Sorry it's been too long, I wrote the end of this bit while I should have been revising Thatcher and Blair. All my exams finish next week so hopefully I'll be able to give more attention to this. It would be wonderful to have some reviews to convince me I should carry on with this.
Update : just changed the formatting when I noticed half of some sentances were missing
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls or Ronan Keating versions are the best.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I woke to the small soft whimpers of a child, gently notes of a new melody still in it's infancy. I opened my eyes to the brilliance of the sun and smiled in it's warmth. The sun had show itself for the first time in weeks of rain and January rain, as if it was welcoming this new life to the world. I delicately picked up the babe from the plastic hospital cot and with natural maternal skill held her in my arms.
Renae a small plump little thing pumping legs and arms the pink mouth mewling to be fed. Shrugging off the one side of my hospital gown I brought Renae to my chest to nurse. I had been adamant about breast feeding in the first delicate months of her life, I wanted her to have all the defence I could provide her with.
With a bit of clumsiness and stubbornness on her side I finally got her to feed from me. She was tiny but strong, the midwife had said it was probably in my genetics as I too was so small. The pregnancy had been difficult on both me and baby, we had fought for our lives but we had both come out of it with fierce strength.
I smiled at the dark feathery hair on her head, she looked so much like me and I was relieved. I had worried that when I looked at her all I would see was him and that was put a wall between us.
I felt such love, with such a passion that I had never felt. I felt strong with her in my arms for the first time I felt worthy of the world having brought such beauty into it. She unravelled her eyes a deep aqua colour unfocusedly looked in my direction. I knew at some point they would be more green but never a deep green like my own.
The midwifes praised my natural ability to care for her over the weeks I was there due to complications during the birth the doctor wished to monitor us both. They never needed to remind me of my baby's needs, I felt them as if they were my own for such a young mother they could not comprehend how I did it.
Often I sung to her although I did not have an amazing voice I knew I could hold a note at least. She would calm and fall to sleep as I gently rocked her as I paced about our small room singing softly to her. I sang all my favourite melodies not so much lullabies but songs that I had always found beautiful.
Renae Levi was taken from the hospital by her so called father at the age of 3 weeks. While I had slept the 'father' of my child had offered to take her home now she was well enough and promised my doctor that in the morning he would come for me.
He did, my panic stricken self was wheeled out the hospital pushed into the car never to see my baby again. Sometimes I heard her in the next room her cries tore at my soul she was so close yet I could not see or touch her. I would sing to her until she stilled then there were just my cries.
He would come every day but he wouldn't touch me but he'd demand to know. He ask over and over whether it had happened and I'd tell him no I'd just had a baby.
Then it did and as soon as it was over he couldn't stop touching me. Making me try to make him another. Give him another part of my soul so he could leave it crying in the next room. He told me that if I didn't he'd kill her, and if I took her he would kill us both.
Months passed and he would sit me every week on the toilet and shove a pregnancy test in my face. Each time he'd leave the bath room and I'd dip it in the sink water instead. I knew I wasn't because every month I was like clock work.
My child no longer cried into the night I heard the footsteps in the other room taking care of my child. Renae would be looked after I thought but I needed to breakaway maybe if I wasn't here somehow things would get better for Renae without the sound of her mother crying in the next room.
There was a small window that I squeezed through in the bathroom, fragile and aching for my child I loosed Hansel from his chain I the back yard. His ribs as clears as my own, he greeted me warmly and we travelled out into the night. Until we came to that shed that became our home.
2 months later I was shaking in the living room of Albus Dumbledore waiting for news about my baby. Severus's cloak wrapped round me I dared not think of the 3 missed periods and the slight bloating of the stomach. I put it down to stress.
Severus swept into the room and held my worried stare.
"We've found her there bringing her straight here through the floo" he said watching me carefully.
Overwhelmed and my heart beating frantically, I bolted from the couch a woman on a mission, I felt for any poor soul that got in my way. I stood before the fireplace digging crescent shaped wounds into my palms as every muscle in my body tensed in anticipation.
My baby came through the fire place grasped in the arms of Draco Malfoy his long platinum blonde hair grasped in a tiny fist. I briefly registered that Mr Malfoy was one of the best private investigators in the world finding my daughter would have been a breeze for him, but I did not expect him to do so personally.
He beamed at me as he passed the tiny person from his arms to mine retrieving his hair from her vice grip in the process.
"She's small for her age, but I think she gets that from you" he said as the bundle in my arms stirred.
She hadn't grown very much but already a mop of dark hair was on top of the head, reddish in the light. Her big green eyes opened to look straight at me. She knew me, she knew this hearts rhythm, she knew she was home.
I didn't register the Medi-witch casting spells round her until she spoke.
"She's small because she hasn't been growing, muggles call it failure to thrive , usually it happens when a child isn't given enough human contact. Sometimes magical children will fail to grow when they are not surrounded with the magical signature of a parent after birth. It only seems to happen in cases where the parent is alive. She'll start to grow properly once exposed to your signature for long enough" she said gently stroking a stand of hair from Renae's face.
I smiled but was too overwhelmed with tears to form words, I searched to room for Severus and pleaded with my eyes for him to approach. He strode smoothly over and wrapped his arms carefully round the two of us so not to crush the little one. Blue flames burned brightly everywhere brighter than I'd ever seen them, in between us Renae watched them captivated reaching out with miniature hands to ghost through them.
At some point Severus guided me and the baby from the room down corridors to his dungeon home. He sent me off to the spare bedroom, baby in my arms and transfigured the bedside table into a decent cot promising that we'd work out the rest in the morning.
I placed her in the cot shoved as close to the single bed as possible so I could watch her. A few minutes after I laid down, Severus knocked bringing with him a bag of baby essentials he'd retrieved from somewhere.
"We'll talk about the father in the morning, don't worry now you're safe here. Just sleep, all your classes are cancelled for the next few days while you get yourself sorted" he said softly sitting on the edge of the bed staring intently at the child in the cot.
"What do you think of her" I asked as I stroked the back of her hand through the bars of the cot.
"she's amazing, her mothers daughter without a doubt. Beautiful, captivating and a fighter" he said before leaning over to stroke my cheek.
Then with a whispered goodbye he left me to the soothing sounds of tiny lungs breathing in the dark.
Please leave feedback ~*