Wow, you guys really love this story, huh? Well, like it was mentioned before in the whole fortune telling thing last chapter, Ignis' fate has already been decided, and a lot of foreshadowing and stuff! I did try my best to make the lyrics match for Ignis, so I hope it was good! You can think of it as...a renewed sing-a-long for Ignis when you replay that Friends on the Other Side song!
Now, then! You guys are gonna find it anyways, but I should give you a hint about Ignis' new form, obviously. She's not gonna be a frog. Tiana and Naveen already have those roles. And no, not everything she's gonna be is fire-based, like a salamander. If she was, she'd still be strong even as a salamander, because salamanders are quick and poisonous. No, she actually has to be degraded in this world for her to be taught lessons.
That said, here we go!
Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own Kingdom Hearts series or any of the Disney songs! Mage of Hope has also added some new lyrics that didn't belong to one of the Disney songs.
"Ooohh...Oww...My head...It hurts so bad..." groaned Ignis, rubbing her head with her hand. Wait, why did her hand feel all tingly and-
"Ah! I see you are awake, my friend!"
Turning around, Ignis quickly realized she was in some sort of glass container, and just before she could panic and question why she was inside one, she spotted another creature a bit bigger than her inside a glass jar.
A big frog.
"Aaah! Big frog!" cried out Ignis.
"Oh, rest assured! I'm not going to hurt you!" assured the frog.
"Aaah! Big talking frog!"
"Er...you can talk too."
"What are you talking about?" wondered Ignis. "Of course I can talk! I'm just surprised that frogs can talk around here! Then again, this is another world, so maybe in this world, animals can talk..."
"Er, what was that last part?" wondered the frog.
"Nothing! Uh...So, I'm Ignis! Who are you supposed to be?"
"I am Prince Naveen of Maldonia!" introduced the frog, rising up and introducing himself dramatically.
"...Prince of the frogs?"
"No, no! This is not my original form! I am not a frog! I am a perfectly handsome human prince that has been tricked and turned into a frog by that...that witch doctor!"
"What, Dr. Facilier?" corrected Ignis before recollection of what happened before she lost consciousness came zooming back to her. "Oh, that sneaky little-! I don't know what he did, but he made me fall asleep after he told me my fortune! Ugh!"
The frog named Naveen sighed, leaning back against his glass jar, checking his hand. "It appears you and I are on the same boat, then. He has told me my fortune, and as such, he has taken my blood and turned me into this hideous form! Oh! Where is Lawrence when you need him?"
"Who?"
"My valet! My personal attendant! For some reason, the witch doctor did not turn him into a frog, but rather, he has taken my appearance and impersonated me!"
"Do you know where he is? Maybe he could help us?" suggested Ignis.
"Alas, he has fallen into the witch doctor's greedy pockets and has betrayed me for him! Right now, he's probably going to come back with food with feed me or something of the sort!"
"Well, maybe-" Just when Ignis was approaching closer, she stopped and was taken aback by what she saw in her reflection. She had wanted to talk to Naveen further by walking towards him, but upon seeing her unmistakable appearance in her reflection, all previous plans swiftly were wiped out of her mind.
The human girl, Ignis, was no more. Her new appearance was that of a small, red cricket.
Screaming, Ignis bounced a bit TOO high up and ended up smacking her head against the lid of the jar, prompting her to jump back down, then propel off the ground with her naturally new legs, and then proceed to bounce all around the jar. Soon, screams from her new appearance quickly reverted to screams of constantly jumping around without stop.
Eventually, she did come to a stop by landing on her side, which hurt a little, but it was a small price to pay to stop her bouncing. "Ow, ow, ow!" she hissed before running up to her reflection and touching her cheek and other parts of her new body to check and see if it was her. She even tugged on her new antennas to register the pain, and sure enough, it was painful.
"That...was basically my reaction the first time I discovered myself too, only more refined," said Naveen, trying to comfort her.
"How?! Who?! Why?!" cried out Ignis.
"Like I said, the witch doctor did all this! What his goals are, I don't know, but I do know my male attendant, Lawrence, is going around impersonating as me," replied Naveen.
"I'm gonna strangle that guy when I see him!" growled Ignis, antennas twitching to symbolize her quaking anger. "How dare he take my beautiful, super cute, awesome, mega strong, adorable body and replace it with...with this?!"
"It could have been worse," offered Naveen. "You could have been a frog like me."
Ignis stared at him. "...Yeah, you're right. You got me there. But seriously, we gotta get out of here and then demand that jerk to fix everything!"
"Trust me, I've tried, but the lid's on too tight."
"Hmm...What if...?" Concentrating, Ignis quickly summoned her Keyblade, although thanks to her size, the Keyblade's size had been degraded and was quite heavy in her paws. "Okay...! Gah! This was not heavy before!"
Naveen blinked in surprise. "Are you a witch doctor, too?!"
"Well...! Maybe not a witch doctor, but definitely a mage! Well, my friend's better at magic than me, but-Look, that doesn't matter!" Ignis then found an easier method to carry her Keyblade, which was to hold it in her mouth. She glanced around and searched for a sort of keyhole in her jar, but found none, spatting out her Keyblade in frustration. "Damnit! There is no keyhole! I need a keyhole for this!"
"Well, if you're definitely a mage, why not try some magic?"
Ignis brightened up immediately. "Aw, yeah! I love doing magic! Alright, uh...Definitely not fire...wouldn't want to fill up this jar and drown myself with water...Ooh! I got it! Quake!"
Her plan was to summon a few rocks and use them to pelt against the glass to create cracks and eventually break through. Unfortunately, her spell didn't work.
"...Uh...Quake! Quake? Er...Aero! Thunder? Thunder! Quake! Aero! ...Why isn't it working?"
"Well, it's probably because you're out of practice, or the only magic you can do is summoning that item from before."
"First off, I actually don't need to use magic to summon my Keyblade!" said Ignis. "Second, I'm second best in magic where I come from, so-"
"Sire! Sire!" A handsome prince-like figure came bursting in, intruding their conversation while carrying some food items in his arms. "I'm not sure which food you'd prefer, but-Oh, the other one is awake as well."
