More than 240 follows, Holy shit do I even deserve that?
Whelp, Onwards with da story!
(By de way, there's a poll going on right now so check it out!)
Hi. Konosuba crossover.
Idk.
Italics = Thoughts/Emphasis
Bold = Loud person speaking/Loudness/Emphasis
Underline = Mainly Emphasis
'Blind people will get offended if they see this.'
...
...
...
Shit.
In retrospect, maybe insulting a leader class Fallen Angel was a bad idea...But...But could you blame me?
My opponent looks like a dumb reject elf from a shitty roleplaying game. Seriously, what is it with those ears?
Agh, focus Kazuma, you've got to focus!
Think of a way to beat this stupid crow called Kokabiel!
...
-EARLIER THAT DAY-
...
A Hydra appeared.
Let me say that again.
A bloody fucking Hydra appeared.
As Serafall formed an ice wall, I ran like a bitch without thinking twice.
After running for 9 minutes, I realised that I am not smart.
Really stupid in fact.
Because I realised that I am alone in a forest that inhabits monsters that can take down small countries with ease.
...Oh no.
I'm getting scared.
Really scared.
I'm so scared that I can have no trouble using water magic in my pants without using any magic at all.
Rustle Rustle
What the shit was that?
Movement, I hear movement in the bushes and trees behind me.
Rustle Rustle
This is it, I'm going to die today and no one is going to find my body.
Rustle Rustle
Oh dear god, why did I have to die a virgin?
Rustle Rustle
Internal screaming.
Rustle Rustle
I turn around slowly and saw-
"A-Are you lost?"
A beautiful and well-endowed woman with long brown hair. She wore a purple dress with a dark purple robe over it. An alluring figure showed itself before me.
"U-Umm, are you okay?"
Were my prayers answered? Is this what hope is for?
"..Hello?"
Now wait just second Kazuma Satou, how do you know this girl in front of you isn't a monster in disguise? For all you know, she could just be friendly one second and be an absolute nightmare the other second. Don't trust it Kazuma Satou. It's too good to be true!
"Are you okay?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" I waved my arms maniacally in an attempt to scare off the monster.
"KYAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
...
...
...
"So...um, sorry about that. I was really scared."
"No, uh, it's okay Kazuma-san."
The woman identified as Wiz calmed down along with Kazuma.
Wiz asked;
"What are you doing here alone? It's too dangerous to be here."
"I... got lost...H-How about you? You're alone too."
"I... came here to find and retrieve someone- I mean, a cat."
"?"
"Kazuma-san, did you happen to see a cat with tiny wings and yellow eyes in this forest?"
"No, I don't think s-"
Kazuma went silent.
"He's not all that big, he's about the size of your head I think."
Kazuma started sweating.
"W-Why are you looking for that cat?" Kazuma asked.
Wiz paused before answering;
"K-Keep this a secret okay?... I'm actually the secretary for Hades-sama and that cat is an... important asset for Hades-sama. But she went missing and there were speculations that she escaped to this forest, and that's why I am here. To find her... Do you have any clues on where she is?"
Hades? Secretary? What?
"I... don't not wouldn't have any insight into that matter."
Wiz was confused at Kazuma's dumb word combination.
"I...see..."
Seeing the sad smile on Wiz's face made Kazuma feel even more guilty.
It was at that moment.
A beast the size of a car appeared several footsteps away from the two.
"Oh, a Griffon."
"A-A-A-A G-Griffon?!"
In contrast to Wiz's calm expression, Kazuma was panicking out.
"What is that, why is that, how is that!"
"C-Calm down Kazuma-san. It must've appeared because we are in its territory. Now, slowly back off..."
Wiz held Kazuma's hand as they both slowly took a step backwards from the angry looking Griffon.
But Kazuma tripped over.
The Griffon lunged at the two.
Wiz took a step forward and stopped the momentum of the Griffon with one hand.
"Drain touch!"
A purple light manifested on her hands as Wiz took the stamina and strength away. The Griffon struggled and resisted but it was all to no avail under Wiz's tight grasp.
Soon, the Griffon started to weaken its resistance and eventually, collapsed to the floor.
Wiz sighed as she looked at the downed opponent, she turned to Kazuma.
"Don't worry I haven't killed it. It's sleeping right now..."
Kazuma had only one thing in mind.
"Please teach me that magic!"
"Eh?"
"If you teach me that magic, I'll help you find the cat so please!"
"Eeehh?!"
"..."
"..."
"He's gone."
"Meow..."
"..."
"So... what should we do?" Aqua asked.
"..."
To that question, no one knew the answer...
"K-Kazuma-san, are you sure about this? This magic may cause you problems in the future."
"Problems?"
"Yes, This type of magic is called 'Undead Magic' and only the followers of Hades-sama can teach it... If you learn this magic, it would imply that you are an ally of Lord Hades."
