't understand.
"Yes, other shit. I'll handle this myself." Derek took control of the situation; he also noticed how Scott looked at Stiles suspiciously. Shit. He probably can tell that he can't smell Stiles emotions. "Scott! Deaton wanted your help; he might have found another way to kill her." Scott nodded but he was still focused on Stiles. "Scott go!"
"Yeah, I'm at it." he refocused and he grabbed Allison with him. Scott exchanged a glance with Isaac before he was out of the apartment.
A silent half a minute later Isaac went over Stiles and patted his shoulder „It's fine Stiles." He knew what was going on and it was his fault as well. Isaac was so into the Stiles-Derek relationship that he just went with that. To be honest he forgot Dr. Linda even existed in some parts.
Stiles didn't respond to him, so Isaac gave one final squeeze and moved further, just in case, for Derek's piece of mind.
Derek looked at Stiles who was sitting on the couch, his head resting on his hands. He was probably feeling guilty, like Derek was. But Derek couldn't tell for sure. He was mad at himself for not paying enough attention, he could have avoided this. But now he made himself and Stiles feel like shit. And apparently Isaac too, he understood after looking at him.
Unexpected wave of depression and weariness filled Stiles. He didn't like how this turned out; he knew from the start that this would go bad, it just had to. Now an innocent life was gone, because he couldn't keep his feelings under control. He forgot about the epic kiss, the talk he wanted to have with Derek. Only thing he wanted to do was to go home. Hopefully tomorrow things would be better. He sighed deeply.
Isaac was all of a sudden frozen in the middle of the room, realizing how much of a third wheel he was. He looked at Derek, who was leaning on the wall and then at Stiles, who was sitting on the couch. Both of them looked disappointed and guilty. He felt like he should say something, then again he should leave immediately. The probably need the privacy. But it was too late to leave now.
Stiles stood up and all eyes were on him.
"I'm going home. I'll think or do something useful tomorrow." he looked then at Derek who had taken a small step forward towards Stiles.
Stiles and Derek exchanged a look, Isaac wished he was a ghost; he shouldn't be here with them.
Finally Derek took a few steps closer and even raised a hand to reach Stiles, but at the same time Stiles moved away to the door and left without saying goodbye.
"That did not go well." Isaac stated the obvious.
Derek didn't answer; he just stared at the empty spot Stiles was just in. His heart started to beat a little faster and then suddenly everything was changing.
Isaac looked cautiously at Derek whose heart got faster with each second. Also all the emotions that came from him, scared Isaac a little.
"Umm... Derek?"
"Don't come closer!" He growled and Derek saw his hands had claws. He was turning.
"Are you..."
"What the fuck do you think? Yes I'm turning!" he growled louder, his teeth growing longer.
„Why? "
Derek didn't answer he tried to turn back but no luck.
„Are you going to kill somebody?"
„No, I don't think so." Derek has never felt this before, every emotion wanting to get on the surface, one more powerful than the other. He wanted to laugh and scream and cry; he hated this feeling.
„But why? " Isaac kept pushing on.
„I. Don't. Know. Isaac."
Isaac raised his hands and stepped back „Just asking."
Derek just growled as a response and moved towards the door, thinking that fresh air and a lot of running should fix whatever was happening to him.
Isaac was left in the apartment alone and confused.
Derek ran as fast as he could, he couldn't control himself, but he could push himself to the limits. His mind was searching for explanations, at first he could only think of one. Fucking Stiles, every time he gets too close he loses it and now, after the assignment it's more emotional than physical, he can't keep his wolf in place. Also why couldn't he speak to Stiles like a normal person, he recalled how he handled the situation and he cringed at the memory. How did these thoughts and words clouded his mind and interrupted his real intentions. What happened?
The more he ran and thought things trough; the clearer everything got, suddenly when everything fell into place, he stopped. He cursed out loud before saying the reason why. „Dr. Linda!"
