Rut-Lance Crystal –Fairy – Daaamn you are just rippin up the chapters! Thanks for the reviews!

Alcorion – Always look forward to your reviews my friend! Clyde Frog is something Cartman's always been attached to, and the fact that he's now something of a second voice in Cartman's head shows just how psychologically damaged he is. Until next time!

PureFluff- Thank you very much! I've always viewed Stan as the sort of person who wouldn't see something, even if it was right in front of his face. He's sort of clueless sometimes, and insightful other times.

. BALLS. 20 reviews?! Thank you so much you guys! I'm getting a lot more readers on this thing due to my Traffic-O-Meter, and I'm happy the story is all to your likings.

Rig

All characters belong to Matt and Trey, I'm just borrowing them.

___

Kyle stood outside Mr. Garrison's classroom, concentrating on his breathing. "I can't believe I'm going to tell him today." He said softly to himself. "God help me." He pushed the door open and went to go sit in his seat.

Stan was already there, book open on his desk. "Don't worry dude. Your presentation should go okay today. I told Cartman that if he screwed with you, the whole football team would beat the crap out of him." He said.

Kyle slowly turned around in his chair. "Dude…what exactly did you say to him?" he asked.

"I just said you liked a girl and if he screwed with you at school today I'd get a bunch of the football team together and kick his ass." Stan said. "So you've got your presentation right?"

Kyle blinked when he saw Cartman open the door to the classroom and silently sit down in front of him, their project firmly in his hands. "Cartman?" Kyle said quietly. "I need to talk to you after class."

"Kyle. Just do me a favor and don't ever speak to me again." Cartman growled, not turning around in his seat.

"Now Eric, Kyle, get up here and do your stupid project so we can move on." Mr. Garrison said, putting his head in his hand. Cartman silently got up and stood in front of the class. Kyle stood next to him. He could feel Cartman seething next to him. It was in his voice when he spoke. In his spine.

Kyle frowned. What the hell was up with Cartman?

"So here we have a specimen of exactly what Adolf Hitler was talking about. This here is the common Jew, class." Cartman said, gesturing to Kyle and standing aside so his classmate was brought to the forefront. "Jews usually try and mask their lying tendencies by more lying, and often ruin everything they touch. Jews are the lowest members of the human species, and Mr. Hitler understood this. He understood that the Jews tried to kill his people, and he was just trying to get some revenge. Kyle though is a rare species of Jew. He is also a ginger, which makes him both a poisonous snake and contagious."

Kyle gaped. "Cartman what the fuck?" he snarled, clenching his fists on his crutches.

"Eric, that's enough." Mr. Garrison said tiredly. "Turn in your paper and go sit down."

"Kahl thank you for volunteering, you ugly little kike." Cartman said, shuffling the papers and laying them on Mr. Garrison's desk. Kyle was still staring at Cartman.

"Kyle, go ahead and sit down." Mr. Garrison urged.

Kyle sat down in his seat, staring at his desk. He couldn't believe it. Cartman was acting a little bit more decent to him yesterday…what the hell had happened? Cartman wasn't looking at him at all. "Cartman I need to fucking talk to you!" Kyle hissed at the back of Cartman's head.

"I don't want to talk to you Kahl." Cartman said calmly.

"Mr. Garrison, I need my insulin shot. Can Cartman come with me to the nurse?" Kyle said. Mr. Garrison gestured, waving a wrist for the two of them to leave class.

"Kyle what the fuck are you doing?" Cartman snarled, but didn't have time to say much more. Kyle grabbed his arm and got up, seizing one of his crutches and awkwardly dragging Cartman out of the room.

"Cartman you need to tell me what's going on with you! We hung out all day yesterday, and now suddenly you're back to ripping on me for no particular reason? You ruined our project!" Kyle shouted at him. Cartman had folded his arms and was avoiding Kyle's eyes, looking rather indifferent. The Jewish boy leaned on his crutch like a cane, his knuckles white on the rubber handle.

"Honestly I don't know what I was expecting from you. You act like a human being one minute then you're a complete asshole the next." Kyle said angrily.

Cartman was silent for a moment. "So who is it Kyle?" he asked.

"Who's what?" Kyle asked in exasperation. "You know what, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you fucking around with me for no reason, and then pulling shit like that in the classroom! You know what? I thought you'd mature out of this when you got older, but you're just going to go through life miserable and alone."

Without another word he turned and walked down the hall, ignoring the fact that class was still going on, that he'd left his other crutch and bag in the classroom. He couldn't do any schoolwork like this.

He opened the back door of the school and sat down on the steps, ignoring the smell of cigarette smoke coming from the goth kids who hung out there. They gave him bored glances and went back to listening to their music, occasionally asking for a light or another cigarette. Kyle was content to ignore him.

After last night, he wanted the school day to go smoothly.

His mother had kept him up until eleven at night, lecturing him about staying away from 'that Cartman boy' and not answering his phone. Kyle had decided to leave the blasted thing at home from now on. He wasn't going to let his mom check up on him every second of every day anymore.

