Disclaimer: We own nothing, seriously. Don't try to sue us, we have no money.
Authors Note:
Zelda: OHAIYO MINNA!
Alice: I'm too tired for this shit…
Jaz: It's your own fault; YOU were the one who hosted the party…
Tia: OMG! ************* (spoilers about a certain book censored for your convenience)
Alex: We apologise for the rather long wait…
Darsi: You guys owe this chapter to Nee-chan and Jaz's friends. Without them, this would have taken another month at least…
Alice: Who's the midget?
Zelda: NOBODY OF ANY CONCERN TO YOU!
Jaz: Anyway, ON WITH THE STORY!
Egg Log Day 1: Monday
7:00am
Near and I have started the log of our time with the egg that is required for our assignment. All is quite in the dorm. I am suspicious. But I don't think they know about the assignment yet, so we should be safe for a while…
9:30am (in class)
I THINK ONE OF THEM SAW ME TAKE THE EGG OUT WHEN WE WALKED INTO CLASS!
Near: I don't see what you're so worked up about Jaz….
Near, have you forgotten the nature of my friends?
Near: Our chances of failure have increased by about 20%...
Exactly my point…
12:00pm
Cora is talking to the others. She is waving her arms frantically and pointing at drawings in the dirt…I think she has been appointed mission leader…this makes things more difficult. We haven't known Cora long enough to predict how she will strike…
Near: Do you at least have a plan?
Hide the egg. Keep it in site at all times. It can stay with me tonight, but if it feels too dangerous, you will be responsible for it.
Near: Understood.
SERIOUSLY DUDE! GET SOME EMOTIONS!
8:35pm
Zelda has been asking around after the egg. She's trying to find where I hid Fred. I just realised that's the first time I've actually referred to the egg as Fred…I should probably try to keep calling it that…
9:00pm
OKAY, WHO PUT FRED ON THE CEILING FAN?!
Alex: Dammit, she found him…Alice, put the flamethrower away…we won't need it now…GOD DAMMIT, WE WORKED SO HARD ON THIS PLAN!
Tia: Cora's going to be pissed…
DAMMIT GUYS! STAY OUT OF MY ASSIGNMENT WORK! Now they probably know I planned to hide Fred with Near…
Egg Log Day 2: Tuesday
11:00am
Ugh, I stayed up all night protecting Fred with a baseball bat…
Near: How about I guard it now so you can have a break?
Thanks Near…BUT FRED IS A HE NOT AN IT!
Near: I am sorry for offending you...and Fred…
Apology accepted. Now copy down these notes so I can sleep.
11:55am
Mello: OMG NEAR HAS EMOTION! HE IS BEING NICE AND HELPFUL!
BB: RUN FOR THE HILLS! THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US!
Jaz: GET OUT OF THE ASSIGNMENT! YOU AREN'T ALLOWED IN EITHER!
Don't get too angry with them Jaz…It will only encourage then…
10:00pm
Mello just attempted to steal the egg, wait, I mean Fred, and incinerate it wait, him, in the oven…
A: Why is it so important that you correct yourself when referring to the egg?
Because Jaz, like all of her friends, is quite terrifying while enraged…
10:20pm
Matt just tried to use the egg, FRED as an insulator in a power board to charge his Gameboy Colour…I am beginning to suspect bribery as Matt would never try something like this on his own…That, and I found a mound of chocolate the size of a small beanbag accompanied by two new video games, several jars of jam, and a horror film under the cushions of the sofa…don't ask me how that works, it probably has something to do with the students at this schools ability to say f*** you to the laws of physics…I didn't even know A liked horror films…
A: I blame B. He thought that they'd help cure my depression…I am ashamed to admit that it worked.
BB: There's nothing to be ashamed of A, it's just mindless gore and violence
11:00pm
They've all given up and gone to bed…I'm staying awake, just in case.
Egg Log Day 3: Wednesday
10:45am
Well, I got no sleep last night either. Jaz, you should take Fred tonight.
Jaz: With the way we keep taking it in turns to look after Fred each night makes me feel like we're divorced or something…
When did we even get married?
