It's been a while .. again.
And I'm so sorry .. again :(

I had some troubled times the last weeks.
Nothing bad - just the usual stuff like learning, working, looking for a new apartement etc.
But somehow I didn't have time to write a new chapter.
(And I probably won't have any the next weeks due to exams and -finally- 3 weeks of vacation :) )

Plus, I've finally finished SOA. I still had to watch the last season, though.
Although I knew what was going to happen it still hit me hard.
After that I kinda felt empty (that sounds a bit too dramatic, I know)
and didn't want to see/hear/write anything about SOA for a while.

But now I'm back! ;)
And I don't want to disappoint you.
Knowing that so many of you following this story really keeps me going.
Again, thank you soo much :)

So, here is another chapter. It's not as long as others. But you'll get to know a lot about Ella's past.
Hope you like it :)

"So, ya wanna tell me how the hell ya know how to pole dance, missy?"

It was morning the next day. Chibs and I had spent the night in one of the dorms in the clubhouse.
The sex was again incredible. This time it really felt right. I was his now, and he was mine.

I didn't answer immediately. Instead I drew little circles on his bare chest with my fingers.
In this very moment I knew that I would tell Chibs everything. I wanted to continue my life without lies and secrets. Now, that he would be a part of it.

I inhaled the air filled with Chibs' smell deeply and held it in my lungs. Then I sighed loudly.
"I'm gonna tell you why I know how to pole dance. But this story will take some time. And it is filled with sad and horrible details.
All I want you to do is listen. And don't pity me.
I'm over this now. My life has changed. Because of my job, because of Charming. And because of you. I want this to work out. Whatever this is between us."

Chibs sat up and faced me. His deep dark brown eyes scanned my face like he wanted to make sure that I was serious about it.
Then he smiled softly and kissed me on my forhead.
"I want this to work out, too."

He put an arm around me and I started to tell him the story of my life.

"When I was 13 years old my mother died of cancer – leukemia. She was a teacher, good with kids and full of spirit.
And she was a good mother to me and Danny, my brother. He was 5 years older than me."
I smiled a little when I remembered her face. She was a beautiful woman, blonde long hair and a warm smile.

"On that day, when she died, I knew I wanted to become a doctor. This was all I could think of.
I wanted to help people with cancer and prevent other families from losing a member."

Chibs softly pressed me shoulder with his hand and whispered in my ear.
"And ya made it."

"That was a long way, though." I replied.
"The death of mom put a deep whole into our family. It ripped my father into pieces.
When mom still was alive I remember him smiling a lot and playing with us.
This all changed completely when she died. He never smiled again.
And he started drinking."

I shivered a little because of what I was going to say now.

"I don't know if it was because of the booze or because of his grief. But he became more aggressive, more violent.
Maybe he was before. Maybe Mom caught it all. I don't know.
When he first slapped me in the face I was 14 years old."

I could see how Chibs tensed his jaw, but he didn't say anything. Just like I wanted it.

"I visited a friend after school. Though I told him, he forgot. On some days he was too drunk to even remember his own name.
When I came home he was so furious that he lost control. And afterwards he didn't even apologize.
I guess that's when I knew that he would never change. And that he always has been like this.

Danny always wanted me to leave Grant Grove. And to fulfill my dream of becoming a doctor. But I couldn't just leave him behind.
On the day of my 18th birthday he gifted my his Sportster. I told you about it at our first meeting. Remember?"

Chibs nodded.
"Yes, I do. When I asked ya what happened, ya said he was at the wrong place the wrong time. In a wrong system of justice."

"Hey, you're really attentive." I smiled softly.

"Well, how could I forget a word a girl speaks to me, when I was really into her?" he whinked.
"At our first meeting I knew I wanted to get to know ya. And that you would be someone special."

I blushed a little and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.
Then I continued with my story.

"Well, when Danny gifted me his bike he was very serious about me leaving town. He said he wanted me to have a better life.
And that I shouldn't stay in Grant Grove just because of him.
When I asked him why he didn't want to move away, too, he just responded that someone had to take care of dad.
And he didn't want me to throw my life away, I guess.

So I moved to L.A and applied for Medical School. And I was accepted. This was one of the best days of my life."
A huge smile spread across my face.

"We stayed in touch very often. I called him every day to inform him about my life. He was so happy when I told him about Medical School.
But with every talk I had wit him I could hear his voice growing darker and sadder.

Our father just broke his nose in an "argument" they had. And Danny tried to talk to the police about it. But they didn't take him seriously.
They said our father is just an old man. He shouldn't be afraid of him. A tall 23-year old man should be able to get along with his father, they said.