"Lawrence, Lawrence! Please, you've got to set me free!" pleaded Naveen.
"I..." Taking a deep breath, the man impersonating and taking over Naveen's appearance shook his head. "I'm sorry, sire! But, I just can't do that!"
"Lawrence!"
While the two men were arguing, Ignis pondered on how to escape. She couldn't just roll the jar over to the edge, especially when the Lawrence guy was around, for he might catch it. Worse case would be him separating both her and Naveen from communication by placing her in a different location in the room. For some reason, her magic wouldn't work and she can't do much when it came to holding her Keyblade in her mouth.
Suddenly, another idea popped into her mind. Nothing too hard, a little bit of acting, and just enough to convince Lawrence to let her out before she can free Naveen!
She grabbed at her neck with both paws and started coughing violently and loud enough for both Lawrence and Naveen to hear. She started stumbling around her jar and trying to screw up her expression to make it seem like she was choking. "I...can't...breath...! No...holes...!"
Quickly catching on to what Ignis was trying to do, Naveen proceeded to imitate her and started flopping and rolling around, gasping for air. "Need...air...! Hurry...! HURRY...!"
Lawrence panicked, not wanting to be responsible for their deaths should they cease to breathe because of lack of air. Quickly, he unscrewed and lifted up the lids off both their jars, hoping they may be able to breathe easily. What Lawrence didn't expect next was a frog kick to the face as Ignis jumped out of the jar for her escape.
Because of the unexpected attack, Lawrence fell to his back and groaned in pain while Naveen bounced up and down in joy for his freedom. "Yes! Yes! I'm free! Thank you for the assist, you gullible fat man!" He proceeded to hop out of the open doorway and hop out of there as fast as he could.
'Wow, how rude!' thought Ignis, glancing back at Lawrence before deciding to follow Naveen, as she had nothing better to do than hope and check to make sure he stays safe. 'Wow, I did notice how late it is! How long was I asleep?!'
Upon following after Naveen, Ignis found herself outside and staring at the night sky. Back before, it was around the afternoon where the sun still rose, but ever since the whole situation with Dr. Facilier, she didn't even know how long she was out for. As soon as she got her body back, she was definitely leaving the world for sure!
She found it much easier and less tiring by bouncing around like a cricket would do, while walking around seemed more slower. Perhaps because she was a cricket and was simply traveling like a cricket would normally do. She was still trying to get the hang of her cricket body while trying to catch up to Naveen.
Eventually, she caught up to him in a masquerade party, where Naveen had stopped and hid behind some bushes to avoid being seen. "Hey, wait up! Why are we even in some party, anyways?" wondered Ignis.
"Well!" started Naveen proudly. "First off, I did not ask you to come with me!"
"True, but you might need my help, so...eh."
"Secondly! After coming up with my brilliant plan of escaping that foil jar I call a prison-!"
"Hey! That was my idea to begin with! I was the one pretending to choke and all!"
"Let me finish!" protested Naveen. "Anyways, I know Lawrence is going to come here because he's impersonating me, and as such, I had to meet Miss Charlotte at the party!"
"And why are you meeting this Charlotte...?" wondered Ignis.
"She's my fiancée."
"EH?!"
"Ladies and gentlemen!" The announcer shouted loudly as the spotlight shined upon Lawrence, who was impersonating Naveen as he took the first steps into the party. "His Royal Highness, Prince Naveen!"
Upon his arrival, the music started playing in a dramatic, opening fashion as people began to bow their heads and cheer for the arrival of the imposter Prince of Maldonia. Hearing a loud whistle, both Ignis and Naveen turned and saw a young lady in a puffy pink dress with sparkles all around her now having the spotlight focused on her as Lawrence made his way to the end of the staircase, waiting for her. At first, the lady seemed to take the first steps downwards elegantly...until her excitement overtook her and she ended up hastily running down the staircase to dance with her "prince charming."
"That should be me out there!" pouted Naveen.
"You know, if it weren't for the fact that we're in the same situation and that guy is an imposter, I would have thought they'd be a good couple," stated Ignis.
"...You know, you may be small and frail, but if you care for a danc-"
"Dude, we just met each other. Plus, don't we have more important things to worry? Why bother coming to the party, anyways? I mean, I know you told me that Lawrence guy is gonna be here, but so what? What does him being here have anything-"
"It is quite simple, my little cricket friend!" Naveen said. "That witch doctor must have been planning something nefarious if he took my blood and turned me into a frog, then used said blood to turn Lawrence into my handsome self! As such, if Lawrence is here, then so is that witch doctor!"
Ignis looked surprised. "Wow, I...I never really thought of it that way. You really thought that through, huh? I'm impressed."
"Naturally, you should be! For it was I who also came up with that escape plan earlier!"
"Once again, that was all me! You only followed my lead and-"
"Hush, what's done is done! All in the past!" said Naveen, waving away her protests and making her irk. "Now, where to find that witch doctor...?"
"And what do you plan on doing if you do find him?"
"Simple! Catch him and force him to change me back!"
"Yeah, sure. You, a frog, is going to threaten a guy with powerful magic. The same guy who turned you into a frog," said Ignis sarcastically. "Dude, you're gonna frickin' die if you do that! Worse, he'll probably turn you into a fly or something!"
"Oh? And I suppose you have a better idea? Perhaps you should zap him with that nothingness you call 'magic,'" said Naveen.
"I DO have magic! I don't know why I can't cast magic for some reason! Look, we can't even find Dr. Facilier anywhere right now. Do you even know how many masked people there are? It'll take a while to find him and in our position, all we can do is try to find him by craning our necks and looking up!"
"Aha! Then the solution to that is simple!" said Naveen. "We must reach a higher place where it's much easier to spot the witch doctor from above! Let's see...Where to find a good spot to see the entire party...but not cause a ruckus?"
Glancing around, Ignis found a balcony connected to the nearby mansion in the party, and though it was a bit high, she figured it might be a good spot to look down at the party and spot Dr. Facilier somewhere.
