"What do you want?"
"I'm sorry to bother you, Ms. Ravenscroft, but I've been unable to reach Mr. Northman on his cell. I keep getting routed to his voicemail."
"So leave a message, then." I rolled my eyes. Eric's choice in dayman left much to be desired.
"I did, but he told me he wanted to know about this immediately."
"Spit it out, Bobby."
"AT&T's CFO and head of marketing have agreed to an evening meeting this Tuesday. They'll listen to his proposal and if they decide to back him, they'll present it to the board the following morning."
"Fine, message received. Anything else?"
"No, that's it ma'am. I hope you have a pleasant eve—" I hung up on the sniveling little shit.
I heard the Corvette pull in. Eric wasn't on bar duty tonight, so he went directly to his office. Good. He had a crapload of paperwork he was behind on, and since he refused to learn how to use a computer, everything took much longer than it needed to. Sophie-Anne was just as anachronistic. All her official missives still came by demon-delivered post. The old ones really needed to get with the times. After all, I was a Victorian, but I could email, text and im as proficiently as any Facebook-addled tween. And I was certain if Eric would just give the computer a chance, he'd master that technology as easily as he had caught on to cellphones. Eric was resistant to that, too, at first, but now he and his phone were inseparable. I swear he had a closer relationship with that little hunk of plastic than he did with me sometimes.
Fifteen minutes late as usual, Clancy skulked in to take up his post behind the bar. He was a piss-poor substitute for Charles, who kept the cattle entertained with his antics and swashbuckling flair. They ate that shit up. Fortunately for him, pirates were trendy right now, especially after all those homoerotic Disney movies came out. (Johnny Depp would make an excellent vampire, don't you think?)
Clancy, on the other hand, had never been the same after Hallow was through with him. He was always a pompous prick, but at least he used to be a somewhat attractive and amusing pompous prick. After being drained and brought back from the brink of the true death, however, his face had sunk in on itself, his skin had become even more pale and papery, and his flaming red hair had lost its luster. He truly looked like death warmed over. (Only obviously not so much with the warmth.) He had a hard time attracting the most indiscriminate of fangbangers now, and his whole ordeal had made him bitter and more of a pain in the ass to live with than he already was. We couldn't have him out on the floor anymore. We sold glamour, not gore. Clancy was better suited to running the back office if he didn't regain his appearance soon. Maybe we could make him bar manager? A fancy title might be enough to distract him from the reality of demotion.
Why couldn't the witches have killed Clancy instead of Chow? I missed our slab of Japanese muscle. He wasn't particularly entertaining or terribly bright, but he was easy on the eyes, and the vermin liked that. Our revenues were down ever since Clancy took over. I needed to find a proper replacement for Charles, and soon. Maybe a female…
Just as the first fangbangers started to trickle in for the evening, I signaled to Indira to take my place at the door and headed to the back of the bar to begin my favorite nightly ritual: busting Eric's balls.
I knocked twice on the door and then let myself into his office. He was already hard at work, hunched over the latest Area reports.
"So how was last night's marathon session of erotic hand-holding? Or did you two finally go further than that?"
Not bothering to look at me, he ignored my question completely. "Hello Pam. I have a job for you. As it happens, it does involve Sookie."
I put my hands on my hips and stared at him warily. "What? You want me to play lady's maid again?"
"No, not lady's maid. Carpenter." He finally looked up from his desk to smirk at me. "Pick up some plywood on your way over. I want you to light-proof Sookie's bedroom."
I was about to unleash my fury on my maker when I caught that last phrase. "Sookie's bedroom? Does that mean—"
"No."
"You've got to be shitting me! What about last night? You said you were 'busy'?"
"I was about to be. And then you called." He glared at me.
I snickered. "If I hadn't, you'd be a pile of ash right now."
"Noted. And I appreciate that. However, the next time you interrupt us, I will tell you to fuck off."
I gave him a fangy grin. "Well, if you weren't planning on getting lucky last night, why were you in such a rush to leave?"
He shrugged. "Sookie was in danger. She was doing something incredibly stupid and needed rescuing. The usual. Now get out of here, I have work to do." He waved a hand dismissively at me and returned his attention to the reports.
Just as I was about to leave, I remembered Bobby's message. "By the way, your meeting with AT&T is a go. Check your voicemail for details. What's that about anyway?"
Eric leaned back in his chair and smiled, bringing the tips of his fingers together like a Bond villain. Maybe I should get him a white cat. "A small side venture. We'll see how it pans out, but it has the potential to be very lucrative."
"You still haven't told me about your meeting with Andre, you know. And who was that woman?"
Eric's face darkened. "I'll fill you in on your drive to Bon Temps. Now go."
I arrived at Sookie's temporary hovel an hour and a half later. Eric was oddly guarded during our conversation on the way over. He told me about his adventures last night in greater detail, but when it came to the meeting he wouldn't say much. I gathered he'd been audited, but he wouldn't tell me why. By the end of our talk, I'd learned little more than what I'd already inferred beforehand. After all, why would Eric have me fetch Bruce if his finances weren't somehow involved? It was unlike him to be so cagey. Something was definitely up.
I gathered up the hateful carpentry supplies and made my way to Sookie's door. Honestly, menial labor like this was beneath me. I'm over a century and a half old, and more to the point, I just had a French manicure done! If I broke a nail prepping Eric's little love nest, there would be hell to pay.
To her credit, Sookie was prompt in answering the door, and after inviting me in, she helped me carry in some of the supplies.
As she led me through the kitchen, I picked up on the unmistakable scent of Were. Highly masculine, highly pheromoned. Hmm. Sookie entertained an interesting guest today. My fangs protruded as I anticipated the fun I'd have telling Eric this.
