HELLOOOOO!!!
Ed: Oh dear god…here it comes…
HAHAHHAHAHA! YES YOUR TORTUREOUS TORTURE HAS BEGUN!!!
Ed: NOOOOO!!
AND I SHALL START WITH THIS TORTUREOUS TORTURE BY FORCING YOU TO READ A LETTER!
Ed: ANYTHING BUT THAT!!
Yes…THAT!
Hands him letter.
NOW READ YOU FOOL!!! REEEEAAAADDDD!!!! OR DIIIIIIES!!!
Ed: Okay okay! Ummm…wait…these are just photos of-
Takes photos.
OOPS WRONG ONE!
Ed: Was that Gaara and-
YOU SAW NOTHING!
Ed: But-
NOTHING!
Anvil sits above his head.
Ed: OKAY I SAW NOTHING!
That's what I thought.
Anvil magically disappears.
OH! Here's the letter!
Ed: Okay, Stephy-Chan wishes to know if she can draw the invisible invincible scene?
HMMM…Yeah sure! Go nuts!! Tell me if you do it and when you finish so I shall see!
Ed: NOW HERE'S A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSORS!
4kids Sponsor: Hold on! Hold on!
What?!
4kids: Are you Geenie ate me?
Yeah…..
4kids: Well Geenie I'm here to inform you that Disney gambled-err I mean gave their contract of this story to us. So we are now officially dubbing this story!
WHAT?! But it's already in English!
4kids: We are aware of that, but it seems this story is too inappropriate for that of a young age, so we'll be censoring it.
Ed: So you'll basically butcher the story line, the characters, the seriousness (if this story has any), the actual funny things, the characters name, and any out of American country influence in here?
4kids: Well…when you put it that way you make us sound bad.
YOU ARE BAD! AND HOW IN THE HELL DID THIS STORY GET A CONTRACT ANYWAY?!
4kids: Well….
FLASH BACK!
Geenie: Well what'ya know! I'm here at the dubbers convention! This is where the evil meets and talks about the most dullest things in the world….Why am I here again?
Disney Sponsor: Hey you're Geenie ate me aren't you?
Geenie: How in the hell do you know that?!
Disney Sponsor: To make this story more convenient I just automatically know. Just like how I conveniently know that you write a story called Bakalicious.
Geenie: Ummm….You guys weren't spying on me…were you?
Disney Sponsor: NO! WE DO NOT SPY ON NON DISNEY WATCHERS TO SEE WHY THEY DO NOT WATCH DISNEY AND SOMEHOW LURE THEM HERE!
Geenie: Riiight….well I'm going to leave now!
Disney Sponsor: WAIT! How about giving us the rights to your story?
Geenie: No way! I worked hard on that story! I consider it a child of mine! Still young….and well corrupted. BUT STIIL! I love it with all my heart! And nothing you say or do will change that!
Disney Sponsor: I'll give you a bottle cap for it….
Geenie: Bottle cap! Oh boy!
Signs contract.
FLASH BACK OVER!
Ed:…And I thought Gaara was the only one allowed to have flash backs…
Gaara: YOU SAW THOSE?!
Geenie: Everybody did. Anyway, THOSE CHEAP LYING BASTARDS TRICKED ME!! It wasn't a bottle cap! It was an old colonial coin worth millions! I was so upset when I found out, I flushed it down the toilet!
Ed:……WE'RE YOU BORN STUPID?!
Geenie: No….I was dropped on my head….
Gaara: Well that explains a lot.
Geenie: Well anyway let's get to our commercial.
4kids: Actually, we scrapped that out of your story.
Geenie: WHAT?!
4kids: We find them distracting and inappropriate. If you do have commercials, they must be short, sweet, and promoting good things. Like Vitamins.
Gaara: VITAMINS SUCK!
4kids: You mean stink. Also we have a list of changes you must go through before we may begin this chapter.
Gives Geenie list.
Geenie: Keel is not allowed, nor is actual killing….Shannon just went on a vacation..Who in the hell is Shannon?!
4kids: Oh that's the character you know as Saucegay.
Geenie:…Why is it Shannon now?!
4kids: We just want children to be able to understand the story.
Geenie: And they won't understand if his name is Sasuke? And him dying is the best part!
4kids: We want to keep this realistic as possible.
Ed: And him going on vacation every second is realistic? Not to mention half the things here aren't realistic so what's the point?
Geenie: Sakura is Rutabaga now?! What kind of name is that?!
4kids: A good one.
Geenie:…I don't see Naruto on here…Where is he?!
4kids: We found him to be distracting and inappropriate with the whole sexy jutsu thing so we took him out.