One day Danny didn't pick up his phone and I knew something was wrong.
The next call I got was from Grant Grove P.D two day later.
They said they found the body of my brother. I asked them what happened.

My father somehow got hold of a gun and he probably had another argument with Danny.
He "accidently" shot him. Accidently. That was what the police said."

While talking about the worst day of my life my voice stayed surprisingly calm.
So many times I cried over Danny that I simply was empty of tears.

"I've never been to Grant Grove again. And I'll never go back to that shithole."

"What happened to ya father?" Chibs asked calmly.

"Well, there was a trial. And his lawyer could somehow convince the jury that my father wasn't sane when he killed Danny.
That safed him from death penalty.
He was put into prison for the rest of his life. One time he sent me a letter, writing how sorry he was.
That the death of my mother was the reason he changed. That he could never forgive himself.
I didn't write back. This monster is dead to me."

There was a long pause and the room was filled with silent. Neither of us spoke a word.

Chibs started to speak "Ella, I'm so .."
"Keep it." I interrupted him in a soft voice.

"I said no pity. And I mean it."
"Okay." he hushed. "What happened after that?"
"You mean how did I end up in a strip club?"
"Well, uh, yes."

"After my brother died all I ever wanted was to become a doctor. Because this was what my brother wanted for me.
I didn't wanna disappoint him by letting my anger and grief take control of me. So I worked hard. And I was so close.
You know that I didn't earn my liscence, right?" Chibs nodded.

"But I think I've never told you why?" He nodded again.
"I just thought ya gonna tell me some day." I smiled a little.
With every second I was with him I started to love more things about him.

"I was in the middle of my internship at an ER when a girl entered, her father beside her.
God, you should've seen her. She had a huge laceration on her head. But what bothered me the most were the old bruises she was covered in.
It brought back some nasty memories."

"That son of a bitch." Chibs whispered and I nodded in agreement.

"I was so sure that her father had something to do with this. All the anger I've tried to suppress suddenly broke out of me.
And I tried to confront him. With my fists."

Chibs looked at me in surprise. "Ya punched that motherfucker? Nice!" he giggled a little. But I remained silent.

"Well, this motherfucker was Marshall Baxtor. A highly regarded lawyer of L.A.
And he knew how to pull the strings of justice so that I would never be able to earn my license anywhere.
I had failed me. And I had failed my brother.

After that I didn't know what to do. Everything I've worked for fell into pieces.
I stopped working and lived with the money I still had. And when this was gone I had to find something to afford a living.
That's when I started the dancing."

I didn't want to get into much detail. Surely Chibs knew how people feel when they've experienced some bad shit.
The booze, the feeling that you're worth a shit, that you're never able to climb out of that deep hole.

"Why did ya stop?" Chibs asked in a low voice.

I swallowed a few times. The picture of Mary Baxtor appeared in front of my eyes. A beautiful young girl with all her future in front of her.
A future that her father took away from her.
And a future that I could've made possible. If I only had done more to protect her.

"I found out that the daughter of Baxtor died." My voice remained calm and silent.
"And I didn't want anything like this happen again because of me. I could've prevent this, Filip. But I didn't. And I'll never forgive myself."

I paused and then calmly said
"And don't tell me it's not my fault. Maybe there was no way that I could stop this bastard from abusing his daughter.
Maybe her death had different reasons.
But it's not what I believe. And that's all that matters."

I've never talked about this to anyone. But with Chibs at my side I was finally strong enough to reveal him my past.
Above of all I wanted this to work. And this meant complete honesty. On both sides.

"And when you were talking to that blonde skank last night and introduced me as a "friend" I was really angry with you.
And somehow jealous. I don't know what's gotten into me. Maybe it was the tequila talking.
I just wanted you to make you see what you would miss."

He pulled his arm tighter around me and put his forehead on the back of my head, deeply inhaling the scent of my hair.

"It doesn't need a pole and some naked skin to make me see what I miss, Ella.
I'm sorry for last night. And for not telling ya 'bout Fiona. I'm not used to the feeling that someone is really interested in me because of who I am.
Not because I'm a member of the club."

I turned around to face him and pressed my lips onto his.
Our kiss grew more passionate as I entered his mouth with my tongue.
I let go of him when I lacked of air and between some heavy breaths I finally said it.

"I think I love you." I gasped and looked in his deep brown eyes.

He formed a large smile with his mouth.

"I love ya, too."