Chapter 11
Sara was back to herself now that Obi-Wan and Jacen were home, close to her where she knew they were safe. The young woman was walking home from dropping Artoo off at her father's X-wing while Luke was spending the evening with Obi-Wan. As she walked home from the spaceport, some security guards were chasing some kids down the skyway. She watched them run around the corner and out of sight when she ran into someone in front of her.
"Oh I'm sorry, I-" she paused after she saw who she ran into. It was Kyp. "Hi," surprised to see him.
"Hi," he smiled back at her. "How are you doing?" She sensed that he was just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.
"I'm doing better," she answered, unsure how to react at seeing him.
"Are you headed home?" he asked hopefully.
"Yeah," she answered hesitantly.
"Can I walk you home?" he asked awkwardly.
Sara didn't want to say yes but she couldn't bring herself to say no. "Sure."
They walked down the hall in silence. "So how are you doing?" Kyp asked again, trying to ease the awkwardness between them.
"Good," she said, "very good."
"Do you still sing?" he tried to make friendly conversation as they walked.
"Yes and no. I sang when we lived on Tatooine, but not since-"
"We?" Kyp interrupted with a smirk on his face. "You lived with another guy on Tatooine?"
Sara turned bright red at his question. She wasn't ready to tell him about her son yet, but she didn't want to lie to him either. "Yeah," she stuttered nervously. "Obi-Wan, his name is Obi-Wan," she added quickly and she left it at that, letting Kyp think whatever he wanted. There was more awkward silence as they continued to walk to Sara's apartment. When they arrived Kyp looked at Sara.
"Do you still want to meet with me some time?" he asked, breaking the silence.
"Yes." She couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with him as she played nervously with the ring that Jacen had given her.
"When?"
"Soon," she answered quickly. "There is something that I do need to tell you, but I still need more time."
"Fair enough," Kyp nodded "You let me know." As Kyp walked away, Sara let out a sigh of relief. The young women walked inside her family's apartment, relived that this encounter was over.
She wandered slowly over to her bedroom to find Jaina was sitting at her piano. She was paging threw Sara's journal that was sitting on the bench to her sound synthesizer. "Is there anything I can help you find?" Sara asked her softly.
"Sara," Jaina closed the journal quickly surprised to see the owner in the doorway. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been snooping."
"It's okay." Sara smirked at surprising a Jedi like that. "I wouldn't leave it out if I didn't want anyone to read it." Sara walked over to the sound synthesizer and sat on the bench next to Jaina. "Is there anything you want me to play for you?"
"Yes, there is." Jaina got up from the bench so the performer could have some room to play. "I heard you sing this song when Jacen was missing and you were…" she really did know what to call Sara's condition at the time. "It was really pretty, like a lullaby, but sad."
"You heard that?" Sara asked shyly, knowing exactly what song she was talking about.
"Yeah, it was really pretty. I couldn't listen to the whole thing with Anakin dead and Jacen missing, it hurt too much. But I think I'm ready to hear it now that one of my brothers is back."
Sara placed her fingers on the keys of the sound synthesizer and gently started to push individual keys to make the lullaby come alive and slowing she started singing.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
Jaina closed her eyes, remembering the horrifying day she'd lost both her brothers. Losing them had driven a nail through her heart and she wondered if she would ever be whole again.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Jaina couldn't remember a day that her twin brother wasn't there in her life, right beside her. Learning together, fighting together, and living life together. He was always there. As she stood next to Sara, the Jedi could feel tears slowly creeping into her eyes.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still hate all of me
As Sara preformed, she noticed Jacen walk in to the bedroom slowly looking for his twin sister. The young man stood next to his twin and put his arm around her. Jaina wrapped her arms around his waist as tears started flowing down her cheeks. The two of them just stood there, listening to the rest of the song. Sara smiled at the one she loved when she remembered a kiss he had stolen once when her son was not looking, reminding her of a time when she didn't have to worry about the troubles around them, and their love was still so new and alluring.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
The singer turned back to the keyboard, not wanting to look at Jacen as she sang about how he'd haunted her when he was missing.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
Sara's words struck a chord in Jaina. She clung on to her brother tightly and buried her face in his shoulder. Jacen just held his twin sister, trying to comfort her as she let go of her emotion.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Sara slowly finished playing her song, and turned and looked at Jaina and Jacen as they stood there watching her. Jaina finally let go of her brother as Sara stood up from the bench she sat on. The two girls hugged. "Thank you, Sara. It's just so pretty and yet so sad," Jaina spoke as she wiped her tears away.