Geenie: BUT HE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER!
4kids: It's okay, we'll replace him with someone more-
Ed: Appropriate?
4kids: Yes exactly.
Geenie: Who?
4kids: This one!
Shino: Hi guys!!!
Geenie: SHINO'S GOING TO BE THE MAIN CHARACTER!?
4kids: It's not Shino, it's Cork.
Geenie: CORK ISN'T EVEN A NAME!
4kids: We're aware of that.
Ed: Then why make it a name?
4kids: We find it adorable.
Gaara:………
4kids: Oh would you like to hear the theme song?
Ed: No, not really…
Gets out stereo.
OKAY! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
HEY KIDS, IT'S ME! DJ GOODTIMES HERE TO RAP ABOUT A STORY CALLED, GOOFLICIOUS!
YO! YO! YO!
THE SILLY RUTABEGA WAS KIDNAPPED!
BY THE EVIL AND BAD!
SO IT'S UP TO THE HEROS TO STOP THIS EVIL TRIP!
AND THEY'LL DO IT BY USING THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!
LOVE AND COMPASSION (as long as it doesn't involve actual romance love) IS THE WAY TO GO!
BY OUR VITAMINS YO!
Geenie: Did I just here…the word…GOOFLICIOUS?! GOOF?! GOOF?! I HATE THAT DAMN WORD!!! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
4kids: You mean dislike.
Geenie: That's it…YOU CAN ADVERTISE VITAMINS! YOU CAN CHANGE THE CHARACTERS NAMES, YOU CAN EVEN REPLACE NARUTO WITH SHINO….BUT WHEN YOU CHANGE MY TITLE, MY TITLE, AND REPLACE IT WITH A WORD LIKE GOOF….YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR…I'M GOING DO WORST TO YOU THEN WHAT I EVER DID TO SASUKE…..
4kids: You mean Shannon.
Geenie: ARRRRRG!
PLEASE STAND BY!
2 SECONDS LATER…
Ed: Oh my god! There's soo much blood!
Geenie: SHUT UP AND HELP ME HIDE THE BODIES!
Ed: (vomits) This is worse than what you ever did to Sasuke…
Geenie: That's what they get…
Gaara: For butchering your story and doing bad editing?
Geenie: NO, for lying to me about that bottle cap…
Ed: I'm guessing we're skipping the commercials.
Geenie: YUP! NOW TO OUR STORY!
Looks all psycho.
Sakura: Wow Gaara, all of that time we spent together was just absolutely amazing! I never knew how much of a great guy you were until you kidnapped me dressed up like Hamtaro…But now I guess since you're done shopping, you still plan on carrying out whatever evil deed you have planned.
Gaara: Yeah basically. And those fifteen minutes of my life were just horrible by the way.
Sakura:…WHAT?! BUT…BUT….I THOUGHT YOU LOOVED ME AND WOULD LEMMEE GO!
Gaara: Pfft no! You're not the least bit charming to me. In fact every moment spent with you makes me want to punch a puppy.
Akamaru: HEY! I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE TO THAT!
Sakura: Did that dog just talk?!
Akamaru: No, it's just a figment of your imagination.
Sakura: Oh okay.
Akamaru: Idiot.
Gaara: This story is just getting weirder by the second…
Akamaru: Yeah yeah yeah! Now Kiba take them out!
Kiba: Yeah sure thing!
Sakura: Kiba?!
Reviewer: WAIT!
Geenie: AHHH! WHAT?!
Reviewer: Kiba took Akamaru's offer?! And all of those chapters were only fifteen minutes into the storyline?!
Geenie: Apparently.
Reviewer: And you're not even going to bother to go to the scene to as why Kiba became evil?
Geenie: Nope, frankly he's not important enough.
Kiba: HEY!
Geenie: It's not my fault you're lamer than Shino!
Kiba: I'm not that lame….
Geenie: You're right, you're not lame…..YOU'RE LAMER THAN LAME!
Kiba: Now that was uncalled for.
Akamaru: CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE STORY NOW?!
Geenie: If people are done interrupting me!
Reviewer: Okay, continue.
Sakura: Kiba?!
Kiba: Yes, it is I, KIBA! The unlame ninja!
Gaara:….Uh-huh. Well if you two are done being annoying, I'm going to take little Ms. Tipsy now.
Akamaru: NO! WE ARE NOT DONE!
Gaara: And you're doing this why?
Sakura: TO RESCUE ME?!
Akamaru: HELL NO! We're actually here to well….
Gaara: You don't even know do you?
Kiba: No….
