Disclaimer: I do not own or claim any part of the Harry Potter characters or universe as crafted by JK Rowling. Anything recognizable in this chapter is taken from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
Chapter 11: Research and Trust
The book fell closed with a small thump. Another dead end. She was beginning to think that Alexandra Fuhrmann and Michael O'Conner had led very mundane lives and the most notable thing either one of them had done was to purchase a wand from Ollivander. She hadn't found a single mention of either one.
After Kaelix had discovered the Daily Prophet clipping the night before, she'd abandoned her werewolf research and made her way to the Historical Section of the library, where they kept an archive of all the past issues of the wizard newspaper. She'd spent the past evening combing through issue after issue, scouring all the ones around the date of Katherine Holstein's disappearance. All she'd found was a small missing persons notice that had been posted four days after she'd disappeared, providing nothing beyond the clipping she'd already found. They hadn't even mentioned the name of the close friend that Katherine had been last seen by, lousey would be reporters.
Kaelix had checked a few issues from a year later as well, thinking there might have been something on the one year anniversary, but she came up empty handed there as well. She checked a few more would be anniversary issues before giving up on the prophet entirely and moving through the rest of the library. Looking for anything that might reference obscure disappearances or past Hogwarts students. When the lights in the library dimmed and Madam Pince turned her severe gaze on Kaelix, she had decided to call it a night but resolved to come back in the morning and continue searching. Which is where she'd been, for hours, with nothing to show for it.
Presumed dead. Kaelix leaned back against the shelve of books she dropped to floor in front of more than an hour ago, thoughts and theories cartwheeling around her mind. Katherine Holstein had just disappeared one day, never to be seen or heard from again. It didn't seem possible. She tilted her head back to stretch her neck, she'd been hunched over for far too long. Maybe that was what the mysterious Inn Man had wanted her to discover. She was doubtful though, as curious as a sudden disappearance was it wasn't quite "meet up with a stranger in a pub and tell them to track it down" level curious, not on it's own. There had to be more.
She uncrossed her legs and wiggled her toes, they'd gone numb without her realizing and now a thousand tiny needles stabbed her with each movement. How did a person even go missing in a world full of magic anyhow? she wondered. In all of the wizarding world there had to be some kind of locating spell they could use to find her. She shook the thought away, reasoning that they must have tried something so obvious and there were likely just as many concealment spells as there were locating spells. Or, the more obvious conclusion, they never found her because there was no body to be found. Sirius Black had been one of the last people to see her before she disappeared, but maybe the caption was wrong, maybe he'd been the last one. Maybe even the last one to see her alive, if he really was the murderer that Lupin had said he was. But then why be the one to report her missing? Surely he wouldn't have done that if he was the one that killed her. Though it was just as likely that he was planning on killing her and that other close friend had helped her get away.
Her head dropped back against the bookshelf, staring up at the ceiling, frowning. There had to be something more about Katherine somewhere. Someone knew her, someone must have missed her. She heaved a frustrated sigh, if only she had the name of that damn friend. But all she had was Alexandra Fuhrmann and Michael O'Connor, two more names and a whole field of haystacks to sort through with not even a clue as to where to start. Maybe they were both missing as well? Forgotten by the relentless passing of time, the only remaining evidence of their existence a small photo with a 'missing' caption. Maybe they weren't anything special, maybe this was just some wild goose chase from an eccentric stranger.
Her stomach growled. Loudly.
"Okay, okay," she muttered to herself, leaning forward to stack up the books she'd collected.
She'd been in the library long before breakfast began, but if she didn't go soon she wouldn't have a chance to eat anything before Malfoy dragged her off to the quidditch match. She stretched her whole body as she rose to her feet, shaking away the stiffness that had settled in her muscles as she reshelved the books. She rolled her shoulders at a bit of lingering stiffness as she headed toward the Great Hall
The anticipation of the match was tangible as Kaelix crossed the hall toward the Slytherin table. She'd been taking most of her meals there in the recent weeks. Several of her fellow housemates openly disapproved of her continued 'fraternization' with Malfoy and the other Slytherins, but that made it all the more enjoyable. The fact that she also conveniently avoided any meal time interaction with Potter was an added bonus.
Pansy was the only Slytherin who seemed to care about Kaelix dining with them and she made her sentiments known on several occasions. After it had become a regular occurrence for Kaelix to appear without an express invitation from Malfoy, Pansy had made another snarky remark, "Are we going to give her the password to our common room too?" When Malfoy had responded with, "Maybe we'll give her your dorm while we're at it," she started making her comments quieter for only Kaelix to hear. Almost like they were special little threats just for her.
A long, loud clap of thunder cut over the buzz of the hall, the weather catching Kaelix's attention for the first time that morning. It looked like a monsoon was brewing outside, the enchanted ceiling reflected the stormy weather though the rain it shead never reaching the students.
"Williams," Malfoy said as she approached, "I was beginning to wonder if you were even going to show."
"Are they really still having the match in this weather?" she asked, taking a seat and gesturing toward the storm raging over their heads that was sure to get worse before it got better.
"Quidditch isn't cancelled for anything," he said with a smirk. "So what do you think, your team going to win today?"
"Well, considering I know nothing beyond the game being played on broomsticks, I'm going to say they have a fighting chance," she replied, grabbing a piece of toast.
"Oh, Williams, so pretty but so, so naive," Nott said with a sly grin.
She made a face at him before biting into her toast.
"What if I told you they depended heavily on Potter to win the match?" Malfoy asked.
