As Hera puts the Ghost in Lothal's atmosphere, masking their signature, they land in the mountains where Chopper has detected where Ezra's 'hideout' was. Kanan cleared out the cabinet of the top bunk, making room for anything small Ezra had. When he finished, he went and sat down on the ramp of the Ghost watching the sunset between the mountains, the bright light shining off the snowy tops of the mountains.
"My dad and I used to watch the sunset here before he died. We took my mom a couple of times, but it seemed to always be our spot. Our little hideaway from the Empire." Kanan smiles up at Ezra, who seemed to appear out of nowhere. Ezra sits down next to Kanan but leaves a good amount of space between them.
"What was it like? Before the Empire came?" Kanan looks over at him, but Ezra's eyes were trained on the top of the mountains. He was going to ask again, but Ezra began to speak, cutting him off before he could speak again.
"From what my parents told me, not good. We were in economic disrepair. People were starving, everybody would be robbed at least three times a week. Most kids didn't make it to ten." Ezra's face becomes solemn and Kanan can easily feel the sadness coming off him. Ezra takes a shaky breath. "People were dying. The Empire was invited by the person who was ruling us right then. I- I don't remember his name (AKA author was too lazy to look it up). But many people thought they'd help. Rebuild Lothal to what it was." Ezra shook his head. "Some people knew what the Empire was doing to the rest of the galaxy. They tried to stop. People spoke out. Everybody else found out too late that they were right." Kanan hesitates before he speaks, wondering if Ezra was going to say anything else. When he doesn't, he trains his eyes on the darkening sky.
"And your parents?"
"They tried to speak out." And that's all he said. Kanan let the subject be, knowing exactly what he meant. They sat there until all they could see where the stars.
Kanan leads Ezra to his room, their shoes making quiet little thunks on the metal floor, and they echo off the walls. The door slides open and Kanan leads him to the bunk.
"I have the bottom one, so you'll have the top. I cleaned out the draws on the side of the bed, so anything small you can fit in here." Kanan looks at what Ezra may have, but he only has a small bag, no larger than a loth-cat. Ezra smiles.
"Yeah, I don't have much." Kanan nods and motions him to toss it on the bed.
"We're probably eating soon. You gonna come?" Ezra climbs up onto the bed, throwing his arm over his eyes, and lays down.
"I'm not hungry. Thanks." Kanan makes a face even though Ezra couldn't see it, but he feels the confusion come from Kanan.
"You sure?"
"Yep." Kanan nods slowly, walking towards the door.
"Call if you need anything." Ezra lifts an arm and gives him a thumbs up. Kanan sighs and leaves. The second the door shuts, Ezra sits up, looking around the small room. He jumps down from the bunk and runs his hands along the bottom of Kanan's bed. As the drawer pops open, he stands and reaches inside his small bag and pulls out Kanan's lightsaber and Holocron. He places the two items gently into the drawer and closes it. He stands and climbs back into his bunk. Sleep never came easily for Ezra, but the minute his head hit the pillow, the nightmares began.
As Kanan walks into the commons, he sits down in front of a plate with food that hasn't been touched yet. He stares at it, but sighs.
"What's wrong, love?" Hera asks. Kanan looks in front of him, staring at Hera.
"Do you think I made the right choice?" He asks, worried. He picks up a bit of food and puts it in his mouth and chews it slowly, watching Hera.
"I don't know. Maybe you did. Maybe you made the right choice of bringing in Ezra and letting him have a home where there are people to protect him and make sure he's alright. But on the other hand, he may not want our help. It's no longer up to you. It's up to him." She smiles, standing up. "Vizago gave us another mission." Kanan raises his eyebrows in surprise.
"Is it the-" Hera nods, smile even wider.
"It's the Wookiees. We leave in the morning for the ImperialGozanti-class cruiser carrying the Wookiees." Kanan leans back in his seat, laughing. Hera looks at him funny but doesn't say anything.
"Does our fearless pilot have a plan?" Hera raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms.
"She does. Would you like to hear it?" Kanan nods, smile fading, but still faintly there. Before Hera could tell him, they hear a scream. Hera looks at Kanan in surprise and fear.
"Ezra." Kanan breathes out. He quickly stands and runs towards his room, Hera not too far behind. As Kanan enters his room, he can only see Ezra's back. He hears labored breathing, but no sign of crying, but Kanan could, even without the force, tell he was.
"Ezra?" Kanan whispers, slowly approaching the boy. "Ezra? Are you alright?" Ezra lifts his hand away from, most likely his mouth, and waves him off. Kanan watches as he nods, but sees him stifle a sob. "Ezra-"
"Ge-Get out." Kanan freezes, arms still reached towards the boy. "I'm fine." He breathes, a shaky breath following. "It's fine-" Kanan shakes his head.
"It doesn't seem fine."
"I'm fine." Ezra barks, turning to face Kanan. Kanan's face falls. Ezra's face was as red as his eyes. Ezra realized too late that he was facing Hera, who had been in the door frame the whole time, and Kanan. He turns back around. "Please. Leave."
