So, I had my last mid-semester exam yesterday, and I've been meaning to update this story for what seems like donkey's years - I've had half of this chapter written for a while, but my muse promptly went AWOL. However, today, I sat myself down, re-read a page or two of your lovely reviews, lassoed the muse - and here you have it - my longest chapter of 2176 words.
Don't own, and don't want to either!
Tony's POV
The faint noises that made up the hospital – of gurneys trundling down corridors, the quiet hum of machinery, and the equally quiet tones of humans, fraught with a kaleidoscope of emotions - could be heard in the quiet of Room 21, though they seemed to filter through an unexplainable veil, as if the situation there was set apart somehow, and all the rules that governed rest of the world no longer applied in that lone, plain hospital room.
But of course, that was all completely fanciful thinking on Tony's part, no doubt helped along on its way by the painkillers – despite the fact they had been of a mild strength, his adverse reaction to them had been just the same.
Glancing at Gibbs out of the corner of his eye as he shifted his position on the hospital bed, trying to covertly recline without actually making any noise, Tony saw that the agent was seated in the bedside chair somewhat uprightly, eyes fixed on a point by the glass panel in the door through which yellow light spilled, the only source of illumination in the otherwise dark room.
Had it been left to Gibbs, the silence may not have been broken for some minutes to come, but Tony's stomach was unthinking of the atmosphere in the room when it rumbled loudly, effectively shattering the sombre mood.
The half of Gibbs' face that Tony could see was incredulous and the agent shifted once more, flustered.
"Well, I didn't get to eat did I?" he said defensively, before realising belatedly that the Marine had also been deprived of his dinner and adding, "And I've been through a stressful experience."
As used to as Tony was to Gibbs' silence, it was considerably unnerving to not even have facial expression (well, complete facial expression anyway) to gauge the man's reactions and thoughts by, so the young man lapsed into an awkward silence, feeling more at unease than he had in Gibbs' company in a long time.
Reaching out, he fiddled with the lever that adjusted the height of the head of the bed until it was totally horizontal, and lay back, pulling the sheet up to his chin with a shiver as his mind drifted back to the blood test. He couldn't deny the nervousness he was feeling about the results to himself, and closed his eyes with an almost inaudible sigh – he resented the way this place had the effect of reducing him to a conglomeration of highly-strung nerves – it wasn't exactly as if he was twelve anymore was it?
As if to prove his point, Gibbs' chair creaked as he changed his position, and Tony started visibly, eyes snapping open and hands curling reflexively in the blanket before he forced them to relax.
"DiNozzo?" The marine's inquiry was abrupt as he sat forward, and Tony replied quickly, "Yeah Boss?" before wincing at the loud volume of his voice in the hush of the room.
"You alright?"
"'Course – just thinking about that poor uneaten pizza," Tony's response was automatically flippant and unseen to him, Gibbs' eyes narrowed slightly. He reached out a hand silently and without warning, tapped the younger man's arm.
The upper arm beneath his finger was tense, and Tony recoiled with a cut-off cry, even as he grabbed the offending appendage and twisted.
That was before he realised it was Gibbs' hand that he had in a death grip and let it loose with alacrity.
"Just thinking about pizza DiNozzo?"
Tony watched as Gibbs moved from the chair towards the door, and belatedly realised the older man's intention when he heard the click of the light switch. Throwing his hand rather hastily over his eyes, he manoeuvred into an upright position unsteadily, feeling another shiver run through his tired body.
"What've you got to prove?" Gibbs asked abruptly, and Tony was thrown at what seemed to him a completely out-of-the-blue question.
He watched with a growing sense of panic as Gibbs span on his heel when no answer seems to be forthcoming, pulled open the door to the room and slipped out.
Mouth half-open though no words had come from it, Tony stared blankly at the door as it slowly fell to, shutting with a distinct click. Gibbs had just left him – just like that!?
But before he could do anything rash, the door re-opened and revealed Gibbs – blankets in his hands – and Tony hastily rearranged his features into a neutral expression, even as he felt a considerable amount of relief wash over him.
Gibbs' POV
"Just thinking about pizza DiNozzo?" The lead agent's tone was casually unassuming as he got up and crossed over to the light switch, flipping it on without ceremony, ignoring the faint protest from Tony as he squinted blearily, one hand thrown over his eyes.
Gibbs surveyed the brunette from where he was standing, and then shook his head a little in incomprehension at the sight of the occasional shiver of cold running through the younger man, though he had stubbornly said not a word.
Not the most patient of men at the best of times, the surge of annoyance that rose in Gibbs at the sight was immediately expressed through his terse comment of, "What've you got to prove?" before he turned around and walked out; mainly to requisition another blanket or two, but partly also because he wasn't quite confident that if he stayed in there any longer, he would be able to stop himself from saying something he would have regretted.
If he was honest with himself, Gibbs was a little more than out of his depth in this situation - and it was not fair to the younger man either, who was probably always second guessing himself with every action, as the reaction it would receive was highly dependent on the mood Gibbs was in - and that wasn't always the easiest thing to gauge; he had taken inscrutability and turned it into an art; and was pretty proud of the fact too.
But there was most definitely a part of him that wished that he hadn't made it quite so clear what the second B in his name stood for - with regards to the SFA sitting in the hospital bed anyway, and as he took the blankets from the helpful nurse with a nod of thanks, Gibbs decided that he was going to (God help him) take a page from DiNozzo's book and just say whatever came into his head.