"...Why not up there?" suggested Ignis, pointing to the balcony.
"Ah! Excellent idea! Come along! Quickly!"
The two hurried to reach the top of the balcony, and as they grew closer, they stopped to hear the beautiful, faint singing from a princess who just arrived at the balcony, staring up at the stars.
Almost There (Reprise)
Composed by: Randy Newman
Sung by: Tiana (Anika Noni Rose)
"Almost
Almost there
People would have come from everywhere
I was almost there."
Just as both Naveen and Ignis arrived and hopped onto the railing of the balcony, they heard the woman mutter, "I cannot believe I'm doing this..." She prayed in a pleading manner before closing her eyes tightly, "Please, please, PLEASE." When nothing happened, the woman sighed, having expected that before finally noticing Naveen and Ignis, though she paid more attention to Naveen as she sarcastically spoke, "Very funny. So, what now? I reckon you want a kiss?"
Checking his fingers, Naveen gave her a cheeky grin before smoothly saying, "Kissing would be nice, yes."
Screaming in shock, the woman rushed backwards and crashed into a shelf full of stuffed animals; the impact enough to turn the lights off and darken the room with the only light coming from the moonlight outside.
'Ow!' though Ignis, winching as she tried to recover from the high-pitched scream. 'Then again, I should have expected that.'
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" apologized Naveen frantically, hopping down the railing and hoping to comfort the woman. "I did not mean to scare you. I-Wait, no, no, no! Wait! Hold on a sec!" Ignis watched in amusement as Naveen had to avoid things being thrown at him, such as some books and some of the stuffed animals. "You have a very strong arm, Princess-Eep! Okay, please! Put the monkey down!" At that command, the woman threw a monkey stuffed animal at him, causing Naveen to duck.
"Stay back!" warned the woman, raising a book above her head. "Or I'll-!"
"Please, please, please!" pleaded Naveen, leaping onto a table as Ignis took the chance to enter the room and watch from below, looking up between the two. "Allow me to introduce myself! I am Prince Naveen-"
SLAM! Still horrified and shocked over the fact that a disgusting, talking frog was chatting with her, the woman had slammed the book she was holding against Naveen, flattening him, but still keeping him alive. "...Of Maldonia…" he finished weakly.
"Ooh! That's gotta hurt!" commented Ignis, causing the woman to shriek when she heard and saw Ignis.
"Y-You can talk, too?! Jeez, are all animals capable of speech now?!" cried out the woman, raising her book again.
"Wait, wait, wait! I didn't even do anything!" shouted Ignis, leaping high enough to reach the same table Naveen was...recovering on. "Please don't hit me with that book! It's already bad enough that I'm a cricket, I don't wanna get smushed to death!"
"Ow! Ow, ow, ow!" groaned Naveen, stammering around and trying to recover from the previous book attack. "To do that to a prince! Very, very rude!"
"Prince?" That caught the woman's attention as she thought back to before she had met the weird talking frog and cricket. "But I didn't wish for any...Hold on! If you're-!" She pointed accusedly at Naveen. "-the prince, then-then who was that waltzing with Lottie on the dance floor?!"
Sighing, Naveen answered, "All I know is, one minute I am a prince, charming and handsome, cutting a rag, and then the next thing I know-!" Crying out, Naveen slipped and tripped over his own two frog legs, raising them up and wiggling his toes, much to the woman's disgust. "I am tripping over these." Seeing as the woman was about to strike him again out of disgust, Naveen cried out, "Wait, wait, wait, wait! I know that story!"
"Wait, you mean the book she's holding?" wondered Ignis.
The woman glanced at the book title and read confusedly, "'The Frog Prince?'"
"Yes! My mother had the servants read this to me every night!" cheered Naveen, being handed the book gently and using all of his strength to hold the book long enough to set it against the wall and turn the pages around; the illustrations revealing the happy ending between the prince and princess of the story.
As Naveen went through the story to confirm something, Ignis hopped up to the woman, causing her to step back a little. "Um...Miss...? I'm sorry, we never introduced ourselves properly, right? Uh...You already met Naveen over there, so, I guess it's my turn! I'm Ignis, nice to meet you!"
"Y-Yeah..." agreed the woman hesitantly. "I'm Tiana...Now, this may sound rude, but I certainly did NOT wish for a cricket. The frog prince thing I can...somewhat question and kinda make sense of, but I certainly did not wish for you."
"Hey, I was just following that guy," assured Ignis, addressing to Naveen. "I had to make sure he didn't run into any trouble. By the way, what exactly is the whole story of the Frog Prince?"
"Oh, you never heard of it?" wondered Tiana, surprised. "Basically, it's about a prince who's been turned into a frog, and to return back to his normal, human form, the princess has to kiss him back. She does so, they get married, and everyone lives happily ever after."
"Wait, that's it? Huh, I thought there'd be more to that story," said Ignis. "Then again, there's not a lot of fairy tales where I come from."
"Yes, yes, yes! This is exactly the answer!" cried out Naveen happily, turning to Tiana with a seductive gaze. "You must kiss me.~"
Tiana looked baffled, as though she misheard him. "Excuse me?"
"Oh man, I can see where this is going," Ignis quietly commented, stepping back for space and to enjoy the front row show before her.
Naveen stood up on his two frog legs, trying to act smooth and seductive as best as he could. "You will enjoy, I guarantee. All women enjoy the kiss of Prince Naveen. Come, we pucker." As the frog prince attempted to pucker his lips, his throat suddenly bulged out, much to everyone's surprise and disgust, before it returned to normal. Retaining his composure, Naveen tried to revert what just happened by smoothly saying, "That's new."
'Yeah, that definitely ruined the moment,' thought Ignis, sticking her tongue out in disgust.
"Look, I'm sorry. I'd REALLY like to help you, but I just...do NOT kiss frogs!" shuddered Tiana, turning around with her arms crossed in a huff, rejecting Naveen's offer.
