Chapter 11

"Think we could… take a break?" The young warrior sounded exhausted "I feel… wrong."

Jakson nodded his head though it was turned away from his brother. "I'm sure you're not the only one."

"I'll wager it was those deep mushrooms we found" the cheery dwarf chuckled.

"No it's…" before another word could be uttered Jakson heard his brother collapse onto the hard stone floor. He twisted around, eyes growing wide at the sight of Carver's sickly pale skin and white eyes. They shouldn't have been white, they were blue! Something was wrong. Jakson dropped to his knees in front of his brother who was staring at the ground in shame. Jakson had his hand hover above his brother as he tried to use his magic to sense what was wrong.

"It's the Blight. I can sense it" came Anders grim reply.

"Just like that templar, Wesley. I'll be just as dead, just as gone." Carver struggled to sit up straight. Jakson put an arm on his back to keep him up.

"This is just like you, keeping things to yourself" though it may have been a pour time to joke Jakson had no idea what he should do. Inside he was terrified and the look his brother was giving him meant that Carver knew how worried Jakson really was.

"I'm sorry, I thought… I thought it was nothing! I'm… not going to make it to the surface. It's getting worse." Carver turned toward Jakson, sadness overwhelming his features as he realized what he was going to say. "You have to end it. Stop the pain."

Horrified, Jakson shook his head. "How can I kill my own brother?"

"Because he's asking you to." Carver's eyes were filled with guilt. He didn't want to ask his brother this, knew Jakson would spend the rest of his life blaming himself but Carver was selfish and did not want to turn into a mindless ghoul. He wished he wasn't selfish and wished he hadn't asked Jakson to do it but it was too late now.

Wake up!

Jakson's eyes flew open as he heard an insistent pounding. At first he thought it was his heart trying to break out of his chest but it was just coming from his bedroom door. He sighed as he realized it was just another nightmare, a bad memory that happened only months ago. The expedition ended poorly, after Bartrand's betrayal Carver had been infected by the Darkspawn. Jakson believed for a moment that he really would have had to kill his own little brother but Anders had intervened claiming that Grey Wardens were scouting the tunnels. It meant a chance at life but only Anders knew what that really meant. Jakson, however was not about to let Carver die but months later and he still had no word if Carver was alive or if… And for a week his mother barely even spoke two words to Jakson, silently blaming him for the loss of her youngest children. Jakson didn't even try to understand how upset his mother was. To lose the man you love and then your two youngest children that you had brought into the world. Jakson missed them too but a mother's tears are always the fiercest.

The insistent pounding continued and Jakson tried to suppress a groan. He was lying on his stomach, soft blankets providing warmth from the outside chill of winter. Not long after the expedition Leandra was able to reclaim her childhood home, the one Jakson now found himself living in. He still wasn't used to living in such a big mansion but his mother had assured him the feeling would fade. He glanced out his window to see it was early in the morning which made him wonder who could be knocking as no one got up this early but him. Then it wasn't a surprise who it was when he heard someone call from the other side.

"Jakson Hawke! Open this door" it sounded like a fuming mother, worrying over her children but it was distinctly Aveline's voice. He often wondered how the Guard Captain would react if he told her she sounded like a mother, either he'd get punched in the face or thanked. Though he supposed the best kind of voice for someone in charge was that of a mother, you never disobeyed mothers. It was bad for one's health.

However at this point in Jakson's life he could care less about his well being and answered without so much thinking "Nobody's home."

"Oh? So Jakson has a disembodied voice to receive his messages?" Varric was here too? Jakson just gave a little shrug though no one could see it. He would just play along until the two left.

"Yes. Please leave your message after the, uh… thump" and at that Jakson flailed an arm out from under the covers and knocked over a half melted candle that thumped against the carpeted floor.

"Jakson, we all just wanted to make sure if you were okay" that sounded like Merrill. "We had a sur... Ah! Oh, Isabela that tickled! Can't you see I'm trying to leave a message for the disembodied voice to give to Jakson?"

"Sorry kitten but you should know that is Jakson."

"It… oh! Oh, silly me. Thinking there was actually but never mind then."

"Jakson, come on. Get up! You don't want to miss Kirkwall's winter do you?" Anders called.

"What winter? We're on the bloody coast, we don't even get any frost!" Was everyone inhabiting his house today?

"Venhedis!" Yep, everyone was in his house and by the sounds of it they weren't too thrilled. "Open this door Jakson or I will break it down!"