Stiles reached his room and headed straight to his bed, he couldn't remember the last time he was so depressed. His comfy pillow was exactly what he needed. Just this pillow, nothing more or less. Stiles wanted to sleep, but this constant feeling that he might cry or die of sadness was driving him insane. His feelings were impossible to deal with; Stiles laid on his back and tried to reason with himself out loud. His mind had too many depressive thoughts.
„Things got bad with Derek, like really bad. I was angry, then I was feeling guilty because of the whole dead body thing. Then Derek acted like an asshole..." Stiles stopped. He couldn't pinpoint the moment he felt so depressed all of a sudden. Usually something triggers him, but this time his emotions were just too much to take in and then it happened – ultimate depression.
It didn't take long for Stiles to get it, but when it did his depression cleared out in a second „That motherfucker piece of shit, Dr Linda. "
„Dr. Linda?" Derek said when he jumped into Stiles room through the window. He heard Stiles pace in the room and curse; he guessed that Stiles figured out the possible reason.
„Yes! How did you know?"
„I'm like a fucking teenager. My feelings are all over the fucking place."
„Since when." Stiles hid a smile.
„Not sure... that assignment? After the body? Maybe even before that? I can't..." Derek put his hand through his hair, leaving it messy „Don't care. I'm angry."
„Yeah I noticed." Stiles almost laughed because Derek's response was funny to him.
Derek shrugged it off, too concerned about Stiles. The reason why he ran to him to his place, was because Dr. Linda has fed off Stiles more than him. Derek was prepared for the worst.
„How about you?"
„Just magnifying one particular emotion." Stiles didn't understood why Derek asked and didn't just smell him or something.
„Yeah, well I' m going to kill her." Derek said matter of factly.
„Just like that?"
„I can't live or be like this. One second I'm sad and the next I want to tear the world apart and laugh about it."
Stiles snorted „Sounds like you."
„You..." Derek pointed at him ready to say something, already a finger pointed at him. But he kept it to himself, it took a few seconds but he removed his finger. And turned away.
Stiles was impressed „You still have self-control, so that's great."
Derek laughed „No. No I don't."
„Okay" Stiles said slowly, looking at Derek like he was crazy.
„Now when I'm paying attention it's worse. I can't really fight it."
„Maybe accept it? Focus on one emotion?" Stiles suggested.
„Why are you okay?"
Stiles shrugged „The moment I realized that somebody is doing this to me, the emotions kind of went away. I mean I still feel like something is wrong but other than that I'm good. Maybe you are linked to it or something. More than me." Stiles wished he had all the answers.
„Either way, I'm going to spy on Dr. Linda. See if she is up to something."
Stiles snorted „Like she is going to keep all of her secret shit on the front lawn."
„I have to do something." Derek couldn't stay put.
„Now?"
„Yes. You want to come?"
„Yes!"
„This emotion thing is exhausting, I need to let out some steam. Break something"
„Am I going to stay alive when I'm in a car with you?" Stiles looked Derek cautiously.
Derek rolled his eyes but to be honest he wasn't sure.
Stiles said sarcastically „I'm just fucking with you... I'm so fine with dying. Should I bring something?"
Derek took a deep breath „We're going to stop by my place.. „ he exhaled quickly and took another deep breath „ Umm... for a second, then we are good..." He exhaled and noticed Stiles worried face „I'm good just... weird. I'm fine."
Stiles was about to comment on that but stopped to stare what was happening.
Derek suddenly gasped for air and almost ripped his jacket off. Hands grabbing for his shirt, but leaving the way it was.
„What's happening?" Stiles was a freaking out, like it was his fault.
Derek was all of a sudden so hot. He dropped to his knees, like all of his strength turned into heat. It was inside him, around him – everywhere.
„Derek?"
