Thorin sat alone on the balcony of the room the dwarves were sharing, smoking his pipe and looking out at the moonlit sky, lost in his thoughts. Thorin and his company would be leaving Rivendell at first light, and Thorin didn't know how he felt about this. Yes, he was looking forward to getting back on the road, and continuing on towards Erebor, but at the same time Thorin wished that he and Kili had spent more time together. As it was Thorin had said nothing to Kíli about the younger dwarf joining the company, and Thorin wished that he had more time to judge whether or not Kili was ready for such a dangerous quest. Having such a skilled archer with them would be undeniably handy, but Thorin knew that it wouldn't be worth it if Kili wasn't old enough to withstand the vigour's of the journey.
Having been young when Smaug had come, Thorin knew all about how hard it was to roam the countryside, constantly being on the move, was. He actually had been better off than many...Gloin had been little more than a toddler really, and Nori had been an infant, carried away from the dragon fire in a young Dori's trembling arms. Even Thorin's own siblings had struggled at times because of their age. Dis had spent most of the first month on the road being carried by Thorin or Dwalin, or occasionally Frerin when the older two couldn't help Dis along for some reason.
Kili wasn't as young as any of them had been during those dark days, but Thorin still knew that the journey would be a trial, even for the fittest members of the company, and there was a part of him that wanted to believe that at least, here in Rivendell, Kili would be safe.
The problem was, the last time Thorin thought that Kili would be safest somewhere away from him, he'd gone over sixty years thinking that his son was dead, and the pain of losing Kili had left many scars on Thorin's battered heart. Even now, when Thorin knew the truth, and he knew that Kili was safe and whole, the scars still remained, now permanently etched to Thorin's psyche.
Another sticking point, for Thorin, was the fact it wasn't just him that would be affected, but the rest of the company as well. He was the leader, but Thorin knew that on a matter as serious as this, he needed to consult with the others. Thorin had learned long ago that it was important to listen to his people, and take what they said into account. It had been one of Thror's fallings, and Thorin would not let himself become victim to his grandfather's flaws.
"Thorin" a familiar voice grumbled from behind him, and Thorin turned to see Dwalin, Balin and Gloin standing in the doorway, Balin holding a small scroll of paper, and all of them looking very serious.
"What is it?" Thorin asked, a little annoyed that the group had bothered his time for musing. Time alone was hard to get on the road, so Thorin had been enjoying a moment of solitude.
"We...we've been doing some talking...at length, while you were off with the boys earlier, and we, that is, the entire company have come to a decision. Balin offered Thorin the scroll, which he took, frowning in confusion, unrolling the scrap of parchment and casting his eyes over it. It was written in the common tongue, and his eyes grew steadily wider as he read what the writing on the scroll said.
We, the company of Thorin Oakenshield, being of sound mind and of free will, do hear by agree that the dwarf known as Kili of Rivindell, (also known as Kili, son of Thorin) should be offered a position within the company of Thorin Oakenshield on the condition that such a course of action is approved by Thorin Oakenshield, and on the condition that Kili of Rivendell, should have the chance to refuse the offer, and should he refuse, will not be judged for his choice.
We also swear that should the dwarf known as Kili of Rivendell (Kili, son of Thorin) choose to join the company on this quest to reclaim the treasure and halls of Erebor from the dragon Smaug, then all previously signed contracts by us shall be amended to reflect that the individual profit we can expect to make will now be one fourteenth of total profit gained throughout the quest.
Below this were twelve signatures of the company, starting with Balin and Dwalin, and then Oin and Gloin, Bifur, Bilbo, Bofur, Bombur, Ori, Nori, and Dori, and then Fili, who Thorin knew must have signed his name while Thorin had been out on the balcony.
"What is this?" Thorin asked, looking beyond Dwalin, Balin and Gloin, to the rest of the company, who stood behind them, united.
"This is us giving you the chance to bring Kili along. We discussed it for a long time, and we eventually all agreed that we would give you the option to make Kili the offer to come with us. It's his birthright to come with us, and, well, he is young, but he's not as young as some." Gloin told Thorin.
