Author's Note: Fair warning, this is a somewhat heavier, more emotional chapter.

Accidentally in Love

Chapter 11

Castle still had his Christmas decorations up.

It was the first thing she saw when she stepped out of the elevator, making Kate's step—and her heartbeat—falter a little. She couldn't exactly say it surprised her that Castle, like her mom—the errant thought made pain twist in her chest but it was true that somehow, in some ways, Castle reminded her of her mom—didn't like taking Christmas decorations down and kept them up as long as possible. She had to pause in the hall and count out her own breaths for a few seconds to regain control of her emotions but she managed it before knocking.

Castle opened the door and for one definable instant, Kate's stupid, traitorous senses leaped at the sight of him because—oh geez—the man looked good in a suit. He was clearly dressed to impress in an obviously expensive, well-tailored suit that showcased his height and his broad shoulders and a dark maroon shirt that seemed designed to make the blue of his eyes seem brighter by contrast.

In the next second, she'd firmly wrestled her senses into control and realized that his expression didn't exactly match his dapper appearance. He looked stressed, less the charming celebrity man-about-town and more a single father just trying to take care of his kid. He looked more like the worried father she'd first met than the cheerful, hyper-excitable man she had seen since, the one who seemed as if he had never suffered a moment's worry over being a single father raising a daughter alone.

"Kate, hi, thanks again for agreeing to watch Alexis tonight."

"Hey, Castle."

He stepped back and waved her in, turning his head to address Alexis. "Alexis, Kate's here."

Alexis was sitting on the couch, watching an animated movie involving what looked like insects, but she turned to greet Kate, although her smile was somewhat wan. "Hi, Kate."

"Hi, Alexis."

Hm, it appeared that something was off, even more than just the babysitter troubles. Alexis's whole demeanor was subdued and her expression as she watched the movie glum, unamused at whatever was going on.

Kate glanced at Castle, who grimaced and gestured for her to follow him across the room to the kitchen, allowing for a bit of privacy, although he kept up a steady stream of conversation as they walked.

"We've already had our dinner. Have you eaten, Kate? Yes? Well, there's plenty of food in the fridge if you get hungry or ice cream in the freezer if you just want some dessert. Alexis's bedtime is at 9, which you might remember from last time you were here. I'll have my cell phone so you can call me if anything comes up."

They had reached the kitchen and Castle glanced back at Alexis before lowering his voice. "Sorry. Alexis doesn't really like it when I have to go out at nights so that's why she's in a mood tonight. She wouldn't take it out on you, though, so don't worry about it."

"I wasn't worried," she answered truthfully. "I doubt Alexis would ever be too much trouble."

That got her a brief smile. "Yeah, I've lucked out with her." He raised his voice back to normal as he went on, "I think I should be home a little after 11. I hope that's okay, not too late for you or anything?"

"It's fine, Castle." She managed a somewhat dry smile. "I don't have a curfew anymore." Not that she'd had anyone to enforce a curfew in years, even if she had one. She cut off the thought.

"Okay, good. Really, thanks for doing this."

"Stop thanking me, Castle. It's fine." She summoned as bright a smile as she could manage, which wasn't very but it was something. "I didn't have anything planned tonight anyway and I'm sure spending time with Alexis will be more fun than the solitary movie night I was going to have."

He relaxed into a smile. "Probably. Alexis is pretty fun, even when she's cranky." He glanced at the clock and made a face. "I need to get going before I'm late. The number of Alexis's pediatrician is posted on the fridge, just in case, and you have my number if you need it."

He turned and walked over to Alexis, crouching down in front of her. "Okay, Alexis, I need to leave now and like we already talked about, I'll be back late but I'll be here when you wake up tomorrow morning, okay? And how about strawberry happy-face pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?"

Richard Castle made something called strawberry happy-face pancakes for his daughter? He really wasn't at all what Page Six made him out to be, was he? The offer got a flicker of a smile from Alexis. "Okay, Daddy." She tipped forward to hug him and he wrapped his arms around her, his eyes briefly closing while Kate averted her eyes, abruptly feeling like she was intruding on a private moment.

Castle released Alexis after a moment and stood up, although he cupped Alexis's face in his hands and bent to press a kiss to her hair. "Have fun with Kate, baby bird, and I'll see you tomorrow morning, all right?"

