Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.

Alfred yawned, eyes drooping, face resting on his palm. He hated slow nights. He was tempted to buy the few customers that mingled around the bar a round of drinks himself, just to have something to do.

He perked up in excitement, all ready to go, when the door swung open. He deflated slightly at the sight of the very familiar blond who strolled in. But not too much, it wasn't often his brother visited him at work.

"Well look who's here!" Alfred said with a grin. "The most handsome man in all the world. Can I see some ID?"

"Ha." Matthew sat at the bar, and Alfred poured him a soda. "Last time I was here, I could barely get to the bar."

"Yeah, sometimes it seems like there's no in-between."

Matthew glanced around at the drinking customers, then sipped at his own drink. "So a funny thing happened. I was wondering if you knew anything about it."

"What's up, bro?" Alfred leaned against the bar, stifling another yawn.

"I thought you said you weren't exhausted anymore!"

"Doesn't solve boredom on slow nights." Alfred shrugged. "So what's up?"

"Oh." Matthew pulled a receipt out of his pocket and shoved it at Alfred. "That."

He blinked at his twin, then held the receipt up to study. "You bought books. They sound dreadful."

"And expensive," Matthew added.

"Yeah."

"Yet it didn't cost me a dime."

"Oh." Alfred froze. "Ohh..."

Matthew's eyes narrowed. "So you do know about that?"

"Heh, right." Alfred tossed the scrap of paper down beside Matthew's mug. "I just wasn't sure how to tell you. Even though it's good news! Not something bad. Just kinda... Idunno. Weird?"

"Alfred, why are my school supplies paid for?"

Alfred glanced toward the nearest customer, who was staring at a cute chick in the corner and not paying them the slightest attention. Probably. "Not just supplies. All of school."

"All of school?" Matthew stared at him, as if Alfred had just announced he wasn't actually from Earth. "Like, all of it? Like, someone's giving me a hundred grand or so?"

"Like a scholarship," Alfred said, nodding.

"I didn't win any scholarships! From where?"

Alfred picked up a rag and a mug that really didn't need cleaning. "Ivan."

"What?"

"Ivan. My Ivan."

Matthew tilted his glasses up to rub his eyes. "Your boyfriend is paying for me to go to school... How?"

"Pff, he can afford it." Matthew didn't say anything, and Alfred finally glanced up. "I told you he was insanely rich, didn't I?"

"Nooo..."

"I'm sure I did."

"No..."

"Oh." Alfred coughed. "Well he is. Really really rich."

"And you... asked him to-"

"No!" Alfred exclaimed, gaining the attention of a couple patrons. He hunched over with a sheepish look, waiting for them to lose interest. "No, of course not. He kind of insisted. It was part of his forcing me to quit one of my jobs deal."

Matthew's expression was growing a little panicked. Alfred imagined that's what he looked like when he had that conversation with Ivan. "We can't let him do that!"

"I know. If you want to try arguing with him, go ahead. It isn't possible."

Matthew scowled. "Oh? Your boyfriend always gets his way?"

"Eh! Nooo, it's not like that! Normally we agree on things and, you know, normal couple stuff. But if he really decides on something, there's no arguing with him. He was determined to get me to quit a job after I collapsed and-"

"After you what?"

"Oh. Heh. Different story, Matt. Anyway, yeah. He's insisted on paying for your education."

Matthew gaped. "We can't let him do that!"

"I know..."

"I barely know him!"

"I know." Alfred wasn't really sure what to say. "I don't know what to do, though. It is helpful, and he'd be mad if we said no."

Matthew stared at him for another long moment, expression morphing from freaked out to horrified to helpless acceptance (or so Alfred chose to believe). "God..." Matthew rested his face on the bar. "This is crazy."

Alfred patted his head. "I know."

"And you're keeping things from me..."

"Oh." Alfred flinched guiltily. "God, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you about this—I mean, it's not like it was going to stay secret—but I wasn't sure how."

"And were you planning on telling me you collapsed?"

"Um. No. But you'd have worried!"

"No kidding..." Matthew straightened up. "I can't believe you never told me he was rich. You've told me about his eyes and his smile like fifty thousand times."

Alfred shrugged. "It wasn't important."

"You've told me about parts of his body I didn't need to know about fifty thousand times..."

"You seemed interested at the time!"

Matthew smiled, and Alfred finally relaxed. He wasn't mad! And he wasn't going to argue. "Well, mystery solved, I guess... I should get back home."

