A/N: Part one of the Halloween special – yes, I know I'm late. orz I didn't get the idea until the week before Halloween, and then I procrastinated made progress on some other stuff instead, and it kept rambling all over the place. The next chapter is actually the more Halloween-ish one, this is more setup… Oh well, it was fun to write anyway. Hopefully it's at least mildly entertaining.
This takes place before last year's Christmas special and after "Evil Plans."
"Hey everyone, Ven here to remind you guys it's Monday, and Monday is MAAAAIL DAAAAAY!~" The hyper blond, who had eaten far too many sprinkled-covered pancakes for breakfast, shouted through the intercom system. "So be sure to report to the Fourth Wall Window so you can pick up all your awesome fanmail! Or letters from people you actually know, if you get those. I mean everyone I know's already here, except Master Eraqus, and he's on vacation—"
"Shut up and get off the mic already," Vanitas called over his shoulder from where he lounged in one of the Fourth Wall Window's many oversized bean bags.
"—Anyway, don't forget to pick up your mail, kthxbye!" Ven let go of the intercom button and bounced back to the bean bags, cannonballing into the empty one next to Vanitas. "Don't you just love Mail Day, Vani?"
"No." The black-haired teen didn't even waste his energy by glaring at the lighter half.
"But everyone gets letters and packages and they all get to open them like it's Christmas every week!"
"If Christmas is like Mail Day, it must be stupid," Vani commented pessimistically.
"Aww, I know you're just sad 'cause you don't have anyone but crazy fangirls to send you mail, but hey, at least you're not like Aeleus. He barely ever gets any mail from anyone. I sent him a letter once, actually, so he wouldn't feel bad…"
This time Vanitas did bother to glare. "So why exactly do you like mail day so much?"
" 'Cause I get to see so many characters' happy faces when they do get special letters!" The blond grinned and hopped to his feet, extending a hand to his dark half. "And besides, there's always a chance you'll get a surprise!"
Vanitas stood, ignoring Ven's hand. "I highly doubt it."
"Hey, why don't you pass out mail with me? Maybe then you'll see how fun it is!"
"No way."
Ven grinned slyly, or as slyly as he was capable of grinning. Vanitas thought he would've look less ridiculous with Hareraiser ears sprouting from his head. "Y'know Aqua usually passes out the mail, right? I bet she'd appreciate a little extra help…"
Vanitas couldn't wait for the day Ven had a crush on someone. That brat would never hear the end of it.
XXX
"And why do I have to be the yaoi filter? Darkness isn't the same as disgustingness. I'm not immune to it."
"Somebody has to do it," Aqua said, rubbing her temples. "Normally I would do it myself or assign another female, since yuri is much less common, but… honestly, I can't handle it this week, and our female-male ratio is rather low."
"Yeah, I've noticed." Vanitas snorted. Maybe if there were more girls Terra would leave me and Aqua alone and find some poor loser to chase after.
"At least you can smell the yaoi without reading it," Aqua pointed out.
"So could Zexion or Repliku."
"Yes, but they don't volunteer to help me." She ruffled his hair affectionately.
He tried not to smile. "That's their problem."
As he sniffed letters for the sickly-sweet, decaying smell that yaoi fanfics and fanart secreted, Ven called out the names of characters whose mail had reached the "safe" pile.
"Riku? Nope, Riku's pwning Dream Eaters in the Grid right now…" Ven tossed Riku's mail into a pile by a blank computer monitor. "Sora! You're here, right?"
"Yup!" Sora bounced out of the noisy, impatient crowd. "Sweet, I got mail!"
Vanitas rolled his eyes. "You're the hero. You always get mail."
"You never know, everyone could be reeeeally busy one week." Sora shrugged.
"Well, not this week." Ven grinned and handed Sora and oversized messenger bag full of letters and packages.
His eyes widened when the bag jerked his skinny arms downward. "Heh… Heavy stuff, huh?"
"Yeah, I think your mom sent you a new supply of hair products." Ven's eyebrows creased. "Wait, that was one of Riku's packages. You got a fruitcake."
"Sweet, fruit and cake! Two of my favorite things!" He beamed and skipped off, oblivious to Ven's warnings that the cake is a lie.