Derek didn't hear Stiles, but he looked up and when he saw Stiles, his eyes turned red. From that moment Stiles was all he could think about. He was still on his knees when Derek reached a hand to Stiles. He took it immediately and Derek pulled Stiles roughly on his knees as well. Derek let go of the hand and placed his hand on Stiles chest still breathing a little too fast. Around all that heat Stiles felt almost cold to the touch, even his smell. The hand on Stiles chest pushed him down until Stiles was on his back, Derek slowly moving along with his hand until he was on top of Stiles.
He didn't touch him, it felt too cold to his heat, but at the same time he craved it. Derek finally just moved his mouth on the base of the neck and brushed his lips against the neck. Gently, the first time he wasn't sure he even touched Stiles. But the he got bolder and touched the cool skin with his lips. The feeling sent jolts through his body. Derek continued, moving towards his jawline, taking it slow, like he was going to burn Stiles or Stiles was going to burn him.
Stiles did not know what was happening but he wasn't going to make this stop, this was fucking amazing. He only wished that Derek would come closer, touch him more. Finally he couldn't take it and moved his head in search of Derek's lips. But just when Derek was getting close he moved away, it was so frustrating to Stiles but he memorized Derek's movement, and waited patiently. Just when Derek moved to Stiles jaw, he moved his lips down so they could meet with Derek's.
Derek welcomed Stiles lips, but he wasn't sure anymore. He felt like back in his apartment, like everything he felt wanted to take over. Derek pulled away from Stiles lips, growled and waited. Waited for his self-control, hoping that he could stop this and continue this heat experience he was having. Unfortunately no luck.
"I'm sorry." Derek apologized with a slight growl.
Stiles didn't get it, but out of nowhere Derek was off him, he was alone on the floor. Stiles heard his bathroom door close, but he was too taken aback of the situation to even make his brain work.
Few minutes later Derek came out of the bathroom, took his jacket and headed to the door. „You ready?"
„Umm... yes?"
„Let's go."
Stiles shrugged, he wasn't really expecting an explanation just hoping for it.
Derek stopped his car next to the other cars in the street. He placed it so that they can have a clear view at Dr. Linda's house. Back door would be a problem, but Derek would keep his ears alert for that.
Stiles was afraid of the silence he felt coming, so he got nervous ahead.
"So... this isn't awkward at all." He mumbled at himself.
Derek didn't answer.
"Can I put on some music?" Stiles' hand was already moving towards the buttons.
Derek slapped his hand away. "No."
"What? Why?"
"No."
"Don't be such an..." Stiles started, but stopped when Derek glared at him. "You can do your death stare all you want; I'm still putting something on."
Derek just looked away.
Stiles was pushing the buttons and searching for something suitable.
"Rock?"
"No."
"Pop? Country?"
"No."
Stiles frowned "Are you going to say no to everything?"
Derek looked at him with an annoyed expression "No."
"Why the fuck do I even try. How about the news?" Stiles turned it up and they were listening the news. It filled the space around them and Stiles felt a little better; he relaxed into his seat, happy that he is not obsessing over Derek and what just happened at his place.
Derek saw how relaxed Stiles suddenly got. It made him angry. Why the fuck can Stiles feel like that and he has to die in his feelings and thoughts. The news didn't help; it just added itself into the chatter in his head.
Self-control was a problem, but the thought that he should leave Stiles for the night was way worse. When he was in the bathroom and dealing with his sudden urge to turn, it collapsed when he thought that he should go spy on Dr. Linda alone. The need to be around Stiles got stronger with every second, he wasn't sure if it was good or not.
They were sitting in the car, still keeping an eye on Dr. Linda. So far she was doing human things: watching TV, eating snacks. Stiles was getting uncomfortable and bored, for some reason Derek was acting like himself – an angry statue.
„Do you smell anything weird?"
„No."
„See anything interesting?"
Feeling that Stiles was getting too restless, Derek bended over to the backseat and grabbed a bag he took from his apartment on the way over. He opened it and took binoculars for Stiles.
„Cool, thanks." Stiles was happy that he could be more involved.
Derek kept looking in the bag and finally grabbed a pencil and a crossword.
