A/N: As usual, hi, it's been a while. I hope you guys still have my story notifications on because I'm really hoping to get back into the swing of writing and I can tell you this is the story that I have all my ideas piling up on so I'm hoping that we will be seeing many new chapters coming out! If you are reading this, thank you for sticking with me! And also, if you're reading this story for the second time because you have to refresh yourself because you have no idea what is going on anymore, I have made a few changes and fixed some errors. Nothing too major!

God, I hate this dress. I'm wearing this ugly, tight black dress with sleeves that are too short on me now. I hate wearing dresses, but my mom bought this dress for me a couple years ago. I wanted to get rid of it, but she said, "Keep it. Not to be morbid, but you never know when you might need a black dress. For a party, or even a funeral." I just laughed and asked her who she thought was even old enough to kick the bucket in the next ten years anyway. I figured I would be able to throw the dress out before it even got a chance to be worn.

I'm now putting it on for the second time in six month, or at least trying to put it on, because my hands keep trembling, which they have been doing almost non-stop for the last two days. I can't stop staring at myself in the mirror. My face is blurring. I feel like I'm not even here. Finally, after who knows how long, my mom knocks on the door. "Hi sweetie," she murmurs. "Are you ready?"

Am I ready? I laugh sarcastically on the inside, but my face shows no emotion. Am I ready to say goodbye to my 'best friend,' knowing that she spent the last couple months hating my guts and probably wouldn't even want me there? Sure. But I just look at her and start to walk out the door ahead, and she follows behind me quietly. After my meltdown on Thursday, where I completely fell apart screaming, I haven't said a word. Not even to Embry, which is mostly due to the fact that I haven't seen him once. I don't even know where he is.

My mom opens the back door for me and I slide in quietly beside my sister. Paul is sitting in the passenger seat and I can feel his gaze in the mirror, but I don't even want to look at him. He's finally given up pestering me to talk. He should be glad, because I don't think he wants to hear what I have to say. My hands continue to tremble in my lap.

We get there and I walk in, unable to feel my legs. I feel like I'm just ghosting through the day. Her dad is at the gate and he looks terrible, which is saying something about a man who has just lost his wife and daughter. His arms immediately find mine and he hugs me extremely tight. I wonder if he knows. But by the things he's saying to me, I'm going to assume that he doesn't. I can't find the will to say anything so I just stare at the tears on his face until my mom takes over. I wander off to find a place to sit down. I see Quil, Jake, Sam and Emily sitting together and I can tell they're talking about me. Quil has never been subtle. I just keep praying that they don't come over to me, and when someone finally starts to talk upfront, I unclench my fists that I didn't know I was clenching and watch the fingernail marks in my palms fade away.

People are speaking, but it's just buzzing in my ear. There's a slideshow of pictures of Jessica and her mother up on the projector and my own mom has her hand on my knee and I inexplicably want to tear her arm off. I wish everyone would stop trying to comfort me, because I don't deserve it.

And then a picture comes up and my heart sinks into my stomach.

It's all five of us, the morning of our freshman year of high school, sitting on my front porch. My hair is in two braids, and you can barely see my face because I had a giant pimple on my chin and I was using Jacob's shoulder to hide it, so my eyes are peeking out over his shoulder and he's got his head craned to the side laughing at me. Quil has bunny ears up over both Jessica and Embry, who are smiling towards the camera normally, like they had no idea what was going on behind them. They're holding hands.

My whole body twitches and I stand up so fast that my chair falls to the ground with a loud clang and I'm running out as fast as my feet can carry me. My heart is throbbing in my ears. My hands are trembling. I'm sweating. I'm gasping for air. I can't think. I'm going to scream. I hear him say my name through the ringing in my ears. "Lucy? Lucy!" He exclaims, and his hands grab my shoulder.

I finally speak for the first time in two days. "Get off of me." I spit, wrenching myself away. "This is all your fault." I finally look at him and I fight a gasp. He looks terrible.

"I know." He croaks.

"If you never imprinted on me, she never would have gone to Seattle! You would have protected her!"

"I know."

"If you never turned into a stupid werewolf, you never would have imprinted on me!"

"I know."

"You killed her!"

"I know!" He cries. "But like you're any better! You just left her behind! You abandoned her! Your best friend!"

My blood boiled. "What are you saying? Are you saying this is my fault? Because like I've already mentioned, you imprinted on me and you begged me to be with you! You make me si-…" My words catch in my throat. My brain has exploded. My body has exploded. I open my mouth to speak again, but all I hear is a long howl.

