Tegan Chronicles STV Style 2:
Rolling in the Deep 11
Almost every hour someone was checking on her. After Neelix it had been B'Elanna who offered to stay for a while to give Janeway a break. She declined feeling guilty for not having realized the toll it was taking on Tegan earlier. She was certain Wellis wasn't the first patient she had lost but maybe he was the first one she had promised to protect with her life. She admired her for her diligence but hoped she didn't break down like this after every loss. She kicked herself for even thinking that, it showed the deep compassion the other woman felt and proved her humanity was intact.
The next visitor was Seven who refrained from mentioning anything about the newest member of Voyager's crew while in the room. Tuvok stopped by and tried to insist that Janeway take a break, she again refused. "You need to rest Captain."
"I'm fine. I'll sleep soon."
"It is illogical to put your own health at risk when there are others willing to sit with her."
"I'm her friend and it's what friends do." She softened her expression. "I'll let you know if I need you."
He looked at her for a very long minute wondering if Tegan would say the same of her. He knew friend in its truest sense was not a term the Captain threw around lightly yet she had known this woman less than two months and was already forming a bond. He couldn't help but question if Tegan felt similar. Currently he did not know her well enough to form an opinion of his own. "Very well Captain."
Chakotay stopped by and stood there and stared at Tegan for a long time without saying anything then he turned to Janeway. "I don't know if she'll make it back from this."
"She's strong." Janeway announced with convection. "And I'm not giving up on her."
"No you never give up on anyone do you?" It was one of the things he admired about her, but sometimes he wondered why she had to care so much about someone she barely knew. He shook the thought from his head as he walked out the door, he should be more like Janeway.
It had been about twelve hours since Tegan had woken. Neelix had just walked out with the tray of food he brought in earlier which had gone untouched by both women. She was about to call Tuvok for him to relieve her when the door chimed again. "Come in."
"Captain." Hayley stepped in with her little 2.7 kilogram bundle of joy as Janeway stood up and turned to her.
"How are you Hayley?"
"I'm doing good Captain." Her caramel colored hair was held back in messy bun.
"And the baby?" She craned her neck to get a better look.
"William Frederick Wellis Jr.," she smiled. "He's doing well."
"Such a big name for such a tiny boy."
"He'll grow into it." She looked around Janeway to see Tegan with her back to them. "How is she?"
"She's in there, but she's been non-responsive verbally."
"Do you mind?" She held little William out for her. "I'd like to talk to her alone."
"Of course, take your time." Janeway smiled as she took the baby and held him to her chest.
"Hey." Heyley walked up to the bed as Tegan rolled onto her back and looked up at her. "Snap out of it. I don't have the luxury of breaking down because he died, I have a baby to raise by myself now and it's no one's fault except the Hirogen who shot him. I know I blamed you the day it happened but I was upset, I was in shock. I don't blame you. I know you did everything you could short of dying in his place and he wouldn't have wanted that."
Tegan blinked and looked down at her hand as she mimicked the actions of trying to find the bleed in the artery.
Hayley saw what she was doing. She had seen the report. She knew what lengths Tegan had gone through to save him. She walked to the side of the bed, knelt down and took her hand in both of hers, wrapping them around it to still her fingers.
Her eyes drifted up to meet Hayley's and her voice cracked. "I couldn't save him."
"So you'll save the next one. Ok?" She watched her stare at her for a minute. "Promise me you'll snap out of this because I need a godmother for little William."
"You barely even know me."
"I know what you did for my husband. I know all I need to know about your character to know that you would be perfect." She turned as the door to Janeway's quarters opened and Janeway walked in with a fussy baby and Naomi Wildman at her side.
"I think he's hungry."
"It's about that time. Thank you Captain." She took William and turned back to Tegan. "I meant what I said."
Tegan nodded before she left.
"Tegan?" Naomi drew her attention as she stepped up beside the bed.
"Yes?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Are you going to be alright?"
At the moment she didn't feel like she would be but she moved her head indicating she would.
"I brought you some chocolates. Neelix helped me pick the best ones from the replicator for you."
"Thank you." Tegan put them on the bed beside her.
"I should let you rest."
"Hey." Tegan called out as she turned.
"Yes?" Naomi turned back to her.
"I'm going to be fine. Maybe tomorrow we can share these chocolates."
"But I got them for you."
"And I want to share them." Tegan forced a small smile.
"Ok," she beamed, "tomorrow then."
Janeway watched as the future Captain walked by and out the door before she turned back to Tegan.
She moved so she was sitting the edge of the bed, her movements retarded by her weakness. She tilted her head forward and propped it in her hand with her elbow resting on her knee. Her eyes were closed as she spoke. "I shouldn't be here."
"Here?"
"In your quarters. In your bed." She opened her eyes and lifted her head so she could look at her hand. It was empty. There was nothing there. Why could she still smell the blood?
Janeway wondered if she had forgotten their earlier conversation. "I brought you here, remember?"
Tegan hid her face in her hands.
She didn't want her going back to that quiet dark place. "Tegan?"
"You must think I am so weak." She spoke into her palms.
Janeway closed the distance between them and sat down beside her on the bed. "Why would you say that?"
"First the brig incident and now this."
Janeway reached out wanting touch her but she stopped just short and brought her hand back to her lap. "Oh I think a lot of things about you and weak isn't one of them."
"Really?" She lifted her head to look at Janeway.
"Really. I think you're brave, smart, strong. I could go on."
Tegan shook her head.
"I don't know anyone who would have gone to the lengths you did to try and save Wellis."
She gave a faint nod, "I need to get a shower."
"I don't think you're strong enough."
"I am." She said with more determination than she actually felt. "I need to and then I need to eat."
Janeway nodded. "No chocolate cake."
Tegan shook her head. "No chocolate cake."