A/N The next Chapter I wrote was the appearance of Tyler and Jules, but I really wanted to explore Damon's feelings of their time apart. I think it's important in understanding how differently they're dealing with their time apart.
Fucking misery. Fucking unadulterated and vast misery was all I was feeling. I had read this sort of shit in the pages of my PG fucking 13 television show scripts, but I'd always chalked in down to middle aged virgin writers still living in their mother's basement exacerbating teenage angst. Turns out, those fat pricks were right. I never knew your heart could actually ache for somebody, somebody you barely knew. But I guess that's the fucking thing with love, it hits you in the side of the head when you're least fucking expecting it, and blindsides the shit out of you. Love? What the fuck have I been reduced to. My plan for this vacation was to fly to Australia to drink and fuck away the summer out of the watchful eye of the parasitic photographers in Los Angeles. Yet here I was, held up in my hotel room, after a week of drinking. It was at least twice an hour that I picked up my cell phone to call her, even if I couldn't find the words to say, I just needed to hear her voice. I missed it. But I had decided each time that I'd have better chance finding the answers in the bottom of a scotch bottle. And so that's what I had done. For 10 days straight. I could still smell her fucking scent on my pillow from the night she had spent sleeping in the suite, and it was like morphine to me. It was my drug. She was my drug. Too bad this fucking smell was the only thing I have left.
It wasn't until day 13 that I had completely ran out of booze and decided that another scotch bottle wasn't going to do for tonight. I needed something to mask the pain, and If I couldn't have my morphine, a synthetic version would have to do. I managed to drag myself into the shower, not bothering to shave, and finished my hobo look with a creased blue button up and my favourite jeans. I walked into the hotel bar and made my way to the bar tender.
"What can I get you my man?" Asked the chirpy blonde haired guy
"Scotch, neat," I said bluntly. I felt like a rude prick, but fuck it, he was there to serve me, and I'd leave him a large tip by the end of the night. Hopefully I'd quickly find what I was looking for and I'd be out of here in no time. I skimmed the bar, looking for anyone who would suit my needs for the evening, when I spotted three girls sitting at a table in the far back. Two brunettes and a blonde. Paige was brunette. Blonde it is.
Within a few minutes, I was emerged in a mindless conversation with Tits, Teeth and Tan. I'm sure they weren't their real names, but I didn't really care, it's not like it really mattered. All women were the same. Except her. But I'll be damned If I'm going to think about her tonight. Instead, I was going to sit here and pretend that the fact that Tan had never been on a sailboat was the most interesting thing in the entire world. I decided that I couldn't handle much more of this pathetic sycophantic banter, so I put my hand on Tan's thigh under the table and gave her my best come fuck me stare. It seemed I hadn't lost my touch with all women, because I suddenly felt her hand roaming up my own thigh and towards my dick. I wiggled my eye brows at her subtly and leant in towards her shoulder
"How about you and I take our conversation somewhere a little more, private," I breathed. I didn't need to look at her to know she was a done deal. We shook off her two disappointed friends and made our way up to my suite. I unlocked the door and invited Tan inside to make herself a little more comfortable. I began fixing us both a drink while she pondered the 'awesome view' as I heard her say. As I sipped my scotch, I pretended to listen to whatever the fuck it was this bimbo was on about. I zoned out most of it, but gathered she worked retail in some shop and lived with her two girlfriends. Fascinating. I had to get this bitch to shut her mouth, before I became involuntarily deaf for good.
"You know, I didn't show you the view from the bedroom," I said to her blankly. Although I was looking to fuck the broad, I couldn't muster the energy to charm her, although from the way she eagerly got off her chair, it didn't seem like I needed it to at all. She followed me into the bedroom, and I slowly put my scotch on the dresser after draining the entire contents. I turned around to find Tan undressing herself seductively in front of me. She pulled down her barely there dress, revealing a gigantic pair of fake breasts. I should have guessed. She was wearing a red lacy thong that rode up past her Brazilian wax and rested on her bony hips. She would have been every man's fantasy, but at that moment, she wasn't mine. I shook the feelings of lament from my head and made my way over to her. I roughly kissed her neck, tasting the cheap perfume she had obviously sprayed there earlier in the evening and tried to hide my gag. She tasted exactly how she looked, fake. I continued sucking on her collar bone as I directed her towards the bed.