Stunned, Naveen protested, "Wait a sec! But on the balcony, you asked me-!"
"I didn't expect you to answer!" snapped Tiana.
"Oh, but you must kiss me! Look, besides being unbelievably handsome, I also happen to come from a fabulously wealthy family. Surely, I could offer you some kind of reward? A wish I could grant, perhaps? Yes?"
From Tiana's hesitant behavior and movements, she seemed tempted by Naveen's offer. "...Just...one kiss?"
"Just one. Unless you beg for more," promised Naveen, licking his lips.
'...Is it bad that I wish I had some popcorn?' thought Ignis, silently watching as she glanced back and forth between both the human and the frog.
Tiana winched, as it was clear she was both disturbed and not wanting to do a simple task. Still, if it was just one simple thing for her dream, she'd be willing to do it. As Tiana puckered up and slowly moved in for the kiss, she opened her eyes and saw the revolting, disgusting appearance of Naveen attempting to kiss her with his big, froggy lips.
Shrieking in disgust, Tiana nearly gagged and vomited out of disgust before quickly calming herself. "Okay, Tiana! You can do this! You can do this!" muttered Tiana, taking a couple of deep breaths. "Just a little kiss, just a little kiss! Okay!"
Having inhaled a deep breath and squeezing her eyes shut tightly, Tiana whirled around and smashed her lips against Naveen's.
The magic coming from Naveen's frog form swirled around the two in combination of a bright light and smoke, causing Ignis to shield her eyes to avoid being blinded. When she opened them back up once the magic lightshow faded, she opened her mouth to congratulate the two, but instead, she saw Naveen was still a frog, and Tiana was nowhere to be seen.
"Uh...Naveen? Where's Tiana?" asked Ignis, receiving a shrug from the still frog prince. Both glanced down from the edge of the table and saw only Tiana's dress and her tiara remained, along with an unknown, moving figure squirming around inside the dress. Once the mysterious figure, revealed to be Tiana, finally got freed from the dress, Ignis gasped. "Oh...Oh...Ohhhhh….Yikes."
"You don't look that much different," Tiana spoke, glancing upwards. "But how'd you get way up there? And how'd I get way down there in all this-" Upon spotting her...green arm, Tiana spotted her new appearance in a small hand mirror nearby.
Instead of Naveen turning into a human, Tiana herself, had become a frog.
Screaming at this new revelation, Tiana had unintentionally hopped up high enough to reach the same table Ignis and Naveen were on, understandably freaked out over her new appearance.
Both Ignis and Naveen attempted to calm down Tiana. "Hey, hey, it's okay! Just calm down!" said Ignis.
"Easy, Princess! Princess, do not panic!" cried out Naveen.
"What did you do to me?!" yelled Tiana, trying to rub the stick sensation off her body. "I'm green and I'm slimy!"
"No, no, no, no! That is not slime!" assured Naveen, trying to calm her down. "You are secreting mucus!"
"Yeah, I think that's actually a bit worse," commented Ignis, blanching from the sight of the mucus.
"You...! You...!" Letting out a frustrated cry, Tiana tackled Naveen, unintentionally also tackling Ignis in the process as the trio fell off the table, bounced off a soft pillow chair, and landed on a toy riding horse. Then, the impact of their crashing and bouncing caused a book off the shelf to slam onto the head of the toy riding horse, causing the three human-like animals to fly out of the room and out of the balcony before landing on some drums belonging to one of the performers in the party's band.
Irked with disgust at the two frogs and insect, the drummer attempted to squish them with his drumsticks, prompting the three to jump around the drums to avoid getting hit and also unintentionally causing rapid, catchy music to initiate thanks to the drummer. The catchy drum music excited the rest of the band members as they took the opportunity to add their instruments' own rhythms to the music, spicing up the party and caused everyone to dance wildly to their heart's content.
Tiana, Naveen, and Ignis ended up bouncing off one of the bigger drums and accidentally slipping into Charlotte's, the lady in pink from earlier, dress through the back of her dress collar, causing Charlotte to squirm and move around frantically, trying to get whatever was crawling on her back out of her back before slipping and falling down. Upon spotting the three animals, Charlotte let out a high-pitched scream, loud enough to catch her father's attention.
"HEY, STELLA!" hollered Charlotte's father, getting Stella the dog's attention away from eating some sugary treats off the ground. "Get them!"
"Run!" urged Naveen, grabbing Ignis and Tiana by their arms.
"I can't run, I'm a frog!" reminded Tiana as they landed on one of the dining tables.
"Does that really matter right now?!" Ignis shouted.
"Then, HOP!" encouraged Naveen before he and the other two girls made a break for it, bouncing past plates of food and glasses of wine to avoid being attacked by the dog named Stella. The trio dodged swords, more wine glasses, a costumed giraffe's head, and so forth to eventually reach a small bundle of balloons attached to the other end of the table.
"Wait, Stella!" called out Tiana as Ignis and Naveen frantically untied the balloon strings from the table to make their escape before grabbing Tiana away with them as they floated upwards at a fast pace, which was easy due to their small size and light weights. "Stella, it's me! TIANA!"
Having recognized Tiana's voice and her name, Stella cried out in shock, "Tiana?!" Her attempted capture towards them grounded to a halt as she watched the three float away along with the balloons.
The dog wasn't the only one shocked, as Tiana was also feeling the same way upon hearing the dog talk. "Stella just talked to me! The dog just spoke to me!"
"You know, if you're going to let every little thing bother you, it's going to be a very long night!" called out Naveen, expressing his annoyance as the winds guided the balloons, along with them, away from the party and into a different direction where it looked as though it was going to be stormy.
Much later that night...
"Voodoo?!" exclaimed Tiana, upon listening to how both Naveen and Ignis got turned into their current animal forms. "You mean to tell me this all happened because you two were messing with the Shadow Man?!"
"Is that what he's normally called?" wondered Ignis, surprised. She flinched whenever a raindrop popped onto her body, making her shiver in the cold temperatures of the rain. Being that she's a very smaller size than the two due to being a cricket, all raindrops were basically like taking a full force of water to her body, making her wet and cold every few seconds since it was rainy. It was taking everything out of her not to slip her hands off the balloon string and hold onto dear life.
