Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.
Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.
Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!
Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.
WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.
Not so different - Lancel
Chapter 11
Lancel sighed as he got up to open the windows of his room, letting fresh air invade the place. This day, his parents were having their usual gathering with the whole family: his uncle Tywin, his aunt Genna, his many cousins and their own families, with spouses and children. While he wanted to see Myrcella, Tommen and Tyrek again, to see his aunt Genna, he couldn't bear the idea of having to pretend to be okay with those who assumed he was overreacting to his issues. He didn't want to have to be the better person, the grown up. Among those who mocked him, there were adults. He was eighteen true, but in many regards, he was still just a child. They were old enough to be a parent to him and they treated him like he was faking.
"I can't let Mom and Dad face all of this for me..." He thought
He opened his wardrobe, ready to pick an outfit, when his father knocked.
"You can put those back." He said, looking at the jeans Lancel had taken out
Lancel was confused. Was the gathering off?
"There is no way your mother and I are putting you through the humiliation of being a good relative to those who didn't return the same curtesy."
After a few seconds of blank, not believing his ears, after having quickly hoped he could get away with it, the young man spoke.
"That wouldn't be fair on the people who supported me."
"Genna had suggested for us to cancel the whole thing off."
Kevan felt pain, seeing the surprise on his son's face, the mere idea that someone cared surprised him. How could he have missed how unwell his child was?
"And I assume Cersei thought it would have been babying me." Lancel ended
"Pretty much. Be honest, son. Do you want to attend? And before you answer, I want you to answer me with your heart, not your brain."
Lancel looked at him in the eyes.
"I'd rather stay in my room."
His father nodded.
"Then, it's settled. And don't worry about the people who like you you'll miss, we'll host something for your return, with only the ones who loved you and cared for you during your time away."
Lancel had a small laugh, puzzling Kevan.
"I'll be like Harry Potter, remaining in my room, pretending I don't exist."
"Skip the not existing part and yes, you could make a new Harry."
Leaving, Kevan smiled. It felt so good, joking around with Lancel again! He had missed those friendly banters, having his son around.
He'd let no one take him away ever again.
XXXXX
"Lancel isn't here? How sad. We had hoped to see the recovering boy." Cersei said with a smile
Despite being her aunt, Dorna wanted to smack it out of her, knowing perfectly well she didn't care one bit, still remembering her words, the words she let her eldest son say. She kept her friendly facade, however.
"Despite being home, Lancel still have some heavy medications that make him very sleepy or dozing off. He didn't want to make any of you worried or shocked at his appearance. He knows how sensitive some of us here can be." She explained, her voice remaining soft
Kevan bit the inside of his cheek to avoid smirking. He loved it when Dorna threw shade. She rarely did it, due to her kind nature but when she did, it was priceless. The insulted person didn't recognize it and went on, burying herself in her stupidity. He noticed Genna's smile, looking at Dorna with pride. Cersei seemed about to reply, bugged by the reply, but was cut short by her father:
"We wouldn't want to bother Lancel who is still recovering. I'm already happy he still thought of our wellbeing while trying to rest. It tells a lot on his character. Kevan, give him my regards."
Kevan nodded, glad and relieved Tywin stepped in. It was silly, he knew, to feel this way. He was a grown man, capable of defending himself, however whenever Tywin stepped in to help, when noticing a hand would be welcomed, he felt that relief that came along with the pleasant warmness of knowing his big brother was there for him, like he had always been. Genna went near him, speaking in a low voice:
"When my little pumpkin feels good enough, I'll have a party at my place. With the people who cared only."
"Do you ream minds?"
"We think the same way. Some people's presence here is distasteful. I'm glad Lancel didn't have to put with them. He's here to recover, not to fall even sicker."
On these words, she left to congratulate Willem on his new girlfriend, who happened to be one of her nieces by marriage.
XXXXX
Lancel hadn't expected to fall asleep so quickly after laying in his bed, so he surprised himself, finding himself woken up by a buzzing phone. He could hear the party, yet it seemed his medication was still quite strong. He grabbed the object, seeing it was Sansa. He looked at her text.
So sorry I didn't write sooner, with Arya coming home, life has been super busy! I am so so happy you have been allowed to go home! With your permission, I'll give your number or your mail to Arya, she is still so amazed by the portrait you made of her! Mom and Dad share our joy!
"Someone seems happy." Kevan said as he was coming with a tray of food
The sight of his son, smiling so widely without knowing it, his eyes glowing with happiness, warmed his heart. He looked like the boy on the family pictures.
"It's an amazing feeling, isn't it? To know that people actually care about you. Even strangers." Lancel replied, in a low but soft voice
"It is." Kevan said
"How is it going downstairs?"
"Tywin made Cersei close her mouth and your mother's shade skills are as strong as ever."
Lancel started to chuckle, trying his best not to laugh his heart out. How Kevan had missed that sound!
"Your aunt wants to throw a party for you when you feel ready for it, with only people who were supportive."
His son looked at his desk, where he stored his drawing gear and painting tools.
"If the doctor allows it, I'll go to the store, I'll need way more supplies if I want to thank all the people who were nice to me."
"I'll go for you tomorrow after work." He offered
"Then, I'll give you the money."
"Forget it."
His son seemed confused.
"If you want to draw again, it means it's helping you. It's therapy. As long as you are under my roof, you won't pay for your medicine."
"Thanks, Dad."
Kevan left and Lancel replied to Sansa:
Hi! No worries at all! That's already very kind of you to message me! Arya is out?! That's amazing, I'm so happy for her! Tell her I haven't forgotten what she asked me! Also, if you liked the drawing I made, I could try and make you in the same style, I have not drawn in so long, I want to practice again, so don't hesitate to ask! Give my regards to your parents, as well as my thanks. I share their joy upon Arya's return and be assured my parents join me in that feeling.
It felt so good, having so many ideas, so many projects buzzing in his head again!
For the first time in months, Lancel knew how it felt, living without the nagging feeling in his head that he was worthless.
To Be Continued