"In that case I'd say they haven't got a snowflake's chance in hell," she said.
Malfoy laughed, "That's more like it."
"Why is he so important to them?" she asked.
"He's their seeker, they rely on him to catch the snitch," offered Zabini.
Kaelix looked between Zabini and Malfoy, clearly not understanding the implication of his comment.
"More often than not, whichever team's seeker catches the snitch wins the match," Malfoy explained.
Kaelix sipped her pumpkin juice. "Is he any good?"
"He's decent," said Malfoy stiffly.
"He's more than decent, Malfoy. He beat you last year on a slower broom," said Zabini.
The look Malfoy sent his way was deadly.
"So he's pretty good then," Kaelix said.
"Yeah, unfortunately for us," said Nott. "Actually come to think of it, I don't think he's played a single match where he hasn't been the one to catch the snitch."
"Do we really need a recount of Potter's wins and losses tally?" Malfoy snapped, standing roughly. "We should head out to the pitch."
"Way to go," Kaelix mouthed silently at Nott.
"Me?" Nott mouthed, his expression feigned disbelief. He leaned over the table and whispered, "You're the one who asked about how good Potter was, this is all your fault."
"My fault? I wasn't the one that brought up Potter beating him last year," she looked pointedly at Zabini, "or Potter's apparently undefeated record. If he's in a sour mood for this whole match, it's on you two."
Nott shrugged and said with a grin, "As long as I get to enjoy your charming company I don't mind."
Kaelix rolled her eyes, took one last bite of her toast, and made off after Malfoy. She caught up to him where he'd stopped just inside the great oak doors at the front of the castle. Through the doors Kaelix could see students running toward the pitch with their heads bowed against the wind. Many of those who tried using umbrellas ended up losing them, but some didn't even try to block the inevitable soaking and just ran as fast as they could for the cover of the stands.
A flash of lightning illuminated the dark grey sky and quickly after a loud clap of thunder rolled through. A shiver went down her spine. "Will they even be able to fly in this weather?"
"It won't be easy but they should be able to stay mounted, as long as they know what they're doing. Ready?" he asked, his tone still a bit stiff.
"Ready for wha-"
He grabbed her wrist and took off running without waiting for her question. She barely got her hood pulled up over her head before she was dragged out into the stormy weather. It took only a moment for the ice cold rain to penetrate her thick robes right down to her skin, she could feel the goosebumps spreading as a shiver went down her spine. The wind was blowing so hard that she had to hold her hood in place as they ran, even after it was weighed down from being soaked through. Muddy rain water splashed up with each step, her shoes were soaked through as well. The ground was soft beneath her feet and twice she almost lost her footing with him dragging her. She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her at this absurd attempt of trying to outrun the rain.
"Malfoy, wait," she called over the roar of the wind.
He slowed to a stop and asked, "What? Is something wrong?"
A few curses were thrown their way as other students running for the stands had to veer to miss their sudden halt. Kaelix just tilted her head back, closed her eyes, and felt the rain. Each drop of water somehow relaxing against her skin in their steady, gentle assault.
"What are you doing? It's raining," he said, as if it had somehow escaped her notice.
"We're already soaked through, might as well enjoy it," she said still facing the sky.
"Williams, wh-" he started.
"It doesn't sound like you're enjoying it yet, Malfoy," she said with a smirk.
She missed the incredulous look he gave her, and the silent shake of his head.
"Are you enjoying it?" she asked.
She heard a resigned sigh and opened her eye just a fraction check. He had indeed tipped his head back, eyes closed, rainwater dripping from his hair. His expression still slightly perturbed by her ploy. She smiled to herself, he made it so easy.
"Race you," she said, and took off at a dead sprint before he even opened his eyes.
She heard an incoherent exclamation from behind her which she took to mean he was now in pursuit. She couldn't distinguish his footsteps from all the others but she knew he was gaining on whatever small lead her trick had given her. He could definitely outrun her given enough distance, but they were just close enough that she might be able to hold him off. Her robes were impossibly heavy and she found herself wondering if it was any easier flying in this weather than running in it.
She was nearly under the stands when she chanced a glance over her shoulder. He was right on her heels, a look of pure determination on his face. Her legs were already burning but she willed them to keep going for the last fifty feet. He caught her arm just as she passed under the cover, she tried to jerk away but he was too close. She laughed between breaths as they came to a crashing halt and both nearly lost their footing right into the wall.
"What was that?" he asked, his breath evening out much faster than hers.
"Just a bit of fun," she said, wet hair sticking to her face and neck.
"You cheated," he said, the corner of his mouth twitching.
"Don't blame me for you being so easy to distract. Besides your legs are longer, it's only fair that I got a head start," she said, collecting her hair to wring it out.
"Fair would have been telling me we were racing before you'd already started, preferably while I had my eyes open," he said, rubbing the water from his own hair.
She laughed lightly, squeezing out her sleeves and what she could of her robes until her teeth began to chatter from the bone chilling cold.
"I don't think I've ever heard you laugh like that," said Malfoy.
A cold wave of deja vu washed over her and she was swept away to another time, another place. They'd raced through the rain toward cover, over rain soaked ground that splashed beneath their footfalls. She hadn't cheated that time, but he must have let her win because he was a few inches taller and it was all in the legs. They'd both been soaked through by the time they reached cover but neither one of them felt the cold because they were laughing so hard. They'd been laughing before they even started running. She couldn't remember why, but she'd laughed a lot then. They'd always seemed to find something to laugh about.