"He was very charismatic!" defended Naveen.
"Y-Yeah, sorry about that," Ignis apologized, shivering nonstop. "I-It was my own fault in my case, and because of that, I'm now like this. I-I'm sorry you got wrapped up in all this, Tiana. Man, it is freezing!"
Tiana sighed. "It's not your fault, Ignis. I'm not blaming you. Though I'm blaming a certain someone!"
"Hey, why are you blaming me and not her?" questioned Naveen.
"She had nothing to do with the kiss nor how you ended up as a frog!" answered Tiana. "I'm blaming you for a logical reason! You said that the kiss would turn you human! Not the opposite around!"
"Hey, how was I supposed to know THIS would happen? This has never happened! The kiss was supposed to make my handsome self human again!"
Tiana groaned, deciding there was no point arguing further on what had happened back with the kiss. "It serves me right for wishing on stars. The only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work!"
"Hard work? Why would a princess need to work hard?" wondered Naveen, chuckling as though it was a joke.
Glancing around the swamp-like environment below them to search for a safe place to land, Tiana noticed Naveen's question and turned to him. "Huh? Oh! I'm not a princess. I'm a waitress."
"A waitress?! Well, no wonder the kiss did not work! You LIED to me!"
"No, I never said I was a princess!"
"You never said you were a waitress!" reminded Naveen angrily. "A waitress! You-You were wearing a crown!"
"It was a COSTUME party," corrected Tiana. "You spoiled little rich boy!"
"Oh, yes? Oh yes? Well, the egg is on your face, all right? Because I do not have any riches!"
"What?!"
"I am COMPLETELY broke! Ahaha!"
'Jeez, they're acting like an old married couple,' thought Ignis before hearing a strange popping sound. She glanced up, and to her horror, she saw the balloons, the same ones providing as their flying transportation, popping one by one.
"You said that you were fabulously wealthy!" accused Tiana.
"No, my parents are fabulously wealthy!" corrected Naveen.
"Uh...guys?" called out Ignis, only to be ignored by Tiana and Naveen as they continued their argument.
"You're broke, and you had the galls to call ME a liar?!" shouted Tiana.
"It was not a lie!" Naveen argued. "I fully-"
"Guys?!"
"What?!" Both frogs looked at Ignis with annoyed, frustrated expressions until they quickly realized the problem involving the balloons popping, which was down to one. Now none.
Cue the screaming as they were plummeting down from the air into the water below. Luckily, the water wasn't that deep, but Ignis ended up twisting and gasping for breath, struggling to even do a simple doggy paddle due to her smaller body until Tiana helped her up by picking her up and placing her on a floating tree branch.
Before Tiana and Naveen could resume their argument, they were interrupted by a huge fish leapt out from the water, very close to gulping them up. Hurriedly, the trio rushed out of the water and into safe land, where the fish couldn't get them. Their troubles weren't quite over, as a huge bird loomed over them with its wings spread as it swoop down to devour the three.
"RUN!" screamed Tiana, grabbing Naveen and Ignis and narrowly avoiding the bird's beak as it penetrated the dirt spot they were standing on before.
"I full intend to be rich again!" exclaimed Naveen hastily as he and the other two were running for their lives while trying to dodge the beak attacks from the predator bird. "Once I marry Miss Charlotte La Bouff! If she'll have me!"
"You're a prince?" asked Tiana in disbelief.
"Obviously!"
"Then, she'll have you!"
While trying to avoid the predator bird and running aimlessly in the dark night, the three failed to see the trail ending as the ground disappeared under their feet, making them slid thought a muddy hill before flipping into the air and landing painfully on top of a log.
"All right, then," panted Tiana breathlessly. "Once you two are married, you are going to keep your promise and get me my restaurant, right?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not so fast!" interrupted Naveen, still upset over Tiana's trickery. "I made that promise to a beautiful princess, not a cranky wai-why are those logs moving?"
Both Tiana and Ignis followed Naveen's gaze as they peered a little bit closer before realizing the logs were actually alligators slowly creeping up to them in all directions, blocking off any signs of exits elsewhere. Suddenly, the log they were standing on shifted and was revealed to also be another alligator; its predatory gaze on the trio as it bore a huge grin, ready to devour them.
"I've got dibs on the big one!" said the alligator before diving in to chomp them.
Her heroic instincts driving her forward, Ignis summoned her Keyblade, clamped it down on her mouth, and leapt up to face the larger and scarier alligator. Being quicker, she delivered the first blow, swiftly striking it in the stout which causing him to yelp in pain and back off a little, placing its hands on its stout.
"Run! Hurry!" cried out Ignis, already leaping and dodging the other alligators' ferocious attacks that were now targeting her.
"But-!" protested Tiana.
"I'll hold them off! Get to safety!"
With no time for further debate, Tiana and Naveen took the chance to escape while leaving Ignis to deal with the alligators. Ignis knew that she couldn't fight all of them, at least not in her current state, for if she could, she would have ended this with a simple Thunder spell. Come to think of it...
After hopping around and trying her best not to be swallowed up by one of the alligators' huge jaws and sharp teeth, Ignis landed on the side of an open tree trunk, raising her Keyblade. "THUNDER!"
The only thunder that came was from the natural forces of natures; from the thunderstorm. Yet no lightning bolts struck down on the water and shocked the alligators.
"Damnit, why isn't my magic working?!" cried out Ignis, waving her Keyblade back and forth as though it was broken. At the very least, the alligators were still fixated on their current spot and thinking that Ignis was still near them, hopping around, when in reality, she was just at the tree trunk.
Alongside Naveen.
"Psst!" Naveen hissed to Tiana, who had hid herself inside the tree trunk. "Lower the vine!"
"Find your own tree!" hissed back Tiana.
Ignis, who knew that due to her cricket form, can jump to high lengths, leapt up high enough to reach one of the dangling vines. Tiana, spotting Ignis, assisted her by pulling up the vine and helping her to safety.