"...I understand.."
"I-I'm going to ask again, Are you sure about this?"
"Absolutely."
To Kazuma's determination, Wiz responded;
"...Very well." Wiz closed her eyes and exhaled, "I will teach you everything about this magic!"
"By the way, where's Chunchunmaru?" Aqua asked.
"..."
To that question, most knew the answer...
Appearing in pink particles, Chunchunmaru stood beside Kazuma and took a battle stance.
"Back off Lich!"
"Ah!?"
Suprised, Wiz took a step back and froze Chunchunmaru's entire body.
"I-I-I'm sorry!"
"...This is some...Deja vu..."
The ice immediately broke into pieces.
"I will not make the same mistake twice, perish under my power Lich!"
As soon as Chunchunmaru exclaimed that, Kazuma bopped him on the head.
"Oi."
"...Does thou require something master?"
"Yes, I need to learn the magic she is trying to teach me."
"Kazuma-san, just who is this person?"
"...Ignore him."
"U-Umm."
"Ignore him."
And so, Kazuma learned under Wiz's instructions while Chunchunmaru glared daggers at the poor Lich.
.
..
...
...
..
.
"A-Amazing! I never knew someone could be so talented at 'Undead' magic!"
Wiz complimented on how fast Kazuma picked up on the magic 'Drain Touch'. Smirking, Kazuma responded;
"Of course I'm talented in magic (except water magic), Let's see; I'm going to tell you a secret of mine."
Kazuma closed the distance between himself and Wiz.
"I'm one of the masked Heroes of the Devil society who saved Rias Gremory you know?"
Wiz widened her eyes.
"Y-You were one of them!?"
"I'm not lying~!"
"But, if... If you are a person who can defeat a high-class Devil in less than 10 minutes...then... you can probably..."
Wiz started talking to herself.
"Hm? Are you awed my awesomeness?"
"Kazuma-san."
Wiz looked directly into Kazuma's eyes.
"Y-Yes?"
"May I have your contact details?"
Kazuma's mind went blank.
"...Huh?"
"I-I don't mean anything weird like that! I just, want your help when the time comes... or is that too muc-"
"No no no, it's alright. Look, I'll tell you where I live so you can come anytime okay? Preferably come at night on a Saturday where almost everyone is asleep except for me."
"Um, I-I think you're misunderstanding something."
"Ssshhh, I know honey. I'll be waiting."
To Wiz's slightly red face, Kazuma thought;
YEESSSS! STRIKE! Is this my chance to become an adult!?
"U-Ummm."
"Okay! Let's go find that stupid cat!"
"W-Wait! I think you're seriously misunderstanding something~!"
"..."
Chunchunmaru stood silently at his master's antics.
"This is troublesome..." Serafall said as she sat on a frozen Hydra head."Oh I know! I'll just contact her!"
Serafall hopped off the Hydra head and gestured to the girls to follow her;
"I think I know someone who can help us find Kazuma-chan!"
"Really? Who is it?" Darkness asked.
To which Serafall made a cheeky smile and replied;
"That's a secret~"
Aqua nudged Megumin and whispered into her ear;
"How is the Devil society still functioning with a leader like her?"
"Aqua, I think she can hear you..."
Serafall winked.
.
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...
..
.
"Tia~! Tia-chan~! Where are youu~!"
After walking a long way, Serafall started shouting to a seemingly empty lake.
"A-Are we here?" Megumin said, being carried by Darkness.
"Who knows. Devils are crazy after all." Aqua said, also being carried by Darkness.
"Um, you tw can hop off now. I think we're here."
"What do you mean Darkness? We're both doing this for your sake! We all know how you were of no use during our fight with the Hydra. We're trying to increase your strength!"
"A-A-A-Aqua! and Megumin- stop nodding to Aqua's words! What do you mean by 'how you were of no use'! Both of you were also doing nothing at all!"
"Ha! So you do admit that you were doing noth-"
Aqua stopped talking as a great shadow covered them.
"Tia-chan! You're here!"
A great, pale blue western Dragon showed itself before the girls.
"Serafall, It has been a while."
"Aye!"
Megumin, Aqua and Darkness stood with their jaws open.
"What do you need?... Who are these young ladies?"
The great dragon shifted its attention to the three idiots who were stuck in place.
"H-H-Hello Dragon-san!" the terrified blue haired bimbo said, "I-I-I-I'm A-Aqua!"
"Aqua? A strange name, it's the same as that water goddess..."
Suddenly, Aqua's face expression changed into a proud one. Aqua shouted;
"That's because I am the Water Goddess!"
"..."
The great Dragon looked away from the self-proclaiming Goddess.
"Who are you little one? Your eyes seem... familiar..."
