I'm going to dedicate this chapter to Eli-ko since she loves the angsty Mamoru in this scene. He comes back in another few chapters in rare form :D

So, this chapter explores the reasons why Mamoru is fighting against Serenity and the Dark Kingdom. Also, how the girls are changing to focus their lives upon Serenity. And it has my happy pretty metaphor :)

Enjoy and review.

- Lillie Bell
(next update: 15 Sept 07)

Absolution:
Picnic in the Park

Makoto cursed the small crack in the sidewalk as she struggled to maintain her balance with the large basket slung over her shoulder. The heavy thing flew over her back just as she planted her feet firmly into the ground. She slumped over the pack, both hands on the basket in case it decided to lurch forward once again. She huffed, breathing hard, as she waited for her heart to stop pounding in her ears. When she felt close to normal once again, she hefted up the pack with a grunt and headed away from the detestable sidewalk.

Her feet carried her toward the lakeshore where the girls had decided to have their picnic. After Usagi's strange episode this morning and throughout the day, they had decided to have a meeting in the park. Unfortunately, Rei was finishing up some chores and Ami was in cram school for another hour. Being the cook, Makoto had decided to just brave the day and find a spot early. Maybe laying out on the large blanket with the sun on her skin would ease her troubled mind.

The recent awakening of Mars had not quelled her worries. It angered her that she had been left out. Every one of them knew something about Serenity or Endymion but herself. She gritted her teeth, her feet sliding slightly as she climbed down a steep knoll. The little clumps of dirt sailed down the hill in silly somersaults as her thoughts continued to wander. She had been proud of her duty as a guardian. When the call came, she had willingly given her life in order to aid her princess. Granted, she had not been able to kill her assailant, but she had been able to wound him so that he could not have lived for much longer. At least, that is what she had thought before seeing Nephrite chastising the Earth prince.

Where had she failed? What was her worth as a guardian?

She set out towards a sunny patch in the sloping hill that held the lake at its base. Her jaw was clenched hard enough to bring a headache. She had fought and died, and even now it seemed to weigh very little. She did not trust this Mamoru whom Ami clung to and even Rei recognized as kin. And now she knew Nephrite, who had defeated her, was a guardian of Endymion. It seemed there was nothing she could do correctly. She wiped her arm over her eyes, feeling the uncommon glistening of tears at their corners. Ami's question from a recent afternoon came wafting through her ears as she neared the sunny spot.

Did we fail her?

Makoto looked to the side, unable to bear the sun on her face. She could not answer if her ignorance had been the cause of her failure. Her whole life was devoted to Serenity. She trained and counseled the guards on their techniques nearly every hour of the day. She did nothing but strategize how to better protect their princess. The senshi had always pushed for more soldiers, though the request fell on deaf ears. How foolish they all had been to believe a utopia had no need of diligent soldiers.

Her thoughts fell into nothingness when she came upon the clump of trees to her right. Amongst the darkness cast by the tall crowns and arching limbs, standing tall and unyielding as those lean trunks, was Chiba Mamoru, formerly the Crown Prince Endymion of Elysian, the Golden Kingdom. For a moment, she wasn't certain if the shadowed area was due to the trees or his presence. He had his back to her but that stance was ingrained in her brain: tall, proud, and weighted beyond what he could carry.

Makoto bit her cheek, her lip ticking in an urge to confront the man. She had yet to have a moment alone with him and she never was one to hide her feelings. She felt the need to voice her concerns to him and get his answers. True, it would not resolve her sense of uselessness at the moment, but it would ease the warrior spirit inside her who clamored for a release to all of her tumultuous emotions. Standing tall, the weight of the basket settling against her backside as her arm slung back to hold it there, she approached the shadowy figure.

Mamoru stared out into the lake that echoed his own hollowness. A beautiful exterior hid the emptiness within them both. There was life underneath the lake's wavering surface, just as there was life beneath his tanned skin. His blood flowed and his heart beat, yet it was not truly life. The lake had no life of her own; she was only a vessel, just as he was simply the body to hold the kinzuishou. His hands dug deeper into his pockets, wondering once more what his worth in this life was aside from fulfilling the final wishes of Endymion. Was there no room for Mamoru, the teenage boy who supposedly had his whole life ahead of him?

A spark fluttered up his spine and he did not turn to acknowledge Makoto. She stood barely a meter from his back but she had seen the way he went rigid. He knew she was there. She set her pack down on a set of tree roots jutting out of the ground. It teetered for a moment and then settled. Running a hand through her bangs, she faced the older teen once again.