Before Naveen could protest how unfair the action was, the alligators spotted Naveen after figuring out that their prey wasn't anywhere. "There he is!"
"I see him! I see him!"
"All right, look!" pleaded Naveen, seeing as the alligators were slowly but dangerously swimming closer as the seconds ticked by. "Help me get out of this swamp, and once I marry Charlotte, I shall get you your restaurant!"
"Mmm! You're gonna taste so good basted and battered and fried!" one of the alligators chuckled darkly before clamping his jaws onto Naveen. It would have been the last sight Naveen would have seen, if it were for Tiana and Ignis' quick rescue by granting him access to the vine.
"Quick, pull me up!" cried out Naveen as the two girls obeyed hurriedly.
"You can hop, but you can't hide!"
"We've got all night!"
While the alligators waited in anticipation while laughing as how their prey were now cornered, Ignis, Naveen, and Tiana were now all alone inside the tree trunk. No danger, but no means of escape for the time being.
"Well, waitress, looks like we're going to be here for a while," said Naveen, wrapping an arm around Tiana. "So, we might as well get...comfortable."
Still angry with Naveen, Tiana slapped him as hard as she could, hitting him hard to cause Ignis to flinch and for Naveen to yelp painfully. "Ugh! Keep your slimy self away from me!"
Coiling in pain, Naveen complained, "I told you, it is not slime! It is mucus!"
Ignis rolled her eyes and sighed. 'Oh boy, we're gonna be here for a while.' "Tiana? Naveen?" she called out. "It's getting late, it's rainy, and it's dark out. Those alligators aren't going anywhere anytime soon, so how about we just call it a night?"
"Agreed!" said Naveen, relaxing against the smooth tree stump ground after grabbing a soft leaf blanket. "Well, goodnight, ladies!" Turning his body over to the side, he quickly dozed off, much to the annoyance of his two female animal companions.
"Wow, really, dude?" groaned Ignis before turning to Tiana. "Uh...so what now, Tiana?"
Tiana sighed. "Well, we're in a swamp, or more accurately, a bayou, there's bound to be lots of water around, so we'll have to get up extra early to build a raft."
"...What's the difference?"
"Pardon?"
"The difference. What's the difference between a swamp and a bayou?"
"Well, a swamp has lots of dry vegetation and is mostly just land and trees and not much water, whereas a bayou is like a swamp-version of a wetland."
Glancing out the tree trunk, Ignis could see not only the eerie, hungry alligators just waiting for them to come out to feast on them, but also mostly water everywhere before coming back inside. "Yeah, I guess I can see your point. I'm still calling it a swamp, though."
"Fine, fine," said Tiana. "If you're not gonna sleep right now, I reckon you help me with plans on making the raft. The faster we make the raft, the faster we find someone to help break this curse!"
"Uh, okay," said Ignis. "Let's see...we need something solid to float on, and there's a bunch of tree bark around, so how about using that?"
Tiana nodded. "That could work. We definitely need rowing paddles. That's simple enough. We'll just use some sticks. They're everywhere!"
"Okay! If we're building a raft, don't we need like, sails or something? Maybe leaves would do the trick?"
"Building the sails would take a bit of time," said Tiana. "Besides, bayous aren't that windy, so maybe a raft without sails is fine. We could just use the paddles to navigate our way through."
"Hmm...Let me try something," said Ignis, summoning her Keyblade, surprising Tiana. "Aero! Aero! Damnit, it's not working!"
"Uh...what's that?" asked Tiana, pointing to her Keyblade.
"Oh, that's my-" 'Crap! Secrecy of the worlds! I totally forgot! Think, Ignis! Think!' thought Ignis before coming up with a solution. "You see, uh...I'm a mage, which means someone magically, and good mages like me automatically have this ability where they can summon a special weapon to help them fight against the darkness! Yeah! Unfortunately, for some reason, my magic isn't working! It was working fine when I was a human, but now that I'm like this, I can't even conjure up some of my favorite spells!"
"A weapon, huh? And you say you can use magic?" wondered Tiana.
"I mean, you did kinda see me whip out my Key-er, my weapon! Hey, Tiana? Just wondering, but what happens if we encounter more of those alligators on our journey back? Last time, we got lucky and all, but if we drift on a raft in the middle of the water, we're practically huge targets!"
"Then, we'd have to abandon our raft for survival," said Tiana. "But, maybe you can help fend them off. You've got that strange weapon of yours, so that probably means you're well-trained, right?"
Ignis quickly got to what Tiana was talking about. "Oh! Okay! You want me to try and deal with any dangers that come in our way while we're on the water, right?"
"Exactly!"
"I can do that! I've been taught to use the power of the Key...of my magic to help others! So...Anything else we need for the raft? I was thinking...something cozy along the way in case we need to rest, like...a leaf couch pillow or something!"
Tiana yawned. "Fine, fine. We need to hold the raft together with some vines, by the way."
"Done! I'll take first watch, so you go to sleep first, Tiana. Good night!"
"Good night, Ignis..."
The next morning...
Naveen was snuggling close to his makeshift leaf blanket, feeling the warmth of the bright morning sunlight bathe over him when he felt something hard conk his head, waking him up. "Ow!"
"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!" called out Tiana from outside the trunk. "Gators are gone!"
Letting out a yawn, Naveen peered out from the tree trunk, spotting Ignis and Tiana tying up the ends of the raft with some vines, thus completing their raft. Ignis spreaded and made the leaf pillow on the raft as comfty as possible before picking up a thin stick and handing another to Tiana as they could both use them for paddles.
"We gotta get back to New Orleans and undo the mess you got us into," reminded Tiana as Naveen landed onto the raft and laid back against the leaf pillow casually.
"To be fair, Naveen wasn't even responsible for me being turned into a cricket," called out Ignis, rowing the raft with Tiana with their stick paddles.
"And I was not the one parading around with a phony-baloney tiara," said Naveen, snapping a twig with a small spider web at the end of it and playing it as though it was a guitar or ukulele. "Ah...Music to paddle by..."