„No book this time?"
„No."
„Is it because I talk too much and you can't concentrate?" he grinned.
„Yes." Derek said truthfully, somewhat amazed that Stiles figured it out.
„I'm really good at crosswords. Ask when you get stuck somewhere."
Derek didn't answer, he pretended to be in thought.
„I even timed myself on different types of crosswords and made an analysis of it. With like schemes and shit."
Derek looked at Stiles and raised an eyebrow.
Stiles understood how weird he sounded and decided to explain himself. „It was a boring summer." When it didn't feel like a good enough reason he moved on „Anyway, are you okay?"
„Yes."
„I mean, you are quiet." And you went crazy in my room, Stiles wanted to add, but left it out.
Derek didn't answer.
„I know that's your thing, but we kind of got over it" Stiles pointed out the not talking "Want to talk about what happened?"
Now Derek concentrated on the crosswords for real, he even filled some spaces, he hoped that correctly.
„Okay, I'm taking a wild stab in the dark that you don't want to answer my question. Let change the subject." Stiles looked through the binoculars looking for the windows. When he finished his routine order of windows he had a new subject.
„How's Isaac?"
The pencil that was in Derek's hand, snapped in half. That was still a bit of a sore subject for Derek. Especially when he was being an emotional roller-coaster.
Stiles stared at Derek's hand, with the broken pencil pieces. „That good huh."
Derek threw the pieces away and put the crossword back at the bag.
„He was in my bed one morning." Stiles started this purposely to get a rise out of him so Derek would start talking.
Derek looked out of the side window, closed his eyes and took a a deep breath to calm down his anger. He couldn't stop himself thinking that Stiles was doing this to him on purpose, but then how would he know.
„He was talking about some pack stuff that morning. Do you know anything?"
„Yes." Derek said through his teeth still not looking at Stiles.
Stiles rolled his eyes „Care to liberate?"
„No."
„Okay." Stiles said annoyed.
„What happened to you not talking to me?" Derek tried to turn this thing around.
Stiles narrowed his eyes „Are you suggesting something?"
„Maybe."
„Excuse me?!"
„Just an observation..."
"Asshole."
Derek smirked, he annoyed Stiles and the fact that Stiles suddenly smiled too just made his heart flutter. Because of the e-mail, they both new the truth – secretly they enjoyed this banter they had.
Now that their assignment was kind of out there, Stiles decided to dive right in.
„How did you liked the assignment our monster sent us?"
Derek cleared his throat „It was good."
Stiles gaped at him „Good?"
„I mean some parts were...„ he looked at Stiles trying to send a subtle message „very good, but..."
„Very good? I thought that after reading all of those books, your vocabulary would be a lot better. Wait, what? You said but?"
Derek couldn't even say anything, when Stiles took out his phone and looking through his answers.
Derek stayed silent wishing that he knew what Stiles was thinking and feeling while doing that.
„Whoa, I use a lot of.." Stiles reached the question where he lists the things he loved/liked about his partner and he notices that the word love is thrown around a lot. „I mean when I wrote love, I meant like... you know not love-love but like-love... I was really overusing it and didn't really mean it like that..." Stiles tried to explain.
Derek rolled his eyes „Yeah I figured that part, you over use it everywhere."
Stiles was confused „Then why the but...?"
„We are busy right now, can we do this later?" Derek pointed to Dr. Linda's house. Actually it was because he wasn't sure how good he was with self-control right now. No need to rip Stiles into pieces or rip his clothes off, but apparently Stiles didn't care.
„No."
„Stiles you don't understand." Derek wanted to explain, but Stiles cut him off.
„I do understand, you want to focus on the right thing at the moment, we don't need another dead body. Trust me I get it but... why are you laughing?" Stiles couldn't believe his ears or eyes. Derek was laughing, not a lot but a laugh was a laugh. Especially from Derek.
„You know what? No... That was not the reason."