"It's been awhile," she said, shaking the memory away.
"I just figured you didn't have a sense of humor," said Malfoy.
"Maybe if you were funny I'd laugh more," she replied.
The corner of his mouth twitched again. "Come on then, the match is about to start."
They ascended the stairs and took their seats next to Malfoy's usual companions. Nott and Zabini had somehow beaten them there, and Crabbe and Goyle were in the row behind them.
"This is a Slytherin only section," Pansy's voice grated against her ears.
"Is there a rule somewhere that says that?" Kaelix shot back at her.
"Relax, Pansy. We've been over this, Williams is cool to hang with us. The sorting hat has been known to make mistakes," said Malfoy.
"So we're just going to take her in like she's a stray?" Pansy sneered.
"You're free to leave if it bothers you so much," Malfoy said dismissively.
A few of the others snickered at his comment and he turned to Nott to start discussing the game.
"You may have Draco and all these other dunderheads fooled," Pansy whispered from behind her right shoulder, "but you can't fool me. You better back off before I make things difficult for you."
"I'd like to see you try," Kaelix shot back, barely above a whisper.
She felt Pansy's presence recede from behind her and she turned her attention back to the field. The players entered the pitch and Malfoy began explaining the basics of the game to Kaelix and which team was likely to win the match. The weather made it so hazy that she could hardly tell which players were on which team. Several of them disappeared completely when the clouds shifted. Lightning flashed and she saw two players sitting up above the rest, not moving, she assumed they were the seekers for each team.
"Diggory definitely has the advantage in this weather, he's Hufflepuff's seeker. He's bigger than Potter which is usually a disadvantage for a seeker but today it will work in his favor since the wind won't throw him off as much," he explained.
"So what's the point of all the other players if the seeker catches the snitch and wins the game?" Kaelix asked.
Somewhere behind them Pansy snorted. "She doesn't even know the basics of quidditch," she muttered, loudly enough to be heard.
Malfoy rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored her. "Catching the snitch ends the game but it doesn't necessarily win it, it's only worth 150 poi- Down!" he yelled suddenly, grabbing her arm to pull her with him as he dropped to the floor.
She stumbled slightly on her way down, "What the-"
Before she could finish, a projectile seemingly out of nowhere whistled past just overhead. It was moving so fast and flew so close that she felt the air move as it passed. It barely turned up in time to avoid hitting the back of the stands. Kaelix turned just fast enough to see it speeding away and arching back toward the players with increasingly dangerous speed.
"Are you alright?" Malfoy was standing up again and extending a hand to help her back to her feet.
She took it and pulled herself up. "What the hell was that?"
"That was a Bludger, remember those are the ones that try to knock the players off their brooms. They can be pretty nasty, especially if they hit you dead on," he explained.
"Those things are part of the game?" she asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, it's the beaters' job to keep them away from their own teammates and send them toward the other team."
She looked for any sign of jest in his face, "You're serious, that's actually part of the game. Those things could kill someone."
"Relax, in the entire history of the game there's only been a handful of deaths and none of them were caused by Bludgers," he turned his attention back to the players.
The fact that no one had died yet from a Bludger did nothing to quell the unsettling feeling Kaelix had about them. How people could actually enjoy being chased by an iron ball at full speed while tens of feet in the air, it was beyond her.
"So who's winning?" she asked.
"Well, Gryffindor is up by 40- no make that 50 points, so right now it's whoever catches the snitch first," he said.
"Hopefully Diggory," said Nott.
"What's happening now?" she squinted down at the field trying to make out all the players as they disappeared beneath some cover.
The wind was howling so loudly that it was impossible to make out the commentary.
"Looks like Gryffindor's called a timeout," he said.
"How can you tell, I can't see anything," she said.
"Madame Hooch signaled for it," he smirked.
It wasn't long before the players reemerged and mounted up, returning to the stormy sky.
"The weather's not getting any better," said Nott. "If someone doesn't catch the snitch they could play into the night."
"How long would they go?" Kaelix asked.
"Until the snitch is caught or until both captains agree to end the game," supplied Zabini.
Malfoy dove back into an elaborate explanation of the scoring, telling her about a time when one team caught the snitch but the other team still won the match. But she wasn't listening anymore, something else caught her attention. Malfoy shouted something but her focus was drawn by a chill colder than the weather.
It was so soft she thought it might have been the wind. She strained to listen harder, where was it coming from? A familiar muffled explosion raised the hair on the back of her neck and sent a shiver down her spine. She knew they were there before she saw them, before the cry of surprise and fear rang out around the field, before it undulated through the crowd like a wave. Dementors.
Despite the frigid air she felt herself growing warm at the sight of them. Adrenaline pumped loudly in her ears but not loud enough to drown out the shouting. She clamped her hands over her ears in a futile effort to block any of it out. The laughter sounded just as crazed as she remembered but as it died off she felt a note of defeat that she hadn't heard before. There were more of them flooding the field than she thought had even been on the grounds. A mass of darkness swarming onto the field, spreading like a plague, bringing the stench of death and despair with them.
Everyone around Kaelix was reacting differently to the dementors. Some simply froze, looking terrified but unmoving; others had fallen down, closing their eyes and covering their ears against the screams. Malfoy was one of the unmoving ones, he stood beside her, his eyes unfocused as if he were somewhere else entirely, fear lacing his features.
'Stop it! Please, stop it!' a small voice screamed.
'How dare you speak to me that way, you ungrateful little bitch,' yelled the man.