"Mother very much likes the doors where they are, Fenris" the mage called before stuffing his face in his pillow.

"Here, Fenris. I have a key to his room" Mother you traitor! Jakson groaned and almost leapt from his bed as the door slammed open. All his friends stormed through the threshold with the two warriors glaring at him. He tried to hide under the blankets but his trusted Mabari, Watson, seemed to have a different idea as the hound ripped the covers from his bed. He was entirely grateful he didn't sleep in the nude and preferred cotton pants and a night shirt and by the pout on Isabela's lips he could tell she was not as grateful. Jakson's mother strolled in between the companions and sat down next to him.

"You're getting out of this house and getting air young man" she pulled a scarf from behind her and wrapped it around the man's shoulders making sure it was nice and snug around his neck. "There might not be any snow here like Ferelden but it still gets cold. Now you take all your little friends and have some fun and make sure you bring them all back for dinner" the woman smiled "I'm making roast."

Jakson groaned as he thought about his hopeless situation.

It is not hopeless.

You're in on it aren't you, you little Fade Spirit?

No. I have no idea what they plan to do but I see no wrong.

After convincing his friends and a mostly disappointed Isabela that he could get dressed by himself in the privacy of his own room he had been literally dragged by a disgruntled Aveline out the door and into the chill of winter.

It really was nothing like Ferelden. At this time of the year there would be snow up to Jakson's knee that he would have to trudged through to get anywhere and he wouldn't be allowed anywhere without a shirt, sweater, coat, and fur lined cape but in Kirkwall the closet it came to snowing was the visible breath that he huffed into the air and he only needed a light coat to ward off the cold. Aveline, Anders, and Merril had also decided on only a light coat or scarf for the cold since they all were used to Ferelden's harsh winters. Varric however seemed to prefer to close up his heavy coat while Isabela and Fenris who were used to warmer climates had donned on more clothing than the rest. It was almost a miracle Jakson only saw the skin on Isabela's face but not everyone had a tolerance for the cold he mused as the woman was wearing nothing but fur lined clothing.

He missed Ferelden, missed the mud and cold, the snow. He loved the snow! He would spending hours rolling around in it with the twins, make snowmen, and have snowball fights, and then at the end of the day their mother and father would have them sit next to the fireplace to warm up and give them something hot to drink while their father retold his children their favorite stories. But this wasn't Ferelden, it didn't snow in the summer, Mabari didn't run around, and instead of mud there was sand, lots and lots of sand. Sand was annoying, it got in your clothes and stuck to your skin leaving a terrible itch in more private areas. He didn't like sand.

Jakson still wasn't exactly sure where his friends were towing him to, it felt like they had been walking for hours, but he had little choice but to follow. He had already tried running away while no one was looking but Isabela had been quick on her feet and tackled him to the ground before he could get too far. He was being childish he knew, but he just didn't feel like doing anything lately and he knew why. He still felt responsible for Carver but he could do little about it now so he spent the rest of the walk staring at the ground sulking like a five year old that had been denied dessert. He could sense his friends glancing back every now and again to make sure he didn't bolt, they even placed the Tevinter elf in the rear to keep the man from going anywhere.

Isabela took another look at the depressed looking mage before turning to the Guard Captain who was leading the little troop of misfits up Sundermount "Are you sure this will work?"

"No, but I think it's our best bet. Maybe giving him a piece of home will help" the women stopped as they waited for the others to catch up. Jakson trudging slowly up the mountainside.

Jakson sighed as he could see his friends stop, they were either already there or they were waiting for his slow hide to go faster. Jakson froze for a moment as he heard a crunching sound beneath his feet. He stopped trying to look through the ground and looked at it. The ground was strangely white and he saw little white specks falling to cover the ground in more white. He stood there as he tried to decipher why sand would be white instead of yellow until it hit him. It was snow. He couldn't believe it so he continued staring, waiting for the dream to end.

"It's not working, lady man-hands" Isabela huffed, her breath clearly visible as she breathed out. "You brought us out in the cold for nothing."

"Shut up, whore. At least I tried something that didn't involve throwing him to the Blooming Rose. I thought bringing him here would help. He always reminisced about the snow the time I've known him and this is the only place in miles where you can find snow."

Jakson raised his head to see the women bickering, Varric and Merrill talking away from them, and Anders walking further up the slope. They were all oblivious to the wicked grin that began to spread on the mage's face as he bent down and shoveled some snow into his hands and compressed it into a ball, all but Watson and Fenris anyway.