Megumin trembled, she eventually opened her mouth and whispered;
"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark, I beseech thee, combine with my deep crims-"
Darkness covered the trembling explosion girl's mouth and prevented a would-be disaster.
"Her, Her name is Megumin, A mage of the Crimson Demon Clan."
"Oho? I see, and you are?"
"My name is... Darkness. An exorcist from the Vatican."
"Hmmm, what a strange group of individuals... Serafall, why are they here?"
"Oh, well it's a funny story. I came here to get Kazuma-chan a familiar but they all got caught in the teleportation spell and came along, teehee!"
"That is an unfortunate series of events... Who is this 'Kazuma-chan'?"
"He's... my pupil and best friend! Speaking of Kazuma, I came to you so you can find him, he got lost in the forest and I thought you could locate him."
"Locate someone? I see, how strong is he?"
"He is a human who can use basic water magic and one spell of Norse magic."
"...That's it?"
"Mostly, he's Japanese."
"..."
"Can you help us?" Megumin asked.
"..."
The great dragon closed her eyes and sighed.
"Do not expect the 'Kazuma' human to be alive okay?"
"Thank you! umm, Dragon?"
"Call me Tiamat."
After telling Wiz his address, Kazuma hummed happily as he walked beside Wiz and Chuchunmaru.
"K-Kazuma-san, Are you sure you're not misunderstanding something?"
"Of course~! By the way, how strong is the cat?"
Wiz put her hand to her chin.
"Hmmm, she's as powerful as-"
Wiz paused and froze up.
"Wiz?"
Wiz widened her eyes and turned to Kazuma.
"D-D-Do you hear that?"
"Hear wha-"
In the distance, they heard great, slow but powerful, flapping noises.
"Huh? Are a bunch birds flying here or someth-Whoa!"
Wiz pulled on Kazuma's sleeve and urged him to run, Chunchunmaru demanded an answer.
"What are you doing?"
"We need to go!"
"Huh, Why?" Kazuma asked.
"A Dragon is coming!"
Kazuma asked no more questions and ran alongside Wiz.
...
...
...
"So um, are Dragons really scary?"
After running for quite a while, the trio found an abandoned cave and hid in it. Kazuma was currently sitting down and hugging his legs while Wiz stood next to her. Chunchunmaru was in the Katana form and lay in front of Kazuma.
"It's not that, in fact, I'm not scared of Dragons themselves... But there was a possibility that the Dragon we heard was her..."
"Her?"
"Yes, the only female among the 'Five Great Dragon Kings'- The Chaos Karma Dragon, Tiamat."
Kazuma had no clue what Wiz was talking about but he nodded anyway.
"Oh, that's bad..."
"If she knew I was here I might get destroyed,,,"
"What! Why!?"
Wiz sat down next to Kazuma.
"It's not a long story, Tiamat and Hades-sama are... not on the best of terms. A war would probably occur if they met each other again." Wiz explained, "And being a follower of Hades-sama, her hatred for Hades-sama would most likely apply to me as well, especially since I am Hades-sama's secretary. But I have the highest chance of surviving if I were to meet Tiamat by chance, and that's why I'm here and not anyone else..."
"..."
Kazuma was tempted to ask why Tiamat would hate Hades but it didn't seem like the appropriate mood to question it.
"I wonder where she is? The cat that is..."
Kazuma felt even guiltier. He couldn't tell that his companion just forcibly took it and made it its familiar.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"AAAHHH! I'm going to find that stupid cat! Wiz, you can stay here!"
"Huh!? K-Kazuma-san it's too dangerous to go alo-"
"Chunchunmaru, go find that cat! I'll go this way and you go that way!"
"Affirmative."
Kazuma full dashed out the cave in search of that pussy!
...
...
(AN: I'm sorry)
...
...
"Are you sure about this area?" Tiamat asked.
Currently all '5' ladies were walking in a group with Serafall and Tiamat, who was in her human form, in lead.
"Positive. He ran this way the last time we saw him."
"Me~ow..." Chomusuke had already given up trying to escape Megumin's arm prison that she called a hug.
"aaaaAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
In the distance, the group all heard a scream.
"This pathetic voice- It's Kazuma!"
The group didn't hesitate anymore as they ran towards the scream.
My name is Kazuma Satou.
"AAAA-"
I'm human, An ordinary citizen of Japan.
"-AAGLEEAAAAAA-"
And I am being chased by 2 literal oversized lizards. They stood on 2 legs and had razor sharp claws, I knew they had sharp claws when they sliced through the tree beside me.
"-AAAAAA-"
Right now I'm running out of stamina and I think I'm going to die.
"-AAA-"
Oh merciful God or whatever entity who cursed me with bad luck.