„You are really into dark humor." Stiles stated, still taken aback how Derek reacted. His laugh was now just a small smile.
„I forgot to focus on the right thing. Again." His features turned sad.
„I'm sorry but you are hilarious. You were just laughing and now your sad like a Labrador puppy." Stiles tried to hold back the smile but failed miserably.
„Fuck you Stiles! Like you are any better."
„Hello anger! What's next? Or can we do it as a game, I say an emotion and you just do it." Stiles was getting too excited with his mocking.
„You know what, let's talk about your answers you put down on your assignment." Derek bit back with a serious almost pissed off face.
Stiles face turned from happy to horrified in two seconds.
„That's a neat party trick." Derek mocked him now.
Stiles showed him the middle finger but continued with all seriousness „Why do you put it like it's a bad thing. Are you actually upset about something I wrote? I mean all the love part is a bit much... but the rest... I stay to it, one hundred percent." Stiles held his breath, that was a big thing to own up to.
„Only the love part was a bit much?!" Derek said loudly.
„Yeah, okay. Fine.." he admitted "maybe I wouldn't hug everyone back..."
Derek growled „How about, you would jump in front of the fucking bullet?!"
Stiles was surprised that it was this question "Yes I would?" he said silently.
"Are you fucking insane?"
"No. And was this answer really the one you reacted to first."
"Don't change the subject Stiles." Derek was now really getting into this problem „Are you stupid? I'm a werewolf, I'll heal. You will not take a bullet from me. Ever!"
Stiles knew that Derek was messed up right now, but it was hard to keep it in mind "Why are you so pissed? This question was meant for humans, so if you were a human.. You know what... No. I would take a bullet right now. I don't give a fuck that you can heal."
„Excuse me?"
„What if it was deadly for you?"
"You can die."
"Yeah, so can you." Stiles pointed out.
"No."
„Yes! And I can go all night saying that."
„No! And so can I, until you actually think about what you are saying."
„You would do the same for me!" Stiles really didn't get the big fuss.
Derek held the bridge of his nose. „I will survive."
„Are you saying that if you were human you wouldn't take the bullet?"
„No. Of course I would."
„Then why...?"
Derek knew this isn't going anywhere „Just, Stiles please. Let me have this. Don't jump mindlessly in front of bullets."
Stiles stopped and looked at Derek actually thinking before agreeing to this. „Fine. But you owe me now."
Derek accepted it immediately, he was sure that Stiles wouldn't let this go. He nodded to Stiles.
„I'm calling it in right now."
Derek sighed, he spoke too soon.
„You have to do the same."
„No."
„Why the fuck not?"
„Because I can't be killed by normal bullets."
„So if a stranger is in danger, you would jump. No questions asked."
„Yes. I am supernatural, I can heal, I can help."
„Way to make a guy feel special." Stiles mocked him but kind of meant it.
Derek rolled his eyes „I... Jesus Stiles you are killing me." He sighed. „The question means that would you sacrifice your life for another. Taking a bullet is not a sacrifice for me, so yes I would help out anyone. But... If I have to choose between my life and yours I would choose yours. Not somebody I barely know... just you."
Stiles looked at Derek who said the last words looking back into his eyes. The look they shared was intense, but they only felt warmth and trust. Derek felt so much better after saying that, he was in control and pleased. Also the look Stiles gave him, Derek felt a lot better. Since Stiles left his apartment in a hurry, he has been on the edge, but know Derek could relax. He was calm.
To break up the mood Stiles cleared his throat „Me and your pack of course."
„Maybe."
Stiles smiled „What?" He saw Derek look out of the window, the corners of his mouth slightly turning, Stiles knew he didn't really meant what he said, but hearing him say it meant a lot. The feeling that somebody puts your well-being over everything; it can't get any better than that.
At the same time Dr. Linda was on her couch and pretending to watch TV, but in reality she was feeding on Derek and Stiles. She was enjoying every second of it, especially when her plan was working out perfectly.