Vanitas chuckled and tossed a handful of letters into the "safe" pile before sniffing one that smelled like rotten tomatoes. "Ugh, I'll need to make out with at least ten girls to get this smell out…" He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stiffen with static, and he looked up into Larxene's sneer.
"You'd have better luck jumping off the roof, half-pint." She flounced off, but not before jolting him with a current strong enough to burn the letter in his hands. He would've started a boss fight right there if Aqua hadn't come back to check on him.
"What happened?" She asked in concern, running a hand tenderly through his spikier-than-normal hair.
"Larxene," he grumbled through clenched teeth. "I'm fine." He couldn't say the same for the letter he had been holding, which was now a pile of ash. Good thing he didn't care if Terra got one less piece of mail. The annoying brunette wasn't in the room as far as he could tell, anyway.
Not wanting to explain why Larxene had shocked him in the first place, Vanitas shrugged Aqua off and went back to sniffing mail while Ven called out more names.
"Lexaeus… who's Lexaeus?" Ven scanned the crowd until a confused, broad-shouldered man stepped forward. "Oh! Aeleus! Here's a letter for you!"
Ven's smile took up his whole face as he handed the letter to Aeleus, who took it carefully as if it contained a bomb before stepping aside to read it. As he did so, a barely perceptibly smile snuck its way onto his face, and he neatly refolded the paper and tucked it into a hidden pocket in his guard uniform.
"Can you read this one?" Ven asked Aqua, squinting at an envelope that was covered in scribbles, for all Vanitas could tell.
"Oh, that's for me," Aqua said with a hint of a smile. "Peter Pan and his Lost Boys never quite mastered their penmanship."
"They send you letters a lot?" Ven asked. Vanitas felt a flare of jealousy that was somewhat sedated when Aqua answered, "They like me to tell them bedtime stories every once in a while. I think they have it in their heads that I'm their mother, no matter what I tell them otherwise."
"Well, you've got a lot of practice being a mom," Vanitas interjected in an effort not to be ignored, "babysitting Ven for so long."
"Hey!" The blond exclaimed. Aqua looked flustered, like she couldn't tell if that was supposed to be a compliment to her or just an insult to Ven. She didn't have time to react before Vanitas detected a foul scent on the next letter that made him cough so hard, he thought he was going to puke out a lung. Maybe two.
"What's wrong?" Aqua asked when his coughing fit died down enough for him to speak.
"This - *hack* *COUGH* - smell," he spat, engaging his helmet to protect his nose.
"I don't smell anything," Ven said in confusion.
"Of course you wouldn't. Enhanced sense of smell is a darkness-given power."
"No fair," Ven pouted, crossing his arms. Vanitas rolled his eyes, not that the other two could see.
"Would you want to get stuck sniffing the mail for yaoi? No, you wouldn't. So shut up."
"Is that what it is? Yaoi?" Aqua asked. She'd correct his manners later, but now wasn't the time.
"Worse. Imagine cigarette smoke that made a cloud of acid rain that boiled in a pit of tar and brimstone."
Aqua blinked. "That's… oddly descriptive."
Vanitas shrugged lazily. "That's what Old Man Xehanort smells like."
"XEHANORT?!" Ven burst loudly enough to silence the characters still waiting for their mail. When Vanitas realized the awkward pause wasn't going to end any time soon, he said, "You don't expect me to open it, do you?"
"Well, you are the most immune to darkness," Aqua said logically, though not unsympathetically. "We'll be right here to counter any traps it may contain."
All the characters waited in anticipation, some more patiently than others. Larxene called "Get on with it!" from the back of the room.
"Tch. Just sacrifice me 'cause I'm the darkest of all you. I see how it is."
"I'll open it for you, Vani!" Sora waved his hand and stepped out of the crowd.
The black-haired teen looked down at the unintimidating grey envelope in his hands. Simple script handwriting, postmarked The World That Never Was. The mailing address didn't contain an intended recipient, just Castle Lampshade as a whole.
Vanitas smirked. "Nah, you sit this one out, Sora. You get to play the hero every other day."
He ripped open the envelope with all the finesse of a kindergartener eager to get at birthday money, but the result was as anticlimactic as just receiving a boring card. He stared at the fancy stationary inside, which didn't explode or unleash a horde of Heartless on impact.