"Jag is here; he wants to see you," Jacen remembered why he came in to the bedroom, giving her one last hug, and Jaina turned to leave the room.
"That was really good, Sara." He sat on the bench, taking Sara's hand softly and lightly pulled her on to his lap.
"But you don't like it," she assumed, feeling his uneasiness.
"No, I do like it." He searched for the right words to say. "It's just that I hate that I put you through that." He kissed her softly on the cheek as he pulled her closer to him. "I never want to hurt you like that or see you hurt."
"I missed you so much." She rested her head on his shoulder. Jacen kissed her on the forehead.
Jacen thought back to his captivity under the Yuuzhan Vong and his wanderings on Coruscant. "When I was on Coruscant, I could only think of you and Obi-Wan. When it hurt so much I thought I would die, I thought of you both. They asked me why I hung on for so long and why I would fight so hard." Jacen could see tears form in her eyes, and they were forming in his too. "I told them, "love is why I hang on." The handsome Jedi paused for a minute. "There was this crazy man who put this image in my head of you…" he could barely say the word, "dead." Sara didn't need to see the image to know that it truly scared him. "I can't get it out of my head. I can't get his voice out of my head." He looked at her sincerely. "I promised myself that I won't let anything happen to you or Obi-Wan. I will protect you."
Sara put her hand on his stubbled cheek, feeling the warmth that he radiated. She had never imagined loving someone so much as did right now. The young woman suddenly pulled him quickly to her until his lips were entangled with hers.
***
Jag watched Jaina emerge from the bedroom and noticed that her eyes were a bit puffy. "Is everything okay?" He spoke softly while looking at her with concern as she walked up to him.
Jaina smile at him brightly through her sad composure. "Yeah, I'm fine," she greeted him with a warm hug. "Sara just played a really sad song for me," she explained. "I thought we were meeting at the base." She wondered why the handsome pilot had made his unexpected visit.
"I know." He looked at her and felt his nerve start to shake and stomach start to knot up, but on the outside maintained his composure. "I thought we could walk together."
The female Jedi blushed at the thoughtful gesture. "Okay, I'll get my stuff."
He watched her leave the room, then hung his head in disappointment with himself. Since Sara had suggested that he tell Jaina about the time they had shared together when he was in the Academy, the pilot couldn't stop thinking about it. He was scared of the way she would react when she found out that his heart had been broken; it scared him more than facing a thousand Vong ships by himself. He was scared he would lose her.
Jaina walked back into the room carrying her bag, and together they walked to the military base. As they walked down the unpopulated sky tunnels the young Jedi could feel the anticipation in her companion. "What's going?" she asked Jag.
Jag waited until a pedestrian walked pass them before he answered. "Nothing serious."
"Come on, Jag, there has to be something going on if you wanted to walk me to the base," she prodded as they slowly approached the base entrance. Jaina was having a hard time reading her fellow pilot; his posture was very formal but he spoke hesitantly.
"Well, there is something I want to tell you." Jag paused again to let another passerby walk past them. "I just don't know where to begin."
"How about from the beginning," she teased.
Jag rolled his eyes trying not to lose his focus from the joke. "Well, you remember when we were talking about my brother and I mentioned the girl I was trying to help?"
"Yeah, you didn't say much about her." The couple walked into the base security door.
"I saw her awhile ago." Jag paused, waiting for Jaina's reaction as he built up the nerve to tell her the identity of the girl who had broken his heart when he was young, but the nerve was lost when he saw the third member of their team heading their way, and he knew he had to end the conversation now.
He turned to face Jaina. "I really like you," he spoke quickly before Kyp came too close. "I don't want to lose you like I lost her."
Jaina smiled and turned pink from the assurance that Jag would always be by her side. "Really?" The young pilot wanted to throw her arms around him and give a big kiss, but knew that it was not appropriate in public.
"Yeah," he smiled back at her as he hid his disappointment in himself.
"Hey, Jaina, hey, Jag. You two ready to hit the skies?" Kyp walked up to the couple.
"You bet," Jaina answered as she watched Jag turn away from her. The three headed to their individual ships to scout out the area around Ebaq 9.