Alexis gave her dad a brighter smile. "We will, Daddy. You go and be charming."

Castle laughed and finally stepped away to the door. "I'll try, Alexis. Good night, pumpkin." His gaze moved on to Kate. "See you later, Kate."

"Have fun on TV, Castle."

With a last glance at Alexis, Castle departed for fame and fortune—or well, more fame and fortune—and Kate settled next to Alexis on the couch.

"So what are you watching?" she asked with manufactured brightness.

"It's A Bug's Life. Have you seen it before, Kate? Because if you haven't, we can start it from the beginning so you'll understand."

Oh shit. She hadn't remembered, hadn't recognized the movie. Kate reacted to the title like it was a blow to the sternum, only just keeping back a gasp of mingled pain and surprise. She couldn't keep up her smile but she did manage to answer, "That's okay, Alexis. I've seen it before." She didn't sound like herself to her own ears but she hoped that the girl wouldn't notice.

"Okay." Alexis turned back to watching the movie and Kate blindly turned her eyes to the screen, focusing on not letting the tears pricking at the back of her eyes, tightening her throat, appear.

She had seen the movie before in theatres, a few weeks after its release more than six years ago. The memory rose up and swamped her—her younger self, home after her first semester at Stanford, her mom teasing her into going to watch the new animated movie. Come on, Katie, watch the movie with us. It'll be fun and after all, it's about bugs and you're still our little Katie-bug, aren't you? Kate had huffed and bridled against the use of the childish nickname but she had agreed to watch the movie with her parents, somewhat petulantly, and then spent much of the time in positively morbid terror that she might be seen by someone―watching a silly animated movie and watching a silly, animated movie with her own parents at that, the horrors! But in spite of her attitude, she had (reluctantly) ended up enjoying the movie and her mom certainly had. But her mom had been like that, ever ready to lay down her burdens and find joy. Her throat closed on a spasm of pain; Kate wasn't like her mom, not in that-and that hurt too.

Now, Kate stared at the screen, slowly becoming aware of the action of the movie, even as she seemed to hear echoing in her mind the old childhood endearment, Katie-bug. No one had called her that in almost ten years. Her parents had mostly stopped using the endearment in her teenage years and then—well, her parents were the only ones who had ever called her that. No one really used a nickname or an endearment of any kind with her at all anymore. Lanie occasionally called her "girl" or "honey" but it wasn't the same, was just Lanie's way. And it wasn't like Kate had ever been someone who much liked nicknames or endearments anyway but the thought that there was no one who would even think to call her by an endearment seemed rather… bleak.

She shoved it aside and tried very hard to herd all her emotions behind a steel triple-padlocked door, with less success than usual, but she at least succeeded enough to pay a modicum of attention to the movie and to Alexis beside her. And she found it helped, her spirits lifting a little with every smile that crossed Alexis's face, every giggle the girl released, as if the girl's enjoyment of the movie was at least a little contagious. Kate couldn't say she was happy or even enjoying herself but she wasn't actively unhappy either and for The Anniversary, that was more than enough.

The movie neatly passed the time until it was almost Alexis's bedtime and Kate was the one to retrieve the DVD and return it to the cabinet as Alexis was beginning to droop a little.

She returned to the couch and put a hand on Alexis's shoulder, making the girl blink and straighten up a little. "'m awake, Kate."

"I can see that," Kate said solemnly, suppressing a smile. "Did you have a good Christmas vacation, Alexis?" she asked.

Alexis nodded. "Yeah, I did. Daddy and I went to California for a few days."

"Yes, I heard. Did you have fun with your mom in California?"

Alexis's expression immediately fell and Kate bit her lip. She'd said something wrong. Had something happened to Alexis's mom? "Mommy was too busy to see me much so instead, Daddy took me to Disneyland and to the beach."

