Gate Night and Pranks Galore

AN: Twilight abuse. You have been warned. Oh, and very long and crackish at the end. Which is far away, since this is a very long chapter. YAY!

"No, absolutely not!" Harry protested. We were all in the Gryffindor Common room, trying to get everyone a costume to make a haunted house-type thing. Dumbledore said that if we got it up and running with minimal magic, we could let other students walk through and see how muggles celebrate the 'day of the dead'. Also, I'm back to being the narrator. Isn't that awesome? (Crickets chirp) Thanks, everyone… thanks. I really appreciate the lack of concern you all have after I was TRAPPED IN ICE for TWO MONTHS!

"But we need a pirate! Or how about a skeleton? Please? Plleeaaassseeee?" I asked, holding up an enchanted skeleton costume, so when someone puts it on, they'll actually look like one.

"Look at it this way, Harry, if you're a skeleton, nobody can recognize you, and you can scare people!" I tried to convince him.

"Wait, I thought that it was supposed to be as muggle as possible," Hermione came up and told me.

"He said we could charm the costumes so people's identities stay hidden, and I actually took a lemon drop, so that put him in a good mood," I smirked.

"How would that put him in a good mood?" Ron asked.

"He offers them to everyone, Ron. He keeps a dish of them on his desk all the time," Harry told his best friend, rolling his eyes and not noticing my evil grin. He he he, I just got an idea.

"How are you doing this when you need to get caught up after those two months, Chris?" Ron asked, struggling into a werewolf costume.

"My friends are tutoring me, plus I am a very quick learner. Now, I want everyone to choose a costume they feel comfortable in, since you'll probably be running around for hours. Now, anyone that has already done so can get to these corridors," I yelled to everyone in the room and pointed to a map that was on the wall, designed by the Weasley twins, based off of the Marauder's Map. "I want the area to look like an actually spooky haunted house, not a cheap knock-off! Use magic if needed, but try to use mundane means when possible!" People started to file out, taking some Halloween decorations I had laying around with them. I knew that the other houses were helping with this project, so I wasn't too stressed. Best of all, everyone who participates got extra credit in Muggle Studies, even if they aren't taking that class!

"Hey, Chris!" Fred and George came through the Portrait hole, both smiling.

"What? Did you guys blow up a classroom?" I asked.

"We just wanted-"

"To give you-"

"Something of yours," Fred finished, and George held something out.

"Is that…. YES! ! My iPod! !" I said, hugging their legs. Everyone gave us weird glances, but saw it was me, so they went back to what they were doing.

"You're welcome," George said, as Fred tried and failed to undo my grip. Nice try, buddy, if I'm holding onto something, it's going to take a hell of a lot to make me let go.

"Why am I here, again?" Colin Creevy asked, dressed as a vampire (not a Twilight faggot), "And why am I a vampire?"

"One: We want a camera person for muggle pictures of scared people, and two: I still don't like you after that mention of the not-vampires, so this is to show you what a vampire is, as in they have fangs, and DON'T SPARKLE, GODAMN!" I yelled at him as he cowered. Azure nodded behind me, giving him a Death Glare of Doom™. He scrambled out of the room and ran in the direction of the set-up. If he wasn't, he was so dead.

"Hermione, is there any way to conjure working speakers? Please?" I gave her puppy-dog look.

"I don't know, we could ask Professor McGonagall," Hermione slowly said. I Shouted "Yay!" and promptly pulled her out of the room. Luckily, she wasn't in costume yet so the surprise wasn't blown. In case you're wondering, the only thing that everyone not part of 'operation spook' as I called it knew that there was something going on, nothing more.

"Is she gone?" Harry asked. Ron nodded. "Good, then I can lea"-

"No can do, Harry!" Fred said, hooking one of his arms under Harry's.

"You have to stay here," George got under his other arm.

"Now, how about a nice Fairy Princess costume?" they finished together.

"NNOOOOOOOOOO!"

meanwhilemeanwhilemeanwhile

"NNOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Hey, is it just me or was that Harry screaming?" I asked Hermione.

"Do you think he's alright?" Hermione asked, starting to panic.

"If getting stuffed into a Princess costume is 'alright', then yes," I smiled. "I asked Fred and George to if Harry tried to leave."

"Have I ever told you just how happy I am that you're a Gryffindor?" Hermione breathed out in relief.