"No." Kanan turns and looks at Hera in surprise, but them smiles at her. She smiles in return, but as she walks in, she drops it, giving Ezra her Mother Voice (™). "When you joined this crew, Ezra, you joined a family. And family doesn't walk out on each other. No matter the cost." She walks to the ladder of the bunk and climbs up it. She sits on the edge and doesn't make a move to touch Ezra.
"I'm not a part of this family. I don't have one. I never have and I never will." Ezra mutters, moving away from Hera.
"Too bad. You have one now. Whether you like it," she shrugs. "Or not." She looks at Ezra, tone softening, and smiles. "But it's up to you whether or not you decide to stay. Because what you do isn't up to us. What you do will always be up to you." Hera hops down, feet light as they hit the floor. She starts to walk out but is stopped by a voice.
"Hera?" She turns around, eyebrows raised. She watches him give her a small smile and she returns it. "Thank you." She nods and leaves, the door shutting behind her. Ezra and Kanan stay still, looking at each other. Ezra turns his back to him again, laying down. "I'm going to try to go back to sleep." Kanan nods, walking towards his bunk.
"I should too. We have a mission tomorrow." Kanan can feel the curiosity coming off but waits for him to ask.
"What is it?"
"We're going to save Wookiee prisoners that fought with the Jedi with the Republic."
"Oh," Ezra says. Kanan thinks that Ezra had more to say, but shrugs it off. Once he gets comfortable, Ezra speaks again. "I remember hearing about them. They're supposed to go to the Spice Mines." Kanan tenses.
"The Spice Mines?" Ezra sighs.
"Yeah. Maybe we can get to them on the transport before they get there. Nobody should ever go there." Ezra says bitterly. "It shouldn't even exist."
"I'm with you there." They lay there in silence, both trying to fall asleep. With no success, Kanan sits up, meditating. Ezra doesn't say anything about it, so Kanan supposes that he's asleep. As he reaches out, he feels Hera in the cockpit, happy and tired, most likely with Chopper, putting in the coordinates for tomorrow's mission. Zeb and Sabine in their respective rooms, Zeb sleeping and relaxed, and Sabine sleepy, but relaxed and content, most likely finishing up a painting. Their central Force (Okay so I don't know what it is actually called so shhh) warm, but guarded.
He reaches out to Ezra, but all he can feel is cold and he can't feel any emotions coming from him.
"You won't feel anything." Kanan jumps out of his trance, surprised.
"I thought you were asleep?" Kanan says, still surprised. He can hear Ezra shift around on the bunk above him and watches as he slides down the ladder. He walks towards the center of the room, facing Kanan, and sits down like he was, or is, going to meditate. As he closes his eyes, Kanan can feel something a small string wrap around his head. It's soft and doesn't do anything but play. But behind it, Kanan can feel small bits of fear, anger, and loneliness.
"I can make you feel what you want to feel and show you what I want to show you." The string-like feeling goes away and Kanan opens his eyes because apparently, he closed them. He looks at Ezra in confusion. He nods. "Try it."
"I don't-" Ezra gives him a hard look, eyes narrowing.
"Try it." Kanan sighs, closing his eyes. He lets a single thread of himself go to Ezra, poking at his walls (Force walls built 'around' a force users head to protect their mind from probing from the force; idk if this is canon or not but I've seen it somewhere). Ezra laughs. "You can do better than that." Kanan sighs, frustrated.
"I don't want to intrude on any of your memories." Kanan opens his eyes, looking at Ezra. The boy had been staring at him the whole time, completely unaffected.
"I can show you what I only want to show you." Kanan sighs, nodding. He closes his eyes and tries again, this time looking for a break in Ezra's mind walls. When he does find it, he enters it suddenly and is immediately pushed out by Ezra. He only saw glimpses of a memory, but right now, he wished he hadn't.
"What," He speaks, shaking. "What did you see?" Kanan swallows, uncrossing his legs and leaning back against the wall of his bunk.
"You were young. Maybe a year or two younger than you are now. You were caught and tortured for treason. You almost died." Ezra nods. He had placed his head in his hands, breathing labored. "You didn't have to show me that." Ezra shakes his head, not looking up.
"I can show you what I only want to show you. I wanted to." Kanan shakes his head.
"No, there's a reason." He stares at Ezra, thinking. Then, it clicks. "You want me to trust you." Kanan sighs. "You don't have to show me memories you're not comfortable sharing if you don't want to. Remember Ezra, everything you do, it's usually your choice. When you don't have one and you're forced to do it." Kanan shrugs. "Than it wasn't you." Ezra nods in understanding.
"Alright." He stands, climbing up the ladder again. "I'm going to try and sleep now." Kanan hears him position himself, but then it goes quiet. "Goodnight, Kanan."
"Good night, Ezra." Kanan lays down, closing his eyes, trying to focus on the memory that he saw a glimpse of before the one Ezra had shown him. It was just a glimpse, but he promised himself he would do anything he could to see a smile like that on Ezra again. Before his parents were killed. And before he became a weapon of the Empire. He would help Ezra, even if it meant it would kill him.