Alexis's mom had been too busy to spend time with her daughter when she flew across the country to visit? Kate couldn't imagine such a thing and for the first time, found an odd measure of something like comfort on The Anniversary at the thought that she'd been so lucky in her mom. Her mom had been busy, yes, but Kate had never doubted her place in her mom's life, never doubted her mom's love. The thought hurt, sent a spasm of pain through her chest, but for once, she was more concerned over someone else and it helped in a strange way. The reminder that there were other, different ways in which parents could hurt their children. Maybe The Anniversary really had made her selfish but somehow, it felt… oddly good to feel such compassion, empathy, for someone else on this day on which she was usually focused so much on her own loss.

Kate slipped a tentative arm around Alexis's small shoulders. "Did you like Disneyland, Alexis? I've never been."

That distracted the girl, as she'd hoped, and Alexis's eyes widened. "Oh really, Kate? Disneyland was lots of fun. Daddy was so silly sometimes, he was so excited when we met Mickey and Goofy."

Yeah, Kate could picture that. He could be such an excitable man-child. But she did wonder if Castle hadn't acted out more than he otherwise might have in order to distract Alexis. It seemed like the sort of thing he would do.

"I see. That does sound like fun. I want to hear more about it but it's getting close to your bedtime, Alexis, so maybe you can tell me more next time I visit."

Alexis nodded obediently. "I should go upstairs." She hesitated and for just a moment, appeared a little shy. "Will you come up and tuck me in, Kate?"

The child's uncertainty somehow made it easier to smile at the little girl. "Of course, Alexis. Isn't that what I'm here for?"

Alexis smiled and now looked more like the happy little girl Kate had come to expect. "Thanks, Kate. I just need a few minutes to change and then you can come up."

A few minutes later, Kate made her way upstairs, noting that there were three bedrooms upstairs. This place really was huge, especially by Manhattan standards. And yet, somehow, in spite of the size and obvious luxury of the place, it wasn't intimidating. Castle might be—well, obviously was—very rich to afford a place like this but for all that, the loft wasn't ostentatious. It felt comfortable, like a family home, not some show piece. And it spoke volumes for the kind of person Castle was.

Kate heroically resisted the temptation to peep into the different bedrooms—she had absolutely no business looking for Castle's bedroom, shouldn't even be thinking of the words bedroom and Castle in the same sentence—and instead waited outside the bedroom that was easily identifiable as Alexis's by the stuffed animals sitting on the bed. Alexis might have even more books in her room than Kate had had at her age.

A moment later, she heard a door open and Kate turned to see Alexis wearing Star Wars pajamas. Definitely Castle's daughter.

"I'm ready for bed now, Kate."

"So I see. I like your pajamas, Alexis."

Alexis glanced down at herself. "Daddy picked them. He loves Star Wars."

Yeah, that didn't surprise her at all. Kate hid a smile. "Don't you like the movies too?"

"I do but not as much as Daddy does," Alexis answered as she climbed into her bed.

Kate hesitated, hovering for a second—she had no idea what she was even doing, couldn't remember if she'd ever had to tuck a little kid into bed—but after a moment, she settled on the chair by the side of the bed. "I'm sorry your dad can't be here to tuck you in," she finally ventured, "but like he said, you can see him when you wake up tomorrow and then you can probably watch a recording of your dad on TV and that will be cool, won't it?"

It must be strange, actually, to watch your own father on TV but probably cool too.

Alexis wrinkled her nose, a shadow crossing her face.

She'd said something wrong again. She knew she had no business being alone with a kid—what did she know about kids?—but what choice had she had?

"I never watch Daddy on TV," Alexis stated flatly.

"Oh." Did Castle not allow it or something?

"I don't like to." Alexis paused and then abruptly fixed her blue eyes on Kate. "I'll tell you why, Kate, but don't tell Daddy, okay? I don't want him to know because he fusses and I know he has to go on TV sometimes for his books."

"I won't tell," Kate promised, a little uneasily, but what could she say? And she couldn't really imagine it was anything terrible.

"I watched a couple times when Daddy was on TV before but I didn't like it so I stopped. He acts different on TV, like a different person. He's not my Daddy anymore and I don't like it. I don't understand why he can't always be my dad." Alexis finished quietly, her voice low.

Oh. Kate's heart clenched a little in sudden understanding. She had watched enough of Castle's past publicity appearances to know what Alexis meant. Castle was different in his public persona; she hadn't thought about it much since meeting him but it was true and obvious even to her. For his public appearances, Castle played his celebrity persona to the hilt, charming and dashing and confident, not to say cocky, and, yes, flirtatious. He acted like the playboy of his reputation.