Gaara: Well that figures…Oh well, I'll just kill you to-
Rock Lee: Actually you mean-
Gaara: I DON'T CARE I WILL KILL THEM EITHER WAY! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP!
Rock Lee: Meep…(randomly fades away)
Gaara: Desert Coffin!
Akamaru: ITACHI NOW!
Itachi: HYAH!
Kicks Gaara in the nuts, runs off. Gaara falls in writhing pain.
Gaara: Ahh! Dammit he can kick hard!
Akamaru: MWAHAHAHA!
Sakura: Yay! I'm saved!
Akamaru: Kiba take her.
Kiba: Sorry Sakura.
Knocks out Sakura.
Gaara: Hey!
Akamaru: I'm sorry Gaara, but we couldn't have you ruin our plans into making the ultimate MarySue. You see, we all knew you would fall in love with Sakura so you would try to meddle in Master's plans.
Gaara: ….What?
Itachi: Don't deny it! You're in love with Ms. Piggy over there!
Gaara: Hell no! I HATE HER! SHE'S SO DAMN ANNOYING!
Kiba: Then why meddle with the plans?
Gaara: Well, I knew all along that this Master of your's was planning to make the ultimate MarySue and try to take over our anime….If there's one thing I hate, it's fanfictions…..But there is another thing that I truly despise, even more so than yaois….AND I HATE YAOIS!
Kiba: MarySues?
Gaara: YES! They piss me the hell off! With their perfect everything! And troubling pasts! Ahh it makes me angry! So I figured I would just kill Sakura and that would solve everything.
Kiba: Why is killing always the answer with you?!
Akamaru: Don't ask him that! He'll go into one of his annoying flash backs!
Itachi: Where should we take the girl?
Akamaru: Take her to the lair!
Itachi: Yes sir!
Takes Sakura.
Gaara: You won't get away with this! My nuts maybe numb now, but oh just wait…you'll be buried alive by the time I get through with you!
Akamaru: We're aware of that. That's why we brought this.
Takes out strange looking device.
Akamaru: Do you know what this is Gaara?
Gaara: No..
Akamaru: Well, you're about to find out.
Kiba: Wait, Akamaru! Don't you think that's a little extreme?
Akamaru: Quiet Kiba.
Turns on device. Rays of rainbows shoot at Gaara.
Gaara: AHHHHH!!!
Akamaru: Yes. Scream.
Kiba: Oh god…
Akamaru: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kakashi: Meanwhile in Konoha..
Group of fan boys: HYAAAAH!
Tsunade: AIIIIIEEE!
Randomly takes out bat and swings it at group of fan boys. The group of fan boys all go flying.
Tsunade: TAKE THAT YOU CREEPOS!
Shizune: Lady Tsunade!
Tsunade: Shizune! What's wrong?
Shizune: It's the parade float Kiba and that creepy dog of his was working on!
Tsunade: You mean the one we are rebuilding?
Shizune: Yes, it has a bomb inside!
Tsunade: A BOMB?!
Shizune: I'm afraid so! Hurry and-…Wait…why do you have a baseball bat?
Tsunade: A group of nerdy kids just attacked me….If my calculations are correct, the bomb must be connected with them. Where's this bomb?
Shizune: Out front. Come on!
Pig: Oink!
Tsunade: Oh my 3rd Hokage, what kind of bomb is that?!
Shizune: What I don't get is why it's shaped like a bunny…
Tsunade: Did you call bomb squad?
Shizune: They're right there working on it!
Points to Shikamaru, Choji, and Neji.
Tsunade: You mean to tell me that a group of twelve year olds is the bomb squad?! WHAT KIND OF ANIME IS THIS?!
Shikamaru: A very unrealistic one….
Tsunade: REPORT!
Shikamaru: We studied every inch of the bomb and found that there are only two wires we can cut.
Tsunade: What happens if we cut one?
Shikamaru: We don't know….
Tsunade: Again, why are a group of twelve year olds doing this?
Sailor Ino: DON'T WORRY LADY TSUNADE, US, THE SAILOR SENSHI/SCOUTS ARE HERE TO HELP!
Tsunade: Oh god…
Cheesy background music plays.
Sailor Ino: SAILOR INO PRESENT!
Sailor Tin Tin: SAILOR TEN TEN NOT TIN TIN PRESENT!
Sailor Hinata: I never agreed to this…
Sailor Ino: YOU'LL DO AND YOU'LL LIKE IT!
Sailor Hinata: AHHH!
Runs into tree.
Sailor Ino: Umm….she's present.
All of them except Hinata: AND WE WILL HELP! FOR TRUTH! FOR JUSTICE! AND FOR CHEESE CAKE, BY THE NAME OF….THE…NINJA WE SHALL PUNISH THOSE WHO ARE BAD AND-
Neji: Shut up!