Embry is still standing on two feet, human, looking like he might pass out. His eyes are bulging out of his head. He's looking at me. Or what used to be me. Because I am not me, I am not human.

I look down at the two large, white paws in front of me, and before I can even think, I turn quickly and start running into the forest. The wind is whipping my face and the trees are passing by me in a blur. I'm fast, probably because I'm small, just like Leah, from what I've heard. I keep running until I feel a shimmer in my body. Someone has phased, my senses tell me. I don't know how I know, but I can feel it.

I don't want anyone in my head. I don't want them to feel my guilt, see my scars, and feel my pain and my misplaced hatred. I don't want any of it. I want to go back. I can't stop howling because I'm scared. I can feel my heart hammering in my chest because all of my senses are on overload. I can hear murmurs in my head, the buzzing of voices telling me that I need to stop and calm down, but I feel like I'm in a different world, and I keep running.

I run and I run until I don't even know where I am anymore. And to be honest, I don't know who I am anymore either. I finally shrink down into a large shrub, mentally exhausted, even though I feel like I could run for days. I bury my head into my large paws. I don't understand why this is happening. It's only supposed to happen to males, right? Except Leah… And now me, I guess. I laugh to myself, but it comes out as a grizzly snort. I always knew I was a freak.

It takes only a few more minutes for reality to sink in. I'm a werewolf. Holy shit. And now my emotions have changed. Instead of wanting to be alone, I'm terrified of being here by myself. I have no idea how any of this works. How do I change back? What if I can never change back? Where am I? How do I tell my mom that another child is going to be eating all the contents of her fridge? What is Embry going to say?

Embry.

I blamed him for Jessica's death. How could I? He loved her just as much as I did. Even after imprinting, he would never want her dead. Why did those nasty words come out of my mouth? How could I say that to him? How can he ever forgive me?

He will. A voice in my head that is definitely not mine reassures me. I've let my guard down and finally let myself listen to the voices flooding in my head. But they're mostly gone, except for one. Paul.

It's just him, and by the concentration in his thoughts, I can tell that he's looking for me. I listen for a good few minutes, realizing there's no one else phased, and I finally admit my feelings to someone else, which I never do. I'm scared, Paul.

I know. I'm coming to get you. He reassures me again, and his speed picks up. And finally, I can smell him. It's weird to me that Paul already has a distinguished smell, but to me, he smells like the laundry soap my mom uses at home and pine needles, and I recognize it immediately as a large wolf finally comes into view. I still can't bring myself to get off the ground, so I stare way up at his face, until he lies down on his belly next to me. Lucy… You need to relax.

My throat rumbles out a sarcastic laugh. Great advice, Paul. Solves all my problems! I'll just relax. Piece of cake.

I can hear his frustrated remarks in his head, because we're connected, but he actually refrains from directing them at me. Absentmindedly, I wonder how many times he's held his tongue, especially in the last year, towards my attitude. A lot, he answers. Oh yeah, I forgot he could hear me now. I don't think I'm ready mentally to "phase" back yet, or whatever it is they call it, and I tell him this. Okay, well I don't want you out here by yourself. We're going to run back to La Push, so follow me, okay? Hopefully after you get back and let some more energy out, you can phase.

I take a deep breath and shakily stand up on my four legs. I have four fucking legs. Okay, I'm not going to get into this again, that's definitely not going to help me relax. Paul shoots off and I follow him immediately, and as I'm running, I find that I have to slow myself down so that I don't overtake Paul. The thought gives me great joy. I'm faster than Paul, I gloat to myself.

Pft, please. He grumbles. So you're faster, so what? I'd like to see you take me in a fight.

We'll see. I laugh a little. Maybe once I've been trained a little more and got all the tricks down. This is only my first day, after all. Oh my God. I'm never going to age. I'm going to be a werewolf for the rest of my life. I'm starting to panic again and before I can stop myself, I let out a pained howl. Paul's thoughts are showing sympathy, he never wanted this either.

You get used to it though. You have to. He tells me, slowing down a little. I assume we're at our destination. It has its perks.

I can't find it in me to believe him yet. But I'm hoping that I will be able to soon. We get to the clearing and I can see the backyard of a small white house. It's Emily's house. I recognize the back porch. Paul jets off behind the side of the house and returns in a quick minute, wearing a black pair or basketball shorts. I sink to my stomach again, still buried in the tree line, jealous and resentful that his change was so quick. I've been stuck like this for hours. I can't help thinking to myself that I'm never going to get out of this. Someone help me.