Alfred nodded. "Seeya in the morning, Mattie. Oh, score, someone wants a refill."

A man approached the bar with empty mug in hand, setting it down. He paused to stare at the brothers.

"Nah, you're cool." Alfred grinned. "Not seeing double, you can still drink."

How had this happened? How? What deity had Ivan pissed off?

Okay, so he did know how this had started. Alfred had met Toris and Eduard and liked them, that was how it had started. And they had liked Alfred back. And tried getting everyone together to hang out from time to time.

Then some future plans got out where Alfred could overhear, which Ivan would have really preferred he not.

Alfred wanted to go with him.

The argument was now a blur in Ivan's mind, but Alfred had somehow won.

And now Ivan found himself confronting Gilbert Beilschmidt. It was time once again for The Talk. "You owe me two favors."

The albino cringed. "Yeah, I remember agreeing to that, because I am apparently insane..."

"I am calling one in."

"Already?" Gilbert straightened, blinking. "Well, all right. What is it?"

I am here for your... grand opening."

"I can see that."

Ivan cleared his throat. "I am here with a... friend. Who is not associated with us. He knows nothing about what we do. It will stay that way." How many times was he going to have this conversation in the future? "I will do whatever it takes to keep him from finding out," he added.

Gilbert would probably have paled, if he really could. "I'm not gonna tell him!"

"It is not you strolling up and telling him I worry about. It is idle comments made that he overhears. That is how he ended up here in the first place..."

"I won't say a thing! Tonight, it's all business." Gilbert turned to leave, but paused to glance back at Ivan. "Then we'll be back down to one favor again?"

Ivan nodded.

"Right! My ol' perfectly legal friend Ivan Braginsky is here to see my awesome club!"

"Beilschmidt..."

Gilbert hurried off.

Now Ivan just had to worry about someone else in the club recognizing him. He would just have to hope that men in there would not be interested in chatting with the other patrons. Oh, and he just had to worry about Gilbert being an idiot and slipping up.

Ivan did not like Alfred getting more involved in his work. It was getting to be scary and nerve-wracking. The only reason his little secret had lasted as long as it had was because Alfred was so cheerfully naive, but how long until Alfred was confronted by undeniable evidence?

"Come on." Ivan collected Alfred, hoping to get the night over with as quickly as possible.

Why had he agreed to this again?

Why did Alfred have to be excited?

"Yeah, let's go!" Alfred tugged on his sleeve. "I don't want to miss the show."

Ivan coughed. "It's... it's ongoing."

"Oh yeah? Well, I haven't been to a place like this before."

"Good!"

"You're the one taking me." Alfred grinned.

"It was your idea. I'm only going for a... friend."

Alfred laughed, clinging to Ivan's arm as they walked into The Red Rose. True to its name, roses and the color red in general featured prominently in the décor. It made Ivan wonder just what The Dollhouse looked like. It looked somewhat higher class than the average strip club, with leather chairs and tasteful decoration, at least.

"Right this way, boys," Gilbert said, reappearing at their side. "Welcome to my awesome new club! And who is this?"

Ivan gave him his best 'stay the hell away' look, but Alfred cheerfully introduced himself. "Ivan has the coolest friends! Are those your real eyes?"

"No," Gilbert said smoothly. "I lost mine in battle. These came from a poor white rabbit who should have stayed out of the road."

"Really?"

"They're my eyes." Gilbert patted the boy on the shoulder. "I saved the best seats in the house for you!" He gestured to a table right beside the stage. Great. They sat down in the offered seats, and Ivan glared Gilbert away.

"So do I stuff dollars down their underwear?" Alfred asked, looking up at the nearby dancing girls. "Or is this place more classy?"

Ivan shook his head. "I don't know. I would imagine tips are appreciated."

"Oh hey, she's taking her top off!"

"Indeed." Ivan eyed his lover. "You seem to be enjoying this, considering..."

Alfred winked. "Don't be silly. You say you like sunflowers, right? And think they're pretty?"

Ivan blinked. "Yes?"

"Doesn't mean you want to date and screw them." Alfred turned back to the stage.

Okay then. A waitress soon stopped by their table, and Ivan ordered his usual.

"I'll have, uh... Coke," Alfred said.

Ivan stopped the waitress before she could leave. "Don't be silly. Bring him a beer."

Alfred coughed. "Um, you know I'm not-"

"Don't worry about that."