She didn't need to hear anymore of this, she'd already heard it enough times before. She wanted it to stop, she needed it to stop.
A thin silver mist formed in front of her, similar to what she saw happen on the train but it was less dense this time. Spread out almost like a wall.
'Oh, you won't make a sound. You don't even belong here. You're not helping anyone, I should just get rid of you,' the man's voice was more distant now, weaker.
She was warm, not nearly as warm as she had been on the train, but much warmer than any magic she'd performed in class had made her. She pulled at her scarf and almost jumped when she noticed her fingernails were giving off a faint glow. She turned her hand over, watching the light spread slowly up her fingers, getting brighter with each passing heartbeat. Her hands began to shake, this hadn't happened since the train. Not to her, and not to anyone else she'd seen. She stuffed her hands deep into her pockets, afraid of what it might mean.
The laughter, the screams, the voices, all of them dimmed as the wall of silver mist glowed a fraction brighter. Down on the field a figure made entirely of light darted around, corralling the dementors and driving them off like cattle before dissipating into nothing. A wave of fresh cold passed over her like a shiver, the wall of light dissolving simultaneously.
Kaelix stared at nothing where the sort of shield had been just seconds ago. She shivered, her hands shaking where they still remained stuffed in her robe pockets. She didn't know everything about the magical world yet, only having been aware of its existence for all of three months now, but something told her that glowing fingertips and conjuring walls of silver mist without uttering a word weren't in the curriculum.
"Williams, are you okay?" Malfoy's voice brought her back from her thoughts.
The students around them were shuffling their way out and she hadn't moved yet. Had the game ended? Who won?
"Williams?" he said again.
"I'm fine," she said, though her response did nothing to alleviate the look of concern on his features.
"Yeah. Did we win?" she asked, self consciously burying her hands deeper into her pockets.
She looked out over the field. Dumbledore was levitating a player on a stretcher.
"No, but I'm not sure if Hufflepuff did either," he answered.
Had the dementors attacked someone? How did she miss that.
"Who's that?" she gestured to the floating figure.
"It's Potter, he fell off his broom when the dementors came out on the field, didn't you see it?" he asked.
She shook her head and answered distractedly, "Must have missed it."
After the rather eventful ending to the quidditch match, Kaelix headed to the library in hopes of finishing her werewolf essay for Professor Snape, and distracting herself. Malfoy accompanied her, claiming he had some work for transfiguration to finish up. Kaelix was a little surprised when he sat down and worked next to her in silence, she had thought it was just a ruse to follow her and give her a hard time about doing homework on the weekend. But he proved her wrong by getting far more work done than she did, staring at the table of contents of the same book for the past twenty minutes as her mind continued to go around and around about the dementors swarming the field and other subsequent events.
Both times she'd encountered them she'd heard pieces of a memory as if she were reliving it, rather than just remembering it. It was like she was physically back in that house, in the same room with that man. The bitter cold of the dementors biting into her skin. But then her magic kicked in, like some sort of automatic self defense mechanism it warmed her body to stave off the cold and created a barrier between her and the dementors. It also made her fingertips and skin glow, the intricate pattern starting at her nails and travelling up her arms like delicate lace gloves. Once the dementors were driven off, presumably by the silver wall of light, the warmth that staved off the dementor's chill washed away as quickly as it had come. It all felt very strange, stranger somehow than the simple charms that Flitwick taught them, stranger than the effects she could brew into a potion, and stranger even than a game played atop flying broomsticks wherein magiced steel cannon balls fly through the air at top speed to dismount the players.
"Williams, you're never going to finish your essay if you keep staring at the front page of that book," said Malfoy without looking up from his own work.
Lost in her musings she'd almost forgotten he was there. She narrowed her eyes at his smirking face.
"Why don't you have a werewolf essay to write?" she asked.
He shrugged, "Professor Snape was in a better mood for our class I guess. But probably because no one in our lesson was falling all over themselves to defend Lupin."
He turned back to his book, leaving her with her own. She shook herself a bit, there would be time to dwell on dementors and glowing skin and silver walls of mist light later. For now she needed to get this essay finished. She thumbed through the book to the chapter that covered how to identify werewolves and did her best to focus on the words.
Werewolves can be identified by a number of subtle clues even when they remain in their human form. Because of the painful nature of their transformations many werewolves are actually afraid of the full moon and their boggart may take that shape upon confronting them. Some werewolves have been documented as having a wolf or wolf-like patronus form. Experts believe this is due to the inherent nature of lycanthropy to alter the soul of the person infected therefore being reflected in their patronus. Some lycans will display wolf like tendencies even when they're not transformed, including but not limited to having an abnormally good sense of smell or hearing. However, all of these signs are easily hidden and not regular enough to be a reliable form of identification.
There is one thing that cannot be hidden and that is the transformation itself and the toll it takes on the human body. By far the most common and easily recognizable signs are the unexplainable injuries often obtained during transformations and the regular exhaustion in the days leading up to and following the full moon. Werewolves will often 'fall ill' as a cover for their monthly transformations and the toll it takes on their bodies. Recognizing that this pattern of falling ill aligns with the cycle of the moon is the best way to identify a werewolf without seeing them transform.
The 'best' way to identify a werewolf was regular exhaustion, by that criteria Professor Lupin was a werewolf. Kaelix scoffed, there had to be something more specific, wasn't there some kind of spell that could be used to identify a werewolf? Lycanthropy was like an infection so it must alter DNA, surely it would show up on a blood test. She thumbed back to the table of contents hoping to find another section of the book addressing werewolf identification. She scanned the list, nothing. The index was even less helpful seeing as it didn't exist.