But Castle—the Rick Castle Kate had seen with Alexis—was different. Oh, still charming and funny, that part was innate, but with Alexis, at home in his loft, he was… real. Sincere, down-to-earth, an openly adoring father.

Alexis was old enough to notice the difference but probably too young to fully understand the reasons. Or it wasn't that she was too young exactly, just that no child was ever really inclined to think of her parent's attractiveness to the opposite sex.

"Alexis, I think…" she paused, thinking, and then went on, a little uncertainly, "a lot of times, people act differently around different people and that's sort of what's going on here. It's not that your dad becomes a different person, he's still your dad, but well, when he's working, it's like he's acting," she explained. "Your Grams is an actress, right, so you understand, she pretends to be different people when she's on stage?"

Alexis nodded. "Uh huh. But Grams is pretending to be someone else; she wears costumes and wigs and stuff and that's her job."

"Right. And sort of like your Grams does, when your dad is on TV, he's pretending too."

"But why does he need to pretend? That's not his job; his job is writing."

"It is but sometimes it makes people want to buy more of his books if they think he's a certain kind of person so your dad is pretending to be that kind of person to make people want to buy his books." How had she gotten into this? She was beginning to understand the reason for the old lawyer's maxim of never to ask a question you didn't already know the answer to.

"But that's silly. It should only matter if people like his stories. Daddy's not the same as his books."

"It is silly but grown-ups can be silly a lot too," Kate answered honestly.

Alexis nodded. "I think I understand now but is it okay that I still don't like it when Daddy acts like that?"

Kate forced a smile. "Yes, it's okay. It's allowed for us not to always like what our parents do. We should just try to understand it even if we don't like it." She had tried to understand her dad trying to drown himself in alcohol even though she didn't like it. Not that what Castle was doing was at all the same thing.

"Thank you, Kate. That helps." Alexis lit up with the brightest smile she had shown tonight, one that was more like the bright and bubbly little girl Kate had come to know.

And Kate found herself returning the smile, the first completely unforced smile of the day. "I'm glad it helps, Alexis."

Alexis wiggled down into her bed until she was lying down, her head on her pillow, and Kate pulled up the comforter and tucked the girl in, vague long-ago memories of her mom doing the same thing to her young self returning to her mind.

"I'll be right downstairs if you need anything, okay, Alexis? Good night."

"Good night, Kate." The girl shut her eyes and Kate quietly backed out of the room, turning off the lights and noting that there were glow-in-the-dark stars scattered over the ceiling, before she closed the door behind her. She noticed a night light in the hallway and flicked it on before she returned downstairs.

She ventured into Castle's office to look over his collection of books—noting idly that the white board didn't appear to have changed at all in the last couple weeks since she'd been here—but then wandered out again. The thought of reading one of Castle's books while in his home seemed a little too weird and she couldn't think of anything else she wanted to read.

So in lieu of any better idea, she turned on the TV and started idly flipping through channels until she stopped. It was Temptation Lane, an old episode, she could tell judging from the hair styles and the costumes of the main leads. Memories of watching the show with her mom flooded her mind and she settled in to watch. She remembered her mom laughing at the show and how weirdly engrossing it could be, saying it was so bad it was almost good. And if she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine the warm weight of her mom's arm around her shoulders as they curled up together on the couch to watch the show together, could almost hear the sound of her mom's laughter and her occasional comments.

And she remembered too the way her dad had usually rolled his eyes and muttered something about "that terrible show," before retreating into her parents' home office to try to get some work done or read a book. Remembered her dad pausing to drop a kiss on her mom's hair, murmuring, "I still love you in spite of your terrible taste in TV shows." Her pre-teen self had made a show of coughing and turning away but Kate remembered that moment now with sudden pain and compassion stirring in her heart. Oh, how much her dad had lost. She knew how devastated she had been—still was—at the loss of her mom, that gaping wound that would never heal. She hadn't, somehow, really stopped to think beyond a general knowledge of shared grief that her dad might have lost even more than she had. She had been too preoccupied, made selfish by her own aching grief. She'd blindly wanted her dad to make things better, to be there to comfort her. And then she'd been too disappointed in her dad and hurt and betrayed and worried when he hadn't, when he'd failed her—but now, watching this ridiculous show that was something only she and her mom had shared, she remembered some of the many private moments she'd witnessed between her parents and felt some of the anger and disappointment in her dad knotted inside her chest for the last years flake away.