"Jesus, I can't believe I'm about to fuck Damon Salvatore," She moaned. It sounded discounted and forced, not like her moans. Paige's had so easily dispersed from her lips, so naturally, that it made me hard just hearing them. I had to get her out of my fucking head, especially at a time like this. I pushed the broad down onto my king sized and took off my shirt. I noticed as I did, that my cock hadn't reacted at all to the barely clothed female in front of me. I willed my dick to respond as the blonde started unbuckling my pants, "I'm going to give you the time of your life," I hope fucking so. She ripped my belt off and unzipped my pants, pulling them down. I shook my legs out of them as she greedily pushed me down onto my back and began pulling my boxers down, "Well, it seems we have a problem," She grasped my limp cock in her hand and started stroking it "Just relax baby, and I'll fix it," I laid back as she went to work, taking me in her mouth. I didn't feel anything, I couldn't. I was numb, and it seemed my broken heart had made its way down and broke the only part of me that I thought still made me a fucking man. She sucked and licked with all her might, but my dick stay dormant. I closed my eyes for a moment, and that's when I smelled it. Her. Her smell on my pillow. I squeezed my eyes shut as I took in the scent, imagining it was her perfect mouth around my dick, her mess of curly brown hair gently brushing against my thigh, her caramel skin rubbing against mine, and I felt it. Movement. It was alive. I gave into my fantasy for a moment before my approaching orgasm brought me back to reality. This was fucking sick. Letting some blonde bimbo suck on my cock while imagining it was Paige. My Paige.
"Stop," I bellowed, pulling myself out of her mouth, "You need to leave,"
"What?" She asked shocked, as she looked up at me with her blackened makeup eyes. They were cold, emotionless, and void of anything I wanted to look at. I thought that fucking some hot skank would pull me out of this rut, but it just sent me spinning further out of control.
"Please, just leave," I said. She looked embarrassed, before jumped up and grabbing her clothes
"Fucking asshole," She screamed at me, as she stormed out of the suite. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on anything but the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach as I heard the front door slam. What the HELL is wrong with me! I tried to force the feelings out of my head as I let the scotch take me into a deep slumber.
I woke up after what seemed like a lifetime later, to the buzzing of my cell phone. I glared at the clock on my dresser: 2.47pm. Fuck me; I must have slept for hours. I rolled over and grabbed my cell, looking at the caller ID. It was Blondie.
"What," I muttered groggily
"Well good afternoon to you too Damon, Jesus, were you asleep?" She asked chirpily
"I was in a scotch coma if you must know," I shot back, she chuckled lightly at my response
"Well, as much as I hate to disturb you while you're hungover, I was wondering if you had plans this evening?" She asked
"Plans?" I asked confused
"You know, when you pre-meditate an activity," She said sarcastically. I was quickly learning that all Australian girls spoke Sarcasm fluently
"I know what the fuck you meant Caroline, and No, I don't have any," I replied
"Good, would you care to join me for a drink, there's something I'd like to discuss with you," She told
"What? What on earth could we have to discuss?" I asked confused.
"You'll just have to show up and see which I know you will because curiosity is part of human nature Mr. Salvatore. Meet me at Benny's Bar and Grill, it's on Francis Street in the city, around 8 o'clock," She ordered, "I'll see you there," Before I could reply to her, she had clicked the phone and hung up. Perky Blonde Bitch, what the hell could she have to talk to me about? Then it hit me. Paige no doubt. Shit, was she okay? Did she need my help? Why was Caroline coming to me? As much as I hated to obey Caroline, she was right about one thing, curiosity surely would get the best of me.
At 8pm sharp, I walked into Benny's Bar and Grill. It was a small bar with mostly old drunks scattered about the place. It smelt of stale beer and didn't exactly seem like the sort of place that Caroline would hang out. I searched the establishment and couldn't see her mop of blonde hair anywhere, so I decided to go and get myself a drink. If I had to listen to Perky all night, I'd definitely need a scotch. I sat on one of the stools and ordered a scotch neat from the skank behind the bar who was giving me the 'come fuck me' eyes. I could have easily told her my dick was out of commission, but I figured that wasn't a very polite way of telling her to fuck off. She finally brought me my drink after what seemed like an hour and I sipped it eagerly. I was still wondering what the hell Caroline had dragged me here for when I heard her voice greeting me. Great, it was one thing that my cock wouldn't work because of her, but now I was hearing voices? If it wasn't for the smell of vanilla and strawberries, I wouldn't have looked up and saw that it was infact her standing before me. I stared into those beautiful green eyes and felt lost in them. I had been looking for a quick fix for the last two weeks, to fill the void in my heart, and here it was. No amount of scotch of silicon breasts in the world could compare to the stillness I felt when I gazed into those eyes. It was overpowering, and I couldn't bring myself to feel it any longer. I grabbed my scotch glass and emptied the contents. Before making my way as quickly as I could out of the bar. That sneaky little bitch. Caroline never had any intention of meeting me there; it was just a rouse to get Paige and me in the same room. But how had she known I was avoiding her? Unless, oh Christ, Paige must have filled in Barbie on what had happened. Great, I give in less than a week before it's splashed across OK! Magazine, I can see the headline now: Hollywood Heartthrob Heart Broken by Aussie Bartender. Fucking Great. I was halfway up the street before I heard my name being called. I couldn't take this shit, I couldn't do it like this, I had to get away from her.