Her mouth closed with unexpected shyness. What had she expected, to just voice her concerns? The thought of simply blurting out that she didn't trust him didn't appeal to her anymore. The shadowed area made her feel as though they were in a cloistered room, where one spoke in whispers and of underhanded deeds. A bough arched near her and for a moment she thought it stretched to hear what she might say to this man, its master.

The hardness fell from her eyes as she looked past him to the lake, shining in the sun. Her fingers wiggled with anxiety, feeling ten times the fool for standing there with nothing to say. Finally, with a gulp of air and a punch of gumption, she forced something out of her mouth to dispel the silence permeating the area.

"Did you love Serenity?"

He looked away from the lake, taking a few moments to overcome his surprise. Obviously, he hadn't been expecting that question. "I don't know." He swallowed, taking a deep breath before continuing. "We were both escaping our responsibilities. We were companions in that only."

His hands routed through his pockets absentmindedly. His gaze moved to the ground, thinking intently. For a moment, his eyes cleared and he shook his head before turning back to her. "We never spoke of love or even friendship."

Makoto crossed her arms, settling her weight against one hip. The cross-examination continued. "Just acquaintances? Mercury said you swore to protect her, though it seems you didn't do too well." She ignored his tremendously pained grimace. Even Mamoru couldn't hide the emotion that welled with the memory of her blood dripping onto his body. Never mind that the image haunted most of his nights. "And how do I know you didn't kill her yourself? Your generals seem to be intent on causing her harm."

"My shitennou are no longer who they once were. They did not know of Serenity before Beryl exposed her. They are on some mission to save me from the princess, a foolish crusade Beryl persuaded them to take. Now she is dead and they live to fulfill the last command she gave them. They will try to destroy Serenity. I will stop them with everything I have."

"And where do you stand in this?"

"I will protect her with my life, as I did on the Moon." But could he truly abandon his planet and his people as he had before? He was not sure if Earth could survive another thousand years of dormancy.

"Those are strong words for someone claiming to be less than Serenity's companion."

"Is it not the same devotion you feel yourself?" She jolted in shock. When Mamoru continued his voice was low and soft. "Were you not placed in her service, would you still have used your abilities to protect her?"

"Absolutely."

He smiled as his eyes took on a whimsical quality. "Is it so impossible for me to feel the same way? I will defend her because of who she is. She is the hope of this world; the hope of new life and happiness."

"Serenity or Usagi-chan?"

The smile faded. "Is her present self not forced to finish the life started by Serenity?" At her silence he sighed. "Usa will eventually awaken as you three have. She will no longer be the carefree, innocent child once Serenity's memories return. Serenity has an obligation to defeat this evil threatening us once again. Usa's pious hands will be stained with the blood of vengeance. That act will destroy her soul."

The girl's mouth thinned into a barely seen line. She had not even thought of the melding of Usagi's and Serenity's consciousnesses. It would not be like the senshi, where they had quickly continued their previous lives by guarding the small princess. Their lives were truly no different than that of a millennium ago. They lived and breathed to guard the princess, just as their lives now held little true purpose without the giggling blonde.

The senshi had gladly shouldered the weight of protecting their princess. Ami had given up studying at night. Her grades were not mediocre, but they were not the genius-level as before. She no longer dreamed of medical schools or following in her mother's footsteps. Instead, her time was spent in the control room, tracking the actions of youma and generals. Sailor Mercury was always trying to find the entrance to the Dark Kingdom. All that was left of the dreams of Mizuno Ami was her obligatory attendance of cram school.

Hino Rei had changed in a single day. The day before she had been the naïve priestess of a small shrine in Tokyo, but last night she had taken on her destiny to be Sailor Mars. Her temper became short and she fought with the ferocity of a true Martian princess. She had spent most of her time in front of the fire, looking for the rest of the events that had occurred after their deaths. Already the life of Rei had been pushed aside and Mars stood in her place.

Makoto was no exception. Though she did not act as differently and she did not have as many aspirations as Ami or as noble a life as Rei, her outlook had certainly changed. It made sense now why her family was dead. She had been alone because that was how she grew stronger. It was the Jovian way, after all. Even in the Silver Millennium, children were separated from their parents and forced to survive. It was the secret to their great strength. And she was their greatest soldier. She was the most alone.