"He's your son, Thorin...we're leaving the decision up to you. We're fine with whatever choice you make. Balin has prepared a contract for Kili if you make that choice, and if you choose not to let the lad come, well, it doesn't matter." Dwalin said, stepping forward and clapping Thorin on the shoulder, "we support you whatever you decide. Kili is your son...Your blood, and it's up to his father...it up to you, to ultimately decide."
"We're leaving at dawn, Thorin, you need to make a choice soon," Balin reminded Thorin, who nodded, clutching the paper in his fingers.
"You have my thanks...this...it means a great deal to me." Thorin said, addressing the company as a whole.
"We'll leave you to your thoughts," Balin said, and the group withdrew back into the room. It wasn't long before Bofur got out his pipe and began playing a tune, and loud, boisterous singing started up again. Thorin looked back out over the valley, the sky now having fallen quite dark, the music and laughter washing over him. He looked down at the slip of parchment, then back towards the east, towards the Misty Mountains and beyond. In him mind, Thorin saw through the Misty Mountains, over the foothills on the other side, over the trees of Mirkwood and over the plains that stretched beyond that, to Erebor, standing tall, a single peak rising from the landscape.
Thorin let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding, looking at the parchment again, reading the carefully praised words. Thorin smiled, recognizing Balin's penmanship immediately. Still, there was something missing.
Thorin strode into the room, past the rest of the company, to the writing desk, where the unsigned contract was sitting, as well as the quill and ink that Balin had been using. Thorin hesitated before he picked up the quill and signed the parchment, adding his signature to the twelve already there. He was, after all, a member of the company. His signing of the slip of paper was, however, more than a simple formality. It was him accepting the choice of the other dwarves, and agreeing to the terms set out on the parchment.
Thorin turned to the contract, noting that Balin had left it open so Thorin could sign it as well. Thorin exhaled, closing his eyes.
"Keeva forgive me," he whispered to himself, before he signed his name where it needed to go. He lay down the quill and picked up the contract, before turning and letting himself out of the room, before his resolve failed him.
THE HOBBIT
Kili startled when he heard knocking on his bedroom door, almost cutting himself on his sword, which he was sharpening with a whetstone. He set the blade down carefully, rising to his feet from where he was sitting on the floor. It was late, and he was not expecting any guests. The dwarves had told him that they were retiring to the rooms for the night after dinner...which had been roasted venison. The dwarves had all had large helpings, and even the hobbit had eaten a great deal, for one so small.
It had been an enjoyable meal, accompanied by much music and laughter. The older dwarves had been, obviously, not impressed, but the younger dwarves (and by that Kili meant Bofur, Bombur, Nori, Ori and Fili) had obviously enjoyed themselves enough to, at Kili's encouragement, sing a dwarven song or two, although it was in the common tongue. Then the dwarves had turned the table of Kili, so he and Estel had got up together and sung a song that Kili had learned in his childhood from Elrohir and Elladan, and then, in turn, taught Estel. Even Bilbo Baggins had been persuaded to join in the festivities, singing a song of the Shire, much to everyone's enjoyment.
The festivities had continued on after the company of Thorin Oakenshield had returned to their room, and Kili was looking forward to the comfort of his own bed, only had had been far to awake and cheerful after dinner to go straight to bed, so he had set to sharpening his sword, a part of him hoping the Thorin would invite Kili to train with him the next day. Even in Imaldris, tales of the skill of the mighty Thorin Oakenshileld were told, and Kili longed to train alongside his father and the rest of his father's companions.
Kili opened the door, and was surprised to see Thorin there, alone, in the corridor outside.
"Hello," Kili greeted softly, remembering the Estel's room was next to his own, and at this late hour the boy would certainly be asleep.
"May I come in?" Thorin asked, matching his son's soft tone.
Kili nodded, "yes, I ask that we remain quiet, however, Estel is asleep in the next room, and he is a light sleeper."
Thorin nodded and stepped over the threshold into his son's room, once again looking around and admiring how tastefully the elves and Kili had tried to emulate dwarven style when decorating the room. It reminded Thorin of the rooms at Erebor that had been set aside for the elves to use when delegations arrived in Erebor. It pleased Thorin, in a way, that Elrond had allowed Kili to still have some connection to his race, instead of raising Kili to be an elf.
"Can I help you with anything?" Kili asked, drawing Thorin from his musings.
