Author's note: The fates sincerely did not want me to post this. My power cord to my laptop melted, and I was without internet for a few days, so I wrote the majority of this on paper! Then I had to trick this website into letting me post. Anyway, here's chapter 11.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. That's not me. :) Chapter title comes from an awesome band 'Dashboard Confessional'. I don't own that song either except on CD.
Everything stopped and went silent for Edward except for the sound of his heavy breathing. His head was filled with nothing but the steady inhale and exhale, and he drank in the scent that he had been positive was nothing but a memory. There was no doubt of what it was; the air was thick with it, and it was very nearly palpable. Thinking he could hold it in his palm, Edward's fingers straightened and flexed, and he was surprised when his hand remained empty.
He looked towards Demetri who was now only inches away from him, his hand grasping the sleeve of Edward's coat. Demetri's mouth was moving, but Edward could not hear him, Bella's scent overriding all of his other senses.
Without another word Edward sprinted towards the clearing, arms and legs methodically pumping of their own accord, desperately moving Edward towards an answer to his befuddlement. Within a matter of moments he burst into the clearing, his eyes searching frantically for her, his ears straining for the telltale beating of a heart.
Instead what he found were the members of his family, minus Carlisle, standing next to an enormous fire, stacked with arms, legs, and torsos as tall as Edward. The purple smoke plumed and billowed horrifically into the early morning sky, blocking out any sun that might threaten to shine.
His eyes darted over each face, as though his exceptional sight could have missed her, before finally landing on Alice who was staring at him with an omniscient gaze.
Edward continued through the clearing, the overly sweet stench of burning immortal flesh faint in comparison to that human scent he was as aware of as his own name.
Once he was within a few yards of his family Alice leapt at him, throwing her arms fiercely around his neck.
"I've missed you, Edward," Alice whispered affectionately, clutching him tightly.
"We all have," Esme finished. Alice relinquished her hold on Edward so that Esme could embrace him.
There were so many thoughts and questions at war with each other in Edward's head that even with his super human senses his mouth could not convey them.
Esme stepped back from Edward smiling, but all he could do was continue to gape. Rosalie was glaring, while Emmett and Jasper seemed to be leaning over something, keeping a watchful eye. It was then he remembered Jasper's and Carlisle's errant thoughts about one of the newborn's apparent surrender.
Demetri, Jane, and Felix finally entered the clearing as Edward was about to voice his long stream of questions.
Demetri reached him first, standing almost possessively close to Edward while the other two approached much slower.
Edward's whole being was in chaos, and he still had yet to speak. He perused each of his family's thoughts, hoping to get some answers without having to speak, yet they were all suspiciously preoccupied with random musings. He was almost relieved when Jane spoke up, taking charge.
"What has happened here?" Jane demanded. Each member of Edward's family looked at each other; without Carlisle, they were unsure of who would speak.
"There were several newborns that attacked us," Alice piped in, "as I'm sure you're aware."
"And how many were there?" Jane pressed.
"Twenty-three," Alice answered promptly. Jane scoffed. Demetri let out a surprised sound, and Felix muttered several expletives.
"You expect me to believe that the five of you defeated twenty-three young vampires?"
Edward saw Alice's thoughts flash to the wolves, and then sift through different visions with separate outcomes to find the best possible way to answer. Though she tried to hide it, Edward caught glimpses of long mahogany hair and wide, brown eyes—a human girl, breathing, moving, living. Edward let out a tiny moan and closed his eyes, a wave of sickness beginning to crest.
"There were six of us, Carlisle has gone to search the woods and make sure there are no stragglers," Alice answered cautiously. "We were prepared for them. I saw them coming, and they were so wild it was almost easy."
"You saw them?" Jane questioned curiously, unconsciously taking a step closer to Alice and narrowing her eyes.
"I would've thought Edward told you…I have visions of things yet to happen," Alice answered, looking quickly towards Edward. Jane's eyebrows lifted and she sneered.
Aro will know everything, Edward, but it's better that he hears it from you, Alice thought. Edward furrowed his brow. He knew nothing of what was going on; how was he to communicate it to anyone?
"Why would they come after you?"
"The only reasoning we could come up with is that their maker wanted revenge against us." Edward saw the feral eyes and bright red hair of Victoria in Alice's head, and he inhaled sharply. Jane glanced at him bemusedly. "We had to kill her mate quite some time ago because he was hunting in the area. We asked him to leave politely, and he refused. We couldn't risk our anonymity so he, unfortunately, had to be dealt with," Alice answered vaguely.
"Hmm…impressive. Sounds like we missed quite a demonstration. I would've loved to have seen it," she said, not quite convinced. "What's that? Over there?" Jane gestured towards Emmett and Jasper with her chin. Her sneer turned into a smile at the possibility of an interrogation.
"She surrendered," came the simple reply. Jane's wicked grin grew frighteningly larger as she approached the cowering female newborn.
Edward walked towards the young one, as well. He knew at least some of his questions could be answered by the thoughts in this girl's head.
The girl was curled up on the ground in the fetal position, entirely consumed with fear and thirst. She was visibly shaking like an addict, digging one hand into the earth and methodically pulling up chunks of dirt. Her other arm was wrapped around her knees, hugging them to her chest; she would not look at anyone. Her glowing eyes jumped around her surroundings, flittering so quickly they seemed almost liquid. Edward was reminded of a volcanic eruption, hot magma spilling everywhere, melting everything in its wake; her thoughts were just as disruptive and volatile.