Makoto remembered the basket of food behind them. Once she had thought of opening a flower shop or a bakery. If she would have to say she had a dream that would have been it. Being an orphan had left her with little interest in the future and now she lived only for the princess. There was nothing but Usagi that interested her any more. Even the meal she had fixed for today meant little to her. At one time she would have been happy to have someone to taste her treats. Nowadays, her mind rarely strayed from their mission.

Usagi, however, would never come to terms with what was expected of her. She would become the princess of the galaxy and save them from this recent evil. Yet, it seemed they had opened a Pandora's Box. Simply vanquishing this evil did not mean they were in the clear. Now, they were likely targets. Until Serenity, Usagi, came into the power of the ginzuishou, fiends from all over the universe would come to take its power. The same had happened to the first Serenity, and she had easily held her ground against the demons. Then the Moon Palace was erected and the utopia created. Yet, that ideal had been destroyed in one night. Centuries of fighting had not deterred all manners of evil. Makoto sighed, resigned to the fact that this was the future of the simple girl who had become more of a dear friend than a charge.

She had to admit that Mamoru was right. Just the thought of Usagi brought to mind the girl's silly chatter, or playing video games at Crown, or flitting about the lunch tables. This girl had no idea that the world rested upon her shoulders. Serenity had known since birth that she was solely responsible for the universe's peace. She had taken the weight of it as they had bowed their heads and taken their position as her guardians. It was ingrained and expected, and they all knew the trials to come.

Usagi, however, would likely collapse under the strain. She was too naïve, too innocently pure, to understand the reasons for killing. Makoto closed her eyes as tears pricked them once more. That pure soul inside Usagi, that light of love and joy of life, would be extinguished upon Serenity's awakening. They had been pleased to see their reincarnated princess smiling and blissful in this life. And, in a moment of insight, Makoto realized Usagi was this way because the weight of the world was no longer on her shoulders. Once Serenity awoke, she would no longer be the same girl they knew. She would retreat once again, as Serenity had, and the childlike schoolgirl filled with hopes and dreams would disappear completely.

"Is there no way to save them both?" she whispered without knowing she spoke her thought out loud. She felt his eyes on her and met his uncertain face. He seemed to have about as much of an answer as she did.

He went to step by her, his work shift starting soon. Impulsively, he cupped her shoulder, the thick cotton fabric of her uniform feeling strange under his large hand. She faintly caught his scent on the small breeze wafting over them. It was of warm soil and rose petals. Somehow the odor released a bit of the tension between her shoulder blades. Faintly, she registered the soft prickling of golden energy untangling the bundle her nerves had become. A soft sigh pressed from her lips as he finally moved away and up the hill.

Makoto watched his back until he was over the rise and too far to see. With a heavy mind, she collected the basket. She took a moment to enjoy the cool shade and sparkling lake spread before her gaze. She hefted the pack over her shoulder once more, feeling the woven wooden ribbons pressing ripples into her back. She turned, leaving that quiet sanctuary to make her way back into the sunny day.

As she was laying out the blanket and placing rocks at its corners, her mind wandered to the Earth king once again. Though she was still skeptical of him, and felt she would always be so, she now understood his reasons for protecting their princess. She sat on her ankles, her shins grating against the checkered fabric. Pressing a hand to her forehead, she turned her face to the sun lighting up the blue sky. She propped herself up on her palms, arching her chest. The sun warmed her skin, replenishing her.

She dropped back against the blanket, stretching out her limbs before curling her slender arms under her head. In that peaceful moment she allowed herself to ponder why Mamoru fought against his generals and the Dark Kingdom. He was trying to end this battle before Usagi was awakened. They both knew he was fighting against Time and Fate, who never lost. Yet, he continued the futile efforts. There was always the sliver of a chance he could do it. He was gambling everything on that scant possibility.

Makoto pulled the tie out of her hair, feeling the silky strands flow over her arms. She took a moment to run her fingers through it, relieving the needles on her scalp. If anything, she now understood the true reason why Mamoru fought. There were many reasons, of course. Saving the universe, making up for his inability to protect the princess and his planet in the past, and fulfilling his own responsibilities as the only king of a surviving world were on the top of the list. But most importantly, he fought for Usagi. He fought to keep her the innocent girl she was, untainted by the cruelty of the past, and to save her from the punishment of Serenity's transgressions.

He's fighting to keep Serenity sealed so Usagi would not feel the guilt of her previous sins as he did. He could not allow the dead princess to afflict her incarnation's soul as Endymion had his own.

Could he have cared for the princess when he fought against her to save Usagi?