" As a matter of fact; my promise that your place on the team is safe, comes with the stipulation that you don't continue to handle this without help. Understand?"

"Yes" said Tim with gratitude mixed with hesitation.

"What?" asked Gibbs as he caught the hesitation.

"How much of this will be confidential beyond skuttlebutt's reach?" Tim asked in obvious concern.

"Nothing we've said here tonight will go any further than whoever the shrink is that you chose to talk to. And that will only happen with your permission." Gibbs promised.

The look of pure relief that appeared on Tim's face made everything worthwhile. It pushed all other thoughts out of his head. All that mattered was seeing Tim through this both on and off the job.

"Thank you." Tim answered gratefully.

"To start with, I don't want you out in the field tomorrow."

"No Boss I have to" Tim said panicking "If I'm at my desk all day, then I can't keep my mind completely occupied. I won't be able to stop myself from thinking about…" he stopped, defeated.

"You're still look exhausted. I bet you don't even know when the last time you've eaten a decent meal, was." Gibbs looked at his watch. Eleven PM. "Go get some sleep."

Tim silently nodded and headed off to the bedroom without a fight or a look back. Gibbs sat back on the couch; trying to sort through everything he'd seen and heard tonight. In what seemed like a few short minutes, Gibbs awoke with a start. Sitting up he wiped his hand over his face and listened to figure out what had woke him. He soon realized that he could hear whimpering coming from down the hall.

Getting up he walked down the hall and into Tim's room. Looking in he could see that Tim was sitting up; jerked out of his sleep by whatever his mind had drug down into his subconscience while he slept.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked him quietly.

Tim shook his head. His frightened eyes were still adjusting to the change from nightmare to reality. He couldn't erase the feeling of the hand that had been holding a gun jabbed into his stomach, accompanied by that mocking voice that wouldn't leave him alone now. Breathing heavily he willed himself to relax, to stop panicking.

Gibbs cautiously moved forward; sensing Tim needed help in his struggle to calm down.

"It's alright just take deep breaths" he quietly urged as he carefully sat down next to his agent.

They waited while Tim worked to calm his breathing. After several minutes the younger man was able to calm down. "Sorry Boss didn't mean to wake you" he murmured once he found his voice.

Gibbs took a half-minute to look him over. He could see that the younger man was still exhausted, and in no need for anything more that a good night's sleep.

"Don't even worry about it, Tim. You think you can go back to sleep?"

Tim looked away "I'll be okay. You can go back to bed Boss. I'm fine".

Ok?" Gibbs asked, deliberately pushing, as Tim tried to get comfortable enough to sleep again.

"Yeah. Thanks, Boss." Tim whispered in return as sleep quickly reclaimed him.

Gibbs took the opportunity to take a good look at the now sleeping man. So many emotions wrapped up in one complex person who felt unworthy to even be here. His heart broke for the mess Tim's life seemed to be in. Silently, he turned and headed back to the couch, closing his eyes to try to capture some sleep for himself. The alarm clock got Gibbs up at 5:00 AM and making coffee before Tim was up.

Sleep made Tim appear much younger, he appeared more innocent, unguardedThe sleep had done Tim good, the exhaustion and fatigue that had brought dark shadows to his eyes previously were fading. Watching closely Gibbs could see the moment when Tim began to wake. His eyes slowly opened and looked blearily up at him.

"Morning. You sleep alright?" Gibbs asked as he looked in on his Agent.

Tim nodded as he looked at Gibbs. "Thanks, Boss, for staying last night. I appreciate it"

""Feeling better?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah. I'm okay, if you ignore the bad dreams" said Tim embarrassed.

"Do you have them often?" Gibbs asked.

"No, I've only had a couple this time."

"This time?"

"You know our psyche's work, Boss."

"Okay, I get it. What happens when you wake up? You seemed to be able to bring yourself out of this one."

Tim blushed and looked away. "Yeah, But, usually, it takes me a while to shake it off."

"Usually? What happened this time?" Gibbs stated.