"-A-"
What have I done to anger you? Oh merciful one, I am but a mere human. Yes, I may be perverted but I have a senpai who is probably twice as perverted as I am. Oh please oh merciful one, what have I done to ange-
"-AAAaaaaahhh?"
Hm? I don't hear the oversized lizards anymore.
I looked back and saw... A woman?
With straight long beautiful, pale blue hair, dark blue eyes... and a hand holding 3 bloody hearts.
Holy shit.
Did she tear out the hearts of those big lizards?
Oh no.
She's looking at me. Is she one of those humanoid monsters!?
Why did I stop running!? Danger! Danger! I need to go now!
"So you're the 'Kazuma' everyone's talking about."
Wha-
The woman was directly in front of me.
I didn't even see her move!
It was at that moment, I heard an awfully familiar voice;
"Kazuma! You still alive?"
The voice belonged to the one who I was with the longest when I started this crazy adventure. The dumb one.
"Tia-chan, I think you might be scaring poor Kazuma."
Ah, this voice belonged to the Devil leader.
"Kazuma, are you okay?"
This voice... belongs to the that holds that damn cat!"
"Megumin!"
"W-What!"
I strode past the pale blue haired girl in front of me and snatched Chomusuke away.
"Give this to me for a bit."
"Wha, Kazuma- Wait!"
Not listening...Hm? Is this cat happy to see me? No that's not it... It's just happy that it's away from Megumin.
I whispered to Chomusuke;
"It's okay little buddy, you're safe now."
Chomusuke's eyes lit up and rubbed its head against my neck.
"K-Kazuma! You can't just steal my familiar like that!"
"No!...Haaah~ I'm tired, just what were those anyway?"
To which Serafall answered;
"Lizard Runners, they have incredible speed and have the power to kick through multiple trees... It's impressive that you survived that long I think."
Is Serafall mocking me? Or am I being negative... I don't know.
"You're tired, right? You should have some rest." Darkness said.
To which I replied;
"Hmph, I do not need such 'rest' dear Darkness-chan. For I have learnt a magic from a person whom I cannot name (probably)!"
"Huh?"
I placed down Chomusuke and walked to the nearest tree and rest the palm of my hand on it.
Sorry tree-san. I think this may hurt or possibly kill you.
"Drain touch!"
I absorbed the energy out of the poor tree. Speaking of which, I wonder how trees grow here. Is there sunlight in this place? Or do these trees even do photosynthesis? Does it ever rain here?
Meh.
With the tree withered and myself rejuvenated. I turned to see the reactions.
Aqua, Megumin and Darkness had widened their eyes. Ha! Are they in awe of my power?
Serafall looked fidgety and alternated looks between me and the dark blue-eyed woman whom I have yet to the know the name of.
Speaking of which, I think she's staring at me.
No.
Glaring daggers at me.
Oi, what have I done to piss you off?
"T-Tia-chan, I think it may be some kind of mistake..."
Hm? That woman's name is Tia? That's an awfully cute name.
'Tia' continued to glare at me.
Hmph! I don't care, I'm already familiar with girls hating me back at Kuoh Academy.
I asked a random question;
"Hey by the way, did you happen to see a big dragon around here? What did it look like?, what was its name?"
"Tiamat."
The blue-eyed woman intensified her glare.
What, this is scary.
"My name is Tiamat."
What.
"You have a lot of courage coming here follower of Hades, or is it foolishness?"
What. Someone explain please.
"Tia-chan! Calm down! He was probably tricked by someone!" Serafall exclaimed.
What. Wasn't Tiamat a Dragon?
I turned to Aqua.
"Tiamat is a Dragon, right?"
"Yeah, that's just her human form. It's sort of like how Chunchunmaru has his Katana form and human form."
I see.
Wait.
That's bad then.
"Chunchunmaru!"
Pink particles flew around and manifested,
"What is it, master?"
"Ok look. There's this big angry Drago-"
It all happened all too fast.
One second I was talking to my Katana, the next second he was underground.
D-Did Tiamat just chokeslam him through the ground!?
"You know the fate of those who anger me, correct?"
I-I-Is it an apology letter? I'll write a 23-page apology letter if that is what it takes!
Oh no.
Tiamat's eyes are glowing now.
I'm going to die again.
Shit!
-But it was that moment, my saviour called out;
"Wait!"
Author's Notebook:
Yo, wassup. I know what I'm doing. Probably.
I will try not to rush the Kokabiel arc.
WAIT! I HAVE A POLL RIGHT NOW ON WHO SHOULD END UP WITH KAZUMA, CHECK IT OUT! CHARACTERS NOT FEATURED YET ARE ALSO IN THE POLL LIST! VOTE NOW!
IF THERE ARE ANY OTHER PEOPLE YOU WANT TO ADD TO THE LIST TELL ME.
Poll on my profile page~
Cheers, Chomusuke!