Jaz: We didn't, but the assignment's supposed to be pairs/family, so we are technically Fred's parents…
Cora: Does this mean we should hold a wedding ceremony for all the year nines?
Jaz: NO! AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR ASSIGNMENT!
This is getting annoying…
3:10pm
Okay, I've received Fred from Near. I ran to the toilets…they can't get in here…
Zelda: That's what you think.
WTF?! HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!
Tia: Vents. They are useful for many things you know.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
Zelda: Not until you give us Fred! You at least owe me for stealing my naming scheme!
I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DON'T GET LOST THIS MINUTE I WILL CANCEL YOUR MAIL!
Zelda: Not my mail! That's the only contact I have with the outside world!
Tia: Since when do you care about that…?
Since her brother sends her letters, that's when. If you don't leave me alone for the rest of the week, I will cancel the mail and shred then burn all the letters you have.
Zelda: You are such a bitch. Come on Tia, I'm not losing my precious contact with my otouto!
Tia: Fine. But Jaz, you should know that this 'leave me alone thing' will only work with Zelda…
We'll see Tia. We'll see.
5:30pm
Well, under threat for their video games, chocolate, jam and horror movies, I have successfully made the boys retreat from the war as well as Zelda.
Near: That is a good thing; we should be able to hide Fred in my room tomorrow without fear of his death. On a separate note, I didn't know Zelda had a brother…
Younger by two years. He looks like a miniature version of her. Never met him, but I've seen a few pictures. He started high school this year in the normal school down the road a ways. He's been trying to come and see her, but the school ain't taking no chances.
Near: That is unfortunate for Zelda. Might I suggest you start looking for a hiding place for Fred? The girls will be back soon.
Don't worry I borrowed the Saw Trilogy from A; with permission, before you ask. That should keep them busy for around five hours.
Near: Is it a good idea to be watching horror movies on a school night?
Alice: Is it ever not a good idea to watch mindless gore and violence?
Alex: It'll work out in Jaz's favour anyway. We'll be so hyped up on gore that we'll forget abo-HOLY SHIT TIA STARTED WITHOUT US! AWAY MY TWIN, TO THE TV!
Near: Seems like you have the night off.
Maybe. I set an alarm to wake me up when the movies finish, just in case…maybe I should dig up some anime movies for when they finish…
Egg Log Day 4: Thursday
2:15pm
Ugh, I hate HPE prac…we have to do physical activity
Near: Today has been rather quiet…is Fred safe or are you waiting for me to be in a good mood before telling me that he's dead and we've failed?
Okay, one-I don't think you're ever in a good mood, just a mood. Two-Fred's fine. Today's only been quiet because Cora's mourning the loss of over half her troops.
Near: I see; she only has herself, Tia and the twins left, correct?
Yep, and Tia and the twins will be out of it today due to Saw Trilogy and anime marathon until 5am…so you're still taking Fred tonight because I'm sleep deprived…but in a good way this time.
Near: Okay, I'll take Fred after class.
9:55pm
Seeing as I have no reason to worry about Mello, Matt, BB or A trying something, I may actually sleep tonight. We hand in Fred tomorrow afternoon then we're done with this madness.
A: Hey Near, when do you think Jaz'll give back my movies?
She gave them to me to return. Here.
A: Thanks!
11pm
Cora, what are you doing in my bedroom?
Cora: I have a knife, give me the egg and I won't turn you into an emo!
Where did you get a knife? And what does 'turn me into an emo' mean?
Cora: I borrowed BB's pocketknife. And it means that I'll cut your arms so it looks like you self-harm, then tell the teachers. You'll have to start therapy and some kids get electrocuted if they don't show emotions…
Sigh…fine here, take Fred.
Matt: Are you crazy Near?! Jaz will eat you for breakfast when she finds out!
Maybe, but I do not wish to be strapped to an electric chair.
Cora: Near is a good boy! Now, I'm off to gloat to Jaz and then go to bed. Nighty-night!
Egg Log Day 5: Friday
12:04am
Perhaps now would be a good time to mention that Jaz has the real Fred, I gave Cora an imposter.