So she watched the show, finding herself getting oddly sucked in, in spite of the melodrama, ridiculous storylines, and mediocre acting. She took advantage of the commercial breaks in between episodes to go upstairs and look in on Alexis. She wasn't keeping track of the time so she was a little startled when she heard the sound of a key in the lock and the door opened to reveal Castle.

He looked tired but he managed a smile for her as he entered. "Hi, Kate. How did everything go tonight?"

"Everything was fine. Alexis was as good as gold. I tucked her in and haven't heard a peep out of her since."

His smile brightened as he shrugged out of his suit jacket and draped it over the back of one of the armchairs. "Good. I'll just go up and check on her and be right back."

She belatedly scrambled to grab the remote and turn off the TV. And true to his words, he returned in the space of a minute or so. "Thanks again for watching her tonight, Kate."

"You're welcome." She paused, hesitated and then finally went on, "Say, Castle, I wanted to mention you should be careful about who you let watch Alexis when you have to go out. I mean, I might be a cop but I could also have a side gig selling meth to high school kids, for all you know." He raised his eyebrows at her and she felt herself flushing, stupidly. She did have a serious point, even if the example she'd given was somewhat farfetched. "I don't mean to sound patronizing," she hurriedly added, "but not all cops are trustworthy and, well, I've seen some of the terrible things that can happen when parents trust the wrong people to watch their kids and I'd hate for anything to happen to Alexis. Sorry," she added belatedly, realizing she had all but criticized his parenting. "I'm a cop so I can be a little paranoid."

He studied her for a moment and then he finally answered, "You don't have to apologize, Kate. You're looking out for my daughter and that's not something you need to apologize for. Anyway, you might be a cop but I'm a crime writer so I'm probably worse than you are when it comes to imagining conspiracies."

"I can imagine that," she said, a faintly dry edge in her voice.

He only smiled engagingly. "And as for trusting you, I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character and Alexis likes you and she has good instincts for people too but where Alexis is concerned, even I don't like to rely on instincts alone so I checked up on you."

She blinked. "You checked up on me? Checked up on me how?" What had he done? She tried to decide if she was mildly offended but that would be stupid because she had been surprised herself that he was willing to trust her with Alexis.

The man actually smirked. "Oh come on, Kate, you're a cop and I knew you worked in Homicide so it's not that hard to find you in the NYPD roster with that information."

Okay, he had a point there. It would be the bare skeleton of her professional career but it was publicly available.

"Of course, what's publicly available is limited but finding out more turned out to be even easier than I expected. I called up your Captain and asked about you."

Now she gaped at him and yeah, now she might not be okay with it. "You talked to Captain Montgomery? About me? How did you get a hold of him and what did you tell him?" She knew the Captain's number was unlisted, like most cops, and there was no way the officer on duty would have given out Montgomery's personal number.

He shrugged a little. "I've played poker with Montgomery a few times so I called him."

He played poker with her captain? Which meant now Montgomery knew that she was friends with Richard Castle too. Her personal life beginning to overlap with her professional one and she didn't like the thought of that. No, no, she liked keeping her private life (what little she had of one) private and well away from her work. Not that she thought Montgomery would blab about it but it was the principle of the thing. Bad enough that Montgomery knew about her dad's troubles.

"What did he say about me?"

"Don't sound so apprehensive, Kate. He didn't tell me anything in your confidential personnel file or anything. He just said that he would trust you with his own kids in a heartbeat and that was good enough for me."

"Oh." Montgomery had said that? It had nothing to do with her professional abilities and obviously, neither Montgomery nor anyone at One PP were going to decide whether she made detective at any time based on what kind of babysitter she was but the additional proof that her Captain thought well of her, trusted her, still meant something.

"Of course," Castle added, a teasing smirk tugging at his lips, "since I caught you watching Temptation Lane, I might have to revise my opinion of your judgment, at least when it comes to TV shows."