"Yes...I'll get to the point...The company have been discussing the...situation, and they have come to an agreement...one which I have decided to take advantage of. They decided that, should I desire to, I can offer you the chance to come along with us." With that Thorin withdrew the contract and offered it to Kili, who had dropped into a chair.
"Go...go with you...to Erebor?" Kili asked faintly. Thorin nodded, sitting down beside his son.
"Yes...but Kili...this is not a choice to make lightly. The road is long and hard, and will be highly dangerous. There is no guarantee that you will return to this valley, or that you will survive. You have a home here...one that you undoubtedly love, and I accept that. You have a family here too...and as much as I dislike saying this, it is obvious how much they all care about you."
Kili swallowed and nodded, fixing his big brown eyes on the contract at his hand so that he could avoid Thorin's penetrating gaze.
"We...we plan on leaving at first light. If you decide to join us, meet us at the bridge between the two warriors at the entrance to Rivendell at first light." Thorin instructed. Kili nodded, keeping his head lowered, but Thorin reached out and lifted Kili's chin so he could look at his son's face, and Kili blinked, annoyed that his father could see the tears shining in his eyes.
"Oh, Kili," Thorin sighed resting his hands on Kili's shoulders and leaning forward so his forehead was touching Kili's.
"Regardless of what choice you make, Kili, it won't change the way I feel about you, nor will it change how other's will respect you and see you. You are brave and strong...You are a true son of Durin, a true heir of Erebor, and nobody can ever tell you differently. I love you, Kili...I have from the moment your dear mother told me she was carrying my child. I never stopped loving you for a moment, even though we all thought you were gone, and now that we have been reunited with you I have never loved you more. I will always love you, Kili, no matter what happens. I will always be proud of you...my son, my heir."
Kili sniffed, and Thorin pulled him into a tight embrace, kissing the top of Kili's head tenderly as Kili's shoulders shook.
"If you do not hear from me or my company by the time next spring comes around, it means the worst has happened. Go to my halls in the Blue Mountains...the southern stretch of the mountain range, where you were born, and seek out my sister, the Lady Dis. She will support you and help you with whatever you need."
Kili nodded against Thorin's chest, and Thorin pulled away a little, wiping his thumbs over Kili's cheeks to wipe away the tears.
"I must go, the night draws late, and I have much to do before our departure. If...if I do not see you at first light I hope to see you once again once Erebor has been reclaimed by Durin's people."
Thorin rose to his feet and walked towards the door. He looked over his shoulder, and found that Kili had dropped his gaze again,, hiding behind his long dark hair. Thorin opened the door and let himself out of the room, but before e could close the door again he was tacked from behind.
"Farewell, father," Kili said, hugging Thorin tightly, before letting got. Thorin kissed the top of Kili's head in a blessing, before he stepped away and headed back the way he came, knowing without a doubt that it was going to be rather difficult to find his way back to his room.
Still, on his way to Kili's room he only lost his way three times. Thorin was actually surprised it hadn't been more.
Back in his room, Kili closed the door again and sighed sliding down the wall until he sat on the floor. He looked around the room, eyeing his bed wistfully.
There would be no sleep for him that night, Kili knew...he had a decision to make.
THE HOBBIT
Kili sat awake for a long time that night, his thoughts and feelings as turbulent as a stormy sea as he pondered the choice Thorin had presented to him. He sat in front of his fireplace, although it was not a cool night, watching as the embers flickered, his face illuminated by the orange glow of the slowly dying fire. Beside him sat the contract, which Kili had read from end to end. It was a very well worded document, and there was a part of him that wanted to show it to Elrond, for if it wasn't written in a different hand, Kili would have thought it was written by Erestor or Lord Elrond himself.
First Kili had decided that he would accompany Thorin and the others to Erebor, the excitement of the possibility of such an adventure getting to him, but then a little voice in Kili's head, which sounded suspiciously like Erestor, reminded him of the dangers of the journey. Then Kili had read the contract and questioned how wise it would be for him to go, so he had settled on staying, only to second guess himself and decide that he would go. Back and forward he went, unable to decide what he would do.
Finally, when the crescent moon was high in the sky, Kili made up his mind and, finally convinced that he was making the right decision, crawled up onto his bed, collapsing down onto it and falling into a deep, dreamless sleep, his mind at ease knowing that it had made the right choice.