"I don't think Harry is, though," I said, and we both laughed a bit as we walked down the corridor.

laterlaterlaterlater

"Kay, guys, thanks for helping to set-up!" I called to everyone in an empty classroom. Inside was the entire group that was helping with 'operation spook', so we couldn't use a common room since there was people from all the houses. "It starts tomorrow at five, so be here by four thirty so we can do last minute set up, until then, adios!" I waved most of them out.

"I don't think this is a very good idea, seeing as you still need to get caught up in your studies," Hermione informed me.

"Meh," I shrugged nonchalantly. Hang on, is that redundant?

"Careful Chris, she might make you a study schedule," Ron warned me, interrupting me from wondering if you can shrug chalantly. Is that even a word?

"Earth to Chris, come in Chris," Azure waved a hand in front of my face.

"What? Sorry, zoned out for a moment," I shook my head.

"Obviously. I mean, you didn't even notice Hermione hitting Ron," Harry told me.

"What? Damn, I had a plan too," I said before I covered my mouth. Trust me, for your health, and more importantly, mine, it's best if I don't say what, except it involves Hermione hitting Ron, a camera and using it as blackmail.

"So, Harry, did Fred and George get you into a fairy princess costume yet?" Apollo asked innocently, and everyone laughed as Harry turned bright red and muttered something along the lines of either "Get stuffed," or "Oh, shut up." Both such imaginative responses.

"What are you going to be for 'operation spook'?" Roxy asked, rolling her eyes at the name. Well, excuse me if I'm not good at names!

"Skeleton," Harry muttered.

"Better than anything fairy or princess related," I told him, and got a grunt in return. Seriously, I was here a week, got kidnapped, and been back for another week, and I see no enthusiasm! And for Halloween, too!

"So, when do we start?" Ron asked.

"Tomorrow's Halloween, so we meet here at four thirty to give ourselves time to get in costume, last minute stuff, that sort of stuff," I said. "And you'd have known this if you bloody paid attention."

"Looks like it's her time of the month," Harry muttered to Hermione.

"Look, Potter, I'd appreciate if you didn't say stuff involving my menstruation cycle, and I'm sure you'd appreciate keeping your reproductive organs, is that clear?" I asked him.

"Y-yes ma'am!" stuttered out a very pale Harry. Heh, gotta love how guys have that one weak spot.

"Chris, stop threatening Harry," Jordan appeared.

"Wassup?" I asked him.

"Have you heard about the whole Haunted-house thing we're doing, Jordan?" Roxy asked as Hermione glared at me in the background. Geez, this girl has issues with butchering the English language, which is weird because isn't English a butchering and combination of a bunch of other languages?

"Focus, Chris, you just missed Jordan agreeing to be a ghost for the haunted house," Azure knocked on my head a few times.

"Sweet, so do you need a costume?" I asked him as my other friends rolled their eyes.

"No," Jordan said, and turned slightly transparent.

"Wicked!" I shouted.

"Is she always like this?" Hermione whispered to Azure.

"No, not before we came here, but that's probably because she had to hide her abilities, so she's more open here, where secrecy isn't an issue," she answered.

"Thanks, guys, thanks for the support, so glad you care about me so much," I rolled my eyes. Everyone stared at me. "What?" I asked.

"You do realise that that was the first thing sarcastic that you said since we rescued you, right?" Roxy pointed out, everyone nodding behind her.

"Seriously? Holy"-

"Chris!" Hermione cut me off.

"Hermione!" I mimicked her.

"Don't mimic me!" Hermione said.

"Don't mimic me!" I copied her.

"Stop it!"

"Stop it!"

"Chris!"

Harry slapped a hand over my mouth. "Do you want to have her pissed off at you?" he hissed.

"Do you want me pissed off at you?" I countered. He then proceeded to give me a death glare. Oh, scary.

"What were you two arguing about again?" Ron asked.

"When Chris almost swore," Hermione sniffed.

"Hey, where is she?" Apollo asked, looking around, the door swinging a bit as they looked to find me gone.

Meanwhilemeanwhilemeanwhile

"OH MY GOD! A FLYING MONKEY!" I screamed, pointing out the window in Professor Dumbledore's office. I guessed the password and started to talk to him about the wonderfulness of socks. As he looked out the window I grabbed his ever present dish of lemon drops and booked it out of there.

And you're the smartest wizard alive? I thought as I ran, cackling.

Meanwhilemeanwhilemeanwhile

"Did I just hear evil laughter?" Ron asked.

"Nah, sounded more like cackling," Harry said. Well, he does have the most experience with evil maniacs than most of the people in the room. At that moment, they saw me run past the door clutching a dish filled with yellow sweets.

"She didn't…" Hermione whispered, eyes as wide as saucers.

