"Sitcom Royal Rumble"
Rated T for mild language and violence
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with World Wrestling Entertainment, Total Nonstop Action, or sitcoms associated with ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, Disney, Nickelodeon or TBS. Anyway, I'd figured I'd do this for fun and amusement. So enjoy!
Chapter 11: I Fought The Law...
As Danny managed to carefully enter the ring (he had to wipe his shoes off at the apron because he was a neat-freak), the first person to approach him was Steve Urkel.
Doing his best Muhammad Ali impression, Steve Urkel managed to move around with quick footwork. Danny was so far humiliated at Steve's intimidation game. All he wanted to do was to shut the nerd up.
Jerry Lawler: Look at this, the nerd's got footwork!
Michael Cole: That's very interesting.
JBL: I think it's foolish.
Steve Urkel: C'mon, Danny! You don't have any dustballs in you to swat me away. C'mon I dare-
However, Urkel was cut off when Danny Tanner connected the nerd with a Big Boot!
Jerry Lawler: Whoa, that didn't last long!
JBL: I think Urkel's jaw just got thrown out of Madison Square Garden!
As Urkel held onto his entire mouth in pain, Danny Tanner picked the nerd right up.
However, he picked him up on his shoulders and slammed him down with a huge powerslam!
Michael Cole: What a nice powerslam!
JBL: I never knew the neat-freak was such a powerhouse! I know who I'm rooting for!
While Danny was working on Urkel, the faceoff between Al and Marshall got so rough that it resulted into a big brawl. Both the behemoths were busy trading body slams, arm drags, headlocks the first thing when Bundy entered the Royal Rumble.
Jerry Lawler: Look at this battle go on here!
JBL: From the way I see it, it looks like it could take place in a bar room instead.
However, the brawl stopped when Marshall poked Al right in the eyes.
And then, it was followed by a big boot to the face!
Michael Cole: OW! A boot right to the face!
Jerry Lawler: That must've hurt worse than his job, let me tell ya!
The impact was more than enough to knock the shoe salesman out.
While Al remained motionless, Marshall Eriksen (aka Beercules) picked him up with a backbreaker position and approached the ropes.
JBL: Uh-oh, this could be bye-bye for Al Bundy!
Jerry Lawler: He's definitely going out!
But as Marshall could think about dumping Al out, Tyler James snuck out of nowhere and hit a dropkick on the back of Beercules's head!
That impact forced both Marshall and Al to tumble over the top rope, but Al Bundy managed to remain on the apron while Marshall was dumped to the floor in elimination!
Jerry Lawler: Look at this!
JBL: I don't believe it! Marshall's out of there already!
Michael Cole: Tyler James has just eliminated another one!
JBL: Marshall's gonna flip his underwear for sure!
23rd Eliminated: Marshall Eriksen; Eliminated by: Tyler James; Duration: 4:45
And 'flips his underwear', he did.
Marshall immediately lost it, acting and screaming like a spoiled child. So far, he started shaking the barricade, steel steps, and announcer's table all at one time. Nothing he did wasn't gonna bring him back to the ring.
JBL: What a baby!
Michael Cole: You can't blame Marshall. He was one of the favorites to win!
JBL: Oh, go cry him a river, we got the next entrant coming!
While Marshall left ringside in defeat, the countdown clock appeared on the titantron, giving way to the 35th entrant!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #35: Mike Biggs (Mike & Molly)
After the buzzer sounded, an overweight white cop appeared through the curtain. To a huge surprise, he came out to a mixed reaction from the New York crowd.
Basically, some of the boos he got from the crowd noticed his Chicago flag right on his chest. Apparently, they all liked the NYPD better.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, this crowd's gone a little bit sour.
JBL: I'm afraid the New York Police Department isn't gonna like this one!
Michael Cole: From "Mike & Molly", it's Chicago policeman, Mike Biggs!
During that walk down the aisle, Mike noticed his best friend Carl being stomped on by Steven Hyde at the turnbuckle.
Seeing this, Mike went into fat-guy rage mode and stormed in the ring, nailing the doper with a huge clothesline!
Michael Cole: What a thunderous clothesline!
Jerry Lawler: That doesn't feel pretty!
Mike was just getting started with Hyde.
As Hyde got back up, the overweight policeman picked him up and hit him hard with a powerslam!
JBL: What a big powerslam! Hyde just got busted!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, and not in a good way I assume.
With Carl dusting himself off, Mike picked him up as an offer of friendship. Mike didn't like seeing his best friend getting beat down in a racial-kind of way, so the only thing the fatman could do was look out for his best friend.