Watching her take fistfuls of soil in her hands, Edward balked at how such a lithe girl could have so much strength. He'd been around a few newborns, but it still never failed to shock him. She had a small frame but long, lean arms and legs. She had lengthy, auburn hair that was a few shades darker than Edwards, but that could've only been because it was caked with mud and who knew what else. She was so young –no more than eighteen or nineteen at the most.
Felix's thoughts immediately turned crude; he obviously had a thing for redheads.
Jane squatted down in front of the girl so that she had to make eye contact with her. Still smiling angelically, Jane scooted within inches of the newborn's face.
"Hello sweetie," Jane said sardonically, her smile spiteful. "What's your name?" The girl looked over to Jasper and Emmett then looked around; Edward realized she was looking for Carlisle. He undoubtedly had been very kind to her, and she only wished to speak with him. She looked back at Jane and put her face in her hands. Smile never faltering, Jane applied the tiniest bit of her painful gift to the girl, whose back immediately arched as a horrific scream ripped from her throat. Abruptly, Jane stopped.
"Dearheart…" Jane started again, "What is your name?"
"K-Kelly," the girl complied without a second's pause, the timbre of her voice loud even though she stuttered.
"Kelly," Jane uttered, looking contemplative and mulling over the name. "I knew a man named Kelly once. He was tasty…such a pure flavor of fear. So, Kelly, why did you attack these people?"
"The one that made us wanted a specific human girl. Riley told us that whoever found her could have her, and that she would be with these golden eyes here. I told them she wasn't. N-no one would listen. I knew she wasn't here," Kelly relayed quickly, trying to inconspicuously scoot away from Jane.
"Who was your maker? Was it this Riley person? And why would he want one measly human girl?" Jane asked, clearly not believing the girl's story.
"I d-don't know; it hurt so badly. It wasn't Riley that did this to me, though," came the meek, callow reply. Looking at her disapprovingly, Jane ignited the girl once more. The girl, Kelly, began screaming again, her intense pain reminding Edward of what it felt like to burn under Jane's ire.
"Jane," Edward said softly; she ignored him. "Jane!" he shouted, walking closer to her. "Stop. She doesn't know anything else." Jane kept her eyes on the squirming, writhing, female, whose eyes were rolling in the back of her head as her body seized violently. Jane suddenly stood up, releasing her hold on the girl, and turned away from her.
"I know," she said laconically. "You can finish her, Felix." Felix flexed his fingers, pretended to crack his knuckles and walked towards Kelly.
"If I must. It's a shame though. She's awfully pretty," Felix said honestly.
Edward loathed this, but he'd learned his lesson the last time that you can't save everyone. Trying to tune out her panicked thoughts, Edward turned his back on the girl, and looked around at his family. Edward still had many questions that needed answering, but he could not speak freely around Jane.
Kelly's thoughts began jumping around maddeningly as she outlined the events since her birth into this world. They were difficult to decipher; her fear was overruling almost any reason as Felix approached her. As her memories flashed, Edward saw something very interesting, something that could possibly save her.
"Stop, Felix," Edward blurted out quickly.
"Edward, please don't," Demetri started, assuming Edward would once again try to stop the inevitable. It was the first time Demetri had spoken directly to him since arriving in Forks, and Edward had to look at him. His expression was pained, his mouth in a thin line, and his eyes downtrodden. Edward felt horribly.
"There's a good reason not to kill her." Edward looked at Demetri as he spoke, but finally turned his eyes towards Jane and Felix by the newborn. "She has a talent that I think Aro would be very interested in. He wouldn't want you to end her, trust me."
"What is so special about her?" Jane asked, the irritation clear in her voice.
"Yeah," Felix chimed in, "besides her killer legs?" If it were any other day Edward would've smiled at Felix's off handed comment, but he could not bring himself to.
"Take her to Aro; he'll know exactly what I mean."
"But what about questioning here? We need to talk to these people, and find out about this human girl these newborns were after," Jane countered angrily. "We can't just take every nomadic vampire who's broken the law to Aro because you think there's some talent there."
"Jane, she didn't know, and there was no one to tell her. Aro would be upset with you if you destroyed her. Especially when he sees through me what she does. I can stay here and ask the questions; you know I have no option but to be honest, and with my abilities there's no way they can't answer me truthfully," Edward said, cutting his eyes towards Alice. "Demetri can stay with me, and you and Felix can arrange to have Kelly transported back to Volterra. I'm sure Aro can have it arranged to take the car straight to the jet on the runway, so she doesn't encounter any humans. Trust me, Aro will be thrilled to have her, and he will be very pleased with you." Edward had apparently said something that got through to Jane, because she did not disagree.
"I don't think Demetri wants to stay here with you," Jane said, turning up her nose. Edward looked towards Demetri beseechingly. Edward needed him to stay.
"I'll stay," Demetri confirmed somewhat reluctantly. He chided himself internally, thinking he should leave. Edward spoke again without hesitation.
"Take her now; find her something to eat, but not around here. Call Aro and make the proper arrangements. Demetri and I will take a commercial flight back." Edward was growing increasingly impatient, his questions scalding his brain.
Kelly was confused and frightened yet relieved. Edward felt horribly for her; he had practically sold her into an eternity of servitude, but the alternative was worse, and as Demetri had once stated, working with the Volturi had more opportunities than being nomadic.