"She did," Harry said, just as wide eyed.

"Bloody hell, that girl has guts," Ron muttered.

"What are you three talking about?" Azure demanded.

"Chris stole Dumbledore's lemon drops," Harry finally said.

"Wonder how she did it?" Roxy asked.

"Something utterly brilliant to get past him," Ron said.

"That, or told him to look out the window and booked it," Azure said.

From farther away, in the castle…"OWW! F*CKING POLE!"

"…okay, that was random," Harry said.

"Should we go see if she's okay?" Hermione asked.

"More like see if she's burning down the castle," Apollo said.

"Nah, let's not check," Jordan said, leaning back against the wall.

"Come on," Azure said, grabbing his arm and dragging him out the door, everyone else following. They found me sitting on the ground, clutching a bloody nose, the lemon drops scattered around me and the dish was rolling around in a circle, settling to a stop with a clatter of glass.

"This is why you shouldn't steal….especially not Dumbledore's lemon drops…" Azure said solemnly, helping me up.

"I have a theory that they're filled with an Obedience potion or Veritaserum or another truth potion, and had to steal them to test it," I muttered, and looked down at my shirt, namely the lovely red stain that was on it. "Damn, so much for not staining this uniform."

Everyone looked at each other. "Need some help picking up all the sweets?" Ron asked.

"Uh, maybe you should just grab one to test, because he's on his way, and he's moving fast!" Harry called out.

"How do you know that?" Apollo asked, and noticed everyone else was already turning the corner at a dead run. He yelped and took off after us.

"RUN RUN RUN!" I scream, laughing like a maniac.

"Is she high?" Hermione asked Azure.

"No, probably just bored," the magical vampire answered.

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" I yell at some first years we pass, still laughing, and they stared after us like we were escapees of a nuthouse, which is actually true in my case. What? Someone overheard my talking about necromancy, and got me in a straightjacket. I escaped the next day, so no big deal.

"Is she insane?" Ron asked Azure.

"Yep," she answered, like it was totally normal for me to act like a crazy person. Oh, wait, it is.

"Chris, he's not chasing us anymore, you know," Harry broke me out of my thoughts.

"Good," I gasp, and fall to the ground, candy dish with a few sweets still in it resting on my stomach. "I am not a distance runner, or any other type of runner, period."

"What are you doing here?" came a voice that everyone just absolutely adores asked. Okay, Azure probably adores him, and I think he's alright, but most others hate him.

"Hi, professor Snape! Can you do me a favour?" I ask, still on the floor.

"What?" he asked.

"Can you test old Dumble's sweets for any illegal potions or anything in them?" I ask.

"You want me to what?" Snape asked, flabbergasted. That's a fun word, flabbergasted. Heh heh.

I hold up the bowl with the little yellow sweets in it. "Test these for mind-altering potions."

"Why?" he asked, still confused.

"Because," I say.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"It's just that I have a theory…" I said.

That got his attention. "And that would be…"

"That he wants to take over the world by making everyone his brainwashed sheep followers and destroy all darkness and free will, leaving himself as dictator of the world, and forcing everyone to work in candy factories," I explained.

Suddenly, a shadow fell over me. "Miss Wells, is there a reason why you stole my lemon drops and currently lying on the floor, not to mention that you have a broken nose?" Dumbledore asked.

"Oh, shit," I so eloquently said. I sprung up, screaming "Flee, my friends, flee for your lives!" and booked it, leaving behind a very pissed off Headmaster and a chuckling Potions Master.

"I can't believe we did that," Hermione said.

"What? Running away from Dumbledore, or following someone who has a theory that he wants us to all be slaves in a candy factory?" Harry asked.

"Guys, where are Apollo and Roxy?" I ask. We then heard a ruckus coming from a corridor nearby. We followed the sounds for a while, until we got to a door.

Hermione stopped, grabbing Harry's and Ron's arms. "Aren't we on the third floor corridor?" she asked. Harry and Ron thought for a moment, before an identical look of horror crossed their faces.

"Fluffy…" they all breathed simultaneously, and threw open the door. Okay, weird. That is, until I saw a giant three headed dog. Now, most people would be scared of a giant three headed dog that looks like it just escaped from Hades, but my friends and I? Well, instead of running and screaming, we would do what Apollo and Roxy were doing, and that is playing with the already mentioned dog. Like, petting its belly and going 'good boy! Good boy! Who's a good boy, you are! You are!' in a baby voice. The golden trio stood there, shell shocked, Azure squealed and ran into the room and started petting the third head, and as for me, my jaw dropped.