"Jakson, what are you doing?" Jakson glanced at the elf and felt his cheeks warm. He would never say it out loud for fear of being punched but the man looked adorable with a long scarf, mittens and a long coat on. The only thing he was missing was earmuffs and Jakson was sure he'd melt into a puddle for starring at so much cuteness. He cleared his throat as the elf raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Trust me when I say you'll like this." The elf only gave him a quizzical look as he followed the man's gaze.

"If you do not shut your…" before Aveline could finish her sentence she saw a white blur pass in front of her face. Isabela and Aveline turned to where the white ball flew to as they heard a yelp from Anders. They found the man lying face down in the snow with snow on the back of his head. The women turned back to each other with shared looks of confusion as they heard a roar of laughter. Everyone turned to see the normally broody elf laughing at the fallen mage as Jakson packed snow together in his hands. Jakson lightly nudge the elf in the side and handed him the snowball. No one liked the sinister smile that crept onto the man's face so they all leapt for cover but Fenris was able to catch Isabela right on her ass. Like Anders she gave a yelp and quickly swiped the cold snow from her hide.

"Snowball fight!" Jakson called, his face lit up with joy the friends hadn't seen for months. "Wait, wait no. Capture the flag!" Jakson found a long, thin stick and broke it into four long pieces and four short ones. He held the sticks just right so no one could tell their lengths "I propose this, everyone picks a stick at random. Everyone with a long stick is one team while everyone with a short stick is on another."

The mage beamed as everyone agreed. He quickly explained the rules to Merrill who had never heard it before and let everyone draw a stick. The first team ended up being Aveline, Varric, Watson and Anders while the other team was Jakson, Fenris, Merrill and Isabela. The group scoped out the area before finding a small clearing with thick forest on either side. The teams split off into the thick of trees to prepare.

"Alright then" Jakson took his stick and drew in the snow. "Merrill, I want you to climb in that tree and fire snowballs at anyone from the other team who tries to get our flag" he pointed to the blue cloth tied to a stick currently jutting out of the ground "Isabela, I think…"

"I should sneak around and snatch their flag?" the woman smirked as she gave a salute.

"What do we do?" Fenris asked as he started to form his own snowballs.

"We provide a distraction, we get to the edge of the trees and fire snowballs at anyone we see but first we should see if it's not too late to start making a sturdy wall of snow to hide behind."

"You boys better hurry." Isabela disappeared into the shadows as Merrill clambered up the tree to hide in the branches. Jakson and Fenris made their way to the edge of the trees and started building a wall that connected the trees while the other team was forming their own plan.

"So what's the plan?" Anders leaned against his staff as he waited for the Aveline to speak.

"They'll most likely send Isabela to get the flag so we need someone who can sense her. Watson you guard the flag, you'll be able to sniff anyone out" the hound barked in agreement. "Varric and I will take the front lines."

"We will?"

"Yes, and you" Aveline pointed at the mage "are going after the flag."

"Why me?"

"You're springy for a mage Blondie. If you haven't noticed I have short legs." Varric bit the inside of his cheek at the defeated look the man gave. He might not want to be the center of attention getting that flag but Varric saw the inner child behind the brown eyes wanting to start the fun already.

Varric and Aveline made their way to the clearing where they spotted the mage and elf patting snow into some sort of wall.

"Let's see if you're as good with a snowball as you are with knives dwarf." Aveline packed snow together and tossed it toward the dwarf.

"Duck!" Fenris shouted.

"At this time of year?" Jakson was shoved to the ground by the elf as a snowball whizzed past their heads. "Oh." Jakson had still been working on the wall so he hadn't noticed the other team had started firing. The two reached for the small pile of snowballs they premade and hurled them over their cover. The four tossed snowballs back and forth as Isabela and Anders snuck around to the other side of the clearing unnoticed.

Anders treaded carefully through the woods, listening to the childish calls from the clearing. He was sure that he hadn't been spotted by either Jakson or Fenris but that still left two others, one if Isabela had already left for their flag. He sensed no one as he crouched behind a bush. He could just see the blue flag blowing in the wind and not a soul in sight. Part of him thought it was a trap but the only person there would be Merrill and honestly she wasn't that bright. Pushing aside his commonsense the man continued forward reaching his hand out to grab the flag. He was mere inches from touching it when all of a sudden he felt something cold strike the back of his head and he fell forward into the snow for the second time that day.