Residents of Castle Lampshade,
The Reorganized Organization XIII formally invites you to a social gathering for the celebration of a holiday known as Halloween. Perhaps you have heard of it from the world of the same name. This social gathering is to be held at the Castle That Never Was in the Grey Area on the eve of October 31. There will be
YO LAMPSHADERS, WHATS UP? YOU GUYS BETTER SHOW UP TONIGHT CUZ MOONY OVER HERES MORE BORING THAN KIDDO BACK IN HIS ZOMBIE DAYS. AND XEM DOESNT PLAY CARD HALF AS GOOD AS POKERFACE. I ACTUALLY MAKE MUNNY SOMETIMES
food provided. Costumes are encouraged.
Requesting your attendance,
Saïx of the Reorganized Organization XIII
P.S. OR ELSE WE CAN COME CRASH YOUR CASTLE, WHATEVS. YOU GUYS STILL HAVE SOME MORE BURRITOS, RIGHT?
P.S. This was Impetus's idea; I was simply ordered to write the invitation.
"Those idiots sent us an invitation?" Vanitas exclaimed after reading the letter. The crowd broke into a confused uproar.
"Invitation to what?" Aqua asked, right hand clenching around the empty space where her keyblade would be.
"You can read." Vanitas shoved the paper card at her and removed his mask when it was far enough away for the scent not to assault his nose.
Aqua's brow furrowed in a way that Vanitas wished wasn't as adorable as it was. "A Halloween party…?"
"Huh?" Ven interrupted.
"What?" "Huh?" Voices in the crowd murmured.
"Why would Xehanort invite us to a party?" Aqua asked.
"Read the not-so-fine print," Vanitas said, growing increasingly irritated. "There at the bottom, below Saïx's frilly signature."
"The marked out part? 'Or else we can come crash your castle-' this is a threat, isn't it." Aqua actually seemed more composed now that she came to this conclusion.
"Took you long enough," Vanitas said with a roll of his eyes. "We either show up, or they invade us. Braig knows how; he steals our burritos all the time."
"So that's where they keep going!"
"Shut up, Ven," Vanitas ordered. "Don't ask me why they haven't done it earlier, or why they're bothering with a Halloween party."
"Well, they did hack into our Drop system last week to take you and some of the others to their castle… Could they do it in reverse? Transport themselves to our castle?"
"I thought you had Data Riku and Ienzo fix whatever let them hack it," Ven said dubiously. "And what's so bad about a party? Even Xehanort couldn't mess that up, right?"
Vanitas and Aqua stared at him.
"Okay, okay, Xehanort could mess anything up," he admitted. "But maybe they're just really bored. I mean, they can't hurt us here even if they do get in, 'cause of the magic protect-y stuff."
"That's not really how it works," Aqua said carefully.
"Well, I'm going," Vanitas announced, sniffing the last handful of mail and dropping it in the "safe" pile with the exception of one pink-enveloped letter.
"What? It could be a trap, or—"
"Who knows?" Vanitas shrugged. He wasn't going to let Aqua think he was afraid of a bunch of idiots that couldn't even beat up Sora. "That's why I'll go find out. See what those losers are up to."
"So what's going on?" Sora asked over the roar of the crowd. "Something about a party?"
Aqua cleared her throat, putting on her Important Announcement voice. "The Reorganized Organization XIII has invited us to a Halloween party scheduled for tomorrow, October 31."
There was instant chaos among the characters, who were shouting in a mixture of outrage, confusion, and (occasionally) excitement.
"ATTENTION!" Aqua yelled, not needing a microphone to amplify her voice. "They claim that they will move their party to our castle if we do not show up at theirs. Whether or not they are bluffing, I can't be sure, but with that considered I believe we should take a vote." Before the characters could argue, she continued, "Those of you who want to attend their party stand in front of the viewing screen; those of you who do not want to attend move towards the door."
Chaos ensued as the majority of the characters migrated towards the door, though a surprisingly large number still fought their way to stand under the screen where Riku was opening a treasure chest. Roxas, Xion, and a few other confused or indecisive characters remained in the middle.