"Damon Salvatore if you don't stop and talk to me right now, so help me god I will kick your ass all the way back to Hollywood" I heard from right behind me. I took a deep breath as I stopped walking and turned to face her, "So what, you're too good to talk to me now? You can't, pick up the phone or send me a message, or hell, say hello to me when you walk into my work, what kind of bullshit is that Damon?" I felt my heart stop beating as I heard her words. She thought I was ignoring her because of some superiority complex? If only she knew "Fucking answer me!"
I swallowed the massive lump in my throat and licked my bottom lip as I considered my words, "I've been busy,"
A disbelieving laugh left her lips, and I couldn't help but notice how cruel it sounded, "Busy? Oh yeah because your schedule is so full on when you're on vacation,"
So this is how she wanted to play it was it? Break my heart then make me feel like an absolute doochebag, "I've been hanging out with some friends for your information,"
"Friends? Well considering the only one you have in this town is standing right in front of you, I highly doubt that's the case,"
"Do you always have to be such a smartass Matthews," I yelled at her. God she was so infuriating!
"Do you always have to be such a stubborn ass Salvatore," I yelled. I stood glaring at her for a moment before a soft smile curled across my lips. Even when I moping like a little school girl, she still didn't take my shit, and I couldn't help but laugh. A giant smile that reached her eyes came across her face as she joined in laughing. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that," She breathed
"Yeah you should have," I told in an almost whisper. At that moment I knew how pathetic I had been acting, and how much my behaviour must have confused and hurt her. I could see it in her eyes, she felt betrayed. It had taken her such a long time to let me into her life and trust me, and at the first sign of a speed bump I had hit the road, but in her mind, for completely different reasons. It was then I realized how much of an asshole I must be in her eyes, her thinking I had fucked her then bailed "I've been an ass,"
"I shouldn't be so hard on you, I wasn't exactly blowing up your cell phone either," She told quietly. I felt my body being drawn towards her, but I regained control after a few steps towards her "Where have you been Damon? If I've upset you in anyway, please tell me,"
In that moment I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me, how shit I had felt being apart from her, and how I wanted nothing more than to kiss her soft cherry lips again, but I knew I couldn't, I knew she wasn't ready, and honestly, neither was I, "You haven't done anything Paige; I've been a complete dick. I should have called you,"
"Yeah you should have," She smiled. To my shock and pleasure she flung herself towards me and wrapped her warm, tight body around me in a giant hug, "I've missed my friend,"
"I know," I breathed, taking in her vanilla scent. Fuck she smelt good
"So are we okay?" She asked, lifting her face up to look into my eyes
"We'll be fine as soon as you release me from your Vulcan death grip," I laughed, trying to lighten the mood, and hide the fact that my dick was slowly starting to harden in my jeans. She laughed as she released her grip around my neck.
"Sorry," She blushed as the crimson took over her face. Fuck I've missed that colour on her, "I've got a half an hour break, do you want to go and grab some coffee?"
"Sure," I grinned.
We sat for what felt like hours and sipped our coffee. I felt my happiness at being in her presence disappear as she began telling me of her past with Tyler. Even before she had gotten to the end of the story, I wanted to murder this asshole. He had been with the most beautiful woman on the entire planet and had fucked her over, mind, body and soul. She had not only lost the love of her life, but also their unborn child. I had to use every ounce of my self control to remain calm for her, to not let my rage at this fucking cocksucker take over and force her to lose control of her own emotions. I could see that it pained her to talk about, and I felt blessed that she had decided to share her past with me. I could tell that she had been harbouring an insane amount of guilt for the night of passion we had shared together, blaming herself for using me for her own comfort. Little did she fucking know I had done exactly the same, but instead of using it to silence her pain, I had relished in it. I took her hand gently, rubbing my thumb in circles over her knuckles, and told her the most honest thing yet in our relationship. "I missed you kid," And I meant it. I decided, in that moment, that I would rather have her in my life as this, whatever we were, then to push her away because of my own, selfish reasons. I loved her, and I needed her. It was as simple as that.
A/N a bit of a re-cap of the last chapter, But I really wanted to explore how much Damon really cares for her, and how much his feelings are affecting his behaviour. Next Chapter will move things along IMMENSLEY and a new arc will be introduced with Tyler and Jules
P.S- Damon and Paige may just share another steamy moment together next chapter :O