Chapter Eleven
It was somewhere in the realm of two hours before Cedric heard the creak of his bedroom door. He hadn't known what to do, so he spent the time sorting through his ingredient stores, making a list of what he needed to replenish. It was mindless work, which was good as Cedric's mind was restless. Years of planning, of plotting had finally come to fruition. His part was done. There was little left for him to do but leave and let someone else fill in the position of Royal Sorcerer and he could only find pity for whomsoever would replace him.
But his misery dulled significantly to see Sofia descending the steps of the tower, engulfed in an old pair of his pants and his favorite shirt. She had braided her hair to hang down her back in a long, neat tail. She looked out of place and beautiful and dangerously resolved. And she held his journal in one hand. Cedric felt his adam's apple bob as he took in a nervous gulp of air.
When she made it to the bottom of the stairs, they stood frozen, staring at each other. Cedric tried to read her expression, but Sofia revealed nothing to him. He took a step towards her.
'No," she stopped him with the word. "I have to get through this and I can't do that with you - just, please sit." She gestured to the stool she had sat on earlier. Cedric felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach as he turned, respecting Sofia's wishes, and moved to sit on the stool. Surely, this was it. The gamble he took hadn't been worth it. He would leave here irrevocably bruised and alone. Merlin, if he was going to be alone, maybe it wasn't worth leaving at all.
Sofia got another stool and placed it in the center of the room. Cedric's was near the wall. There were easily three yards between them. Seemingly satisfied with the distance, Sofia sat down, put the journal on her lap, and folded her hands atop the journal.
"This is difficult," she opened.
"It is," Cedric agreed with a nod of his head.
She was silent for a long moment before speaking again.
"I was never privy to the conditions to my marriage, beyond fulfilling the role of a good wife and a good queen as I was raised to understand them. When it became clear that my husband had a vastly different definition of those two roles, I knew my only chance of true happiness would come with my child. Becoming pregnant was never a struggle. It was like some greater power knew it was the only way I would find love.
"Six times. I lost six little lives. Six hopes and dreams, gone." She paused a moment to tap the journal in her lap. "Seeing as how this journal seems to be the manifesto of your misdeeds, I marked the dates of their deaths in it. That grief is your responsibility, now."
Cedric expected tears or rage. But these seemed to be healed, albeit deep, scars. She was collected and composed. He, however, felt worse than primordial pond scum as he quietly accepted Sofia's words with his head bowed.
"Just as Amber's insanity and her death are your responsibility, just as her actions in her insanity are your responsibility." Her tone lightened slightly. "Just as freeing James and performing the necessary steps to ensure his reign is your responsibility."
Cedric raised an eyebrow, lifting his head slightly. "Sofia, I hardly think -"
"- one good thing makes up for nearly a decade of terrible deeds?" She finished for him.
"Well...yes."
"I agree."
"Then what comes next?"
"You burn this book."
"I do what?"
"You can't - we can't move on if you continue to punish yourself for things already ended."
Cedric's eyes widened and he felt his heart skip several beats. "Sofia, what are you saying?"
Her face looked pained and desperate. "It would be so much easier if I didn't love you, Cedric. But you don't just stop loving someone because they hurt you. And I can't bring myself to believe that you hurt me maliciously."
"I didn't," he added quickly, breathless.
"I don't know how to forgive you. But I - I don't want to be without you." She almost cringed as she said the words. "So you have to burn the journal so you stop looking back and start looking forward."
The journal immediately lifted up out of Sofia's lap. Her eyes followed it as it came to hover in the air between them and, with a snap of Cedric's fingers, caught fire. They both stared at the book engulfed in the flames, pages curling until they vanished into ash. It took less than a minute for the book to dissolve into a neat pile on the floor. The fire gone, Cedric could see Sofia clearly as, with a sweeping motion of his arms, one of the windows burst open and the wind took ash outside to scatter into the dark night.
They were standing now, still apart, as the wisps of late winter curled into tower through the open window.
"What now?" Cedric asked, barely holding back his need to storm across the room and take Sofia into his arms, to show her how much she meant to him, how much she was changing his life in this moment.
"I want you to break the curse. My eighth wedding anniversary is approaching, I'm not pregnant, and I want my marriage annulled. And I want to see James and Aunt Tilly."
"Need I remind you again that you're thought to be dead?"
"And need I remind you that my husband will declare war on Enchancia if he finds out his property is dead by Amber's hand? I won't run away and leave James to deal with that."
"I will...I will think of something, then. Something to end it without conflict."
"Fine. James and Tilly?"
"Are resting after the spell. I can bring you to them in the morning."
"Fine."
Cedric watched Sofia cross her arms and shiver as silence drew out between them.
"Sofia?"
"Yes?"
"It's late."
"It is. Are you tired, too? From the spell?"
"I am." He suddenly felt like a boy, timid and bumbling. "W-would you like to go to b-bed?"
Sofia stared at him, seeming to weigh him in her eyes. "I would," she said slowly.
"We can break the curse t-tonight, if you'd like."
Cedric watched as Sofia's mind pieced the implication of his words together. "I - yes. I….yes, I would like that, I think."
"Upstairs?"
She nodded. "Upstairs."
Cedric made an 'after you' gesture with his arms and Sofia started up the steps. Cedric followed behind her, unable to hold back his hand from touching the small of her back, supporting her quietly as she walked up the steps. She didn't flinch away from his touch and Cedric released a silent prayer of thanks for the small and impossibly big miracles that he didn't deserve.
.
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A/N: You may have noticed the rating of the story changed. Next chapter will involve the two of them breaking the curse, in much the same way Amber and Cedric cast the curse, so skip Chapter 12 if that's not your scene. I wasn't sure if I was going to include that in this story, but I decided to. If you skip Chapter 12, please just assume that Chapter 13 is the 'morning after.'
Those sorts of things take me a bit longer to write (and my kid and I both still have colds that just won't quit) so please be patient with the timing of my next update :)
Also, I try and catch them, but when I copy paste chapters from my google doc into ff's doc manager, sentences are weirdly and randomly incomplete. Know that I'll reread it myself and catch it eventually - thanks for your understanding.
***to be clear: Sofia hasn't forgiven Cedric. His sins are so monumental, she can't fathom how to possibly forgive him. But she wants to find a way to move forward, she wants out of her marriage without inciting a war, she wants her body to be healed of its curse - no matter how many stumbles and trips and falls come along with it.