"Will Axel be there?" Roxas asked.
"Most likely not," Aqua answered. When she saw his and Xion's shoulders slump in disappointment, she added, "Though it is possible." Faces brightening again slightly, they joined the group by the screen.
"Really?" Kairi asked incredulously. "How could you want to go and see everyone we fought against?"
"Aww, Kai, you're no fun." Demyx pouted by the screen. "Nobody throws parties like Nobodies!" He laughed at his own joke.
"Surely it would be a most interesting gamble," Luxord threw in his metaphorical two munny while shuffling his cards.
"We can kick their butts if they try anything," Vanitas said to Aqua. "I say we just go anyway. Since when are we a democracy?"
"I doubt it will be that simple," she replied, gaze drifting between the two separate groups of characters. "But it may be worth investigating, just in case…"
"So what are we doing?" Ven asked, his hands still full of letters to pass out.
Aqua cleared her throat. "As the voting shows, the majority does not want to attend, and nobody will force you."
"Heh, Nobody will—OW!" Larxene smacked Demyx upside the head before he could finish another lame pun.
"However," Aqua continued, "if you do wish to accept the Reorganized Organization's invitation, we will have the Drop system set up to transport you there and back. Just know that you assume any risks involved."
"Woohoo! Partyyyy!" Demyx cheered, dancing around in circles until Larxene smacked him again.
"That idiot is not going to survive the night," Vanitas muttered.
"You may all return to your regular activities," Aqua finished as the chaotic chatter crescendoed past its usual level. As Ventus went back to passing out letters, she sighed, turned to Vanitas, and said, "I'm probably asking for trouble by letting them go…"
"I'll keep the idiots in check," Vanitas promised, but she answered him with a dubious look. "What?" He challenged.
"First of all, it's not polite to call people idiots. And secondly, I would feel more at ease if I went myself."
"What, you don't trust me?" He tried putting on an innocent face like Ven, but it only made him look more conniving.
"You haven't exactly proven yourself the most trustworthy person, Van."
Vanitas tossed his arms in exasperation. "I only possessed your friend and tried to start an interplanetary war one time. Besides, I couldn't stand to be stuck with Ven's face for the rest of my life."
He had no idea why she laughed at that, and he didn't have time to ask before Terra walked in, wielding a drill and wearing a toolbelt that looked weird with his pleated pants.
"Terra!" Aqua called for him, but Ven intercepted before he reached her.
"Here's your mail~!" He sing-songed, thrusting a stack of letters into the muscular teen's arms.
"Thanks, Ven," Terra replied and shoved them into an oversized pocket in his toolbelt.
"Hey, you'll never guess the letter we got!" Ven bounced, dropping the envelopes he was still supposed to be passing out. "Go on, try to guess!"
"The 'Norts invited us to their Halloween party," Vanitas told Terra.
"Aww, he was supposed to guess!"
Terra stared at Aqua incredulously. "We're not going. Right?"
"You're not," she answered. "I need you to be in charge of the castle while I'm gone."
"What, so you'll trust him with a whole castle?" Vanitas pouted, but he was ignored.
"But why are you going? Xehanort will be there!"
"Not our Xehanort," Vanitas reminded him. "The old man hasn't made it yet if that younger idiot was in charge at the Recruitment Drive."
"His name's Impetus, if he's the one Saïx claimed set up the party," Aqua said.
"Still, any Xehanort is still a Xehanort." Terra's eyebrows creased in distrust. Vanitas found this somewhat amusing, considering Terra was a Xehanort at one point. Still kind of technically was, in canon anyway.
"The only way we'll know if they're planning something is if we go. Besides, we might learn something about what Sora and Riku are up against," Aqua said.
Terra shook his head. "I still don't think you should go… but be safe, okay?"
"I will." Aqua smiled. Vanitas wanted to punch something.
At least, he realized, if Terra was watching the castle, he had a whole night with Aqua to himself.
"C'mon." He smirked, grabbing Aqua's wrist. "We've gotta find some costumes."
A/N: Lol, I don't even plan to ship AquVan, I just do. xP If it's not your cup of tea, don't worry; the next chapter should have a lot less of it.
Hopefully I'll get the next half of this written sometime before Thanksgiving. XD