It didn't take much persuasion. "All right, beer it is!" Alfred grinned at Ivan. "Man, I can't wait until my next birthday."

Ivan returned his grin with a smile. "You have one more birthday after that until you can legally drink everywhere."

"Oh, I know. I just can't wait until it's summer."

"Al..."

"Hmm?"

Ivan shook his head helplessly again. "You are cute."

Alfred gave him another grin, then turned his attention back to the stage. He waved some money in the air, luring one of the strippers closer.

It was going to be a long night. Ivan was starting to regret waiving one of Gilbert's favors.

So the night wore on, involving a lot of gyrating hips and bouncing breasts, but at least it did not involve anyone noticing Ivan. Gilbert occasionally swung by to check on them, but he seemed more interested in chatting with Alfred. Not that that was a good thing, but better than chatting with Ivan and letting things slip, at least.

God help him, they seemed to be getting along.

Ivan was almost glad when Alfred started to appear bored, the novelty of visiting a strip club finally wearing. He was just about to suggest they leave when Alfred stood up. "You want to go?"

"Let's do something crazy," Alfred said.

That could not be good. "What? No."

"Come on." Alfred tugged Ivan up. "You need to be a little crazy once in a while."

"No. How many beers have you had?"

"Not that many! Don't you like spontaneity?" Alfred tugged on Ivan's arm.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Come on." And to Ivan's horror, Alfred dragged him onto the stage. Grinning, Alfred started dancing with one of the girls, who simply giggled at the intrusion.

"We can't do this," Ivan hissed. "I'm leaving. Get your ass down from there! Everyone's looking."

"The bouncers aren't making a move, and I do believe that's Gilbert laughing." Alfred laughed, himself, as he danced.

Oh good. Gilbert was laughing. Ivan was going to have to kill him...

And one of the other strippers had danced closer to Ivan and was grinning at him, reaching out to stroke his scarf. "Al," he said sharply.

"You're already up here and being stared at," Alfred said. "May as well make the most of it and have a little fun!" He turned toward Ivan. "If it makes you more comfortable, you can dance with me."

"You are impossible..." Ivan attempted to dance with his enthusiastic lover, stiff in his awareness of eyes on him. How had one of the most dangerous men in the city allowed himself to be coerced into dancing on stage in a strip club? And at some point, Alfred maneuvered him into dancing with the girl, who seemed only too happy to gyrate closer to Ivan.

"All right..." Ivan said finally, tugging Alfred away from his dance partner. "These men aren't paying to watch us."

Alfred beamed at him, allowing himself to be hauled offstage. "Yeah, that's enough." And he promptly hugged Ivan.

"What's that for?" Ivan had to ask.

"I never thought that would actually work. You're so great!"

"Ah." Ivan laughed. "I don't know what you've done to me, Al..."

"I should offer you boys a job!" Gilbert said after appearing beside them again, grinning widely. He flinched away at Ivan's glare. "Or not. Just a joke!"

Ivan really wished Alfred wasn't there. "We had better leave now."

"We had fun!" Alfred added, and Gilbert winked at him.

"Come back soon," the albino said.

"Oh, you'll be hearing from me soon..." Ivan said with a smile, and Gilbert flinched again.

Ivan wasn't in the best of moods as he escorted Alfred out of the building. He had been humiliated in front of a large room of people, including fucking Beilschmidt. The music and light had given him a headache, and he hadn't gotten anything out of the deal, having to use up one of his favors because of Alfred's presence. Really, everything negative about that night had been because of Alfred...

So why was Ivan feeling warmth inside instead of anger or at least annoyance at him?

"Please!" The man was on his knees, sobbing. Ivan stepped back in disgust at the pathetic display. "Please, spare me!"

"Give me one good reason." Ivan held a gun. The bastard hadn't quite earned a vicious beating.

The man held up his shaking left hand. "I have a wife! We've only been married a month!"

"What is that to me?" Ivan asked coolly, and the man just cried. Ivan pointed the gun at his forehead, narrowing his eyes.

After a long moment of silence broken only by the occasional sniffle and sob, the pathetic fellow finally lifted his head.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, go home," Ivan growled, letting the gun drop. "Forget you ever even met me, and I had better never hear about you again."

Ivan had never seen somebody move so fast in his life.

Left alone, Ivan stared down at his gun as if he had never seen it before. Then he turned and banged his head into the wall. "What the hell is wrong with me?"