Chapter Ten – Guilt of the Father
Lambert Arms Motel – Meadowlands District
"James, you can't be serious about doing this?" Grey spoke, the look on his face one of complete disbelief, turning around suddenly as his old friend rush by him. James, passing by Grey, quickly began opening and closing drawers in his motel room, picking up items scattered around it. Looking back at the grizzly bear angrily, for a split second James felt the urge to say something before lowering his head and grabbing an article of clothing off the floor. Taking a deep breath, Grey simply watched as James stepped into the bathroom before speaking once again. "You won't be able to get within 10 feet of that hospital without being seen, you know this." Walking closer to the bathroom door Grey listened as he heard a cabinet door close. "Are you seriously prepared for what could happen, James? And what about actually even seeing Nicholas? There is no way in hell you will get close enough to…" Reaching out to grab a hold of James arm as he exited the bathroom, James quickly dodged his friend's attempt quickly passing by Grey once again. Grey, lowering his head in defeat, turned as he watched James set a stack of clothes on the bed and quickly begin stuffing them in a small duffle bag. "James, please I..."
"He's my son, Grey!" James shouted angrily, a collared shirt clutched tightly in his right paw, he turned and stepped toward his old friend. His heart rate increasing, James turned quickly back toward the bed as he continued to stuff the last of his clothes into the duffle bag. "What if it was one of your three teenage cubs, Harry, Chris or Doris? What about your wife Ailsa, Grey? What if it she was the one lying in there in surgery?" James spoke turning to look dead into Grey's eyes. "I can't let it happen. I am not going to let that psychopathic family take someone else from me!" James shouted as he quickly zipped the duffle bag closed, grabbing hold of the bag's strap.
"But James…"
"What do you want me to do Grey….huh…tell me, what I'm I to do?" James shouted at Grey as he turned toward the small table next to the bed, grabbing a set of keys. "Just sit here in this room like a good old fox and simply wait for news on my kit's possible death!" Quickly walking to the door to his room, James suddenly stopped in his tracks as his paw shook, clutching the room's door handle, as he breathed slow and heavily. "I can't lose him Grey." James spoke softly as he leaned forward and rested his head on the door. Dropping the duffle bag onto the floor, James felt for the first time, in over 30 years, fear pulsing within him. Looking over his shoulder, James was not willing to look Grey fully in the eyes. "Not after everything I went through… losing his mother. He is all I have left in this world, Grey; he is all that's left from Marie." James turned suddenly, feeling his shoulders drop rapidly after hearing himself say her name out loud. "I lost two kits that night and almost Marie, Grey, when you came to save me at the house, all those years ago…" James sniffed. "…after the McKells ambushed Marie, on her way to house." Taking a deep breath James turned back to Grey, fire burning in his eyes. "Two kits, Grey!" James yelled, baring his fangs, as he thought back to that night many years ago. "By the time Jessica and her men got to Marie and got her to the hospital…" James stopped talking as he began to cry out loud.
"James." Grey, taking a step closer to James, watched the aged fox began to break down and spoke in a low tone. "You are not going to lose him. We both know Nicholas, over the years, has proven time and again to be just as strong and stubborn as his old fox. Just look at everything that kit of yours has done or had happen to him since you started watching over him." Grey, trying to smile slightly, failed as he continued. "What you need to be thinking about right now at this moment, are those grandkits and most of all, your daughter-in-law, Judy." Grey quickly pointed a claw toward a photo currently propped up on the small bedside table showing Judy and the twins. "What about them James…huh…what about them and their mother? What do you think those twins are going through right now? Their father was just shot."
"I know the Ruskoffs' sent someone after my son Grey!" James replied, shouting again. "They sent some young lion punk and brainless wolverine to try and kidnap my granddaughter…and then they shot my boy, like cowards from a distance!" James pointed own his paw finger to the television screen, as he began to listen once again to the news reporter, a short female porcupine, as she stood outside Zootopian General Hospital.