Mello: You sly little bastard.
Funnily enough, Jaz said the same thing when I suggested the idea…she then proceeded to hug me and tell me I was awesome.
BB: You know, I think she's the only person who could hug you without you panicking and still would hug you…
What does that have to do with anything?
7:15am
Jaz here, I had a great night sleep, and today I give Fred up for good! That makes me feel like he's going up for adoption…but he's been making me feel like I'm a fugitive on the run for the last five days, so it's all good. Now, he shoul-
OH MY FUCKING GOD, WHERE IS FRED?!
Oh crap.
Fred's gone.
Tia's making breakfast.
Its scrambled eggs.
FUCK!
In Near and Jaz's HPE class…
"Okay class, time to hand in your assignments," said the HPE teacher in an oddly bright voice.
"Why is that teacher excited? Has she not realised that the other students will have disposed of their eggs in worse ways than us?" Near whispered to Jaz.
Jaz turned to look at Near. "I think that's the point. Finding out in what ways her students have destroyed their assignments each year is probably her only source of entertainment."
"Let's see…charcoal, charcoal, charcoal, charcoal, atoms, charcoal, charcoal, charcoal, ooooh, that's creative. Let's see yours Jaz and Near."
Jaz pulled the egg out of her bag. It was a gooey purple mess, covered in sprinkles, sealed for safety in a clip lock bag.
"Jaz…What HAPPENED? I expected you of all people to have an intact egg!"
"You forgot about my friends Miss."
"They were the ones who won most creative each year they had this class, weren't they?"
"They sure were…"
"Well, you haven't disappointed me yet. Because you still managed to POSSESS your egg, I'll pass you both. Not an A mind you, but a pass…and by the way, you guys win most creative. But I have a question. What IS it?"
"It was supposed to be breakfast. Tia was trying to cook scrambled eggs."
"Well, that answers any questions I had…"
Later that day at the normal high school…
Four boys were eating lunch. One of these was the somewhat elusive brother of Zelda. They were discussing the popular short horror fiction site, Creepypasta. Now, these boys were careful not be seen as mentally unstable, lest they be shipped to the other high school, with the notorious Unreasonably Ridiculous Gang (URG). While Zelda's brother Darsi would enjoy this, he didn't want to leave his friends; the first ones other than his sister that he had ever had. Now, as you can probably tell by this, Darsi was really close to his sister; so, in retrospect the bullies, who were walking over, REALLY should have anticipated the consequences…
"Hey losers, how's it going?"
"Hey Darsi, your sister send you a straitjacket for your birthday?"
"Or did you send her one?"
The other boys (Darsi's friends) looked on in horror. You should NEVER, EVER insult Darsi's sister, ESPECIALLY to his face. Darsi growled, and clenched his fists, trying to hold in his anger as his Nee-chan had taught him. It didn't work.
"DON'T INSULT MY SISTER YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! SHE'S A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!" Screamed Darsi as his friends held him back.
Isaac, the eldest of the four boys, left Darsi to the others as he went to scare off the bullies, dashing over to insult their mothers and compare them to prostitutes. British people are good at that after all.
"Darsi, they're gone now, you can bash the phone book," said Daniel gently as he released Darsi's arms.
Darsi ran over to the phone book his sister had insisted he take with him everywhere to release his anger on. She was right. It really did help.
Steve wandered over to Darsi while he was tearing up the phone book. "So, feeling better?"
Darsi turned around. "Not really. They went too far this time. I want to get REVENGE."
Isaac turned also. "Well, I've wanted to meet these crazy girls your sister talks about. How do you want it done? Mild, severe, or bat shit insane?"
Steve and Daniel joined them, grinning grimly. Darsi nodded at them. "If we're going to go down, let's go all the way."
Authors Note: Sorry this took so long guys. Things have been pretty hectic around here…Halloween and all…and school…anyways, we hope we didn't offend any British people, we meant no offense. But the person Isaac is based on is British and well…yeah. This is fiction, characters may be based on real people, but we do not support stereotypes…much. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the story, read and review, questions and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism are welcome.