Jane agreed begrudgingly and Felix pumped his fist in the air. He walked over to the girl who curled tightly into herself, afraid of the hulking vampire who had just been about to end her existence. Felix offered his hand to help Kelly to her feet.
"I really didn't want to have to kill you. It's okay; I'm not going to. Everything will be alright, babe," he said, smiling at her brightly. She slowly took his hand and he yanked her to her feet, using the excuse of dusting off her shorts as a reason to touch her. Edward rolled his eyes at Felix's audacity.
They left a few moments later, Felix keeping one arm around Kelly, ensuring that she couldn't get away. Edward breathed a sigh of relief as they exited the clearing. As soon as Edward was convinced they were out of hearing range he turned towards his family.
"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" Edward asked through clenched teeth. They all stared at him a few moments, each of them looking reluctant and fearful. Still, their thoughts meandered towards other things, and Edward knew what it was they were trying to keep from him. He smelled Bella; Alice had thought of Bella –alive and well. Edward had no explanation for what was going on, because Bella was dead. She had to be dead, Alice saw it, and there was no future when Alice looked. None at all.
"Why'd you want to keep this guy with you, Edward?" Rosalie asked derisively, gesturing towards Demetri with her thumb.
"That's not important right now," Edward said, waving his hand dismissively. He clenched his eyes, knowing he'd said the wrong thing again, but continued, "Why would Victoria bring a whole army of newborns to attack you?" he finished, addressing anybody who would start answering his questions.
"Edward," Alice began, walking towards Edward slowly and resting her hands on his forearms, "I will tell you everything, but I need you to listen to me completely before you say or do anything, okay?" Her expression was very grave, and Edward's eyes widened and he felt something akin to fear seep into his chest.
"Please, tell me," Edward implored, the confusion making him weak-kneed.
"Victoria was out for revenge. She wanted your mate, and she assumed we would be here protecting her. We told the Quileutes about what was happening, and they agreed to help. We were able to place a scent in the clearing to draw them in, and with Jasper's instruction, we were able to pick them off," Alice spoke slowly and softly, as though talking to a child. Edward was agitated with her pace, and from what was explained so far, he was only more confused.
"Is Victoria taken care of?" Edward asked quickly, wanting to make sure the main threat had been dealt with.
"Yes, but not before she bit one of the pack," Alice answered grimly, each of the other members of his family looking dour. Edward took no joy in hearing of the death; he knew the Quileutes were an old and close tribe and would be taking the loss extremely seriously.
"I am very sorry to hear that. So that's where Carlisle went? To try and help?" Edward asked.
"There won't be anything he can do. Embry was bitten several times, and our venom is deadly to the wolves. He wanted to try to make him as comfortable as possible."
"Wait," Demetri interrupted, "There are werewolves here?"
"Not really your traditional werewolves," Edward answered. "They don't need a full moon to shift. They can do it as needed. They consider themselves protectors of the humans here." Demetri merely nodded, baffled.
Things were making more sense to Edward, and he was beginning to calm down. It just seemed that Victoria had been under the impression Bella was still alive. He didn't understand how this could be possible, because surely Laurent had told her Bella was dead.
"Is Laurent dead?"
"Yes," Alice replied, "the wolves killed him after the incident in the meadow." That was understandable and Edward felt a great satisfaction, knowing that Bella was so quickly avenged. He had one final question.
"How did you get such a strong scent in the clearing?" Edward could still smell Bella all around him. He ran through the possibilities while he waited on Alice to answer. Maybe they'd found an old hairbrush, or possibly an unwashed bedspread or clothing? He could definitely see Charlie Swan leaving Bella's room exactly as she'd left it, dirty clothes and linens, but the scent seemed so fresh.
Alice breathed in deeply and her eyes shifted fleetingly towards Demetri. "I don't know how to tell you this, and I am so sorry that I messed up, Edward." You've been happy in Volterra, with him, haven't you? Alice thought. I haven't told anyone. Edward nodded automatically because he had been truly content, but his perplexity was becoming overwhelming.
"Please, Alice, finish. I don't understand."
"I've discovered that the wolves are a blank to me. Carlisle thinks it's because they're constantly shifting from animal to human, and the threads of their destinies are so interwoven with the animal that I can't see anything. You know our abilities don't work on animals."
"Okay, that makes sense, but what does it mean?" Edward could make sense of nothing Alice said. Why was she telling him this?
"When the wolves entered the meadow with Bella and Laurent, Bella's future went blank. It wasn't because Bella had no future; it was because of the wolves. Are you following me?" Alice asked, lowering her voice and inching closer to Edward. He knew the answer had to be right in front of him, but his head felt like it was spinning on his shoulders.
"No," he whispered.
"Bella is alive, you dumbass," Rosalie spat out in disgust. "Now you can be reunited and have your perfect little happy ending." She laughed humorlessly.
Edward felt his breath knocked out of him in a rush. The world went silent and cold, and the scent of Bella seemed to beckon him on the breeze, imploring and begging him to go to her.
Bella was alive.
Edward shrugged out of Alice's grasp, and began backing up slowly. His muscles coiled up like a spring, preparing to launch him through the forest to Bella's house.
"Rosalie!" Alice shouted. "Edward, don't run. Please, listen to me." But Edward couldn't listen; all he could do was smell. He glanced briefly at Demetri, his expression so pained he would've assumed that he was being dismembered and burned alive, dying torturously. Edward couldn't let that stop him, though. He had to go. He had to find Bella.