"Oh! Are you okay, Anders? I didn't throw it too hard did I? Jakson said to throw it at the other team but oh you look so cold!"

Isabela was not surprised she went unnoticed, she was a rogue after all but she was a little concerned about the Mabari that was currently staring her down even though she was hidden in the shadows. Everywhere she silently moved the piercing eyes followed her. Before she could even think of a way to get passed the hound bounded towards her "Oh no. Nice doggy!"

Jakson and Fenris kept throwing, adrenaline fueling their blood. The two stopped as they saw Aveline and Varric duck behind cover. They waited, keeping low behind their wall and watched for any signs of the two emerging. The first thing Jakson saw was a massive snowball, probably more accurately called a snow boulder hurtle towards Fenris. Jakson pushed the man down, falling with him as the snow hit a tree behind them making the tree shake from impact and snow fall from its branches.

"Heh, sorry about that." Jakson sat up only to realize he had landed on the elf, straddling the other man's hips. Almost paralyzed he just stared, he saw how the elf's white hair blended with the snow beneath his head and how his chest was rising and falling quickly as his breathing quickened. He couldn't stop the blush that spread up his neck and to his face as he finally felt that Fenris' hands had latched onto his hips, where they probably reached for out of instinct as he was thrown to the ground. The mage noticed he was not the only one caught off guard by the awkward position as he saw a blush on the elf's cheeks as well. They looked each other in the eye for a long silent moment.

If it was any other handsome man he was straddling he might have sent a prayer to the Maker but Fenris was… different. Many times Jakson found himself dreaming of the ex-slave but knew it could never be with his strong hatred for magic. Over the months he'd gotten to know the elf, even considered him a friend as the elf seemed to relax around him. It might have just been his imagination but he thought that the elf appeared to relax more around Jakson than their other companions, even the non-mages. Maybe the elf considered him a friend as well but it would never be more than that. This didn't stop the mage from flirting, mind you the words were usually out of his mouth before he even knew what he was saying but he always pulled a chuckle from the man or a flirt in return even if a subtle one.

Jakson realized that he had been staring at the man for awhile without uttering a word and jumped to his feet "I'm sorry! I am so…" before he could finish a man sized snowball rammed into him sending him to the ground. The mage flailed his arms around trying to remove the heavy snow from his face. A strong hand grabbed his own and hauled him back onto his feet. "Thanks."

"You are welcome" the elf smirked.

"Good girl, Bianca!" The two turned to see Aveline load a large snowball as Varric aimed his crossbow towards them. "How bout we give them another?"

"How about we round this up?" the pirate stepped into the clearing and waved a green flag in the air "Because we won!"

Aveline tried probing Isabela as to how she got past the Mabari but the pirate refused to give away her secret. It wasn't hard for Jakson to figure it out though, the Mabari was a sucker for belly rubs. Merrill lit a fire to help the group warm up before they took the long trek down the mountain. Most of the friends huddled around the fire but Jakson was lounging against a tree away from the others scratching Watson behind the ears. The mage looked up as he heard the crunching sound of snow beneath someone's feet. Fenris made his way over before sitting next to him.

After a few moments of silence Fenris spoke in his deep, rich voice "Feeling better?"

"Very much. Thank you."

"It was Aveline's idea."

"And you helped, you all helped. So I should thank everyone." The two sat in comfortable silence until a thought stirred in Jakson's head "Can I… ask a favor of you?"

"What's the favor?"

"I want you to promise me you'll kill me if I ever use blood magic or become possessed."

Fenris froze. Did he hear that right? Did the mage truly just ask to be killed?

"You should know by now that I actually side more with the templars than mages, Fenris. My father taught me and Bethany all the horrors of demons and blood magic and I never want to hurt the ones I care for. I… I had Carver promise to kill me before I could hurt anyone I loved. He didn't want to but he knew it was for the best. I don't know how but Bethany found out about our promise and made Carver swear he'd do the same to her… but he isn't here anymore and I don't know if he'll ever come back. You of all people have seen firsthand what a corrupt mage will do. That's why I ask, because I know that you'd stop me before I could hurt anyone."

"You truly are an odd mage."

"Yeah, always have been, always will be the odd one out."

"I…" Fenris swallowed back the lump in his throat, he didn't know why this felt hard to say "promise. I'll not let you hurt anyone."

"Thank you."