Carys' POV
There's so much going on right now I don't know what to focus on. My mothers voice keeps coming back in small bursts. It's like my brain is being manifested by these horrible dark thoughts. All I can do when they happen is sit through them. Dr. Whitewood helped me breathe through it.
I can't believe my so called parents lied to me for my whole life, and my real parents... I just don't know how to react. I don't know if I'm angry at Ceri and Gerwyn or not. Ceri always acted as my mother figure when I went to the wild. She really helped me.
Dr. Whitewood is hooking me up to a heart monitor, in case there's something they've missed she says.
Ceri sits next to me and holds my hand. The voice has gone for now, but I'm still shaken up.
"You know, I named you Cariad, it seems Geraint and Rhiannon shortened both mean the same thing though, love. You were born to love, and born to share it with everyone you meet. Don't ever forget that." She strokes my hair out of my tear covered face. I smile at her. Jana comes into the room as Dr. Whitewood leaves. She rushes to my side like she always does.
"I'm here, are you okay?" She says.
"I'm fine for now. Ceri, can I talk to Jana alone?" I ask my new found mother.
"Of course Cariad, I'll be outside with Rhydian." She leans over and gives me a light kiss on my temple, she then does the same to Jana. I still can't shake the sinking feeling that everyone is pretending to care about me, which is what I want to talk about to Jana. Although now I know it's all in my head. I just need reassurance. She gently leans on the edge of my bed.
"You know how we can talk to each other about anything?" She nods. "Dr. Whitewood wants me to tell the psych expert whats happening in my head, I don't want to talk about it, not yet, but if I have to, it's going to be with you first."
"You can tell me anything Carys." She takes both my hands. "I love you."
I pull my hands away. "That's the thing," I sigh, "The voice, the woman, she was telling me that you don't love me, that none of you really care about me, I can't help but believe it. I'm such a burden on you and Rhydian and all the others, I don't want to make your lives any more difficult than they have to be." She takes my hands again.
"Carys, no, the things your mother said," the word 'mother' hit me hard, "they weren't true, it's just a way for your mind to play tricks on you. I love you more than anything, and I care about you so much. We all do. I don't know where I'd be without you!" She cries a little bit. "I don't want to live in a world without you Carys. Please don't ever forget that... please." She places her hands on my neck. I start to cry too. "If you ever doubt my love for you again, just come to me, talk to me about it. I'll always reassure you. You know I'm an awful liar, no way could anyone fake what I feel for you. You're the reason I wake up everyday, you're the reason I wake up with a smile on my face." She leans in a kisses me, it's romantic yet kind of gross as we're both in tears. We hug for a long while, until Rhydian walks in.
"Have you told her?" He asks me.
"No, not yet." I say as we break the hug. "I don't quite know how to put it into words."
"There's more?" She asks. Rhydian joins us on the bed.
"Jana, you know how me and Carys and brother and sister?" She nods, looking a little confused. "Well, my parents are her parents." Jana's jaw drops. "My reaction exactly." She looks at me.
"But, your mum and dad..."
"Long story short, my 'parents' took me from Ceri as revenge for my d- Geraint not knowing about Ava." I say. Jana looks at me in shock. I think she's surprised at how calm I am. I'm surprised too of course, but I feel a bit better now, when I'm with these two I feel so... me. "I don't know how to feel, I'm angry of course, but I can also see why they did what they did. And I think I'm also angry at Ceri and Gerwyn for not saying anything, but thinking back to they how they acted around me, I can see how badly they wanted me to know. Ceri was always so motherly to me, and Gerwyn, well he could barely look at me, and I understand why now, it's because he didn't want to talk to his daughter knowing who she was, when she doesn't have a clue. It must have been hard for them to see me grieve over my father's death knowing that he wasn't who I thought he was."
"So you're okay- well not okay with this, but you can handle this for now right?" Rhydian asks me.
"I think so, I mean, I'm pretty sure the voice in my head will get worse, but everything gets worse before it gets better. That's what Whitewood said. I'm okay." I really do feel okay, I think having a mother, even if it's very quick and a big shock, has made me feel safer. I doubted everyone's love for me, but for some reason, I never doubted Ceri's.
"You're so strong." Jana kisses me. I'm so lucky to have her.
"Carys," Ceri pokes her head around the door, "Dr. Whitewood and Dr. Stevens want to talk you." I look at Jana and Rhydian, they can both tell I'm nervous, Rhydian hugs me and then so does Jana. They walk out, they don't say anything because they know it'll freak me out.
Dr. Whitewood comes in with a man who I'm assuming is Dr. Stevens, the psych specialist. They both stand next to my bed while I sit cross legged.
"Hello Carys, how are you feeling today?" He asks.
"Um okay I guess, the morning has been pretty rough but I feel a lot better now."
"Good, so if you can, please could you tell me what you think is happening to you?" I wasn't expecting a question like this. I was expecting him to come in, tell me I'm crazy, give me some pills and leave.
"Oh, well I think I've had a lot happen to me in the past few months, and I got stressed and overwhelmed." He nods along as he writes. "And I think- I think that I've sort of been- like- I've been driven mad, by everything you know? And I think that it's not surprising that I've ended up in the state I'm in."
"That's a very good answer, you're right, as far as I'm aware. Dr. Whitewood has informed of your situation, but I'd like to hear your side of things, right from the start."
I don't really know what I'm telling him, I just know I have to tell him everything. From my first memory with my so called parents, to my last. He's a Wolfblood, so he understands some aspects that maybe Dr. Whitewood wouldn't. I like him, he's kind and he lets me ramble on. We talk for an hour two, I don't hear or see anything that's not real the whole time. When he leaves we shake hands and he follows Dr. Whitewood out of the room. For a split second I'm alone. Just long enough for her to come back. 'You could do it now.' She says. I make sure to do the breathing exercises that Dr. Whitewood taught me. Luckily, Jana comes in.
"You okay?" She sits down on my bed.
"Yeah, I'm fine, she was just... here." She nods, trying to understand. She kisses my cheek and puts her arm around me.
"She's gone right?" She asks.
"For now, so where is everyone." I change the subject.
"Shan and Tom have been back and forth from outside your room, to Shan's lab. They've been worried about you. Ceri, Rhydian and Maddy have gone to see the pack, to tell them we're safe and also to talk to Gerwyn."
"Oh, right. I hope it goes okay." I'm nervous, I know eventually I'll have to talk to Gerwyn and I don't know how he'll act. "Do you think we'll ever get back to the wild? I haven't thought about it much because of everything that's happened today. Ava must be planning how to take me away as we speak."
"Rhydian didn't tell you? She's dropping the case, she left earlier today." Jana says. I fill up with joy. She must have really seen the light, still I feel bad the felt she couldn't say goodbye to me. Then again I don't know how I would have dealt with it. I'm all over the place at the moment.
"That's... amazing, I guess. We really can stay together!" I say, kissing her. 'She doesn't want that.' The voice says. 'She's lying to keep you from losing it, you just stress her out.' "Leave me alone!" I shout. Jana flinches away and I'm brought back to reality.
"Carys?" She says.
"I'm sorry." I shake. "She came back for a second there." I breathe fast, making sure I'm really alive and not in some twisted nightmare.
"It's going to be okay, slow your breathing down." I what she says, trying to breathe slowly. In through my nose, out through my mouth. "It won't last forever okay, you can get past this."
I really hope she's right.