But as soon as Mike got Carl up, Dan Fielding huffed out his chest and managed to stand up to the two Chicago policemen.
Dan Fielding: *to Mike and Carl* You guys give New York City Policemen a bad name! So you two can suck it!
Carl McMillan: *to Mike* Please tell me this guy didn't make a bad gay joke.
Mike Biggs: *to Carl* That's it, lets get this hag!
Not taking Dan's horribly bad gay joke that well, both Mike and Carl gave the district attorney an old-fashioned wedgie!
His underwear went so far up Dan's crack, he was this close to bleeding!
Michael Cole: *cringing* Oh, dear!
JBL: Somebody call a doctor for Mr. Fielding!
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, because it's definitely not looking good here!
With Dan Fielding being caught in a huge wedgie, the two policemen launched the DA over the top rope and onto the floor, eliminating him!
Suddenly, Dan Fielding's elimination was met with a mixed reaction, mostly boos from the angry New Yorkers.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, there goes Fielding!
Michael Cole: Fielding is out of the Rumble match!
24th Eliminated: Dan Fielding; Eliminated by: Mike Biggs & Carl McMillan; Duration: 7:30
While the rest of the ring officials were busy checking on Dan Fielding (mostly because of his horrible wedgie), Liv Rooney was busy getting his foot on Al Bundy's mouth from the left turnbuckle.
But out of nowhere, an attractive teenage brunette hopped across the barricade and entered the ring, pulling Liv Rooney from the back of her blonde hair! The camera got a good look at her, which was identified as Austin Moon's girlfriend, Ally Dawson!
Michael Cole: Hey, wa-wait a minute! There's Ally Dawson!
JBL: What's she doing here? She's not a part of this Rumble!
Jerry Lawler: Apparently, she must've saw the kiss between Liv and Austin! That's why she's on her!
Suddenly, a cat-fight between Ally and Liv now broke out. The momentum was focused right on Ally Dawson, who surprisingly wasn't a part of the Rumble. On top of all that, an "Ally" chant broke out all across Madison Square Garden as Ally kept pounding Liv's head on the mat.
Ring officials outside the ring saw this and went in the ring, hoping to break the cat-fight between the two girls. Of course, the crowd had no choice but to boo because of this.
Jerry Lawler: I hope Joey Styles was watching this! This is something that would make him proud!
JBL: That Ally girl should belong in an insane asylum!
After several seconds, Ally finally managed to let Liv go and was forced to go back to her seat.
But the cat-fight took a toll on Liv. As she was getting up, Steven Hyde snuck behind her and threw her over the top rope and onto the floor, eliminating her for good!
Jerry Lawler: Well, there goes Liv Rooney!
JBL: Yeah, and it was all because of that psycho, Ally Dawson!
Michael Cole: She probably won't be 'singing it loud' anytime soon!
25th Eliminated: Liv Rooney; Eliminated by: Steven Hyde; Duration: 22:49
As Liv was slumping all across ringside, the Rumble clock lit up again, bringing up another entrant!
JBL: Anyway, we're gonna find out who number 36 is! I can't wait!
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #36: Carl Winslow (Family Matters)
As the buzzer sounded for the 36th time so far, another overweight cop (who is black by the way) made his way from the curtain. Just like Mike Biggs, he too also had a mixed reaction because of the Chicago flag on his chest. Mostly, the New Yorkers still preferred NYPD over the CPD.
He was very similar due to the fact that he resembled the fat black cop from "Die Hard", except he was all bald.
JBL: Oh boy, is this about to get interesting!
Jerry Lawler: You talk about another big cop, here comes another one!
Michael Cole: And with both Carl Winslow and Mike Biggs in the Rumble, who knows what's gonna go down!
JBL: It's gonna be carnage, I tell ya!
During that walk down the aisle, Carl noticed his son (Eddie) being ganged up by both Mike and Carl. Seeing this, the fatman adjusted his police hat and bolted down to the ring.
And as he got inside the ring, he whistled to the two policemen, which caught their attention. In response, Carl managed to hit both of them with a thunderous double clothesline!
Michael Cole: What a thunderous double clothesline!
JBL: Wow, we've been getting a lot of clotheslines lately so far!
Jerry Lawler: That oughta make a good drinking game!
So far, Carl looked around the entire ring, making sure that no one would gang up on Eddie.
Just like a loving father, he managed to pick his son up off his feet and dust him off. And while Carl was doing just that to protect his son, he noticed both Al and Bud Bundy staring them down. Not too long ago, both Carl and Eddie exchanged the glance back to them. This was gonna be a battle of the father-son duos for sure. Even if they didn't appreciate the ovation, everyone was glued on for this battle.
