Right, this chapter is more of a 'let's try and construct a plot!' thing, so sorry if there are less lulz. Now for the Mary Sue competition winners (we decided to put the runner up into the story as well). In first place was Amanda Eros with the wonderful Gary Stu, Amandor! I loved the extensive family history (so very Gary Stu), and my friends and I wasted a maths lesson laughing at him. I plan to have plenty of nuns throw themselves at him during the story. The runner-up wasn't able to leave a username, but she was the creator of ViraTrixten! Her family tree... is just beautiful . And I'm also really looking forward to the way Ebony will react to her. Congratulations to these two lucky winners! It was really hard to pick, by the way. Now, enjoy the chapter! And again, sorry if there are less lulz, I'll make it up to you all in the next chapter.
I hurried along the darkened path as, behind me, the sun sunk below the horizon. I hoped to make it back to camp quickly so that Nico wouldn't start worrying about me. It hadn't been easy, sneaking into the Mary Sue cabin. But I had all of the stealth in the world, so I had been able to climb in through a window and slip into the library. It had taken me three minutes and 40.8792 seconds for me to find what I was looking for in the Mary Sue library. Hopefully, no-one would miss it.
I continued down the path with a triumphant smile on my face and a book clenched in my hand. This book should tell me everything about my quest. It was small, and was coated in a thick layer of dust. I had always liked books with thick layers of dust. They usually had some life-changing bit of information inside.
It took me another ten minutes to get back to camp. Using the shadows as my cover, I slipped between the trees (the nymphs tried to slap me) and walked swiftly into the Poseidon cabin. I grinned. I was starting to feel like James Bond's younger, smarter, stronger, funnier, better-looking sister. The door clicked shut behind me, and I immediately sat down on my bed, getting my first good look at the book which I had stolen from the Mary Sue library.
It was bound with black leather, and embossed on the cover in gold letters was the title The Mary Sue Encyclopaedia. I gave another satisfied smile and settled down in my bed to read.
There was a lot to sift through. Gothic Mary Sues, Pity-Beggar Mary Sues, God-moding Mary Sues... I was surprised at how many varieties there were. I flicked through the yellowing pages, until finally I reached... The Ugly Mary Sue.
The Ugly Mary Sue is the rarest kind of Mary Sue there is. This Sue is almost impossible to find, and it takes many years of hunting through the deep, dark, poorly spelled depths of Sue stories to track any down. These Sues usually have a kind, honest heart, and are always incredibly nice. They are generally outcasts, like the tragic Mary Sues, but sometimes have a small group of close friends. These Mary Sues are usually quite ordinary, but will often be intelligent and shy. They are very gentle creatures.
Many readers may wonder how it is possible to find an ugly Mary Sue, especially when Mary Sues are, by definition, perfect in every way. The ugly Mary Sue will often be a part of one of those sickening love stories for which Sues are so famous, but the love story may have a bit more depth and originality than others. Usually, Ugly Mary Sues make a canon character fall in love with them for 'who they are', a line which would make Strawberry Shortcake throw up. Ugly Mary Sues are always very vulnerable, and often play the damsel in distress. They are almost always saved by their love interest in frightening situations, and then the love interest will declare his undying, sickening love for her.
In short, if you want to imagine an ugly Mary Sue, think of an ugly Bella Swan. (See: Bella Swan-the sparkly Mary Sue).
I frowned. I had been given no clues as to where to find an ugly Mary Sue. Gentle, kind... I could just imagine how well she would get along with Ebony. This quest was going to be harder than I had originally thought. If there was an ugly Mary Sue somewhere, then surely she would have already turned up at Camp Half Blood? Perhaps she already was here, but no-one had realised that she was a Mary Sue? Was her ugliness protecting her?
Voldemort's high, cold voice echoed in my mind.
"This is a Mary Sue story. It doesn't have to make sense."
He had been right. Nothing in my plotline had seemed to make any sense at all. The Ugly Mary Sue could be anywhere at any time. I sighed. There was only one thing left to do.
