Lily didn't look forward to riding the train back to Hogwarts. She knew she'd see James. And she had no idea how to deal with him. He'd spent years, years, asking her out. And then when she kisses him, he completely rejects her.
She sighed. Apparently, when he had said he just wanted to be friends, he meant it. She would just have to embrace that. After all, she liked having him as a friend. And she shouldn't have been expecting him to want more.
Of course, she felt she had fairly good reason to expect him to want more. She clenched her teeth. Obviously he had decided she wasn't his type of girl after all. She should have figured that out from his reaction at the beginning of the summer.
She took a deep breath and walked into the station. She made directly to platforms 9 and 10 and strode through the barrier to platform 9 ¾. Immediately, she looked for Marlene. She refused to acknowledge that she also kept an eye out for a certain messy-haired boy.
She found Marlene chatting to Dorcas.
"Hi," Lily said, hugging them both. "How were your holidays?"
"Fantastic," Dorcas said. "Marlene's party was absolutely smashing. You should have seen her. She looked stunning."
Marlene waved the comment away. "Dorcas is being too kind. We missed you at the party, by the way."
Lily nodded. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there."
"Don't be silly," Marlene said. "Tell us about your holiday with Petunia."
Lily shrugged, looking away. "It was fine. As normal as can be expected, I suppose."
"I can't imagine how bad her husband's family must be," Dorcas said, commiserating.
Lily fiddled with the sleeve of her sweater. "Oh, well, I try not to think about it too much."
She saw Dorcas and Marlene exchange a look, and knew they were trying to decide if they should just drop the subject altogether.
"So, should we expect you to sit with us, or are you going to run off to join James Potter and his friends?" Marlene teased.
Lily blushed madly. "I wasn't planning on it," she mumbled.
Marlene's eyes widened. Dorcas immediately seized Lily's hand, dragging her off to a compartment.
"Spill," Dorcas said, the moment they closed the door. Marlene nodded.
Lily sat down, drawing her knees up to her chest. "It was nothing," Lily said.
"I think we'll be the judges of that," Marlene decided.
Lily laid her head on her knees. "I might have kissed him," Lily whispered. She looked up in time to see Dorcas' mouth drop open.
"Might have?" Marlene asked, voice unnaturally high.
Lily nodded, dropping her forehead back on to her knees. "It was entirely his fault," she declared. "He came over to my flat, dragging a tree, and making me decorate it, and I just . . ." she huffed out a breath.
After a moment, Lily realized neither of her friends had spoken. She looked up to see them both staring at her.
"Your flat?" Marlene asked. "I thought Petunia and her husband had a house."
Lily opened her mouth to respond.
"Please don't lie," Dorcas requested in a quiet voice.
Lily closed her mouth. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry," she said. "I just . . . I didn't want anyone to worry about me."
"We should be worried about you," Marlene shouted. "That's what friends are for."
Dorcas nodded. "There's a big difference between going home to stay with your sister on holidays and going home to an empty flat."
"And when did you even get a flat?" Marlene asked, hands on her hips.
Lily looked away. "Over the summer," she said. At the looks on her friends' faces, she rushed on to explain. "Petunia and I talked about it, and we both knew we wouldn't be happy living together. So I got a little place."
"And told James about it, but not us," Marlene pointed out.
Lily shook her head. "I didn't exactly tell him. He and his mates came into the bar I work at, and then he sort of . . . followed me home."
"Bar?" Dorcas asked.
"Followed you home?" Marlene squeaked.
Lily nodded. "I worked over the summer," she answered Dorcas' question. She turned to Marlene. "And it's not as bad as it sounds. James was just worried because there are a lot of blokes at the bar, and he didn't like the idea of me going home alone. He saw me home all summer. Honestly, it's very self-sacrificing of him. If I had realized he didn't even like me anymore, I definitely wouldn't have let him."
Dorcas looked baffled. "So, you wanted him to walk you home because you liked him?"
Lily shook her head. "No," she said. "Or at least, not at first. I just figured that since he liked me so much, he wouldn't see it as an inconvenience. But now that I know he doesn't like me, it's a whole different story. I feel terrible for making him take me home all summer."
Marlene stared at her. "Hang on. Let me get this straight. You have a flat. And you work in a bar. And James knows both these things. In fact, he regularly walks you back from the bar to your flat. And you like him. And you kissed him." She shook her head. "And I hadn't even realized we'd grown apart."
"We haven't!" Lily said emphatically.
Marlene only looked at her.
"I'm exactly the same person I was last year. Only I work over the summer – which is not unusual – and have my own flat. I'll admit there's no accounting for my feelings for James, but since he's made it perfectly clear he isn't interested, that shouldn't play into it at all."
Dorcas glanced at Marlene, and then looked back at Lily. "I think the thing is, you hid all this from us. We're not used to you acting like that. And," she glanced at Marlene again, "I guess we just don't understand why you didn't tell us."
"The bar's a little embarrassing," Lily mumbled.
"Why is it embarrassing to work in a bar?" Marlene asked.
Dorcas let out a huffy breath. "If it's Potter thinking it's menial, you can tell him where to shove his stuck up views-"
"No, it's not that. He's fine with it. Well, no, he hates it and it's probably why he doesn't like me like that anymore. But it's not because it's menial."
"Then what?" Marlene asked.
Lily blushed. "Part of the job is sort of . . . dancingonthebar," she spoke in a rush.
"Dancing on the bar?" Marlene repeated.
Lily nodded, embarrassed. "I didn't realize it was expected when I put in my CV. I was simply applying all around. But then the bartender who was getting ready to open liked me and decided to give me a shot. And, well, once I started . . . It's not as bad as it sounds," she declared. "It's like dancing at any muggle club. Only up on the bar. And you get lots of tips."
"Do you keep your clothes on?" Dorcas asked in an apologetic voice.
Lily nodded emphatically. "Of course," she said. "It's not as though we're strippers. We just dance around a lot. And, really, the women who come in dance on the bar as much as we do."
"Ok," Marlene said, obviously trying to process the information.
"Anyway, James claims he doesn't like it because he doesn't like seeing the old men drool over me, but I think it's probably more that I've marred his image of me as Little Miss Perfect."
"Is it possible you misinterpreted his reaction to the kiss?" Dorcas asked.
Lily shook her head. "I kissed him, and he pulled away and said he had to leave." She shrugged. "Not a lot of ways to interpret that."
"He didn't kiss you back at all?" Marlene asked.
Lily hugged her knees. "For a moment, right at first. But then I think he realized who he was kissing and tried to make the quickest exit possible."
Marlene and Dorcas exchanged looks again. "Well," said Marlene. "If that's the case, are you going to stay friends with him?"
Lily thought about it for a while. "I suppose so. It would be terrible of me not to want to be his friend just because suddenly I like him, when he was happy to be mine even when he liked me. Bit of a double standard. Especially given how publicly and harshly I rejected him. His reaction was at least polite."
Dorcas patted Lily on the knee. "He'll come back around," she said. "I'm not sure James Potter could function for any length of time without asking you out."
Lily sighed, pressing her forehead to her knees. "I wish he would," she whispered.