She choked on something that might have been a laugh if it had been allowed to grow up. A laugh. God, had she ever laughed or even come close to it on this day of all days? She couldn't remember but she didn't think so. She was always miserable on The Anniversary. And yet, somehow, he managed to make her want to laugh.

"I don't like it for its own sake. I like it because my mom liked it. We—we used to watch it together." And then stopped, surprised, again, at how she'd admitted that. She almost never talked about her mom, with anyone, but somehow, with Castle, it was… easier. And it occurred to her that it might be the first time she'd ever talked to anyone about her mom's life, not just about her death. Her memories of her mom were too precious, too poignant, for her to share them easily and the one person with whom she might have talked about her mom—her dad—hadn't been someone she dared reminisce about her mom with.

His expression changed in the blink of an eye, softened with understanding. But he didn't say anything. And somehow his silence, combined with the kindness in his eyes, loosened her usually recalcitrant tongue. He knew about her dad and had been respectful and not pitying. And all she had seen of him showed that he was a nice man.

"My mom died today." She inwardly winced at how baldly that had come out.

He sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes flaring wide with shock.

"6 years ago today," she clarified and lowered her eyes as she tried to cling to her composure that was always fragile when it came to talking about her mom, especially today. "I was home from college for winter break. We were supposed to go to dinner together—my mom, my dad, and I—and she was supposed to meet us at the restaurant but she never showed. We thought she'd just been held up at work but when my dad and I got home, there was a detective waiting for us, Detective Raglan." She stopped, the memories flooding back. Her dad and her younger self returning home so blithely then the sight of Detective Raglan. She remembered everything, the way he'd looked, the clothes he was wearing. There had been a small grease stain on his shirt. The fingers on his left hand had been grimy, stained, and his shoes had been scuffed. She remembered the way he had said the trite words, I'm very sorry for your loss, and thinking that he wasn't actually sorry at all.

"They'd—" her throat closed and she swallowed, god, this never got easier to say—"they'd found her body. She had been… stabbed." She kept her eyes open to try to hold back the prickling tears—she wasn't going to cry. She couldn't let herself cry in front of Castle or anyone else.

He made a small sound like an indrawn breath. "A robbery?" he asked very quietly, just louder than a breath, and she finally looked up at him, seeing the way he'd paled and seeing too the way he was restraining himself from asking more, perhaps from reaching out to her.

"No, she still had her money, purse and jewelry. And it wasn't a sexual assault either. The detectives wrote it off as gang violence, a random wayward event." She couldn't help the bitter edge in her tone.

"Her killer was never caught," he said very quietly, not quite a question, more a guess. "That's why you became a cop."

She couldn't quite speak through the tightness in her throat but she managed a brief nod to confirm the so-simple stark summary of the driving force of her life. It was another minute before she was able to speak. "Partly because I wanted to solve her case myself and partly because I wanted to help make sure that no one else had to go without answers the way my dad and I did."

He nodded. "I understand."

So many people had tried to give her well-meaning condolences by saying they understood and could imagine how she felt and Kate had always wanted to flare up in anger because how could they possibly, unless they had lost a parent to violence too and never gotten justice for the loss. But oddly, Castle's quiet sympathy didn't engender the same irritation. She felt as if he did understand. And maybe partly it was because of his books, the way he had of humanizing the victims, of never making light of a loss.

She swallowed and finished the story. "My dad took her death hard." A euphemism but then again, Castle already knew the truth about her dad. She wouldn't need to say it again; she hated mentioning her dad's troubles.

"But he's sober now," Castle said, his voice indescribably deep, gentle.

She looked up at him and to her horror and confusion, his words somehow were the last straw, made the tears well up in her eyes. Oh god why oh why was it that his saying her dad was sober now affected her so? It was true―her dad was sober, still, for now—and that was a good thing. It was. There was nothing to cry about in it. She blinked frantically and turned her face away, pretending a sudden absorption in staring at the bookshelves across the room as she willed the tears back. She wasn't—absolutely wasn't—going to cry.