"What is the meaning of this? That area is off-limits!" McGonagall came around the corner. I chose that moment to let everyone know why I was totally slack-jawed until then.

"This is animal abuse! Oh my freaking god, the poor thing's been locked up for years! I-I can't believe this! I should sue the school!" I proclaimed. "That dog shouldn't be in there! Here, Fluffy!" I called. The giant dog in question looked at me, and somehow squeezed through the door to get to me, running over Apollo in the process.

"Come!" I ordered him, and I lead the oh so scary oversized lovable puppy outside. Surprisingly, none of the teachers I passed seemed eager to stop a necromancer with a Cerberus following them. Wonder why?

Anyway, when we got out of the castle, I spread my arms out dramatically. "Be free, Fluffy! Run to your heart's content in the wilderness!" Fluffy sped past me, only to pounce on Hagrid, who had just exited the Forbidden Forest, and started licking him like crazy, all three tongues going. "Or you could do that," I finished, lowering my arms and shrugging.

"Fail," Jordan materialized beside me, causing me to jump.

"Do that again and we'll see if you still have a spleen, at least for a short while," I threatened.

"Whatever, so, what's new?" he asked.

"Let's see, tried and got distracted from trying to prove a conspiracy I made up, threatened to sue for animal cruelty, and made made Snape smile," I said.

"Wait, you made Snape, like, Severus Snape, Potions Professor and Head of Slytherin, smile? Did his face crack?" Jordan asked.

"No, he chuckled as we all fled from a pissed off Dumbledore," I told him.

"Why was Dumbledore pissed?" he asked.

"I stole his lemon drops. I believe that he puts potions in them to make people into obedient slaves so he can use everyone in candy factories after taking over the world," I explained. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha, you honestly think that? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Jordan laughed. Knew it would take him that long to get over the shock of Dumbledore not being so innocent.

"It's not that, it's that that theory is so stupid!" he exclaimed, still laughing a bit. Oh, mind reader, forgot about that. Asshole.

"Fine, fifty galleons say that it's true," I bet.

Jordan looked at me like I was completely insane. Well, I have spent some time in an asylum, so maybe I was. Meh. "You're on," he said, shaking my hand.

"What on earth is going on?" a high, annoying voice demanded. We both turned to see the toad queen herself standing behind us.

"We're talking. Mind giving us some privacy if you've got nothing to say?" I asked.

She pretended not to hear me. "Is that a Cerberus?" she asked, becoming pale. Ech, even I see that it's a bad colour with, *shiver*, pink. At least on her, but then again, she's ugly no matter what.

"Yes, and his owner, Hades, is coming for you, so you'd better had been good, or else it's the Fields of Eternal Punishment for you!" I said in a very cheerful voice. If only what I said was true, oh well. I can always imagine it.

"Chris," I heard Hermione start, and turned around to find that she was beside me. I braced for a lecture about threatening teachers. "Shouldn't you have mentioned the Furies as well?" she finished, smirking. I almost gaped at her, but stopped myself.

"Oh, right, and of course there's the whipping, the tasks, the whipping, the torture of thirst and starvation, the whipping, getting eaten, the whipping, getting ripped apart, the whipping, and the absolute sense of hopelessness as you realise that it goes on forever if you do go to the Fields of Punishment in death. Well, if you make it across the River Styx," I said, smiling.

"And the whipping," Hermione added.

"And the whipping. After all, what's punishment without getting flogged by an immortal being that is cruel to those that deserve it using a whip that feels like molten metal even without it moving at all?" I ask. What can I say, it's a very appealing picture for me to imagine the Um-bitch getting flogged by one or possibly all three of the 'Kindly Ones'.

Um-bitch became much, much paler. "I-I think I'll ru- I mean leave now," she stuttered, fleeing as fast as her chubby little legs could take her, which wasn't saying much.

"Oh Merlin, that was awesome! I didn't know you knew so much about Greek Mythology, Chris!" Ginny said. Wait, Ginny?

"Ginny, when did you get here?" I asked.

"Just now."

"Oh, well, I read the myths a lot, it was part of my studies, and I just found them interesting," I said.

"I'm surprised that you didn't notice me," Ginny said. Everyone else stared at her as I snorted.

"You don't know me at all, do you?" I said.

"So, is there anything we should do today?" Ron asked.

"Hey, isn't tonight gate night?" Roxy asked. A very evil smile spread across my face.

"What's gate night?" Ron asked.