She stopped, suddenly remembering Professor Snape's words, "Professor Lupin has an awful habit of falling terribly ill…" Had he been trying to tell her something? No, Professor Lupin couldn't be a werewolf, could he? She thought back to the times he'd looked especially exhausted; this week, Halloween, end of September, and when she'd first met him on the train. She grabbed her calendar out of her bag to double check what she already suspected to be true; each time he was noticeably more tired or ill had been around the full moon.
Her heartbeat quickened a bit as her eyes landed on the most recent full moon; last night.
"Williams?" Malfoy caught her attention again. "Something wrong?"
"No," she shook her head. "I just need to go ask Professor Snape a question about this essay."
"See you tomorrow then?"
She threw her calendar back in her bag, abandoning the research for her essay yet again.
"Yeah, tomorrow."
She threw open the door to his classroom a bit harder than she meant to, her hands were shaking and her heartbeat had quickened.
"Professor?" she called out.
No answer. Empty.
She crossed the corridor toward his office, "Professor?" she tried again.
But his office was empty too, with no sign that he'd been there recently. She scowled, now what? The only other place she could think to look was the teacher's lounge but she highly doubted she would find him there. The castle was enormous and he could be anywhere. Her best option was to just sit and wait, he was bound to return to his office eventually.
Before she could actually decide what to do, she heard footsteps coming up behind her.
"Miss Williams? Can I help you?" he asked.
She turned around and met Professor Snape's narrow gaze, if she didn't know any better she'd say he looked mildly concerned. But now that she was face to face with him she didn't know what to say. She suddenly wasn't sure why she even came here, for confirmation of her theory or to hear it denied.
"That essay you assigned," she said.
His posture stiffened, "Do you have a question about it?"
"No. Well, kind of," she stumbled a bit, still not certain what to say.
He waited silently for her to continue. She could feel the goosebumps forming across her skin that had nothing to do with the temperature of the dungeons. If she asked this question there was no going back. If what she suspected was true then it meant he'd lied to her and for what? The one thing she'd asked him not to do and he'd done it in spades. She was wrong, she realized, it didn't matter whether she asked the question or not, she was already past the point of no return.
"Professor Lupin," she said slowly.
"What about him?" he asked, his voice biting with resentment.
She tried to swallow the lump in her throat but it wouldn't move. "He's sick a lot. You said it's a habit of his."
Snape's penetrating gaze remained locked on her, not giving any indication that he understood what she was getting at.
"Last night," she clenched her hands to stave off the shaking, "Last night was a full moon." She didn't like the way her voice involuntarily waivered.
Professor Snape hardly blinked and still said nothing.
"Do you know?" she asked.
"Do I know what?" he asked evenly.
She took a steadying breath and asked in a barely audible voice, "Is he a werewolf?"
They stood in silence for a long moment, long enough that Kaelix began to wonder if he'd heard her at all. He had to know. One way or another he had to know, why else would he have assigned that particular essay? Why else would he have been so insistent that they learn how to identify a werewolf even when it wasn't transformed?
When he finally broke the silence his answer was short, "He is." After that he stepped around her and moved to his desk.
"No," she said in disbelief.
"No?" he raised an eyebrow at her.
"No," she shook her head, her brain not fully functioning to process Snape's words.
"You read about the signs of one being a werewolf, did you not?" he asked, far too formally.
"I did, but-" she started
"And then you noted how many of those signs Lupin exhibits?" he continued, taking a seat behind his desk.
"Yes," she said.
"And that led you to the logical conclusion of what he is, did it not?" he asked, as if he were simply quizzing her on potion ingredients.
"It looks suspicious but that doesn't mean it's true-"
"Which is why you came here for confirmation, isn't it?"
"No," she said before she knew it was the truth.
"No?" he asked again.
"No. I didn't come here for you to confirm it, I came here for you to talk some sense in me. For you to tell me I'm wrong," she said.
"You're not wrong," he said.
"I am," she insisted and then immediately faltered. Her gaze snapped back to his, "You did this. You set that essay on purpose. Why?"
His jaw clenched and his eyes took on a wild look, "Because I don't trust him. Because he's a liar."
"But why? What else has he-"
He rose sharply from his seat, leaning over his desk, "Because when we were students here, he and his best friend tried to kill me," he spoke with such vehement that Kaelix took a step back.
Her stomach dropped, the floor was slipping from beneath her. Lupin had tried to kill someone, when he was just a student. She flashed back to all the time they'd spent together over the course of the term. He was soft spoken, patient, but stern if anyone put themselves in any real danger during class. Trying to kill someone? That didn't seem like the person she knew. But that was just it, she didn't know him, not really. He was a werewolf after all and she hadn't known that. All of their lessons together, everything she thought about him suddenly shifted, he wasn't who she had thought he was.
"That was a long time ago," Professor Snape spoke again, quieter this time, sinking back down to his seat. "I didn't mean to alarm you. The Headmaster trusts him, but I don't and he won't hear anything about it. If you ever have any concerns about him, you can come to me."
Feeling dismissed and a little dazed, Kaelix turned to leave.
"You needn't finish writing that essay, you'll receive full credit," he said.
She nodded vaguely, the essay was the least of her concerns at the moment. She set off down the corridor, one thing clearing up in her foggy mind, she knew exactly where she was going next.