"I could use a little help," called Tiana, mustering her strength to row the raft.
Pausing, Naveen smiled and replied, "Oh! I will a little louder." With that said, he proceeded to increase the volume as well as pick up a catchy rhythm which even Ignis found herself humming to as she rowed the raft.
Tiana sighed and turned around to reprimand him. "How about a little less picking and a-" Her gasp caught Ignis' attention as she also turned around and saw a large alligator's jaws about to consume the raft. Naveen quickly noticed something overshadowing him and jumped over to Tiana and Ignis. Both frogs clung onto each other in fear as Ignis had quickly summoned her Keyblade and guarded both frogs as the three animals screamed in fear.
What appeared to be consumption turned out to be a friendly alligator's face as he exclaimed, "I know that tune! Dippermouth Blues!"
Upon hearing a friendly tone instead of the pain of being eaten alive, Tiana and Naveen opened their eyes and somewhat relaxed...while Ignis still continued screaming despite no danger coming to harm to her and her group.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH...….aaahhhh…..ahhhhhh….." Ignis' screams started to die down when she started to realize that the alligator wasn't going to harm them.
Having assumed that all the screaming and fears were gone, the alligator took out a trumpet and started playing an upbeat tune. Recognizing the tune, Naveen gasped and dropped Tiana, shouting, "Play it, brother!" He joined in the musical tunes with the alligator, strumming his makeshift ukulele to match the rhythm with him before he hopped on top of the alligator's head just as the bigger predator fell back to land and finished the tune.
Grabbing Naveen, and instead of eating him, the alligator spun him around joyfully. "Where have you been all my life?"
"Where did you learn to play like that?" laughed Naveen happily as the alligator set him down.
"Why, the bayou's the best jazz school in the world! All the greats play the riverboats! Old Louis would give anything to be jamming with the big boys!"
"Why don't you?"
"Oh, I tried once!"
Flashback...
A band was playing a melodic, jazzy song on the ferry when all of a sudden, Louis the alligator hopped on board and finished the tune with his faithful trumpet, much to the shock of the other band members and passengers.
Louis quickly swam back to the waters and out of the ferry upon the screams of the passengers and the gunfire upon him as he made his escape.
"...It did not end well."
Having sailed the raft close to the land where Louis and Naveen were, Tiana bounced off to retrieve Naveen while Ignis waited by the raft. "Uh-huh. It has been a real pleasure meeting you, Louis," said Tiana, grabbing Naveen by the hand and dragging him along back to the raft. "And thank you kindly for not eating us, but we best be on our way!"
"Nice meeting ya, Louis! I liked your trumpet playing!" called out Ignis, waving to him.
Shocked to see his new friends leaving, Louis followed after them, asking sadly, "Where-Where y'all going?"
"To find somebody to break this spell," answered Tiana as she and Ignis began paddling.
"What spell?"
"Brace yourself, my scaly friend!" spoke Naveen dramatically. "We are not frogs!"
"Or cricket," pointed out Ignis.
"Or cricket! We are...humans!"
Louis stared, stunned...until he exploded with laughter, finding the notion ridiculous as he toppled onto his back until he realized that no other laughter came besides from him. "...Y'all serious?"
"I am Naveen, Prince of Maledonia!" introduced Naveen proudly. "That red cricket over there is...um...Well, her name is very difficult to remember-"
"My name is Ignis!" said Ignis happily while rowing the raft. "Nice to meet ya, Louis!"
"And that over there is Tiana, the waitress!" Naveen then inched closer to Louis and whispered softly, "Do not kiss her."
Tiana gasped before throwing down her stick and marching forward to correct the issue. "Now, just a second! This goon here got himself turned into a frog by a voodoo man, and now-"
"Voodoo?!" exclaimed Louis, dropping his trumpet and trembling in fear, glancing his eyes back and forth as though there were dark forces around. "Like the kind Mama Odie do?"
"Mama Who-dee?" wondered Naveen, confused.
"Mama Odie! She's the voodoo queen of the bayou! She got magic and spells, all kinds of hoodoo!"
"If she's got magic, then maybe she can change us back!" said Ignis excitedly. "And then I can get my magic back! Yay!"
"Can you take us to her?" asked both Naveen and Tiana simultaneously.
Louis gasped. "Through the deepest, darkest part of the bayou? Facing razor-sharp pricker bushes and trappers and hunters with guns?"
"...So, is that a yes or...?" started Ignis.
"No." Louis then slid down against a tree and started playing his trumpet again.
"Great, now what?" Ignis asked to both Naveen and Tiana, who shrugged her shoulders.
Naveen, however, had a brilliant idea based on his confident expression. "Watch and learn, ladies. Louis!" Approaching the trumpet-playing alligator, Naveen leaned against the nearby tree, checking his hand. "It is too bad we cannot help you with your dream. If only you were...smaller! Less toothy! You could play jazz to adoring crowds without scaring them." Knowing he had Louis by the sound of the alligator no longer playing, Naveen began to leave. "Anyway, enjoy your loneliness, my friend!"
"Do you think that's all it's gonna take to convince the big guy?" wondered Ignis.
Crossing her arms, Tiana looked unimpressed. "Cute, but it's not gonna-" Naveen raised one finger, interrupting her right before the big alligator came rushing up to them with excitement spread all across his body.
"HEY, GUYS! I JUST HAD ME A CRAZY IDEA!" exclaimed Louis, practically jumping up and down with joy. "What if I ask Mama Odie to turn me human?"
"Huh, for a sec, I thought you were gonna use reverse psychology on him," Ignis muttered.
"Louis! You are a genius!" praised Naveen, grabbing both Tiana and Ignis before hopping to the top of Louis' head.
"Hallelujah!" cried out Louis happily before jumping into the water, now being their escort as well as their new raft.
"Aww..." complained Ignis as she watched the destroyed remnants of the raft she and Tiana made float away. "And we woke up early in the morning to make that! I even had a leaf pillow ready for rest later!"