"I'm sorry," he uttered silently, throwing up his hands and shaking his head. He took one last look at Demetri; his heartache clearly displayed on his face, and turned away from him and ran to find her.
Edward fled the clearing and arrived to Bella's home within a few short minutes. He barely felt his feet touching the forest floor as his body guided him faultlessly to the place he'd visited so many times.
Bella's truck was there, but no one was home, so he climbed into Bella's room through her window to wait. As soon as the window was open, Bella's scent came bursting through in welcome, and the fact that Bella was alive solidified itself for Edward.
Feeling extremely conflicted, Edward eased himself into the rocking chair by her bed. Bella's scent was so very familiar, and the emotions it brought with it were indefinable. He knew that it made him thirsty, and his eyes were black as pitch. An extreme sadness overtook him, as well, and he was unable to decipher why. He should have been thrilled that Bella was alive, but the overriding sense was simply melancholy.
Edward scanned over Bella's room, taking in her belongings. He could definitely see that the room had been lived in. He rose from his seat and began walking around the room, reaching out tentatively to run his fingers across her bookcase. Noticing a ticket stub on her vanity, Edward walked closer, seeing that it was from a street fair in Seattle from just a few weeks prior. He picked it up and brought to his face, inhaling deeply; it was absolutely surreal to be surrounded by her scent when he had thoroughly dismissed it.
There was another smell that Edward couldn't pinpoint that mingled slightly with Bella's. He was certain he'd smelled it before, but for the first time in a century, his brain was simply too overwrought to ponder it. It wasn't important anyway.
Moving towards her closet, Edward silently opened the door. He saw a garbage bag in the back corner and opened it curiously. Inside was the stereo that Emmett had gotten her for her birthday, obviously having been taken out by force. Edward scrunched his eyes closed; he realized she must've removed it with all the might she could muster because he could still smell faint traces of blood around the edges. His guilt swelled up menacingly, and he recalled how broken she'd looked in the meadow before Laurent had tried to attack her. He had left her that way, and Victoria had come after her with an army.
But she was alive and breathing, thinking, heart beating, walking, talking…living. The all encompassing agony that he had felt over her death had been for naught, because all he would had to have done would have been to come to Forks, and see her alive. He was indebted to the Volturi for years –possibly decades—and there was absolutely no reason for it. Bella was never a catalyst launching him to Italy; once again, it was his own self-absorption, stupidity, and impetuousness that led him there.
Look at all the trouble you've caused, he berated himself. He birthed misery wherever he went, no matter how inadvertently. The things he'd been made to do on that mission in London played out in his mind again, and he roughly put his hands in his hair, tugging forcefully. It was unnecessary. Going to Italy, being blackmailed by Aro, putting his family at risk, leaving Bella at risk had all been pointless. Even allowing himself to love Demetri had been…
God, Demetri, Edward realized too late how carelessly he had fled. He had done it again: run away from the thing that mattered most in the world. How could he have almost thought that loving Demetri was pointless? Demetri was the point. Demetri was the reason he had gone to Volterra, the reason that all those things that Edward had labeled pointless actually did matter. Without each impulse he'd had, without each idiotic decision he'd made, without risking everything, he would still be immersed in self-loathing and wallowing in ridiculous misery. Alone. And Demetri would be no more than a faceless, wicked vampire with which he was too haughty to interact.
Battling with himself internally, Edward went back and forth over the decision to delay seeing Bella. The urge to see with his own two eyes that Bella was alive was gargantuan, but the risk to his relationship with Demetri was just as great.
At one point Edward had thought that, of course, he would want to be with Bella if by some miracle she could be risen from the dead, but that was before…
Edward felt chaotic, pondering how he would be affected once he laid eyes on Bella. True, he was captivated by Demetri; he had given him everything that he had denied Bella, and enjoyed it thoroughly, but Bella had changed him, the loss of her leaving him broken. In turn, Demetri had rebuilt him, made him whole, brought out the true version of himself, gave him life.
Never had Edward felt comfortable calling his existence life until Demetri taught him how to live.
Did he even need to see Bella to know that his true place was wherever Demetri was? No…not anymore. He wanted to apologize to her, explain himself, and hopefully garner some peace with his guilt, but Demetri was his priority. Edward was so angry with himself; he'd wasted all this time in Bella's room, and he had left Demetri feeling dejected and unwanted.
He had to hurry before the space between them grew any more irreparable.
Edward made his way to the window to exit when he heard a vehicle approaching. Standing aside in the shadows, he watched as a car pulled up, and Bella got out. From the thoughts of the driver, Edward gathered he was a member of the wolf pack, as his thoughts were sorrowful at the loss of one of his 'brothers'.
He heard Bella tell the boy that she was going to shower and drive back to La Push and wait for Jacob. Edward remembered the boy, Jacob Black, who had inadvertently given away the vampire family's secret to Bella. He knew that Charlie and Jacob's father Billy had been close, so it was only natural that Bella and Jacob were friends, as well.
Bella looked so broken down and exhausted. Shoulders slumped and head down, Bella trudged up her drive, and Edward heard her open the door. She let out a sigh as she hung up her house keys and jacket, before starting up the stairs.
Edward couldn't leave, not when she was so close. Seeing her from a distance had only made it that much harder to put off speaking with her. He concluded that he would talk with her only briefly.