One hand occupied with the blankets, Gibbs used his shoulder to push the door open and as he sidestepped in and let it fall closed behind him, the look he observed on Tony's face was one of such profound relief that the marine was rooted to the spot with confusion.
Then it clicked - surely Tony hadn't thought...
His well-intentioned thoughts flying out of the window, Gibbs kept his mouth firmly closed as he walked over to the bed and unceremoniously snapped out the blankets, letting them billow over the bed before they settled neatly over Tony.
"Uh, thanks Boss." The expression of gratitude was followed by an awkward pause, and then Gibbs remembered his earlier resolution and said, "No problem."
If Gibbs had not been a little disturbed by the fact that his courtesy was so unexpected that it made Tony freeze with shock, he would have found the bug-eyed expression somewhat amusing, and would've no doubt conjured up a snarky comment to caption the tableau.
As it was, he settled for sitting back in the plastic chair and saying bluntly, "Talk to me Tony."
Tony's POV
Shifting his blankets one way and then the other, not unlike a cat making itself a comfortable tangle of sheets on which to sleep, Tony looked at Gibbs somewhat warily.
To be honest, Tony wasn't sure he liked this new, let's-talk-about-things Gibbs - for the first thing, he had no idea how to deal with an openly caring vision of the marine, especially not on a day-to-day basis. And it was that fear of the unknown, of laying himself open to something that he had no estimation of that left him oscillating between the ingrained need for affection and the fear of getting hurt one time too many – he had put his trust and faith in Gibbs, but he'd rather that the older man kept his distance and let him bask in the thought that the lead agent cared, even if it were just an illusion, rather than let the man get close and then find out that he was reading into the relationship between mentor and student nuances that weren't there. And yes, Tony knew that that preference could by no means be the sign of anything healthy; he didn't need a shrink to tell him that he was just a little messed up when it came to his approach to platonic relationships.
His verbal response however, was to ask a little tentatively, "What about?"
"How about telling me about the reason you're in this hospital bed now?" Gibbs prompted.
"You mean Nicky?"
"Nope."
"Oh, you mean..." Tony closed one hand around the other under the blankets almost unconsciously and shrugged a little. "We talked about it already."
"But that wasn't all, was it - there's something else."
"What gives you that idea?" Green eyes widened innocently, but there was a clear sense of panic welling inside Tony's chest – he'd rather go through the whole nightmare discussion again, complete with coffee snorting and all, rather than discuss his insecurities – there was a line he had drawn around himself, and no-one got past that – not even Gibbs; that boundary kept him safe – a little distant, but safe.
"Tony, I'm not blind - those bags under your eyes quite blatantly show that you haven't been sleeping well since before Maddy and I almost drowned - so what is it?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Tony said firmly, adding when Gibbs opened his mouth, "and I don't need to either Boss."
The use of his title was his way of maintaining distance, but it was too late for that - Gibbs was invested in Tony, and he didn't give up on something once he'd started.
"Yeah, well - " he paused for a moment, waiting for Tony to look up in expectation, and then in a movement as sudden as pulling off a verbal Band-Aid, he threw open his well-built defences and said, "I need you to talk about it."
"You don't have to talk about it ever again, and I won't mention it - but I can't watch your six if I don't know what's going on Tony, and that's something I won't accept."
There - he had said it; now it was up to Tony.
Said man's face drained of its colour. "Gibbs..." he muttered, and the word seemed to be protest and plea rolled into one. "I can't."
"Why?"
"I just can't, okay? You have to leave it at that, or...or..." A deep breath and suddenly the green eyes were shaded, hidden, and for a second Gibbs was reminded irresistibly of a stray animal withdrawing into the shadows as Tony pulled away, a glance darting towards the door, "or you have to leave."
Shock made Gibbs speechless, but righteous anger loosened his tongue once more, and having reached the end of his very short tether, Gibbs' inner censor disengaged and he leaned forward, eyes intense. "How long are you going to keep pushing people who care about you away huh? People who lo – "
The door opened and a nurse entered unwittingly, bearing a collapsible cot, no doubt courtesy of one Dr Pitt, and Tony's last pills of the day.
She stopped immediately as the older man sat in the bed side chair twisted around, and pinned her to the spot with a glare of such intensity that it seemed to go right through her. It was a frozen moment before the blue gaze pulled away, and the man stood abruptly to cross over to the window, body tense.
Tony mustered a smile for the nurse from God knows where, though relief perhaps played a part in it, and the fact that he took the pills without even so much as a murmur of protest and obligingly lay down at the nurse's gentle chiding that he should be resting, was a clear sign of just how unwilling he was to continue the previous conversation.
Setting up the cot with a quiet efficiency, the nurse left the room, turning the lights off at Tony's quiet request.
That was followed by silence, and turned on his side, back to Gibbs, the younger man heard soft footfalls and then a creak as the marine settled onto the cot.
"Tony, think about it...please?"
Tony's eyes were open as he listened to Gibbs, widened at the word 'please', but his lips remained stubbornly sealed.
I really hope I haven't lost those of you who've been with Reassurance from the beginning, and if you're new to this story, let me know what you think too?
~ Qalam