Naveen shrugged. "At least we have a strong and handsome gator for our new raft! Now we no longer have to worry about any predators as long as we have him!"
Laying on his back as he swam, Louis began playing an upbeat tune to not only pass the time, but entertain his new friends.
When We're Human
Composed by: Randy Newman
Sung by: Louis (Michael-Leon Wooley)
Tiana (Anika Noni Rose)
Naveen (Bruno Campos)
"If I were a human being,
I'd head straight to New Orleans!
And I'd blow this horn so hard and strong
like no one they've ever seen!"
As Louis stepped out from the water and into the land, he started dancing around and continued singing as Ignis, Naveen, and Tiana sat on the top of a turtle's shell, watching his performance while being entertained.
"You've heard of Louis Armstrong!
Mr. Sidney Bechet?
All those boys gonna step aside
When they hear this old ex-gator play!
Listen!"
"Oh, yeah!" said Naveen happily as he listened to Louis increasing the flow and rhythm of his trumpet solo. To join in the fun, Naveen started playing his makeshift ukulele to play alongside Louis as the turtle they were sitting on began swimming towards Louis' direction. The large alligator was swinging in a circular motion over and over, hanging on a tree branch with his tail until the tree branch could no longer support his weight, and he accidentally fell and splashed all over his friends.
Having recovered quickly, Louis rescued his friends by having them sit on the top of his head before having them slid down to his tail.
"When I'm human,
as I hope to be,
I'm gonna blow this horn
'Til the cows come home,
And everyone's gonna bow down to me!"
He began dancing around on a log, using the turtle as a top hat before tossing it aside onto a tree branch as though it was a coat rack. Louis bowed his head numerous times as though addressing to a large audience. "Thank you! Thank you! Aw, thank you! I love you too, baby!"
When his turn came, Naveen was more than eager to show off his musical talents as they traveled past a small field of hanging flowers from some trees. Strumming up his ukulele, he proceeded to impress his friends as he sang, tossing up some flowers as though they were confetti.
"When I'm myself again,
I want just the life I had!
A great big party every night!
That doesn't sound too bad!"
A bunch of colorful butterflies flew downwards to join in the fun, attracted by the musical performance and mostly by Naveen the frog prince's charm, joining him by dancing.
"A redhead on my left arm,
A brunette on my right!
A blond or two to hold the candles!
Now that seems just about right,
Eh, Louis?"
The butterflies carried Naveen through flight and helped him land on top of Louis as Ignis and Tiana scrambled to catch up to the two.
"Life is short,
When you're done, you're done!
We're on this earth
To have some fun!
And that's the way things are!"
"Tell it, brother!" Louis said, stepping on a tree root platform before proceeding to play his trumpet to move into the next set of lines as Naveen sang.
"When I'm human,
and I'm gonna be,
I'm gonna tear it up like I did before
And that's a royal guarantee!"
Seeing Naveen flirting shamelessly with a bunch of butterflies, Tiana finally caught up and started waving the butterflies away with her stick. "You are gettin' married!"
"Oh, right," groaned Naveen before waving at the butterflies, who sighed happily as they fluttered away. "I just have to leave a string of broken hearts behind me!"
Grabbing his makeshift ukulele and throwing it aside in replacement for another paddle-like stick, Tiana handed it to him before grabbing another stick and proceeding to paddle while singing.
"Your modesty becomes you,
And your sense of responsibility!
I've worked hard for everything I've got!
And that's the way it's supposed to be!"
Deciding to play around, Naveen snapped the stick in half and used it as drumsticks to play on Louis' scales while Tiana started maneuvering around the bayou with assistance from Ignis, bypassing every obstacle along the way such as tree branches, or avoiding rocks that would block their path.
"When I'm a human being,
at least I'll act like one!
If you do your best each and every day,
good things are sure to come your way!
What you give is what you get!
My Daddy said that,
And I'll never forget!
And I recommend it to you!"
"Naveen, would you quit fooling around and help me and Ignis row around?" Tiana scolded.
Naveen sighed, pouting. "Why are you always so nice and supportive towards our dear cricket friend, anyways?"
"Because, unlike you, she actually helps me!"
"Now, now, you two!" said Ignis, getting in between them before things could escalate for the worse. "How about we both enjoy and work hard at the same time?" With that said, seeing as it was her turn to sang, Ignis happily obliged.
"There's no need to fight amongst ourselves,
we're all aiming for the same goal here!
We're gonna work real hard
And have some fun!
There's no real shame in doing both!"
Having successfully separated the two frogs, Ignis assisted Tiana with the rowing, but whenever she moved onto Naveen's side, she grabbed the stick she was using as a paddle and began performing twirling techniques with it, spinning it around and around like she normally does with her Keyblade out of fun, impressing her friends.
"When I'm human,
and when I'm free,
I'm gonna travel long and far and wide,
To places that I've never seen!
When you strive for
And you have some fun,
A balance exists
Between work and fun!"
"When we're human, and we're gonna be!~" everyone sang in unison, leaning against each other.
"I'm gonna blow my horn!" To prove his point, Louis played a quick trumpet solo tune.
"I'm gonna live the high life!" sang Naveen, grabbing another makeshift ukulele and finishing his piece with a quick and catchy tune.
"I'm gonna reach for the stars and find my way home!~" Ignis summoned her Keyblade, Phoenix Fairy, and used that as a substitute for her rowing paddle after twirling it around.
"I'm gonna do my best to make my place in the sun!" finished Tiana before she and all the others were startled when they discovered Louis trapped in a tree trunk; them being all distracted with their musical singing. She then hopped to Louis' head, grabbing a stick with moss on it, and rubbed it against his nose to make the large alligator sneeze.
"When we're human!~" Tiana, Naveen, and Ignis sang together as Louis released a loud sneeze, enough to propel him out of the tree trunk and into a far distance further into the bayou with him finishing the song with one last trumpet solo.
Originally, I wanted to do more, but I'll save that for next time! The Human song is one of my favorites in the movie because it's so darn catchy! Anyways, read and review!~