He held his breath as he counted her footsteps; they rang in his ears like the pounding of her heart. The sound was just as soothing as it had always been. Being a vampire, he wasn't generally subjected to the obligatory case of nerves when faced with a daunting task, but at that moment he almost expected a cold sweat to break out across his brow, or to hear his pulse pounding in his ears.
Bella opened her bedroom door, paying close attention to her feet. Edward stood between the window and her bed. She had not noticed him.
"Bella," he breathed out quietly not wishing to startle her. She gasped loudly and stumbled backwards, her arms flailing out as she started to fall. The scenario being so familiar, Edward's arms acted on their own, rushing to her side, keeping her upright and holding her to him.
"Edward," she sobbed, burying her face against Edward's chest.
"Bella, shhh…" Edward attempted to comfort her, smoothing down her hair and whispering to her softly. The weight of her in his arms was imperceptible, her skin was overly-warm, and she was just so tiny and breakable. Everything about her was so achingly familiar, yet so very, very wrong. But, she had obviously suffered a great deal, and Edward knew that it was at least partially his fault. He stopped touching her hair and awkwardly rested his hands on her shoulders where his arms were snaked underneath hers; their position making him anxious.
Understanding washed over him like a baptism as the reason for his melancholy presented itself. That draw that he'd had to Bella was gone, and he felt the tiny, empty place inside of him that mourned its loss; it had been replaced by something much more lasting, true, and right, but it was loss all the same. Edward had never been more pleased to lose anything; the feeling was very strange and paradoxical.
Suddenly, Bella seemed to realize exactly who it was comforting her and she frantically freed herself from Edward's embrace. Edward was relieved because, frankly, she smelled horribly of wet dog. He took several steps back from her, and he noticed that Bella had balled her hands into fists as she glared at him. She was clearly angered at Edward's presence in her bedroom, and he could not blame her in the least.
"Bella, I—"
"Edward," she interrupted, blinking in disbelief, "You left…" Bella trailed off. She was obviously completely confused, and Edward could empathize. Bella struggled to find words as did Edward, but he knew he would have to speak. He shuffled his feet nervously, his eyes searching her face. He heard the air rushing in and out of her lungs, her stomach digesting, her organs working, her blood pumping, and he swallowed a mouthful of venom. Bella was standing him front of him, raised from the dead.
"I-I thought you were dead…when I found out that you were alive, I had to come…make things right. Alice couldn't see anything in your future…I thought you were dead," Edward stuttered, unable to convey the mass of his ignorance. Bella looked at him strangely.
"Alice didn't tell you that I was alive?" Bella inquired firmly. Edward wanted to scoff; the exact opposite had occurred. Edward furrowed his brow and looked away from Bella. He wasn't sure how much he wanted to reveal to her about his current position with the Volturi. He knew Bella would find a way to blame herself for the position he was in, and the last thing he wanted was to cause her more misery.
"I've been out of communication with my family. I've been… in Italy," he answered guardedly. Bella's gaze turned hard, obviously his answer was too vague for her to accept.
"You've been too busy running all over Europe to talk to your family?" she spluttered, walking past Edward and sitting at her desk. She propped her elbow on the corner, and placed her forehead in her hand.
"I've been…working," Edward answered tersely, hoping to convey that he would not go into it further with her. Maybe someday he would explain everything, but now was not the time for it.
"Working?" she repeated acerbically. Edward nodded, approaching her new seated position.
"Bella, I was asked to join the Volturi guard and I accepted. Sadly, yes, I let my communication with my family lapse, but there has been much happening and--"
"The Volturi?" she gasped. Edward had shared limited bits about the Volturi with Bella. She knew they upheld the law, and that Carlisle had spent time with them, but Edward had always spoken of them with disdain.
"Yes, they offered me a position and I simply could not refuse," Edward stated briefly. Bella's interrogation was causing his anxiety to mount. He wished to ask for her forgiveness, and feared that agitating her would make her less likely to give it. Edward would never expect her to forgive him regardless, so he supposed it did not matter.
Her mouth agape, Bella stared at Edward disbelievingly. It seemed she would not press any further on the subject of the Volturi. She shook her head and blinked quickly, at a complete loss.
"Bella," Edward's voice was softer now, and he kneeled down to be on eye level with her, swallowing more venom due to their proximity, "I came here to apologize…for the way I left and for hurting you. Bella, when I told you I didn't love you, it was the blackest kind of blasphemy." Edward meant it because it was the absolute truth. He had loved Bella immensely; he never should have lied to her, but he was deeply glad that he had. Still, he needed her forgiveness to be truly absolved of his guilt. Without it he would always be left with that clichéd chip on his shoulder. He took a deep breath and continued, "Can you ever forgive me?"
Bella remained silent for several moments, and Edward began thinking he might need to reconsider his wording. Surely, she wouldn't want to be with him anymore? There was no conceivable way he could ever be involved with Bella again; everything he wanted resided elsewhere. He didn't want to tell her he didn't love her in the same way he had, but was about to clarify when she finally spoke.
"Edward," she sighed. "When you left I thought I would die. I was so empty and everything seemed so bleak, I wanted to die." Her words pained Edward and unease crept into his features as she continued.
"But I started spending time with Jacob and he made me happy. I felt whole again, for the first time in months. At first, it was because being with him kept you off my mind, but then before long the lines of our friendship sort of faded. I love him, Edward." Edward thought that he should have been jealous, or anxious, or worried that she was spending time with a volatile werewolf, but all he could manage was relief.