How dare he, how dare he not tell her that he was a werewolf. He had agreed not to lie to her, it was the one thing she'd asked of him and he just… Her mind was buzzing with a thousand thoughts at once. One of the foremost being that they had just been talking about werewolves last week and he'd just sat there quizzing her on how to treat a bite. Unbelievable. She walked straight through his classroom and into his office. It was empty. Didn't any of the professors actually use their offices? She glanced around the now familiar space, she saw his tattered old suitcase and his books. His desk was covered in student assignments yet to be graded and the small table by the door was covered in various trinkets.
She walked to his desk, her eyes absently tracing over the reports without registering any of the words.
"Kaelix?" his voice was hoarse and sounded strained.
She whipped around, ready to snap but when she saw him the words died in her throat. He was paler than she thought possible for a living person, and she could practically feel the exhaustion seeping off of him, it looked like he hadn't slept in days. His robes were shabbier than normal, freshly torn in several places. There were new scratches on his face and a more serious looking cut down his neck that disappeared beneath his robes. She also noticed that his weight was shifted significantly to his left leg and he was leaning on the door frame for support.
"Are you okay?" she asked, forgetting everything else for a moment.
"I've been a bit under the weather but I think I've passed the worst of it. Are you alright?" he asked, concern mingling in with his exhaustion.
Her anger bubbled back to the surface with that, "A bit under the weather, really?"
His brow furrowed but before he could offer another excuse she continued.
"What happened to your leg?" she asked, indicating his right, the one he was favoring.
He glanced down as if only just noticing it was there, "It's nothing, really." He was stalling, scrambling for a believable explanation. "I just took a spill down some stairs and it's a bit sore is all. Kaelix, what's going on?"
"You're a werewolf," she said, drawing her arms across her chest. "That is what's bloody going on."
The last bit of color drained from his face, his jaw clenched, and he wavered slightly on his feet. Despite already leaning against the doorway, he grabbed it for support. Kaelix fought back the words of concern that threatened to form on her lips. She'd be damned if she let them slip out before he explained himself. She couldn't let herself be concerned about his well being when she didn't even know who he really was.
"How?" he croaked.
"Your boggart, you're ill all the time, and Professor Snape," she said.
His gaze snapped back to meet hers, his eyes flared with anger, more anger than she'd ever seen from him and she wondered for a moment if she'd made a mistake coming here. Suddenly very aware of the fact that there was only one exit to his office and he was currently blocking it. She swallowed hard, not the brightest move she'd ever made. Not when she wasn't quite sure who stood in front of her. She leaned back against his desk to put just a little more space between them.
"Indirectly," she said defensively. "He set an essay after last class about the signs and symptoms of lycanthropy. Wanted us to be able to identify a werewolf whether transformed or not. I was doing research and I put it all together."
The anger faded from his eyes as he asked desperately, "Has anyone else?"
"I don't know. Why did it take a passive aggressive assignment from Snape to tell us? Why didn't we hear it from you?" she demanded.
"It's not exactly something you bring up in casual conversation," his voice was low but not threateningly so.
"You and I were just talking about werewolves last week, you didn't think to mention it then?" she asked.
"Right, after discussing ways to treat werewolf bites and their lasting effects I should have added 'oh and by the way, in case you hadn't noticed yet, I happen to be one'," he spat.
"Yes, you should have," she snapped.
"It's not that simple, Kaelix," he hissed.
"Yes it is," she insisted her voice raising. "It's the one thing I told you not to do, I told you not to lie to me. You should have just told me you're a-"
"Keep your voice down," he said harshly, pushing off the door framing and leaning into his words, "you have no idea what you're talking about. This has nothing to do with you, I didn't hide it from you, I hid it from everyone."
"I don't care if you hid it from everyone else, you're not tutoring everyone else, you didn't promise everyone else that you wouldn't lie to them, you promised me," her voice rose despite his warning.
"This isn't about you, you have no right to be angry with me over this," now his voice was the one rising.
"You lied to me, how can I trust anything you say anymore?"
"I didn't lie to you," he said.
"You didn't tell me the truth," she countered.
"I didn't tell you anything, that's not lying," he ground out the words through clenched teeth.
"It might as well be, you didn't think I should know what you are. You kept it from me," she snapped.
"Well, go on then," he shouted. "Tell everyone else what I am and you'll never have to suffer through another lesson with me again," his voice was laced with such anger it gave her chills.
He moved to cross the room but his right leg refused the weight and he doubled over with a sharp gasp of pain. Kaelix instinctively jumped up to help him but hadn't made it one step when he grabbed hold of the edge of his table to keep himself from falling to the floor. A few of the trinkets shook from the impact, one even toppling over and rolling off the edge of the table. He drew a long rattling breath that sent a shiver down Kaelix's spine, and then rose from his hunched position, careful to keep most of his weight on his left leg.
"I'm sorry for shouting," he said, his voice surprisingly even. "I can't imagine you want to spend anymore time in the same room as me, so please be on your way." He gestured to the doorway.
Of all the perplexing things that had happened today, this was perhaps the most perplexing. She wasn't entirely sure what she had expected his reaction to be, but she certainly hadn't expected this. This defeat. This resignation. Why did he care so much if she or anyone else knew? Her brow furrowed at the thought, why did this need to be a secret?