JBL: Wow, I'm on the edge of my seat!
Jerry Lawler: I never expected this to happen here!
JBL: We got Family Matters versus Married With Children here! The Winslows vs. The Bundys! Now this is best for business!
So far, Al Bundy fired the first shot...
...
...
...only for Carl Winslow to charge at him, shoving the shoe salesman deep within the turnbuckles with shoulder blocks.
For Bud Bundy however, he was also thrown into the turnbuckles by Eddie Winslow. This time, Eddie shoved his Air Jordans right up to Bud's nearly shaved chin. The crowd grew a bit ecstatic watching this showdown go down. They mostly wanted to see Carl Winslow and Mike Biggs go at it more, but they enjoyed seeing Winslows vs. Bundys more often!
JBL: I'm loving this! The Bundys are being demolished!
Michael Cole: Carl's size and Eddie's strength, playing a huge factor in this matchup so far!
While that matchup was happening between the four men, Theo Huxtable, Steve Urkel and Danny Tanner were already getting Tyler James over the top rope. Now all they needed to push him off the apron.
To be honest, Tyler was in a whole lot of trouble.
Jerry Lawler: Uh-oh, Tyler's gonna be a goner!
JBL: If I were him, I'd walk away immediately.
After seconds of struggling, the three men managed to push Tyler off the apron, but strangely, his feet never touched the floor.
As shocking as this was, Tyler was standing on just his two hands. That caught a lot of shock and awe from the rest of the New Yorkers in this building.
Michael Cole: WHA! Are you kidding me?!
JBL: How is that kid doing that!
Jerry Lawler: That's amazing, and yet his feet never touched the floor!
Knowing that he was going to lose his balance, Tyler managed to head for the steel steps in which his feet fell perfectly.
That brought in a tremendous ovation from the crowd, who started chanting Tyler's name.
Jerry Lawler: He's safe! I can't believe it!
JBL: I'm starting to have my doubts about this kid! He's amazing.
While Tyler was getting back in the ring however, the Rumble clock went off, leading up to the 37th entrant of the match.
Michael Cole: We're down to number 37. Who's it gonna be?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
Entrant #37: Norm (Cheers)
As the horn sounded, a fat man in a very brown suit made his way through the curtain. However, he was stumbling on his way down the aisle, which people would have him assume he was drunk.
Unfortunately for Norm, he was greeted by a huge round of boos. Which was what Norm expected since he resided from Boston (because in real life, people from New York hate people from Boston).
Jerry Lawler: *chuckling* Uh-oh, here comes the Gravy Train!
JBL: I can't believe a drunk like him is entering this Rumble! And to think Marshall Eriksen calls himself 'Beercules'!
Michael Cole: Well, I've been hearing backstage that Norm was wasted before this match even began.
Jerry Lawler: Maybe it's his good luck charm.
Slowly, but steadily, he managed to get on top of the apron. Hopefully, he was hoping not to buzz out.
And then carefully, he managed to get in the ring. But not without falling down on his ass, which brought out a laugh from Madison Square Garden.
JBL: Uh-oh, baby fall down!
Jerry Lawler: I'm thinking he had too much to drink!
Norm: *off-camera* Okay, I think I had t-t-too much...
Luckily for Norm, he managed to get up on his feet.
However, much to his drunken chagrin, he was approached by both Mike Biggs and Carl McMillan, who managed to recover from the double clothesline caused by Carl Winslow. Seeing both the two policemen once at a time, Norm started wobbling around like he was some sort of drunken master.
Norm: *to Mike and Carl* You don't... you don't want none of this!
Norm's little fighting words didn't effect Mike and Carl one bit.
So in retaliation, the two officers in blue double-punched Norm, which made him stumble over the ropes. While he was stumbling, Mike and Carl managed to lift Norm up over the top rope with his drunken body onto the floor, eliminating him to a huge applause!
JBL: Thanks for coming, Norm! Go back to the watering hole where you come from!
Jerry Lawler: I've never seen someone falling off the wagon before in a Royal Rumble, but this sure is a first!
Michael Cole: Just like that, Norm's out of the match!
26th Eliminated: Norm; Eliminated by: Mike Biggs & Carl McMillan; Duration: 0:14
Despite being drunk, Norm did manage to make it out on his feet.
Apparently, it was a bad idea for him to be drunk inside of a wrestling ring. So he decided to blow it off and head back to the dressing room.
Norm: *drunkenly* Ah, who needs this dump? I'm going back to the bar!
After Norm's departure, both the Bundys and Winslows were still going at it like gangbusters.