"… Department has still not issued a statement at this time on the current condition of Lt. Nicholas Wilde. The latest information is still that, Lt. Wilde is listed in critical condition at this time. His wife, Commander Judith Wilde, and their two children are here at this time in fact, having been seen arriving more than an hour ago under heavy police presence…"
Turning his attention away from the television, James stepped right up to Grey's massive body. Raising his head up, James simply stared up at the old grizzly bear. "You were not there seventeen years ago, Grey. You never had to see Marie after that wolf butchered her." James growled, lowering his head again, as he caught sight of a tiny photo lying on the edge of his bed. The tiny aged photo, showing a beautiful young aged vixen wearing a white dress and hat, was sitting in front of a younger James in a dark suit, both of them smiling. Reaching down and picking it up James closed his eyes for a split second as his anger suddenly collapsed, replaced by guilt. "Marie lying here, on the floor, her clothes torn apart and her bare fur covered in blood…" James stopped suddenly before starting again. "She died in my arms, that day, Grey." James spoke as he slowly raised his paws, looking at both of his paws, remembering them covered in blood as he held his wife to his chest. "Seeing her there on the floor, I rushed to her. By the time I had arrived, she had lost so much blood. I tried Grey… desperately I tried to save her. With all the training and skills I possess…I just… the trauma she was under. I just couldn't stop it." James started to cry once again as his body began to shake. Grey, lowering his head in silent grief, continued to listen. "Lying there on the floor with her, lifting her up slightly, I just started holding her in my arms, telling her over and over I'm sorry and how I should have been here." Turning again to Grey, James began to cry even harder as he struggled to speak in between his rapid breathing, continuing with his story. "Looking up at me with those soft eyes of hers, I could tell she was struggling so hard to stay with me. Then, just before taking her final breath, she looked at me, struggling to speak through the pain, she said to me weakly, "James… watch over them. Keep… keep them safe." James recited, closing his eyes as he felt more and more tears run along his muzzle. "After that, I watched as she closed her eyes one last time as she raised a paw to me, placing it on my chest. It was right at that moment, I felt her leave me, right then and there. As I continued holding her tightly in my arms, rubbing my head onto hers, I just started crying out to her, over and over.
As I began to hear sirens quickly approaching the old farm house, I just panicked. Grasping onto her cheek, I gave her one last kiss as I lowered her body and head gently back onto the floor. I just…I just left her there, Grey, lying there all alone." James, walked toward the motel door once again, placing the old photo in his pocket, he began to taking a few deep breaths before speaking. "I can still remember…" James stopped talking suddenly for a split second before starting again. "We were supposed to spend a few days together that week, her and I, during which we were going to talk about our future plans. With the grandkits just a few weeks away from being born, I decided I never wanted to be apart from her any more. That's why I called you and Ailsa at your home, Grey." James eyed Grey as he stood by the door. "I thought we could maybe spend some time together, you, me, Marie and Ailsa, that weekend. I was seriously thinking of finally coming out of hiding." Grey, tilting his head slightly, was suddenly a loss for words as he listened to the words coming out of James mouth. "Marie, for a few years, had been telling me that she thought it was finally time for all of us, Nicholas, Marie and me, to be a proper family again." James continued. "I had made arrangements to be there at the house the day before, but I was held up unexpectedly on my departure and was forced to leave Clarabelle Island a day late. I kept telling myself, Grey, if I had just been there, I could have protected her from Natalya." James sniffed slightly as he took a breath. "Then, watching the house from a distance and seeing Nicholas being wrestled to the ground by his fellow officers, struggling to get to his mother, I found myself also collapsing onto the ground. Listening as he continued to scream desperately for her, I just cupped at my ears down as I began to tremble on the ground. Opening my eyes and seeing Judy there, holding onto Nicholas, comforting him desperately, I knew then what I had done. I realized, truly for the first time in my life, I failed Marie and Nicholas. I failed to protect my family from outside harm, Grey." James, suddenly punching the wall hard with his fist, turned back suddenly to Grey as the pain in his paw seemed to amplify his anger. "I am not going to make that same mistake twice, Grey, I can't."
"James, do me a favor please and calm down and just think for one moment." Grey replied, begging. "I know you want to protect Nick and his family. Hell if it was Ailsa or the cubs I would want to also. But for just one second, James, think about it, will you… please?" Grey asked desperately. "Where is the safest place Nick and his family can be at this very moment, James? It's at that hospital!" Grey shouted. "The entire ZPD is literally standing guard around Nicholas and the family."
James, not fully listening to Grey as he spoke, quickly walked toward the small bed stand table and opened it. Withdrawing a small gun from the drawer and chambering it quickly, he quickly lifted the back of his shirt and inserted it between his belt and pants, concealing it. Returning to the door and grabbing ahold of the small duffle bag he had dropped earlier onto the floor, he turned the door handle and opened it. James, inhaling deeply, turned his head over his shoulder exhaling slowly as he spoke, his voice calm and collative. "Call Johnathan and tell him I will be paying him a visit at the manor house in about thirty minutes." His eyes suddenly flashed red as they were reflected by the light of the room. "If any of those polar bears of his give you any lip, remind them of just who is coming. After that, I'm going to the hospital." Grey, rushing to the door, turned as he watched James walking down the motel's second floor pathway as he suddenly heard James shout back to him, "Call your cubs Grey, tell Ailsa hi from me."