Sailor Ino: Oh, looks like we have a critic.
Neji: No, you're just really friken annoying! Seriously, shut up.
Sailor Ino: You can't tell us to shut up! We're the Sailor-
Neji: No one cares. So go away.
Sailor Ino: Hey! We're here to help!
Neji: By doing what exactly? Being extremely annoying?
Sailor Ino: NO! For your information we are very helpful.
Neji: Yeah sure.
Sailor Ino: OH COME ON! TELL HIM SHIKAMARU!
Shikamaru: Frankly, I can care less.
Sailor Ino: And to think I was going to give you the part of Tuxedo Mask if Sasuke was still dead! Well guess what buddy, you're not getting it now!
Shikamaru: Thank god.
Choji: OOH! OOH! I WANT TO BE TUXEDO MASK! HEY INO! I THINK YOU'RE PLENTY USEFUL AND COOL!
Sailor Ino: NO WAY! I WOULD RATHER HAVE SHINO DO IT THAN YOU!
Shino: You rang?
Tsunade: AH DAMMIT! I thought we got rid of him….
Shikamaru: Shouldn't we worry about the bomb?
Kakashi: Just as Shikamaru says that though, a giant T.V. screen that wasn't there two seconds ago turns on.
Sailor Ino: What the?
Dark Shadowy figure: Hello there people of Konoha.
Shikamaru: Who are you?
Dark shadowy figure: If I told you that then the reviewers of this worthless story would be gravely disappointed wouldn't they?
Neji: What story?
Tsunade: Jeeze kid get with the times.
Dark Shadowy figure: I see all of you found my little surprise.
Tsunade: You call a bomb a little surprise!
Dark Shadowy Figure: Hm. I guess not.
Shikamaru: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US!
Dark Shadowy Figure: Nothing.
Tsunade: Nothing?
Dark Shadowy Figure: Just your souls.
Shikamaru: What?
Dark Shadowy Figure: The souls that make your character…I wish to own them.
Neji: What in the hell are you talking about?!
Dark Shadowy Figure: Never mind that. I bet all of you are wondering about those two wires.
Tsunade: No, are lives only depend on them. Why would we be worried?
Dark Shadowy Figure: Sarcasm, cute.
Tsunade: Are you going to tell us about them or not?!
Dark Shadowy Figure: Fine. There are two pink wires. One of them if cut, will set off the bomb. The other, will not.
Tsunade: So what happens if we cut the other one?
Dark Shadowy Figure: Turn off the bomb naturally.
Tsunade: You're not going to tell us are you?
Dark Shadowy Figure: Oh I will, for a price.
Neji: That being?
Dark Shadowy Figure: The life of you Mr. Hyuga.
Neji: WHAT?!
Dark Shadowy Figure: You heard me right, I want Neji Hyuga dead.
Sailor Ino: I have no problem with that.
Neji: I do!
Sailor Ino: That's because you're a loser.
Tsunade: Okay, all in favor for killing Neji, say I!
Everyone (including Hinata and Neji's uncle): I!
Neji: You guys are bastards!
Tsunade: Hurry up and kill him!
Neji: Oh no you don't!
Throws smoke bomb, disappears.
Shikamaru: Dammit! He's gone!
Tsunade: Who would have thought a ninja would know how to use a smoke bomb!
Sailor Ino: Umm….now what…
Dark Shadowy Figure: I guess you will have to figure out which wire to cut now….Have fun.
T.V. screen turns off.
Kakashi: Where Naruto is…
Naruto: So lemme get this straight, you (points at Ed) are not a midget, and you (points at Al) is not a robot?!
Ed: Out of all of the things that are hard to believe in our story, that's the part you find hard to be true?
Naruto: Ummm…yeah.
Ed: IM NOT A FRIKIN CIRCUS MIDGET YOU CREATON!
Jiraiya: Calm down shortie, we have bigger things to worry about.
Ed: Yeah like you ripping us off!
Jiraiya: Hey! I found him didn't I?!
Ed: Yeah by complete coincidence!
Ryuk: I want a apple!!!
Al: EVERYONE! SHUT THE HELL UP!
Everyone:….
Ed: AL! YOU SAID HELL!
Al: Oh no! I did!
Naruto: Seriously purvey-sage, where did you find these guys?
Jiraiya: Tsunade sent me to take them to you, what I'm wondering is where in the hell did you find that thing?!
Ryuk: APPLES!
Naruto: I told you already! Sasuke tried to kill me with this book, he died, I got it, and this dude popped outta nowhere!