"And of course I'll forgive you. If you hadn't left I wouldn't have Jacob. Alice told me this is where I'm meant to be. She explained that you were trying to protect me; I know you never meant to hurt me. Even though it was a stupid way to go about things," she chuckled lamely. Edward's breath whooshed out as Bella finished, his leaded agony over the things he had done to her melting and ebbing away.
"You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that, Bella…how much it means to me to have your forgiveness." The reprieve Bella offered softened the twisted worry on Edward's face.
"Alice told me you met someone," she mentioned shyly. Edward's eyes, which had been turned down, snapped back up to her face. Alice had told Bella about Demetri? She told Edward that she hadn't mentioned him.
"Yes, I have…met someone," Edward muttered, slipping his hands into his pockets and turning his eyes to his shoes.
"What's her name? Is she with the Volturi, too?" Edward almost laughed in relief; for some reason, he was reluctant to tell Bella he was with a man, but he didn't want to lie either. He loved Demetri, and wanted everyone to know that, but he just could not bring himself to discuss it any further with Bella. He hadn't even told his family yet, and they took precedence.
Edward tried to think of a viable excuse to halt this discussion when he was bombarded with two familiar sets of thoughts. The most important was Alice, demanding Edward come outside right away. The second one was from Bella's father, Charlie, who would be arriving home very shortly.
"Bella, your father is almost home. Billy has given him the news about Embry, and I think it would be best if I leave," Edward rushed out. Alice's thoughts bordered on frantic, and he knew it was undoubtedly something to do with Demetri.
Bella nodded, looking as though she was about to cry again. Edward felt badly, it was possible that Bella had been close with the boy that died, and he had hurriedly mentioned his name. He reached out and put his hand on her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.
"Perhaps we can talk later, after the funeral and things are more settled? We'll be here for a few more days, and there are some things I'd like to explain further," he said, rising to his feet and walking towards the window. He had barely brushed upon the many questions he was sure she had, and he wanted her to be satisfied before he left Forks forever; he owed it to her. Edward's hand went mindlessly to his hair, further disheveling his already messy locks.
Charlie pulled into the driveway, and Edward hesitated a moment, looking back at Bella, that melancholy feeling causing a lump to form in his throat.
Edward you need to get out here RIGHT now! Alice screamed at him mentally. With one last glance back at Bella, he lithely jumped through the window.
"Ok, Edward," Bella replied, but Edward was already on the ground.
Feeling as though he'd extricated the majority of his guilt and left if behind at Bella's, Edward quickly began searching for Alice. He was hopeful that he could finally correct his errors with Demetri and formally introduce him to his family, until he heard Alice's troubled thoughts.
She was sitting in the maroon rental car about a mile and a half from Bella's. Edward's elevated mood dropped like stone when she leapt from the vehicle as Edward approached.
Alice's face was marred with worry, and one of her tiny hands was pressed against her mouth at the fingertips. Edward couldn't hear, see, or smell Demetri anywhere nearby, save the faint trace of sweetened sea spray that wafted from the car's open door. Edward groaned and his chest clenched, feeling painfully hollow. Before Alice could even speak Edward knew Demetri was gone. Edward had waited too long.
"Edward, Demetri left." The words spoken aloud sliced into Edward, and even though he knew from the moment he saw Alice, the verbalization had stolen any hope he could be mistaken.
Taking a few seconds to collect himself, he took several steps closer to Alice. "How long ago did he leave?" Edward asked, placing his hands on Alice's shoulders to steady himself, his expression translating his urgency.
"About fifteen minutes," she answered. "He left on foot, but he's going to steal a car as soon as he reaches a point he can no longer run under cover."
Edward tried to think rationally. If Demetri made it to the airport he could always follow him right back to Volterra and make him listen there; there was no way he could avoid Edward with their rooms right next to each other. He could still make things right.
"Will he be able to get a flight right away?" Edward requested, his feet itching to run.
"I don't know, Edward. I am so sorry. I tried to—"
"What do you mean you don't know? How could you not?" Edward's voice rose along with his panic.
"Evidently –unlike Jane—you did tell Demetri about my sight and how it works. He keeps changing his mind. The only thing I know for sure is that he has no intentions of going back to Volterra," Edward took a sharp breath and his eyes widened as he thought over what that meant, "I am fairly certain that he's going to the airport in Seattle, though."
Edward squeezed Alice's shoulders tightly as the comprehension that Demetri might slip away from him crept in, leaving him reeling. His chin dropped to his chest as his head felt too heavy for his body. Wanting to lash out at someone, he abruptly lifted his face to look at Alice, his eyes flashing angrily.
"How could you just let him leave, Alice?" Edward snarled. Alice looked hurt, but did not comment on his tone.
"I couldn't very well stop him without causing a scene and completely outing you. Believe me, he was very adamant. He waited nearly an hour at the house before he left. I assured him that if he stayed things would work out, but he said something like, 'Forgive me for not trusting your judgment'. I can't fault him for it." Alice thoughts were saturated with guilt, and she looked away from him, unable to meet his furious glare. She obviously blamed herself. Edward immediately regretted being angry with her.
"This is my fault, Alice. The mess is mine to clean up." Alice met his eyes again and they were full of pity.
"It doesn't matter whose fault it was; you have to go now, Edward. If he gets on a plane—"
"Then I would never find him again," Edward whispered finishing Alice's thought. Demetri could make himself lost just as easily as he could track; if he didn't want Edward to find him, then Edward never would, and that knowledge made him move.