She was suddenly sure that a sympathetic word or worse, a sympathetic touch, would break her and she waited for the well-meaning gesture in something like dread but then she sensed or felt the shift of the couch as Castle stood up. "I'm going to get something to drink. Do you want anything, Kate?" Huh, what? It was so far removed from anything she'd imagined he would say that she was utterly confused. He barely paused for an answer, not that she felt able to speak, before he went on in a blandly casual tone that was so at odds with what they'd been talking about that Kate was almost dizzy with confusion. "And can I interest you in an advance author copy of my next book? I have a bunch of them and you're welcome to take one so you won't have to wait until next week to get a hold of it. I know how much I hate waiting for a new book by an author I like to come out."

Confusion and burgeoning irritation succeeded in drying out any threatening tears and she opened her eyes to snap at him, sharply disappointed to find out that he could be so callously self-centered as to be all but advertising his next book when she'd just told him about her dead mother. How she'd ever thought that she could talk to him was beyond her but now she knew better; no one wanted to hear about her sob story. She opened her mouth fully prepared to figuratively flay strips off him but then she actually saw him and the angry words died on her lips. At first she wasn't even sure why but then belatedly, her conscious brain caught up to her senses and she realized it was because of his expression. He looked… well, not at all casual or smug or anything similar to what his tone and his words had indicated. No, he still looked somber, his expression soft with compassion and concern.

Oh. Oh god. She suddenly understood exactly what he was doing. Remembered the way he'd stepped in to distract Alexis from her innocent question about her mom the last time she'd come over. He'd guessed or understood that she was holding on to her composure by a thread and changed the subject, distracted her. Given her what she needed to regain her composure.

How had he known? How did he do that? 99 people out of 100 would have said something to commiserate, one of those well-meaning platitudes, and she would have lost it and then hated herself for it. Castle hadn't. He'd somehow understood—and saved her, even from her own self.

A little tendril of warmth took root and blossomed in her chest. It was trust. And something like gratitude too.

She managed a wan smile and took refuge in mild teasing. "Well, I suppose, if you have a bunch of extra copies, I can take one. It'll save me from having to wait until the library gets it." Since she wasn't going to admit that she'd already pre-ordered a copy.

"Your enthusiasm is overwhelming," he responded dryly. "But I'll overlook it for now because you did me a favor tonight in looking after Alexis on such short notice."

She managed a faint but real smile, her spirits lifting a little at his humor. This sort of teasing banter she could do and oddly it made her feel calmer, more like her usual self. "Very magnanimous of you," she quipped.

"I know. I'm generous like that," he pretended to preen. "Just a second and I'll get you the book." He vanished into his office and she stood up to retrieve her coat from the front hall closet, shrugging into it.

He reappeared in a minute, book in hand. And she accepted it with what was probably the brightest smile she'd managed all day. "Thanks, Castle."

"No problem. When do you think you can come over for dinner? I'm a little busy this week with signings and publicity events though." He pulled a beleaguered face.

She quickly reviewed her shift schedule. "How about next Tuesday?"

"That sounds good to me. Next Tuesday it is and yes, I'll make more of my super-special tiramisu as a thank you," he affirmed.

"Good night, Castle."

"Have a good week at work, Beckett."

She stepped onto the elevator when the doors opened, the last image of his smile lingering in her mind, infusing a little warmth into her chest.

As the elevator doors slid closed again, she looked down at the book and then, on an impulse, opened it to look at the inside cover.

Oh. Oh, he had signed it. More than signed it.

Kate,

The strongest steel must go through the hottest fire.

Rick Castle

She bit her lip. He had already seen her when she was weak, knew how wounded she was—but he thought she was strong.

In her mind, she heard the well-remembered voice of her mom, remember, Katie, life never delivers anything that we can't handle.

Her mom had believed that—but Kate wasn't sure she did, not anymore, not really. Because her mom had died and her dad had been a shell of himself in all the years since and Kate… well, she had not recovered either.

And Castle knew that but he still thought she was strong. She didn't know why it mattered so much but somehow, it did. Felt a little ember of warmth kindle in her chest at the thought, his words.

And it lingered, even as she made her way home and crawled into her solitary bed and she drifted to sleep with the words hanging in her mind.

The strongest steel...

~To be continued…~

A/N 2: Thank you, as always, to all readers and reviewers.