Sneak away from camp in the middle of the night to go on a quest. That's what I needed to do. I knew that Nico would never let me go, if he could help it. I should save him the pain. I gave another huge sigh, and started packing my things. It was going to be a long night.
Ten minutes later, I was once again trudging up the hill to the Mary Sue cabin. I had decided to pack light for my quest; twenty skirts, fifty pairs of shoes, eighty-nine tops, thirty pairs of shorts, ninety jackets, an entire box filled with make-up, Nico's hair in a glass case, my tracker for Nico (so that I could stare obsessively over where he was and what he was doing), the poster of Nico's DNA and one of his toenails, my notebook, my pillow, a sleeping bag, a tent, two-hundred books and a toothbrush. I had been forced to leave more than half of my stuff behind. I sighed. Perhaps I could give it to Nico so that he could remember all of the good times we've had.
I walked over the bridge and clambered up the ladder, somehow bringing my suitcase with me. I gave the door three loud knocks.
There was a second's silence, in which I rocked back and forth on my heels and wondered if a jealous Mary Sue would try to kill me. Then, the door swung open with an ominous creak.
"OMG WTF r u doin here?" Ebony's voice instantly relaxed me. She was standing in the doorway, wearing a long black dress and a thick coat of gunk on her face.
"Hi, Ebony! I have something to tell you!"
"Wat?" she asked. I smiled. It was so good to hear the sound of Ebony offending the English language every time she opened her mouth.
"Can I come in?" I asked. Ebony nodded, but didn't move over to let me in. I shrugged, and squeezed past her and into the Mary Sue cabin. I smiled fondly as I looked over the expensive chairs, the pictures of unicorns on the walls...
"OK Wjat r u goin 2 twll meh?" Ebony asked, closing the door. I looked around. None of my fellow Sues seemed to be here.
"There was a prophecy, Ebony" I said. "It said that both of us were going to get to go on a quest, along with another couple of random people. We're going to go and search for the Ugly Mary Sue."
"Da wat?" Ebony asked, confusion in her icy blue eyes.
"The Ugly Mary Sue," I said evenly. "If we can find her, then we can prove to Chiron and Mr D that Mary Sues aren't so bad! They might let us stay down with the rest of the camp!"
"Y am i cumin tho?" Ebony asked.
"You're back by popular demand," I explained patiently. "The other two... I don't know. They could be anyone."
"So...(I rolled my eyes at Ebony's multiple dot-dot-dots)... I get 2 leaf camp?1111111111111?"
"Yes," I said. "And we can search for the ugly Mary Sue, and Nico will love me, and-"
"Cjan we Go 2 mi old skull, den? Its called Hogwats, and-"
"I know about Hogwarts," I snapped, "and no! That's an entirely different plotline!"
"Ur a prep!" she snapped. I snorted.
"Go pack your things, Ebony. We're leaving. Where's the rest of the cabin, anyway?"
"At da cole mins. ยป
"Well, why aren't you there?"
"I needed to put on my blood-red black dress and my red fishnets and my black poiny boots and my black eyesharrow and my black lipstik and my wite foundation and-"
"That's great. Go pack, and I'll go find another couple of people to come with us on our quest, okay? See you in a couple of minutes!"
"Ok!" she replied, already running off to her room. I turned, and sped towards the coal mines.
It took me two minutes to reach them. I hurried forward, thankful for my night vision. I ignored the Sues who glared at me as I ran past and brandished pickaxes. I was searching frantically for some high up place, preferably with good lighting. I had managed to find a very convenient pile of boxes, perfect for making an inspirational speech. I clambered up them with the stealth of a monkey, and looked down upon my fellow Sues, breaking nails and getting smudges of dirt on their skin. My heart ached. I needed to make this horror stop.
"ATTENTION, EVERYONE!" I yelled. My voice was incredibly loud; I didn't even need a microphone. Pickaxes stopped swinging as hundreds of perfect faces turned to look up at me.