And then I can smell him. I know immediately that it's him because his scent is so familiar, except it is more powerful and defined. I can smell the faint traces of honey, and the woodsy scent of his skin. My heart starts to pound again, but for a different reason. I'm nervous. Paul said he would forgive me, but Paul isn't Embry. He doesn't know for sure. I can't find it in me to look him directly in the eye. He comes over to me, in shorts and a tee. I can see he's got clothing in his hand; a pair of shorts and a big grey sweater that I'm assuming is for me. I want to smile to myself at his unabashed faith that I'm going to change back right now. I shut my eyes completely now, breathing slowly as I feel his warmth close in on me. His large hands are stroking my face and he's whispering in my ear. "It's okay, I love you." He whispers. "It's okay. Please come back. You'll be okay. We're okay. Everything is okay." His touch is so nice on my fur and my entire body feels like Jell-O. Suddenly, my four paws have become two humans legs and two human arms, and I'm curled up naked on the grass. He hands me the clothing, politely looking away, and I put them on.

He's back near the porch, standing with Paul, Sam and Emily, who are all gathered near the stairs. I walk out slowly, feeling different. I can't stop staring at the side of Embry's face. He feels my gaze, and he turns towards me, looking me deep in the eyes.

My heart stops.

But when he phased for the first time and met Emily, there was something else. Something bigger than both of them. Almost like fate. Sometimes, when a wolf looks into the eyes of a girl, he automatically knows that she's the one. It's an automatic pull and it consumes you. Sometimes it feels like you can't even breathe. And nothing else, no one else, matters more than her. When she's around, she's all you can think about, all you can see, all you can smell, all you can taste… it's like you're drowning.

It's like you're drowning…

I fall to my knees, trying to steady my breathing. He was right. Everything else around me is a blur. I can see every line on his face. All I can smell is that same woodsy scent from before. My other senses are on high alert. I'm drinking him in. And he finally breaks eye contact and rushes to my side. When he puts his hands on my face, my entire body lights up with goose bumps, even though I'm not cold. I feel like I've just been struck by lightning. There's an air that's buzzing around us. I can't breathe, and honestly, if I could stay like this, with him, forever, I don't think I want to anymore.

"Lucy? Can you hear me?" Embry asks frantically. "Are you okay?" His voice sounds like a melody floating in my ears. Am I okay?

"Is she in shock?" Emily asks worriedly, although I can barely hear her over my bubble of euphoria. Embry's arms are around me, surrounding me with pleasure, and then he lifts me up and helps me to my feet. When he removes his hands, I feel cold, and I gasp to myself, finally being released from the bubble.

Without Embry's touch, I give myself a moment to finally clear my head, and I'm fully able to process what had just happened.

I just imprinted on Embry.

"Lucy, please say something." He begs. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "I'm fine. I'm…" How do I even explain?

I look over into Embry's eyes, a cesspool of warm chocolate brown, unable to say anything else. After a minute, it's Emily who finally speaks. "She imprinted." She says, slightly awed, but firmly.

All three men look over at her incredulously. "How do you know?" Paul asks.

"Because, that's the same look that Sam gave me when it happened. I could never forget that look." She says softly.

A moment passes and I can feel Embry staring at me, but I'm no longer looking at him, because I'm focused on Paul, who throws his hands up in the air. "Seriously? She imprinted on him now? I thought I was going to have a hard enough time keeping them apart with one imprint, but now I have to deal with a double?" He looks at the sky in exasperation. "Why?"

I've felt a very extreme range of emotions today, starting with depression, going into feeling terrified, and then passion. But for the first time since my mom told me about Jessica, I crack a genuine smile. And then I start laughing. Before I know it, we're all laughing at Paul, who does not look very amused. I bite my lip to stop my giggles, and I make my way over to him. "Paul," I say quietly, all traces of humor gone from my voice. "Thank you for coming to find me. I…" And I finally say something I haven't said to Paul in over a year. "I love you."

I throw my arms around his waist and burying my face in his chest. He wraps his arms around my softly, putting his hand on the back of my head to hold me close, like he used to. "I love you too Lucy. I never stopped, no matter how much you hated me. I was always watching over you."

I take a deep breath and step back, looking over to Sam. The Alpha. My Alpha. Holy Christ, I'm a fucking werewolf.