Jiraiya: Riiiight……Well, now that all of you peeps are united looks like my job is done. No need to thank me!
Ed: You're lucky I don't kill you.
Al: Ed! Be nice.
Naruto: It's going to be a looong day….
Reviewer: Especially considering that only fifteen minutes passed…
Jiraiya: I am off! Goood bye!!!
Takes out umbrella, floats away.
Naruto: Okay then…..
Ed: We don't have much time to waste, we have to find your friend and stop them from building the ultimate MarySue.
Naruto: I'm with you on that one….But…I have no flippin clue on where to find Sakura…I've looked everywhere.
Al: Maybe she isn't in the mall.
Naruto: Then where could she be?! WHERE!
Ryuk: Ya'know, I could fly up and search for her if you just give me some apples…
Naruto: But where am I going to find apples?!
Random Guy: Apples! Get your fresh juicy apples! Only 25 cents…err-yen….or whatever.
Naruto: Hmm…where…
Farmer: Yup, that sure is beautiful. This here apple tree I grew in the middle of the parking lot….right here.
Naruto: I wonder…
Another Random Guy: HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S FREE APPLE DAY!! TAKE MY APPLES!!!
Naruto: Dammit Ryuk! I have no idea where I'm going to find any apples!
Ed: You gotta be kidding me…
Witch from Snow White: I got what you want…
Naruto: You have apples?!
Witch: Yes, here.
Naruto: Why's it blue?
Witch: Ummm…..because they're special apples…
Naruto: Okay! How much?
Witch: Oh, take it. Free of charge.
Naruto: Wow! Thanks suspicious looking old lady!
Witch: No problem sunny…WAHAHAHAHAHA!
Throws smoke bomb, disappears.
Al: What a nice old lady!
Ed: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS COMMON SENSE AROUND HERE?!
Naruto: Here Ryuk! I found a apple.
Ryuk: Why's it blue?
Naruto: It's a special apple…
Ryuk: Okay.
Takes apple.
Ryuk: I'll eat it later.
Puts it in pocket.
Naruto: Okay, now go and fly! BE FREE!!!! Oh and find Sakura..
Ryuk: Right.
Flies off.
Ed: So…umm….
Rock Lee: HYAH!
Pops from underneath the ground.
Ed: AHHH!
Rock Lee: I have come to save Sakura!!
Naruto: Well…she isn't here…and why are you shirtless?!
Rock Lee: Because….and wait…if she isn't here…that means….you lost the bet! HAHAHAHAHA!
Naruto: If you're still looking for her, than that means you lost the bet as well.
Rock Lee: DAMMIT! Which means….SASUKE FOUND HER!
Sasuke: No.
Naruto: Sasuke!! You traitor! Like promised, I shall now be obsessed with you and hurt because you betrayed me!
Sasuke: Oddly, I find that kind of flattering.
Ed: CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Rock Lee: Who's that guy?
Naruto: He's from a different anime and is here to help us……
Rock Lee: Oh. Hello there stranger, I AM ROCK LEE THE HANDSOME DEVIL!
Fire burns in his eyes.
Ed:…..
Shino: AHHH!!! EVERYONE RUUUN!!!
Runs pass them all.
Naruto: I wonder what his problem is….IS THAT A GIANT MEAT BALL?!
Rock Lee: Looks like it.
Naruto: And it's heading our way.
Rock Lee: Yup.
Naruto: Oh…..AHHHH!
All of them run.
Sasuke: Lemme guess, this is some cheap way you can kill me isn't it?
Geenie: No….
Sasuke gets gills.
Sasuke: What the-I CAN'T BREATHE!
Geenie: That was….
Sasuke dies.
Geenie: I still got it….heh heh…KAKASHI FINISH UP!
Kakashi: WHERE HAS KIBA TAKEN SAKURA? WHO WAS THAT SHADOWY FIGURE? ARE THE SAILOR SENSHI/SCOUTS ONLY GOOD AT BEING VERY OBNOXIOUS?! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO GAARA? WHERE IS NEJI? WILL THE BOMB BE DEACTIVATED? AND WILL GEENIE EVER RETURN MY CALLS?! FIND OUT THIS AND MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE IN THE NEXT EXCITING CHAPTER OF-
Reviewer: BAKALICIOUS!
Kakashi: (glares)
Reviewer: Sorry, bad habit.
AND DONE…okay, I can throw a million and one lame excuses as of why I have neglected to update…well…..that will take way too flippin long and frankly, who reads these damn things after a chapter is done? Seriously? I wonder how many reviewers I lost…….hopefully not too many….Sorry I'm soo lame guys, the next update will hopefully come a lot quicker! YOWZA!