He folded his arms and settled them on his knees, putting his chin on his arms. He still felt a lot of pity for Cartman…still liked him. Somehow Kyle didn't think that would ever change.

Well, if Cartman wanted to toy with him like that, he wouldn't tell him he liked him. No, two could play at this game.

Maybe the girlfriend rumor would work to his advantage.

"Hey, Henrietta?" he asked the slightly overweight goth girl sitting on a step below him.

"What do you want, you little Gap whore?" the girl asked him with a frown on her face, taking a drag from her cigarette holder.

"You want to make some money?" Kyle asked.

"What the fuck are you talking about, kid?" The large nosed goth asked him, though he seemed rather indifferent as to Henrietta's feelings.

Henrietta glared at him. "Why don't you go hang out with that jock kid, the fat one and the poor one?" she growled.

"No, that's the point. They think I have a girlfriend, but I don't, and so I need some girl to cover for me." Kyle explained.

"Then go find some Banana Republic slut and date her." The floppy-haired goth muttered.

"I can't dude, then I'd have to deal with Wendy and the other girls. With you guys, they wouldn't expect it." Kyle said.

"Ten dollars a week." Henrietta said in her usual drawl.

Kyle gaped. "Henrietta, I don't have a job! My parents aren't going to give me ten dollars a week!" he protested.

"That's the deal kid, take it or leave it." Henrietta smirked.

Kyle sighed and nodded. "Okay, but you better be a good actor. My name's Kyle, by the way, not kid. Kyle Broflovski." He smiled.

"Whatever. First installment is due Monday." Henrietta said.

Kyle nodded. "Meet me before school tomorrow. Remember, you have to act like it for the rest of the day, and no skulking behind the back of the school." He said. "And…um…could you dress a little more normally?"

Henrietta narrowed her eyes. "That's going to cost you extra, Kyle. Look, I'll show up and I'll act like I actually like you and the rest of the drones. But you're going to have to hang out here." She stuck her cigarette holder back between her teeth.

"The world's worse than we are." The kindergarten goth whispered softly.

____

"Now Bebe let's get down to the facts." Cartman folded his fingers on top of the lunchroom table, one eyebrow raised and looking across at the curly haired blonde girl. "Do you know which one of the girls Kyle is dating?"

"Cartman, I'm really not interested in whatever the heck you're plotting. As far as I know none of the girls are dating Kyle." Bebe answered.

"So you admit one of the girls could be dating Kahl, you just don't know about it? I thought you were informed, Bebe. I thought you knew what went on in this school. Guess I was wrong." Cartman gave a dramatic sigh. "Well I've got one free pair of shoes from Aldo to whichever one of the girls brings me prudent information about Kyle's new girl toy. Next please."

Bebe scowled and hopped down from the bench. Red hopped up on it, and the line of girls behind her peeked out at the coupon Cartman had in one hand.

"Alright Red, tell me what you know and the coupon is yours." Cartman said calmly, folding his hands in front of him.

Kenny and Stan watched from across the lunchroom. "Dude, if I didn't know any better I'd think those girls were lining up to talk to Cartman." Kenny said. He had his hood down for once so he could eat his sloppy joe without it getting all over his parka.

Stan had his head in on hand. "No, he's got a stupid coupon for free shoes from an expensive store and he's trying to find out which one of the girls is dating Kyle. Even Wendy's over there." He said forlornly.

"Well it's no one I'm sleeping with, and that's over half the people in that line." Kenny pointed out, finishing his sandwich and wiping his hands off, then pulling his hood up.

"I wonder why he hasn't told us who it is yet." Stan said. "I mean, I'm his best friend. Is he embarrassed or something? I didn't rag on him when he kissed that homeschooled girl."

Kenny shrugged and went to go return his tray, leaving Stan to watch Cartman interrogate the girls.

The football quarterback rubbed the back of his neck. At least Kyle had a girlfriend now. He would be able to understand having to hang out with a girl more than his friends. Ah well. Misery loves company, right? He looked at Wendy, who seemed to be in a confrontation with Cartman.

"Look you fat asshole. Quit trying to find out who Kyle's dating. It's his own fucking business who he wants to date, and you're manipulating these girls into telling what they know!" Wendy was shouting at Cartman, who looked surprisingly indifferent to her screaming.

"Wendy, if you want the coupon you're going to have to give me something to go on just like everyone else." Cartman said.

Wendy slammed her palms down on the table. "I don't want the god damn shoes Cartman! I want you to stop hurting people! Maybe this girl doesn't want to be known yet. Maybe she can't handle you yet! Do you ever think of anyone else but yourself?" she shouted, glaring at him.

"Wendy…" Cartman sighed and shut his eyes. "I'm just providing a service. They give me the information, I give them the coupon. Everyone wins."

"No! I'm going to find this girl, and make sure she stays the hell away from you!" Wendy pointed at Cartman, and then stomped off out of the cafeteria.

Cartman waved at the other girls. "Alright let's keep the line moving shall we? One of you has to know something…let's keep this civil." He said.