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Chapter Eleven: Vision of You

It was like being caught in the middle of a hurricane and thrown into the sea. Which way was up? Which way was down. Help, please, just help. That was all she could think of. There was the pressure of a building terror, but she couldn't scream, if she screamed, the water would overtake her, she'd be lost to the sea, and nothing would ever be able to save her as she choked it down. No one would know… no one would care. Water. Drowning, following, flooding, breaching every boundary she'd carefully put up. The salt of the ocean becoming one with her as tears mingled with it. The ocean, tears, blood. Why was there blood? What was happening? Did she care? No… there was just drifting and drowning.

It was a pleasant sort of feeling, this letting go, until the pain. The pain came upon her as a crash. It smacked into her, and she didn't care anymore if she drowned. She screamed. She screamed for all she was worth. The pain. There was nothing but pain and screaming. It was like someone was peeling back the muscles and skin with a red-hot iron poker. Peeling and scraping and slicing it all away from the bone. There was nothing she could do. The salt burned against her exposed skin, and she just screamed.

It wasn't there anymore. The pain was gone so suddenly that she collapsed to the floor, her body shaking, refusing to believe it was over. She looked up. She was in an unfamiliar place. White and clean, and spinning. She held her breath willing herself not to hurl all over the nice room. Her eyes found a pair of black shoes. She followed the line of a gray pinstripe suit until she met cold green eyes. Dark hair swept over the angular lines of the man's face. The look in his eyes. The anger in his body. They were familiar, they scared her, she wanted to shirk away. She scrambled on the floor.

"What did you do?" he asked her, his voice low and shaking. "Dangerous," she thought. He was dangerous. Not in the way that demons and spells were, but in the way that only humans could ever be. "Where is she?" he asked her. He was worried about something, but not about her. "Dammit, Rudy," he swore at her. "Rudy," she thought, "Who's Rudy…?" He stalked closer to her, and she was too curious to move away. Too curious to sense his anger increase. He knelt down and put his arms around her. She hadn't expected it. It was different. This wasn't him. She had that feeling. This couldn't be right. He hadn't been this way for too long. She found herself melting against him. "Just tell me where she is, Rudy," he whispered into her hair, "Please don't make me hurt you, please, Rudy."

Her body stiffened, and he pulled back, his eyes begging her. "I don't know where she is, David. I'm just as scared as you are," she told him the truth. She didn't know how she knew it was the truth, but she did. He didn't want to believe her. It would be so much easier if it was all her fault. His hands tightened on her arms. She winced, trying to pull away. "No, David, please don't. David, please!" But he pulled her up so that her feet her dangling half an inch from the floor. Her body was too tired to fight, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't keep from crying.

He looked at her hard. He carried her across the room like that, just so that her feet were dangling from the floor. He slammed her down onto their bed. He put his arms at either side of her, trapping her there. "What? Were you too busy fucking someone to notice what happened?" his voice was shaking. He believed it, God dammit, he believed that she was enough of a whore to leave and not remember.

She had always just lain down and taken it. It wasn't her damn fault. She pushed at him, hard enough that he stumbled back away from her. She was angry, so angry, so tired of it all. So tired of begging him. He didn't deserve her begging. "I don't just go around and fuck people, David, that's your deal, not mine," she told him, anger deepening her voice until it was almost as dangerous as his was. "I don't fucking have to take this anymore," she warned him. "I'm beyond caring anymore, David. I won't be afraid of you anymore. And you can try to take our daughter away from me all you want. She's not here. So I don't have to be either." She got up off the bed and went to walk past him.

He blocked her, keeping himself in front of her. "You won't leave me, Rudy. You need me too much. Needed me enough to sleep with whoever you needed to so you could get pregnant and I could never leave you." His eyes flashed at her. She pulled herself from his grasp, back and away. Her face was inches from his.

She looked into his eyes and hissed at him. "Get over yourself, David. You're just afraid none of your little fucking buddies will let you get as rough as you like it. I'm stuck here, so you can do whatever you want to with me," his eyes widened and she smiled, "Or is it just that you can't admit to yourself that the only thing that you really enjoy is hurting other people. Want a little blood with your sex? Why the fuck not, you've got me here to fill all those dark urges, and blame me for the fact that they're there. Well guess what, David," she searched his eyes, "It's not my fault that you're a monster. You got there all on your own." She went to move past him, and he grabbed her, shoving her back to the bed.

She went to get up, but her eyes widened as she saw him flicking the clasp of his belt opened. He moved closer to her. She fought him, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough. She cried and screamed and begged him, and he ignored her, tears on his face. Hating himself and hating her, still blaming her for what was really his fault.

The screaming went on and on, but he was gone. Instead there was just the darkness, just the black. But she could feel it. It was coming for her. It was coming. She was crying. Where was Mommy? "Mommy!" she cried, she couldn't see. Where was it? What happened to Mommy? "Mommy!" she screamed, so scared. So very scared. It laughed at her. It laughed as it swallowed her whole into the abyss and she screamed for Mommy. "But Mommy isn't here," the thing argued, "Mommy is busy, Mommy doesn't care." And she screamed, but it scream was drowned away.

Phoebe woke with people around her, she woke screaming and shaking, and crying. It was too much. Way too much. "Oh God," she cried, her daughters huddled around her, "Oh God." She heard a whimper somewhere near her. She looked past her sister, and nephews, and her niece. That woman was there. She was scared, her eyes were wide and scared. Phoebe looked at the woman and whispered, "Dear God," before she fell into a fit, screaming and writhing on the floor. Small flashes overcame her. The Empathy had been the last gift to return to Phoebe, and it hit her at this moment in full force. It hadn't been this powerful a reading for a long time. And she didn't like it. This wasn't something she wanted to feel. "Dear Go, Please," she thought. And she felt the woman build a shield around her, hiding from the world, and from the Empathy. She looked up to her youngest nephew's face. He looked concerned and grim in a way that only Chris could. "Are you okay?" he asked. At that insane question, Phoebe couldn't help but laugh. It startled them all, but it was too funny to let go. Was she okay? Hell no, but it was better to laugh at the obvious question than to admit the woman in the background worried her more than anyone since the Charmed One's prime.

i hope it wasn't too confusing. the entire thing until she wakes up is one of Phoebe's premonitions(sp?) i'll try to have the next chapter up really soon. if i finish it early i might post it today, or i might wait until tomorrow. it depends. comments please! i'd like to know what everyone thinks about it!