So who do we think is at the door? Let's find out now! Much love RSD xoxoxoxoxoxo.
"Just the person that I was coming to see" I said cheerily.
"Really?" Ben asked as he pulled one brow up nervously.
"Yeah" I answered and I watched as he started to smile at me.
"How can I help you Ben?" I asked politely after a very awkward silence.
"I came to see how you are" he answered.
"But I also need to talk to you" he advised.
"Same" I confirmed.
"I need to talk to you too" I added.
"Really?" He repeated.
"Yeah" I confirmed.
"Ok" he answered as he nodded.
"Let's go to my room?" I suggested.
"Yeah" he replied. I then stepped to the side and let Ben in and I nodded to the stairs so he started to walk towards them. As I started to follow Ben my eyes met with Evie's, who was still in the living room, and I noticed that she was grinning at me.
"Stop grinning like that E!" I said sarcastically as I started to follow Ben up the stairs.
"Whatever!" She called back which made me roll my eyes.
"What do you need to speak to me about?" I asked as I closed the door after me and Ben.
"You don't miss a trick" Ben chuckled as he sat down on the side of my bed.
"Well I could always tell when you wanted to speak to me" I chuckled as I made my way towards my bed.
"I guess" he laughed as I sat down next to him.
"Excuse the mess-" I started as I looked around the room and noticed how messy everything looked. In all honesty I hadn't managed to tidy anything up yet and the last time I was in here I was trying to pull Ben and Brad apart. I pushed the memory of this away by looking back at Ben before speaking.
"I haven't really had time to sort things out yet" I said as I pulled a funny face at him.
"It's ok" Ben answered politely.
"How are you feeling?" Ben asked which made me smile.
"I am better" I answered.
"I'm just glad to be finally home" I chuckled.
"Without self discharging yourself" Ben muttered.
"You are never going to drop that are you?" I teased.
"No" he laughed.
"Probably not" he finished and we plunged into an awkward silence.
"So-" he started nervously.
"So?" I prompted as I quickly removed my jacket and flung it over my computer chair.
"I think we both wanted to finish our conversation" he stated bluntly. A knot started in my stomach; this was it. This was the moment that me and Ben actually found out where we stood with each other. I actually started to get scared - what if he didn't want the same thing as me? Well I knew that I didn't want to lose Ben; even as a friend so this conversation was starting to make me nervous.
"I know at the time when I brought it up things were complicated" he stated as he looked down to the floor.
"Yeah they were" I agreed.
"But regardless I would still have liked an answer, even with Brad answering for you. I want to hear it from you" he said nervously.
"I see" I noted.
"So if you don't mind" he said as he looked at me.
"As awkward as it is going to be" he continued.
"I would like to finish that conversation" he finished.
"Hmmm" I said as I looked him up and down. I still think that Ben has changed since the last time we were together; he seemed more confident and assertive and I kinda like it.
"Who are you and what have you done with Ben?" I teased.
"What do you mean?" Ben asked as his eyes widened.
"You're more assertive since we were last together" I advised.
"I would like to think that is a good thing" Ben replied uncertainly.
"I'm sorry if you think I'm being pushy" he quickly added.
"I don't think that at all" I said as I smiled at him.
"Good" he said as my favourite cute smile spread across his face.
"Ben I need to admit something to you-" I started.
"Ok" he said as he started to fidget with the rings on his right hand.
"What?" He urged.
"If I was able to answer your question in the first place you might have got a different answer to what you are going to get right now" I explained.
"Ok" he repeated.
"What answer would I have got?" He asked nervously.
"At the time of you asking me I was so confused, I wasn't really in a good state of mind due to drink and worrying about my situation. If I am completely honest with you I didn't really know what I wanted; so I probably would have told you that I don't know" I advised.
"I don't know whether I could go through that all again" I added and I watched as Ben's face dropped.
"I still stand by what I said before I can't keep going through scrutiny every time I go out with my friends" I said as I pursed my lips together.
"It's not fair" I said sadly.
"I know it is because you care and that you love me" I finished.
"I do" he confirmed.
"Mal just give me time and I will try to not let these things get to me" he said as he reached over and took my hands in both of his.
"Please Mal" he begged.
"Ben" I said as I turned my hands over and squeezed them.
"I need you to listen to my answer right now" I pressed.
"We would need a lot of work, a lot of time-" I started.
"Agreed" he answered.
"We would both need to be honest and truthful" I continued.
"Agreed" he said again.
"We both need to be willing to try" I finished.
"Agreed" he repeated for the third time.
"I know you are" I said as I started to stare into Ben's eyes. This is where it was make and break; I had laid it all down on the line and now was the moment when I found out whether me and Ben wanted the same things.
"And you?" Ben asked as he broke the silence.
"Are you willing?" He asked as he squeezed my hands. I started to purse my lips together and my hands started to go clammy. I watched as Ben's breathing changed which told me that he was starting to panic.
"Yes" I answered.
"What?" Ben said as his eyes widened in shock.
"Yes I'm willing to try" I confirmed.