"Poor, poor, unknowing ickie Ronikins, do I have a lot to tell you," I said, throwing an arm across his shoulders. "Gate night is the night before Halloween when pranks are played. Now, what, pray tell, do you think we should do?" I asked.

"Uh, prank someone?" he asked.

"Um-bitch," Hermione suggested. Needless to say, everyone gave her a 'who-the-hell-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-Hermione-Granger?' look.

"I just pranked all of you, ha!" Hermione said.

"Okay, then, Mione, I think you've spent too much time as Chris's roommate," Harry put a hand on the bushy-haired girl's shoulder.

"Is that a problem?" I asked him, leaning on his shoulder, leering at him.

"Uh, nope, no problem at all," he said in a high voice. Then the oh-so-mighty Boy-Who-Lived ran and hid behind his best best friend's little sister. My hero *rolls eyes*.

"Did someone give Hermione sugar or something?" Apollo asked. Everyone turned to glare at me.

"I may have introduced her to the joys of Wonka products," I said, eyes shifty. (AN: I don't own Wonka. 'Nuff said.)

"I don't want to know," Ron muttered.

"So, what was that about pranking the Queen of the Toads from earlier?" Roxy asked. Hermione and I exchanged 'plotting someones death' grins.

"Now, I'm scared," Ron said, and joined Harry in hiding behind a very confused Ginny.

"What?" Azure asked.

"Well, you guys remember those 'colour-changing' charms we went over?" I asked my best friends. Azure and Roxy nodded, and Apollo got distracted by a passing butterfly.

"Well, you must have all noticed that Umbridges favourite colour is pink, since even Chris has," Hermione said, ignoring my mock glare.

"So, since it's Halloween, here's my plan…" I whispered the plan to everyone. If anyone had been watching us, they would have only seen me hissing into everyone's ears, and someone occasionally getting an evil smile on their face, and maybe feeling a shiver of dread down their back.

Laterlaterlaterlater

At dinner, everyone was totally relaxed as the golden trio and the 'insane quartet', as my best friends and I were called collectively, came in. Clearly, these people were either a; stupid, b; clueless to the sense of primal fear and dread that made the hairs on their arms and the back of their necks stand on end, c; arrogant in that no one would dare prank them, or d; all the above.

"Teh-ay oad-tay has-ay anded-lay," I muttered to Harry as I saw Um-bitch walk into the Great all. He nodded and turned towards Hermione, passing on the message.

As Um-bitch sat down in her usual chair, a massive fart, or at least a fake one, ripped through the hall, causing everyone to look at what at first glance seemed to be a very large, very red toad. Then, a bucket filled with black paint appeared and dumped its contents on her, disappearing afterwards. Everyone laughed, and following a Compulsion Charm placed on some of the sweets, ate some, which turned everyone into their house animals (Gryffindor lions, Slytherin snakes, Ravenclaw crows cause they were better for Halloween then eagles and Hufflepuff badgers) and the teachers into either their house animal in the case of the house heads, or other animals. Madame Hooch was a hawk, Um-bitch was a toad, obviously, Filch into a rat, and Hagrid into a bear. Dumbledore was a goat with an extra-long beard, and the other teachers I didn't really care. Of course, everyone in on the prank weren't turned into the same animals as their house mates, so we all drank a potion to turn us into our animagus forms. I was a jackal, after the Egyptian god Anubis, Apollo was a wolf and Roxy a snow leopard for obvious reasons, and Azure became a tiger that was black with white stripes, I guess because of the vampirism. Harry was a stag, Hermione turned into a river otter, Ron became a terrier, and Ginny turned into a horse.

It was utter pandemonium, since everyone was in an animal body but had human minds, so they were trying to get used to it, bump into someone, start a fight, etc., and it was hilarious watching the teachers try to manoeuvre themselves to stop everyone, and failing. We all started laughing and chasing each other, and we gave Malfoy, who was a white adder, a reptilian heart attack when Harry bounded over him, followed by Apollo trying to eat him. Then he turned around to find Azure almost nose-to-nose to him, and being a snake and finding a black vampire tiger in front of you is scary. Eventually, we ran out of the Great Hall to gallop, lope and whatever else we did outside. Hermione lead the way to the lake, some explored the castle in their new forms, but most went out onto the front lawn to frolic to their hearts content. At least, until sunrise, when the spells wore off. And that, was the Gate Night Prank of '95, or 'The Great Animal Escapade', as I like to call it.

AN: Okay, with the whole 'whipping' thing earlier, I think that that has got to be one of the worst punishments in the Greek Underworld, and I think Umbitch deserves it.