His hands flew from Alice's shoulders and he dashed to the driver's seat of the rental car. He turned the ignition and the vehicle's purring mechanisms encouraged Edward, and he revved the engine.
"Edward!" Alice shouted running to the window. Edward hastily rolled it down, and she handed him a small silver phone. "Take this. It has all of our numbers, and I'll call from Jasper's phone if anything becomes clear."
"Thank you, Alice." Edward looked at her affectionately. "I love you." Edward didn't want to miss the chance of telling those he cared about that he did, ever again.
Alice smiled at him sadly. "I love you, too, Edward. Now, bring him back. He is definitely spirited, I'll give him that." Her smile grew more genuine. "I know the changes he's made in you; everyone will love and accept him," she finished, stepping away from the car.
Giving her a tight-lipped smile that was more like a grimace, Edward punched the gas pedal, the car lurching forward as he sped away.
The scenario was uncomfortably familiar to Edward; he was hunting a tracker and trying to save someone, but this time it was he that needed salvation.
Edward refused to believe he would fail. He was so worn from the tireless string of running, self-loathing, and isolation –not that there was anyone to blame but himself—and he had promised himself he would stop. He had also told himself that he would never give Demetri a reason to doubt him again, and not two hours after he had sworn that oath, he had given him the biggest reason of all. It seemed Edward broke many promises that he had made himself throughout the course of that day.
Demetri was justified in being hurt. Never had Edward voiced aloud that the love he had for Demetri completely, boldly, and unapologetically obliterated what he'd had with Bella. Demetri engaged him mind and body, took care of him, inspired him, lifted him, completed him. Knowing that Bella was alive, smelling her, holding her and still thinking of nothing but Demetri had branded that truth into Edward like nothing else had.
He couldn't lose him. Edward already sensed the bottomless lacuna that would rip open within him if Demetri successfully fled.
God, how could I do this to him? Edward thought, remembering Demetri's defeated features as he'd turned his back on him, remembering the despondency in Seattle, and remembering his tormented musings on the drive to Forks. Demetri had left under the impression that he meant nothing to Edward; that he was easily discarded and dismissible, forgettable and temporary, when the opposite could not be truer.
How could Edward even ponder time without Demetri? He faced an eternity without his laugh, forever wanting his body against his, centuries of aching lips and idle hands; time would no longer be measured by the things he loved about Demetri, but by the things he had lost.
Edward's muscles were tight and his body twitched in impatience; even though he was going one hundred and thirty miles per hour, he felt the physical need to act. He wanted to bang his head into the steering wheel, but settled for beating it with his open hand.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" Edward cursed loudly, leaning forward in his seat, urging the car to go faster.
Edward was breaking; his thoughts wandering back through all the kind things Demetri had done for him, how thoroughly he had repaired him, how everything he did was for Edward's benefit. His patience, his advice, and his love had enveloped Edward and the loss of those things…
He didn't want to even think about what the loss of Demetri would do.
On Edward's first day in Volterra Demetri had tried to make him more comfortable and he'd been nothing but rude.
Demetri abruptly stopped at an ornately carved door nestled in between two of the hanging lanterns. There were three other similar doors housed in the same passageway; one door to the right of this one, and two located across from it. The patterns on this entryway were delicately engraved with an abstract forest, along with intricately painted animals of the wild in muted hues. Edward could make out the face of a young buck, a badger, a flock of birds, and even a mountain lion hidden amongst the trees. The artistry with which it was crafted was remarkable, and even in this ugly place, Edward could appreciate its attractiveness. It reminded him of home.
"I thought you might like this one. You know, with the whole eating animals thing…" Demetri said with a laugh, but thought, I know it must look like the place you were last at home...
Edward chuckled quietly at the memory, the emptiness in his chest growing, more memories flowing through.
Demetri chuckled, placing his mouth close to Edward's ear. When he spoke Edward felt the vibrations of his words, and his lips brushed the sensitive skin of Edward's lobe. "Thanks, E." His lips lingered by Edward's ear a few seconds longer than would have been considered simply friendly.
Edward felt warm, and was suddenly very aware of the position the two men were currently in. Edward, with his stomach to the sofa, while Demetri sat on his thighs rubbing soothing circles on the lower part of Edward's back. Demetri was thinking of the average flying speeds of birds in North America.
Demetri's hands applied the lightest of pressure and moved smoothly over Edward's clothed back. They were silent for a few moments until Demetri slid his hands under the fabric of Edward's shirt and began rubbing the bare skin he found there, just above the waistband of his pants. He ran his agile fingers up Edward's spine slowly, leaving a trail that felt like tiny pinpricks in their wake. Demetri's hands felt warm on his chilled skin, and Edward felt a stirring in his lower abdomen as a low moan escaped his lips involuntarily. He was very, veryaware of the constriction he felt in his trousers as they became disturbingly tight.
Edward had been so clueless then, but it seemed like ages ago. He hated the time he had wasted loathing and pitying himself, but he wouldn't change a moment of the first time Demetri had kissed him.
Demetri's eyes shone with feeling, the golden facets winning the battle against the red. He cautiously brought the hands that had so thoroughly pleased yet tormented Edward to the younger man's cheeks, one remaining stationary as the other one reverently traced the lines of his jaw, before settling on the side of his neck. Edward leaned into Demetri's touch, his eyes closing in the overpowering rightness of the smooth skin against his. Demetri used the new leverage to bring Edward within inches of his welcoming lips.