"I should have tried a long time ago" I said as I squeezed his hands. I was right I should have tried; I shouldn't have left Ben without a backward glance. I knew that I have been selfish but at the time I thought that I was doing the best thing for me. Part of me wished that this whole situation didn't happen; but then another part of me was glad it did as it now made me realise what I needed. I needed Ben; I needed to love him wholeheartedly and I needed him to love me back wholeheartedly in return. We both had a lot of work to do but I knew that it would be worth it. Ben was always going to be worth it.
"I'm sorry I didn't" I said sadly.
"That doesn't matter" Ben said dismissively.
"What matters is that we are going to try now" he said happily as a large grin spread across his face.
"Yeah" I said as I grinned back at him. I then noticed that Ben's face dropped and he started to look nervous again.
"What's on your mind?" I asked.
"I don't want to ruin the moment" he advised as he bit down on his bottom lip.
"Right?" I said slowly.
"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's on your mind" I added.
"Are we starting from the beginning or are we getting back together?" He asked quickly.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"I want to get back together" he admitted.
"But I know I might need to wait" he added as he pursed his lips together.
"Right" I said slowly and I made a decision. I wanted to be just as assertive as Ben; I only hoped it paid off.
"Well Ben you have been assertive-" I started.
"Yes" he chuckled.
"So I'm going to be assertive" I advised in a sing-song voice.
"So you know my answer" I said as I slid closer to towards Ben.
"But you can tell me to stop if you don't want me to" I offered.
"Stop?" He said as he pulled one brow up.
"Yes" I replied.
"What are you going to do?" He questioned.
"This" I said and I quickly reached over and pressed my lips against Ben's for a couple of seconds. After I pulled away Ben looked down at me for a few seconds and I couldn't read his face; however I felt his hands drop mine and he slid his arms around my waist. We started to stare into each other's eyes and it felt like time stood still as our faces started to gravitate towards each other before Ben hesitated before he pressed his lips against mine. Ben pulled away after a few seconds and we both smiled at each other before Ben pressed his lips against mine once more; however this kiss was different. It felt as if an explosion had been set off in my chest; a warmth spread through my body as I slid my arms around Ben's neck as we fell into a series of long and loving kisses.
"Mal" I heard Ben say as I was snuggled into Ben's chest. Somewhere in making out on my bed we ended up lying on my bed; I wasn't going to complain. I got my Benny back and that was the main thing.
"Yes boyfriend" I answered happily as I looked up at him.
"I want to ask you something-" he started which made me pull one brow up in confusion.
"But I don't know whether it is my place to ask" he finished as he started to run his fingers through my hair.
"Right" I said slowly.
"What do you want to know?" I wondered out loud.
"I'll tell you anything" I said.
"I don't have anything to hide from you" I pressed.
"Good" Ben said as he started to smile at me.
"It might be awkward" he said as he stared into my eyes.
"Right" I repeated.
"What?" I asked.
"When you and Brad were fighting-" Ben said as he pulled a disgruntled face.
"Yeah" I said.
"The things you were saying to each other" he prompted.
"Oh" I said as my eyes widened as I realised what he wanted to know; he wanted to know what exactly was going on between me and Brad.
"You want me to confirm something don't you?" I asked slowly.
"Yes" he confirmed.
"I know you are not going to like this Ben-" I started and I felt Ben's arm tighten around my waist.
"But Brad was my fuck buddy" I admitted.
"Ok" Ben said sadly as he looked down.
"How long did it go on for?" He asked as he still not looked at me.
"Nearly two month" I confessed.
"We are actually talking about going on dates the week of our house warming party, but that never happened" I advised.
"No" Ben said sadly. I hated the fact that this hurt Ben but I needed him to know how it actually was. Yes I had feelings for Brad but I wouldn't say that I was in love with him - not like I was with Ben.
"There was no love it in Ben" I urged.
"Oh" Ben said as his eyes widened at this information.
"Right" he said as if he was speaking to himself.
"So did you not have feelings for him?" He asked as he finally looked at me.
"I did" I confirmed.
"But nothing compared to what I have for you" I said lovingly as I started to stroke his chest.
"Good" Ben said smugly.
"Ben I know it really upsets you knowing about me and Brad and I hate the fact that we didn't fix things before that-" I started.
"Yeah" Ben replied.
"But there is nothing we can do about it now, it has happened but we just need to concentrate on us" I finished lovingly.
"Yes!" Ben exclaimed before he reached over and pressed a kiss against my lips.
"Well there is one thing I can do" Ben said happily.
"Which is?" I chuckled.
"Love you endlessly and not let you go this time" he said as he dropped my hair and wrapped his arm around me and he started to pull me close to him.
"Look at you being all cute" I teased.
"I can try" he laughed back.
"Now if you don't mind I have some business to take care of" he stated bluntly.
"Ok" I said sadly. I knew there was a chance that he had to leave to go back home to do some work; yes we had just got back together but we didn't want to ruin things by rushing things.
"What?" I enquired.
"This" Ben said before he quickly kissed me and we fell back into making up for lost time.