So far, the momentum changed as Al was stomping a mudhole on Carl, while Bud managed to bring Eddie down to his knees. With the younger Winslow down and out, Bud managed to go up the top rope and pull off some high-risk offense.
JBL: Oh, please don't tell me the perv's gonna fly.
Jerry Lawler: Like it or not, he's gonna!
As Eddie got back up on his feet, Bud leaped up for a hurricanrana...
...
...
...but Eddie catched and caught him with a powerbomb, knocking Bud out like a light!
Jerry Lawler: AGH! OH MY GOD!
Michael Cole: *cringing* Oh man, what a thunderous powerbomb!
JBL: Talk about getting laid for Bud!
As Bud began seeing stars, Eddie picked him up, hoping to powerslam Bud out of the Royal Rumble match.
But as soon as Eddie could eliminate Bud, Tyler James came out of nowhere, grabbed Eddie by the shirt, and sent both Eddie and Bud over the top rope and onto the floor in an double elimination!
JBL: Whoa! Look at this!
Michael Cole: Tyler eliminated both men! He eliminated both men from the Rumble match!
Jerry Lawler: Tyler James is on a killing spree here!
27th Eliminated: Bud Bundy; Eliminated by: Tyler James; Duration: 12:47
28th Eliminated: Eddie Winslow; Eliminated by: Tyler James; Duration: 13:47
Both Eddie and Bud managed to stand on their feet, disappointed that they were both eliminated suddenly and mysteriously. If only their battling fathers saw this, they would be disappointed as well that both of their sons were eliminated like that.
So as they both left ringside in total defeat, the clock managed to light up again. The people at Madison Square Garden all looked to the titantron, awaiting to see who number 38 was.
Michael Cole: We're about to see number 38! Who's it gonna be?
10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... *BZZT!*
As the buzzer sounded, the sound of a motorcycle had sounded behind the curtain.
JBL: Wait, is that the sound of a motorcycle..?
As both Eddie and Bud were walking up the aisle, the person riding the motorcycle popped up, which forced the two eliminated men to move out of the way. The fangirls all across Madison Square Garden screamed in delight as the motorcycle rider took his helmet off for the world to see his trademark slicked-back black hair. And not to mention the iconic leather jacket.
Apparently, two names said it all about this man:
Entrant #38: The Fonz (Happy Days)
Jerry Lawler: Wow, I can't believe this!
JBL: It's the Fonz! It's the Fonz! He's returned!
Michael Cole: Arthur Fonzarelli is the next entrant in the Royal Rumble! I'm shocked as ever!
JBL: Boy, are they cruisin' for a bruisin' here!
Looking on at the carnage inside the ring, The Fonz lifted up his sunglasses and gave them one death stare. Hard to believe he could pull that death glare off quite well, despite being a greaser in the 50's. With a smirk on his face, he laid out his famous catchphrase for all the ladies to hear.
The Fonz: Ayyyyyyyy...
To be continued...
Oh man, is someone cruising for a bruising now that the Fonz has shown up. Unfortunately, the rest of you fans might have to wait until next chapter to see what happens. With that, here's the facts we've got down so far:
Eliminated: Dez Wade, Martin Payne, Leroy T. Brown, George Costanza, A.C. Slater, Pops Williams, Bob Duncan, Barney Stinson, Mike Seaver, Beck Oliver, Julius Rock, Eric Forman, Gilligan, Howard Wolowitz, Zack Morris, Bull Shannon, Maxwell Sheffield, Red Forman, Sheldon Cooper, Shawn Hunter, Fez, Austin Moon, Marshall Eriksen, Dan Fielding, Liv Rooney, Norm, Bud Bundy and Eddie Winslow
Still in the ring: Al Bundy, Carl McMillan, Carl Winslow, Danny Tanner, Mike Biggs, Steve Urkel, Steven Hyde, The Fonz, Theo Huxtable and Tyler James
Entrants in the ring: 10 (so far)
Entrants still left to go: 12 (so far)
Longest time spent in the ring so far: Steve Urkel (Over 35 minutes)
Shortest time spent in the ring: Howard Wolowitz (0:01.8 seconds)
Most people eliminated: Tyler James (8, although I'm not sure if that's the right number. I'll check back later.)
Now that Tyler has broken Austin Moon's record of eliminations, will he dispose of more trash?
Can Steve Urkel last throughout the Rumble all the way to the end?
Will anybody else drop in uninvited?
And once again, will I keep confusing Theo Huxtable for Eddie Winslow, even though he's already out?
There will be more to come after this! Trust me, you don't wanna miss this piece of action next chapter. Oh, and don't forget the feedbacks as well. I appreciate it! :D