Chapter 11: Not Wanted
I do not have the means to build a massive treehouse in my back garden, so large it requires planning permission. Do I have to spell it out for you? I claim no right over Harry Potter or anything associated with it.
I should have known it wouldn't last.
Rather, I should re-phrase my last statement. I should have known that nothing would change in my horrible existence.
Let me inform you of a life lesson: Never take things at face value. When those 'Puffs offered me their friendship that did not mean that the rest of their house laid down their pitchforks and ceased their cries proclaiming me to be the witch which they hunted.
I was kind enough that I gave no indication that we had come to an alliance when in earshot of a human if I could help it. In return I would receive smiles in the corridor and a table to sit at in the library. The smiles made a difference but I didn't need their table at all. But I was Slytherin to the core. I knew that if I wanted to make a difference I had to take care of the small things first. First year Hufflepuffs are expendable, but they had networking contacts with older years, siblings and friends.
The festive spirit was closing in on Hogwarts. It amazed me that the wizarding world always seemed to have more to give. I know I used to complain about the Father Christmas lawn ornaments back home but I was actually starting to enjoy the atmosphere. Walking out of the Great Hall one Saturday morning after breakfast I erupted into a fit of giggles having narrowly avoided a collision with a small animatronic reindeer.
After having survived my near death experience I hurried upstairs to a room Mopsy had found me when I complained that the hiding places in Hogwarts were freezing in winter. She had procured me a room that probably used to be a small classroom in days gone by. There was a small fireplace that she somehow charmed never to run out of wood and she always ensured that I had matches and paper. I wasn't thick, and I remembered watching TV shows back home which showed how to make a fire. A small bookshelf on one wall held my homework and books so they couldn't be tampered with by my roommates, a desk and chair that held decades worth of graffiti sat in the corner (apparently it had been "borrowed" from a storage room) and a threadbare armchair by the fire in red and gold that came from the Gryffindor common room when they upgraded the furnishings. All in all a pleasant den. I even was handed a key so no-one could get in. An alohomora resistant key.
I still clung to my old life. I still wrote with pen and paper that sent the teachers crazy; I still dragged Lucy out during late night crying sessions; I still ate Dairy Milk when I was upset; and I cried when the house elves had even managed to make my special hot chocolate when Mopsy showed me the kitchens. With a marshmallow on top.
I dragged out my pen and paper to write a letter to my parents. It was a lot easier since I was given this room by Mopsy. I had to carefully word the letter so they got no hint I was unhappy. My parents couldn't do anything about it – it would only worry them.
Dear Mum and Dad,
You can definitely tell Christmas is coming at Hogwarts. Professor Hagrid put up 12 HUGE Christmas trees. The moving ornaments are funny – I had to dodge a flying reindeer this morning! Professor Slughorn came round this morning asking if anyone wanted to stay at school over the Christmas break. Christmas at Hogwarts sounds like it would be fun, but personally all I want is to go home. You don't understand how much I am missing you.
I got full marks in my Transfiguration practical yesterday! Professor Bobbin said if I wanted she would teach me some spells during my free time that we won't work on until the end of the year. That was nice.
Can you buy a selection of Green and Blacks chocolate as a Christmas present for my friend Claire? We have a competition on at the moment about the best chocolate and so far she is winning with the chocolate from the sweet shop in the town nearby that she got an older student to get for her. I know I will win eventually. You can get a lot more types of chocolate in the muggle world than in the wizarding world.
I have recruited some help to make you some presents. The house elves, like Mopsy, who I told you about, are assisting me. I hope you will like it.
2 weeks to the end of term and counting!
Hugs and Kisses
Amber
I blew the ink dry, folded it and placed it into an envelope to give to Carys on my way back to the common room. Calm down Amber, you'll be home soon enough. It is 2 measly weeks; you've been here for 3 months already. It will come soon enough.
DotDotDot
I woke up today to find myself hanging upside down in the Slytherin common room in only my underwear. It was the most humiliating experience of my life.
I woke up to jeering and laughing. People were poking me with their wands. But then they got bored and went to breakfast, leaving me hanging, blood rushing to my head more and more by the minute. I can't cry, no, not here, not here, not where everyone can see me. A tiny whimper I manage to choke out: "Help me…", but no-one came.
They came back after breakfast. They laughed some more. They took their bags and left for lessons. Only then did I allow myself to cry.
Seconds, minutes, hours, I don't know how long it was before they sent someone looking. The next thing I remember was looking up from a bed in the hospital wing and seeing Mopsy leaning over, large eyes about a centimetre from my face. I hid my shock well I think. "Hi Mopsy, long time no see."
"It hasn't been a longs time Miss Amber. I see youse just last week. When youse break your arm."
"It was sarcasm Mopsy."
"Ah, I'ves heard of that. A letter came for you while youse were asleeps." Mopsy pulled a letter from behind her back.
