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I made the worst mistake ever.. I told Rachel what happened, she's my friend and I needed to talk to someone, but now I'm regretting it so bad! She's like a broken record, "I told you so" she keeps saying, it's so fucking irritating! I know she loves me and she's worried about me even if I don't know what she's so worried about, but it's driving me crazy.
She keeps asking me what I think, what I'm gonna do about it and what I'm gonna tell to Lara, I didn't even think I have to do something, I mean do I have to? Maybe for Lara, to make Santana stops slush her, but other than that I don't see what should I do.
"Britt be honest with me, I know what you told me before, but now you're sure, I'm not gonna judge you, lets just think that now you're not with Lara, would you try with her?"
"It's ridiculous Rachel, I'm with Lara now so the problem it doesn't exist"
"It does if you'd have answered yes Britt, because if you said yes it means that maybe you should think about your situation"
"Well I say no, because I don't know her and because she's a bitch to me and my friends, I think it's enough"
We talk about it until late night, so late that she sleeps here, she insists I talk to Santana, but I can't, it's obvious she doesn't want anyone, me included, to know about this, what would I say to her? If she wants me she can always say something and maybe then we could talk about it. But now I don't see how I could change things.
Lara was waiting for us outside school and we walk inside together, she didn't say much but she waited for me, it's better than nothing, maybe she's not so pissed anymore.
I enter the class with Rachel and we sit, she's listening to the teacher and writing notes about it while I keep staring outside the window.
"You're gonna get detention"
"Oh please! Can I copy your notes later?"
"I hate you" she says smiling.
After the lesson we walk outside into the hallway, Finn walks with Rachel they're so disgusting cute, I'm thinking about find Lara but I don't know if she really wants to see me.
It's so stupid.
I walk to my next class and I see Santana walk with Puck, no that's stupid! How can she likes me and then be with Puck? We are totally different, I'm amazing and he's the worse person ever. What is she doing with him?
"What are you doing?"
"Mmmh?" I turn to Lara, I see her eyes look where I was looking and then again to me.
"Are you serious?"
"I wasn't looking at her, I was looking there and they happened to pass that way"
"Right" Yeah I really sound that stupid!
"Can we talk?" I ask her.
"After school, I don't wanna be late"
"Ok, see you later"
I'm waiting and waiting and waiting.. I can't believe she ditched me, if she didn't want to talk she could just have told me. I'm not letting this go, I'm gonna te- that's her car, she's still fucking here!
I walk inside the school looking for her, I can't believe it, it's so infuriating. I hear the water on in the bathroom and I enter wishing to find her since no one is still around and she's there, just not like I was expecting. She's cleaning her self, she got slushied, there're like three different colors of them, she looks at me through the mirror and then at herself again.
"What happened?"
"Do you really have to ask? Try to guess"
"Lara th-"
"I'm tired of getting slushied because I'm your girlfriend Brittany, but do you know what I'm more tired about? You, that don't do anything, you just stays there and look at her, I'm tired of being between you two and be the one who doesn't fit"
"You're not between anything"
"Well she doesn't think so"
"Are you breaking up with me? For something she's doing?"
"I'm not breaking up with you, I'm just thinking Brittany, I'm tired of the situation and today, she did it herself Brittany, no one was around, she didn't do it to humiliate me, she send a clear message"
"Can I bring you home?" She nods and we leave.
After have left Lara at home I drive straight to home to lay down, we're together but until when? She made pretty clear that she's tired of all of this.
She's right isn't she? I should make Santana stop, or just only try to say something to her, maybe if I confront her she's gonna stop, yeah it would be a dream, but I have to do it anyway.
How can I talk to her about it without make her angry? I think it's impossible, Lara knows that at the moment I tell Santana to stop she's gonna be worse, but she just wants me to be on her side.
Okay lets front the dragon!
In the evening I drive to Santana's house, I park, I walk to her front door and I ring the bell and I still don't know what I'm gonna say. Maribel opens the door, she's happy to see me and when I tell her I'm here see Santana she immediately asks me if everything's ok, she knows her daughter very well!
I leave Maribel in the kitchen and I go upstairs, I stop in front if her room, now or never.. I knock.
"Mom please I already told you I'm not gonna eat another slice of cake" she shouts from inside.
"Your loss, it was very good" I say entering the room, she's on her bed, reading a book.
"What are you doing here?"
"I wanna talk" I close the door behind me "I wanna know why you slushied Lara today"
"Do I need a reason?" She looks down at the book.
"I think you think you have one"
"And what it means?" Still looking down.
"I, I don't know, I'm still confused about it" how you can see my head is a mess right now.
"Brittany I'm reading, can you close the door behind you" she waves her hand to the door, I look at her for some second and then I sit on her bed, not really close to her "what are you doing?"
"Why can't you talk to me?"
"I'm talking to you" I look at her and she's still fucking reading that book. I take that book out her hands and throwing it away.
"Ehy you can't d-"
"No you can't Santana" she looks at me now "what do I have to do to make you stop?" She keeps looking at me, but she doesn't say anything "I don't wanna fight you and I don't wanna fight with Lara, can you please stop?"
"Get out" what? "I said get out"
"Why?" I stand up.
"I don't want you here and I don't wanna talk to you anymore"
"You haven't say anything"
"Get out Brittany" she stands up.
"No, I wanna talk to you"
"And I don't, I don't wanna hear you beg me to leave your girlfriend alone, I don't wanna hear about her, about how you care about her, what it leaves to me? Nothing! So stop and get out!" She's mad, her voice was on the edge, her eyes sad and I don't know.. I open my eyes and I find myself hugging her.
Oh God I don't know what to do, I can feel her tense body in my arms, but I'm scared to leave her what if she freaks out right in front of me? so I just keep hugging her, she doesn't hug me back, but she's still here. I'm not sure about what I'm feeling now, what this hug means, but I felt like do it and I did even if she doesn't want to, I mean I think she doesn't.
What's it? One minute and we're still here? She isn't crying obviously, but still tense, I can't stay like this forever and if she's gonna snap then I'm gonna take it. I slowly take my arms off her body, leaning back form her, I look at her and she looks down staying still, she's broke, I can see it now.
"Can you go?" This time she's asking me, softly.
"I'm sorry" I don't know why I told her that, it felt right.
I close the door and I run downstairs, I shout a goodbye to Maribel and I leave the house fast. Before turn on the bike I send a text to Lara, asking her if she was at home and if I could go there, once she answered yes I turn the bike on and I sprint away from here.
When she opens the door I just kiss her and while I'm doing it I think that I shouldn't have do it 'cause I don't know where her parents are, but she didn't stop me so. We go upstairs where I tell her that I just came from Santana's house, that I asked her to stop, but that I don't know if she's gonna do it, but after I told her that she kisses me and we end up quickly on her bed naked..
I open my eyes, I'm still in her bed, she's sleeping and I'm like wide awake. I close my eyes and one word is on my mind guilty.
Whaaaaaaaat do you think? Why Britt feels guilty?!
-Deb =)