"This time was..." Tim stopped. Last night had been different. He hadn't felt the urge he normally felt for escape once Gibbs arrived. Instead he had just felt relieved to have Gibbs there, relieved he had someone to talk to that would listen without judging him or telling him he was wrong for how he thought or felt. Relieved that his nightmare had been just a dream. And when Gibbs had checked on him and stayed with him, he had fallen into a soundless sleep. He hadn't had to worry about forgetting, about finding mindlessness. Having Gibbs there had taken that away, for the first time in a very long time. He felt so much better, more hopeful after telling Gibbs everything. The world had been lifted from his chest and he desperately just wanted to let Gibbs in on everything so he didn't have to hide any of it away anymore. The urge to end it all was still lurking; but it had faded to the background when the support and strength of someone who cared had been offered without question or judgement.

"This time was different." He continued. "I wasn't alone."

"Good." said Gibbs smiling. He was relieved that he'd found Tim before things had gone any further astray for the young man and that he'd been able to help Tim to relax and actually sleep, just by being here. He may not be able to do anything about what happened to Tim as a teenager, but he damn sure could help him now.

Tim smiled back in gratitude and hope.

"C'mon, let's get ready to go." Gibbs said, breaking the silence.

"I'm just gonna get some coffee and toast" Tim said rolling off the bed, ignoring how his stomach still rolled at the thought of consuming anything.

Gibbs leant in the doorway and watched as Tim fixed his coffee, still looking exhausted and down-trodden. He may sound better but he sure didn't look it, much.

"Hey"

"Hey Boss, here you go" said Tim handing Gibbs a steaming mug of the fresh coffee Gibbs had made.

"Thanks" the older man said before taking a large whiff.

Gibbs could sense that Tim wanted to avoid discussing anything they'd talked about last night. Gibbs wanted him to focus on getting through the day, anyway, so he'd let it go, for now. He was determined to make sure the younger man believed that he wasn't the person he believed himself to be. The question was now how to let Tim see that the team really wanted him and that he wasn't just going through the motions on the team; he was needed and vital.

Tim silently moved past Gibbs, back down the hall into his bedroom. He quickly got changed and went into the bathroom as he ran his brush through his hair. Looking in the mirror, he saw that the dark circles under his eyes had faded slightly and he no longer looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Having Gibbs here had been better for him than he'd thought possible. Sighing he brushed his teeth.

He knew today was going to be hell. What he didn't know was if he would be able to act normal, not after last night. Not after letting Gibbs see the real Tim McGee. It would be easier to act normal with everyone else around than it was when he when was alone with Gibbs. With Gibbs it was too hard to pretend, too hard to keep the lock in place on everything bottled up. It was easier at work. Ziva and Tony helped by allowing him his withdrawn, moody days in peace.

With them he could remain his quiet and calm self; allowing him his escape into that place in his head reserved for silent, breathable solitude; letting him escape the pain in his heart. Gibbs saw right through that, he didn't let him hide in plain sight like that. Tim wasn't a completely different person at work, there were aspects of himself that were easy to maintain; his love of computers; cracking codes; and having a part of solving the case.

The biggest change in who he was now came in the things he no longer found any joy or even tolerance for; bantering with the others, going down to Abby's lab or even thinking about having to talk to her. About the only thing he could still find enjoyable was listening to Ducky. Maybe it was because Tim knew Ducky genuinely cared about him no matter the circumstances.

Whatever the case may be; he just knew that none of them would want anything to do with him if they knew everything that he was doing to try to escape the searing pain in his heart that just would not go away. Having Gibbs to talk to had allowed Tim to begin to accept what had happened to him, giving him the chance to be himself without trying to hide any of it.

Tim finished brushing his teeth and walked back into the kitchen. Gibbs was leaning against the counter munching on a piece of toast, with a fresh cup of coffee in one hand.

"Toast okay?" he asked.

Gibbs swallowed. "Perfect."

"I hope so, since that's all I've got" Tim laughed.

Gibbs chuckled. It felt good to have Tim joking with him, even if it wasn't really funny that he didn't have any food in the house. It gave Gibbs hope that Tim would get through this, really get through this. That he wouldn't keep pretending to be okay when he really wasn't, with anyone.

"We should get going" Gibbs said.