"LISTEN!" I hollered. "I know that you're all jealous of me since I, unlike the rest of you, got to move to the Poseidon cabin, but you need to put your pathetic and childish issues aside!"
I got a lot of stony looks from the perfectly made-up faces.
"We are Mary Sues and Gary Stues! We are better than everyone! We deserve to be worshipped! But instead, we're stuck in stupid coal mines when we could be out completing quests and meeting our soul mates!"
A lot of people muttered amongst themselves. I could feel my already-bloated confidence growing.
"Ebony, I and two others are going to save the Sues! We are going on a perilous quest to find... the Ugly Mary Sue!"
There was a collective gasp throughout the entire room. The muttering started up again, this time much louder.
"We need two more Mary Sues to help us!" I continued. "We are leaving tonight to find the Ugly Sue! If you think you are ready for the job, please step forward!"
Almost the entire population of the Mary Sue cabin stepped forward. I smiled in satisfaction. My plan was working! My eyes scanned the crowd, searching...
Yes! Exactly five Mary Sues and Gary Stues had not stepped forward. Why was I picking the ones who didn't volunteer? Because it was far more easy.
"You!" I shouted across the room, pointing to a blonde boy with violet coloured eyes and alabaster skin. "We need to add a bigger gender mix to the plotline! You're coming on the quest!"
The boy stared up at me furiously.
"I need to stay here!" he shouted. "I have a record to set! I need to make every girl in camp fall in love with me!"
"I don't care!" I shouted back. "Meet me outside!"
There was even more muttering now. A couple of Sues tried to take a step back, but I ignored them. I looked at the four remaining Sues who hadn't volunteered. They were all so... Sue-ish. This would be hard to pick.
"Right!" I yelled, remembering what Edward had done on my first day at Camp Half-Blood. "You four! Does any of you have a name which is over twenty syllables long?"
There was a second of silence. Then, one of the girls, glaring at me furiously, raised her hand.
"Excellent!" I cried, not bothering to ask what her name was. She had auburn hair which fell in ringlets to her shoulders, and intimidating grey eyes. She gave me a cold death stare as I moved on to the rest of my epic speech.
"I'll see both of you outside! You're on the team!"
A huge roar echoed through the mines as the Sues cheered, and I smiled appreciatively. The two lucky winners both slipped out of sight. I cut through the crowd as I followed them, hoping that neither of the two would try to escape.
I ran back to the mine entrance, where my two new friends were glaring daggers at me.
"I don't want to go!" the girl snapped. "Do you realise what could happen to my nails? And my hair? You can't make me go!"
"Ebony's your cabin leader," I said smugly. "She can make you go."
There was a pause, in which the girl scowled at me and the Gary Stu winked at me. I rolled my eyes. I was obviously destined for Nico. Why was he even bothering?
"So," I said. "What're your names?"
"I'm Amandor Heliodoro Emygio de Apolinar Dioniso," the Gary Stu piped up immediately. "I'm the son of Apollo, the grandson of Aphrodite, and the great-great grandson of Dionysus."
"That's great," I said indifferently, just to let him know I wasn't interested. "What about you?" I asked the Mary Sue in front of me. She scowled again.
"I'm ViraTrixten-Riley-Annestasia-Lee-Violetswan-Anderlan-Mica-Luarry-Ray-tea." she said. "I'm the daughter of Apollo, the granddaughter of Athena and Zeus, the great-granddaughter of Hades, the great-great granddaughter of Hestia, the great-great-great granddaughter of Atlas and the great-great-great-great granddaughter of Kronos and a nymph."
There was a second of silence.
"That family tree made no sense to me," I said. "You deserve a Nobel Prize."
"I know," ViraTrixten said smugly.
"Well, now that two completely random characters have been abruptly thrown into the plot for no apparent reason, do you want to head off on this quest?" Amandor asked. I nodded.
"Head back to the Sue cabin and pack," I ordered them. "We're leaving at midnight."