"There's a closet in the second bedroom that I think would work," Sookie said over her shoulder. "We could pull up the floorboards and make a little hidey-hole, just like Bill did in my house."
"No, Sookie. Eric's orders were clear. He wants your bedroom light-proofed. Besides, my maker doesn't sleep in hidey-holes." I spat out the word with disdain. "Eric and I prefer beds. We are civilized vampires, not heathen dirt-sleepers."
Sookie rolled her eyes at my hauteur. I suppose it was understandable. She was used to fucking a lower class of vampire.
We entered her bedroom and I examined it thoroughly for any cracks in the walls, floor or ceiling where light might penetrate. Though the apartment was small and hideously decorated, it was soundly constructed. The bedroom door opened onto a windowless hallway, and was fairly flush to the floor. All we would have to do is seal off the few windows in this room, and Eric could spend the day here in relative safety.
"Close the blinds completely and let them drop all the way. Good. Now the plywood won't be visible from outside the house. It's less conspicuous that way."
I handed Sookie the first sheet of plywood and she held it in place while I made quick work securing it with the hammer and nails. Then we installed the curtain rod and the blackout curtains in front of it. My maker can never be too protected. Also, the thick velvet draperies lent Sookie's bedroom just a touch of style, which heaven knows, it was sorely lacking. We really needed to sit down and address her penchant for Walmart fashions and country crap décor some time.
As we repeated the process for the other windows, I prodded her for information.
"So for how much longer do you plan on torturing him?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Shall I be more crass?" I shot Sookie a pointed look. "How long will you make Eric wait before you finally fuck him six ways to Sunday?"
"Pam!" She turned a delicate shade of pink. Oh, how cute.
"Well?" I grinned at her, flashing a little fang.
Sookie kept her eyes straight ahead as she admitted, "As a matter of fact, I was planning on sleeping with him tonight."
"Excellent. It's about damn time. I don't know how much longer I could put up with him like this."
She looked over at me. "What do you mean?"
"He's been a grouchy bastard for the last month. In all the years I've known him, I've never seen him this frustrated."
"What? Because of me?" She gave me a dubious smile. "Be real, Pam."
"Sookie, his balls are so blue, if he weren't a vampire, they would have fallen off by now."
"Oh my god!" She clapped a hand over her mouth and shook with laughter.
"Laugh it up, but it's true. I don't think he's ever gone this long without sex before."
She stopped laughing and eyed me skeptically. "That is just really hard to believe. What about all the fangbangers? Haven't they been taking care of him?"
"He hasn't fucked a fangbanger in weeks, Sookie. Not since before he was cursed." I gave this a minute to sink in. It was shocking, even to me, and I'd known about Eric's absurd bout of celibacy this whole time.
"Why not?" She asked in a small voice.
I raised an eyebrow at her. "Don't be obtuse. You know why."
"That's ridiculous, Pam."
"Is it? Tell me, how many times has he dropped everything to go to you now? I've lost count. Do you know he almost walked out on the Queen's emissary to rescue you last night? That he's been neglecting his businesses and duties as Sheriff just to spend time with you? I've been covering for him so far, but he can't go on like this. I like you, Sookie, and I want him to be happy, but it's not good."
"Are things really that bad?"
I paused, considering how much to tell her. "I can see that he's tense. There's something going on that he won't tell me about. He usually tells me everything, so that means he's been forbidden from letting me know." I realized that just as I was saying it to her. That was the best explanation; Eric never kept anything from me without a good reason. "Whatever it is, it has to be serious."
I turned to her. "And he's been very worried about you, Sookie. I heard he took out the shooter last night?" She nodded. "Well that's something at least. You really must make an effort to stay out of trouble. You can't expect Eric to swoop down and save you all the time."
Sookie looked offended. "I don't! I can take care of myself."
I just shook my head and looked away. Humans.
"Really, Pam. I don't expect Eric to be my bodyguard. I'm grateful that he did save me, of course, but if he wasn't there, I'd handle it."
"I know you're brave, Sookie. But you're also mortal. You have a habit of forgetting that."
Sookie's phone rang as we finished hanging the last curtain. She stepped away to answer it. I recognized Eric's voice at once and pretended to be engrossed in the arrangement of the curtain, though of course I could hear everything they were saying.
"Hey, what's up?"
"I'm afraid I can't make it tonight."
"Why the hell not?" I concealed a smile. Apparently Eric wasn't the only one who was frustrated.
"I've been summoned to New Orleans. I'm flying there now. From the looks of things, I'll be stuck there tomorrow night as well."
"Is it the Queen? Or her emissary? Are they mad you tried to cut your meeting short?" Damn Sookie and her big mouth.
"What has Pam been telling you? Pam! I know you're listening. Answer me." Fuck.
"Yes, Eric?" I called out sweetly. "Sookie and I were just chatting, that's all. I may have mentioned you had a meeting last night—"
Eric cut me off with a string of Swedish curses. "Get back to Fangtasia. I'll need you to cover for me tonight and tomorrow. I left Clancy in charge, gods help us all."
I made an exaggerated show of walking out of the room, clomping my heels loudly and then turned to face Sookie, eager to eavesdrop on the rest of their conversation. She grinned at me and nodded, agreeing to play along.
"She's still there, isn't she?" Damn it.
"No," Sookie said slowly. "She just left…"
"You're a terrible liar, Sookie. Pam, get the hell out of there." I pouted and waved goodbye to my telepathic friend before zipping out to my car and beginning the long drive back to Fangtasia. Dealing with Clancy was going to be a bitch and a half. I couldn't believe Eric had assigned him any real power, even temporarily. He'd be insufferable over the next couple nights.