"Thank you." I said, as I ripped open the envelope. I got about half way down before, in tears for the second time today, I climbed out of bed and started kicking, punching, slamming myself into the wall. I was dragged away from the wall, biting my attacker. Then I couldn't move and I was floated back onto my bed.
"I have experienced a lot of things in my time as a nurse, and I pride myself on a being a good listener. If I let you go, will you please refrain from biting me?" Madam Pomfrey didn't wait for an answer, but released the spell and sat on the end of my bed. "What's the matter dear."
There are few adults I trust in this world. I did not trust, and I still wouldn't, the teachers from primary school. I do not trust Professor Slughorn. I trust that my parents love me, but I do not trust that they can solve my problems. I do, however, trust Madam Pomfrey. Implicitly. "I was looking forward to going home at Christmas so much."
"I take it that you can't anymore."
"My Granddad is ill. He's been in hospital 4 months already. He's not getting better. My parents have to look after him all the time, so they asked if I could stay here, so they don't have to worry about me too."
"Do they not know how much you want to go home?"
"Yes, but they don't know why."
"Well, there isn't much I can do. You are welcome to come here anytime, you know that right."
"Uhuh."
DotDotDot
"Hey Amber. You alright, you don't look very happy?" I didn't answer. "Amber, answer me please. You've been sitting there for hours. Amber, it's getting dark, you'll have to come in soon. Come on, you haven't eaten all day. All you've done all day is stare at the lake, it's DECEMBER! You shouldn't be outside, it's below 0 degrees. You're freezing, you'll catch hypothermia."
"Fuck off!" I scream, and I run towards the forbidden forest.
DotDotDot
It's now pitch black. There's something moving out there. I can't see a thing. I have scratches all the way up my legs, my tights are shredded to nothing, and I'm freezing. Literally. My hands have turned blue, or I bet they have at least. I can't see them, so I wouldn't know. The tears on my face are ice now. They say there are werewolves in these forests. I can hear them howling.
Why did I run away from Claire? She probably hates me now. And I'll never be able to say sorry, because I'm going to die tonight. My parents will be filled with guilt because the last thing they said to me was that they would rather I didn't come home this Christmas. I didn't expect it to end this way. Recently, I have briefly entertained with the idea of jumping off the astronomy tower, but all my life I thought I would be, like, 80, and surrounded by my children, grandchildren and possibly great-grand children. But I would never have that. I'd be like those children you hear about on the news, you know, the ones who meet a tragic, early death, and you see their coffins and graves draped in teddy bears, and everyone asks, 'what could we have done?'
I'm trying to feel my way towards the small patch of light I see in the distance. This is what it must feel like to be blind. There's something wrapped around my ankle. SHIT! I feel the wind whistling past my ears, I hear a crack, the pain I know is a broken leg, I feel the damp earth on my face, and I feel my consciousness slipping…
DotDotDot
I cracked open my eyes slightly to be blinded with light. There was a fuzzy shape leaning over me, and something was tickling my face.
WHACK! WHACK! "You complete and utter imbecile Amber Darrow! You almost got yourself killed!"
"Well don't kill her yourself!"
"I had entertained with the thought."
I had bolted upright when the book had been slammed into me. I just sat there, pathetically rubbing my arm. It hurt! It wasn't a light book. It was 'A Revised History of Magic'. That Hermione Weasley really liked long words. The book was bloody huge. And Claire had whacked me with it. And now she and Scarlett were looking at me expectantly. "Um…I'm sorry?"
"You wake up after 4 days and all you can say is 'I'm sorry'!"
"Leave her 'lone Claire."
"I thought she had died! It was my fault!"
"Don't be stupid. You didn't tell her to run into the forest in sub zero temperatures. We know she is a complete moron." They were arguing about me. They hated me. So why were they still here? Because they care about you. A little voice whispered. But since when did anyone except my family care if I injured myself?
"Ok, Amber, spill. What happened?"
"You don't want to know." I muttered darkly. WHACK! The book collided with me again. She would break my arm if she continued doing that.
"Of course we want to know," As I was quickly informed by Scarlett. "We wouldn't have asked otherwise."
"Well, it was a cold dark night when I, intrepid explorer that I am, decided to explore the forbidden forest," I began sarcastically.
"Lose the theatrics."
"Fine, I was upset that I can't go home this Christmas. Claire was trying to make sure I was alright, but I threw a hissy fit, ran into the forbidden forest, it got dark, I was lost, I heard howling, tried to find my way out but tripped over a root and that's the last thing I remember."
"Well that was stupid."
"Yeah, almost getting yourself killed because somebody cared about you. Damn, that the stupidest thing I've heard in a long time."
"You are acting like you think we don't want you hanging with us anymore."
"Amber, of course you are wanted," began Claire softly, "You aren't getting rid of us that soon."