They stood in silence for a few moments, Professor Lupin's slightly labored breathing the only sound echoing around the room. She didn't think it was possible but somehow he looked even more exhausted now than when he'd first arrived. The full moon had been just last night. His hair was greying, scars new and old peppered his face and hands, his entire frame was strained. It was killing him. Not immediately but slowly stealing his years away. Her anger ebbed as she finally considered that maybe she'd been wrong.
"Professor Snape said he doesn't trust you, and that I shouldn't either," she said quietly.
Lupin sighed, "We don't have the best history, him and I. It doesn't surprise me that he would tell you that."
"He said," she hesitated, "he said you and one of your friends tried to kill him."
The little color that he'd regained drained from his face again.
"It's true?" she asked, realizing she hadn't entirely believed Professor Snape until now.
Lupin winced at her tone but he didn't deny it. "We were students here together, same year. He didn't exactly get along with my friends and I; we were in Gryffindor and he was in Slytherin. Over time he noticed my absences and he did his best to try to figure out where I disappeared to each month. I think he had this idea in his head that my friends and I were off wreaking havoc somewhere we weren't allowed. But I was actually transforming in a safe location."
"You transformed at school?" she asked in disbelief.
He shook his head, "Somewhere close by but inaccessible to other students."
"Where?" she asked.
Professor Lupin reached inside his robe pocket and retrieved his wand. With a quick flick and softly muttered spell, his chair flew over from behind his desk and situated itself next to him. With another small wave his office door swung quietly shut. He sunk down into the chair and looked back at her.
"The Shrieking Shack, just outside Hogsmeade. Dumbledore had it built just for me. In a moment of blind adolescent foolishness one of my friends, who perhaps hated Severus the most, told him how to get past the whomping willow that guards the passage that leads to the shack. So the next time I disappeared, he followed me having no idea that he was putting his life in danger."
Kaelix scoffed, "Sounds like you had some great friends."
Professor Lupin's jaw clenched briefly but she wasn't sure if it was her comment or what he had to say next, "He caught a glimpse of me after I'd transformed, if another of my friends hadn't caught wind of the scheme and gotten him out of there… I could have killed him."
Professor Lupin's expression was sheepish, he was still haunted by the thought.
He took a steadying breath and continued, "Severus was convinced that we had planned the whole thing together, that I was in on it. I think a piece of him still believes that to this day. My friends and I were horrible to him in school, we made his life hell. I can't imagine the memories my presence has drudged up for him. Old grudges run deep." His eyes grew distant for a moment. "But I like to think we've reached some semblance of mutual respect for one another. He's brewed a special potion for me for each full moon since I've arrived at Hogwarts. It helps me a great deal when I transform. It's a particularly advanced potion that I have never had the privilege of before, he doesn't have to brew it but he does."
Silence fell between them again. Kaelix was just trying to sort everything out. She was having a hard time imagining a school boy Lupin bullying a school boy Snape, let alone intentionally trying to get him killed. The shame of it all was plain on his face.
"What did you mean earlier when you said I'll never have to suffer through another lesson with you again?" she ventured.
"You made it perfectly clear on the first day that you never wanted these lessons and when word gets back to parents that I'm a…" his expression was one of disgust, he couldn't even say it. "They'll demand that I resign, if I don't they'll ask the Ministry to have me removed, and if that doesn't work then they'll pull their kids out of Hogwarts. They don't want someone like me around their children. The only reason I'm here now is because none of them know."
"I don't understand, why wouldn't they let you continue to teach?" she asked.
"Because they're afraid of me, of what I am," he said bitterly.
"Who's afraid?" She leaned against his desk again.
"Everyone. You're afraid, aren't you?" he asked.
"No, I'm not," she said a bit defensively.
"I can tell, Kaelix, I saw it on your face when I got here. There's this look in people's eyes once they've figured it out. I'll speak with Dumbledore tomorrow about continuing your lessons with another professor." His voice was even but she could see the pain he was hiding, the shame behind his words.
"I'm not afraid of you," she said.
"It's okay, I don't blame you," he said.
"No, it's not okay," she said firmly. "I don't care one way or another if you're a werewolf. I was afraid that you weren't who I thought you were, that I didn't know you. I didn't understand why you would lie about this and then with what Professor Snape said I just… I am not afraid of you."
"You have to understand, I wasn't trying to deceive you. I was only protecting myself," he said earnestly.
"I still don't understand why it matters to anyone, why do you have to keep it a secret?" she asked.
Professor Lupin adjusted in his seat and she didn't miss the flinch of pain as he did so. "How much did you read about werewolves?"
"Besides what we went over last week," she said pointedly, "mostly about how to identify them and a bit about their origin. Why?"
"You must have skipped over the views of society, as did I during your lesson last week. The world is not very kind to people like me. We are often regarded with fear and disgust, because people believe that we pose a threat at all times and that it's our own fault for becoming infected. There's a Ministry employee who has drafted anti-werewolf legislation, she has labelled us half-breeds and all but calls for us to be shunned by the wizarding world. It's nearly impossible to get a job, the only reason I was hired on as the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor is because of Professor Dumbledore. In fact if it wasn't for him I never would have been able to attend school as a child, no other Headmaster would have allowed it."
"How can they blame you for something that is entirely beyond your control? Do they think this is fun for you? It's not as if you went out looking for the first werewolf you could find and said 'that fur looks super cool and I've always wanted to have a tail and a long fuzzy snout, hey would you mind just nipping me a bit so I can have my own?' Are they insane?"
Lupin looked a bit stunned by her words and she wondered if she'd overstepped. But then he chuckled, actually laughed at her. Five minutes ago they'd been shouting at each other and now he was laughing. She felt the corners of her mouth twitch as she fought to keep them from turning up.