"I know you're confused, E. Let me help you understand," Demetri breathed, the soft whisper of his utterance tickling Edward's trembling lips. Edward parted them slightly, inviting in the exquisitely scented air as it graced his curious tongue, tasting Demetri there. His prior convictions to quell his desires for Demetri were dissolved by the warm, soothing palms on his face, and the only thought in his mind was more.
Demetri obliged, closing the gap between the two men excruciatingly slowly, and at last, pressed his mouth against Edward's waiting lips.
When Demetri's lips touched Edward's, the shocking reality of it caused him to remain unresponsive for a few seconds. However, once Demetri's tongue swiped Edward's lower lip, sweetly requesting entrance to his mouth, the pleasant warmth that had spread throughout Edward's body ignited into a conflagration, wholly incinerating his qualms.
Edward's hands reached out to clasp Demetri's hips of their own accord, pulling them flush with his own as the kiss deepened into a whirlwind of needy lips and tongues.
Only a few weeks prior, Demetri had told Edward he loved him, the words spoken and carried to Edward's ears like a promise, a signature of hope, the perfect forever.
Demetri stood from the piano bench, walking behind Edward. He neatly took the lapels of Edward's jacket in his hands, removing the garment gently. He then unfastened the top button of Edward's shirt, knelt behind him, and placed his right hand under Edward's shirt and over his heart. His left hand wrapped around Edward's torso, pulling him backwards into his firm chest.
Edward felt warm breath in his hair, and he leaned back into Demetri, allowing him –as always—to keep him upright. They stayed that way for several moments in silence, until Edward brought his hand to cover Demetri's right.
"I love you, Edward," Demetri murmured into Edward's mess of bronze locks. The words were muffled, but Edward heard them –he felt them—clearly. Without warning, Demetri opened his mind to Edward, all the hidden thoughts flowing through. Edward felt as though he'd been through a torrent, and he was being given the chance to bask in the sunlight.
Edward let out a choked sob, pressing his foot harder against the gas pedal, even though it was already on the floor. He was gasping, his eyes were burning, and his hands held the wheel so tightly he started to hear something crack. Edward quickly loosened his grip; he was so near the airport and could not afford to ruin the car when he was so close.
Finally, he arrived, parking as close to the door as possible before running in. Déjà vu gently tickled the fringes of Edward's mind again as he left the car running and door open in his frantic dash into the terminal.
Smelling Demetri immediately, Edward followed the path he'd left and went to the ticket counter he knew Demetri had visited. Edward was aware he must look frightening, his hair was everywhere, his eyes were panicked, and he fidgeted nervously.
There was a young lady at the counter who smiled at him sweetly. "May I help you, sir?" she asked gently. He's as handsome as the other one, she thought meekly.
"Yes," Edward attempted to look dazzling, "I'm looking for a man that bought a ticket recently. He's a bit taller than me, hair to his shoulders, thin and fit, eyes the same color as mine…" Edward trailed off while the young lady nodded. Demetri's physical description only caused Edward further pain; he had to see him again.
I wonder if they're brothers. He's very nice, but I'm just not supposed to give information about passengers… she thought. Edward could not fail; she had to tell him. He would have to beg. Knowing his pride would do him no good in this situation, Edward pleaded with her.
"Please," Edward began; his brow furrowed, his lips turned down in a frown, "I have to find him. He's my p-partner," the word felt strangely on Edward's tongue, "and I love him. We had a misunderstanding and he left before I could apologize. He's everything and if he's gone I won't…" Edward couldn't speak anymore, the words hanging in his throat. He put his hand over his mouth and looked down, panting and gasping, trying to regain control of himself in that very public place.
The agent's thoughts turned to sympathy, and her expression mirrored Edward's. "I'm not supposed to tell you this –I could lose my job—but…I'm sorry," Edward was so tired of that word, "his flight has already boarded and should have already taken off," she lowered her voice and whispered, "He was going to Athens." Edward shattered into thousands of pebbles and felt as though every piece was bouncing and scattering across the airport floor.
Clearing his throat and speaking with his broken voice he said, "Would you give me his flight information so I can go to where he was boarding…just to be sure?" The young lady nodded sorrowfully, and quickly gave Edward the information. "Thank you," he forced out before swiftly finding the area Demetri would've left.
Edward searched the thoughts around him to see if anyone had remembered seeing him or to try to hear Demetri. He found nothing, and once he arrived to the security section, he looked at the departure screens that flashed all around him and saw that Demetri's flight had already left.
"Fuck!" Edward shouted, earning him glares from several people around him. He ran to the large terminal windows on his left and splayed his fingers on the glass as he saw the plane already several miles in the air. The blinking lights on the plane burned into his eyes, the red stripe down the side imprinted itself in his memory, each reminders of what was flying away.
Edward felt the phone vibrating in his pocket, but did not answer. He already knew what Alice would have to say.
The plane carried the most precious of cargo: his lover, his partner, his friend, his life. Every bit of which was contained in one man…a man that Edward had let go as easily as releasing the string on a balloon, and he rose higher and higher, farther and farther away, taking Demetri somewhere that Edward would never find.
End notes: I know, I know, but a bit of heartfail does a body good! Let me know what you thought. Lots of love!
BTW, the dialogue from Bella comes from GracieBlack28 who wrote the companion story to TR called 'Til Death Do Us Part', I take credit for none of Bella's reactions or spoken words. If you like Bella/Jacob check it out.