"More importantly," she said, "what kind of a horrible person would propose legislation like that?"
His smile faded. "A privileged coward. I've never met her, but I've heard some stories, apparently she's a rather unpleasant woman. Goes by the name Umbridge. A name that unfortunately carries a lot of weight at the Ministry, at least enough to gather support for her legislation."
"Well she should be fired for discrimination," said Kaelix, making a note to give the woman a piece of her mind if she ever got the chance.
Kaelix had made a full turn now, and she realized she had no reason to be angry with Lupin over this and every reason to be angry with Umbridge and every other person who made him feel like he had to hide it in the first place. He wasn't hiding some significant facet of his character from her, he was hiding a condition that wizarding society had deemed worthy of not just disavowment but persecution. Her stomach twisted with the embarrassment of her rash and ignorant judgement. But he would forgive her, she knew he would, because despite her earlier doubt she did know him.
"I'm sorry, for the way I came in here," she said. "I didn't realize what it meant for you, if people found out. I didn't understand."
"It's okay. Like you said, you didn't know." His gaze dropped. "I'll speak with Dumbledore about changing your lessons, you should work with someone you can trust."
"I am with someone I trust," she said without hesitation.
He looked up at her, his surprise shown plainly on his face. He gave a tired but sincere smile, "Thank you."
"For what?" she asked.
"That look I told you I saw on your face when I got here," she nodded, "It's gone."
She felt a small smile creep onto her face and this time she didn't fight it off. "I told you, I don't care one way or another if you're a werewolf. I'm not afraid of you."
"I don't think you know how much that means to me, truly," he said sincerely.
She didn't know what to say in response but she felt so awkward standing there in the silence that stretched between them that she had to say something. "Are you sure you're alright? You look like hell."
"Well, at least I look better than I feel. I'll be fine," he said.
The weight of their conversation finally beginning to dissipate.
"He jokes, he must be okay. If you were alone in that shack all night then what happened to your leg?" she said, suddenly curious about the injury as it seemed rather significant.
"It really did involve some stairs amusingly enough," he said with a slight smirk, "but it's not that bad. It's just very sore and the pain relieving elixir I took earlier today seems to have run its course."
"Should I get you something from the Hospital Wing?" she asked.
"I actually have my private supply in the cupboard there," he gestured over her shoulder.
She was around the desk immediately, opening the cupboard door and about to grab a potion when she paused. She recognized those phials.
"Something wrong?" Professor Lupin asked.
She shook her head, "No, it's just," she retrieved one of the potions and turned back toward him, "I brewed these last week, Professor Snape said they were for the Hospital Wing."
"You made these?" he asked, sounding surprised.
She nodded, "Are they alright?"
"They're great," he said. "Excellent. I thought Severus had brewed them himself."
A satisfied smile crossed her lips and she moved back around his desk to hand him the potion.
"Can I ask you a serious question?" she said.
His expression hardened slightly, "Of course."
"So, Trelawney is a psychic, Hagrid's half giant, and you're a werewolf," she said.
He nodded.
"Is Professor Snape a vampire?" she asked with a serious expression.
Lupin actually laughed out loud at that.
"I'm perfectly serious," she said and he only laughed harder.
Chapter 12 Teaser:
A familiar figure a few paces away beckoned her silently. She glanced back over her shoulder and saw Malfoy engrossed in an animated conversation with Zabini and Nott, they wouldn't notice if she took a few minutes more. She casually moved around the chocolate display, pretending to admire the many different flavors and shapes it came in while gradually moving to stand next to the Inn Man.
"Are you here to check up on me?" she asked, casually sifting through the display.
"I thought you might like to discuss what you've learned," he asked, not entirely facing her.
He'd opted to leave his hood down, which perhaps drew less attention in the crowded shop. Though he still looked a bit out of place with so many students around, but no one seemed to take note of him.
"Really? Because I thought you might want to provide a few more hints if you wanted me to learn anything worth discussing," she kept her tone casual.
He paused and scrutinized her closely, "You haven't learned a thing have you?"
"It's not as if I haven't tried," she replied, picking up a chocolate to examine it. "I haven't been able to find any reference to those names anywhere beyond Katherine's disappearance 14 years ago. Do you have any more helpful hints you'd like to offer up or are you content to provide useless remarks on my lack of progress?"
He sighed in an irritated manner, "Must I spell it out for you?"
Author's Note:
Hello my lovely readers! Thank you all so much for being here, what did we think of this chapter? Any thoughts on Katherine, Alexandra, or Michael yet? How about watching the quidditch match from a different perspective? I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'll love you forever if you leave a quick review!
Pokey314 - Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far and I hope you liked this chapter!
firefawn - Hello Darling! I also LOVE Sirius! (So much so that I may have concocted a story that takes place in 3rd year entirely around the fact that I think he deserves better than the hand he was dealt in the books lol) I'm glad you liked the twist of her running into him, I always wonder if the ways in which I insert Kaelix into the already existing story are effective or just eye-rollingly cheesy. We definitely haven't seen the last of the mystery man from Hogsmeade, we'll find out who he is... *squints at notes scribbled on the palm of my hand* ...eventually. So idk if this is considered a spoiler or not but I do love a good romance so we'll see how things go :) No need to apologize for delays! Life is crazy busy sometimes, I totally understand that (as I am 2 chapters behind on Eclipse right now lol), I hope things have settled down a little bit for you and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!