Chapter 10
Truthfully
"What do you remember?" I asked plopping down on the couch next to her. I decided it would be best for me to use the exo today in case we had a repeat of last night. Breakfast had been eaten in silence, Max hadn't cleared her plate, yet another sign that she wasn't really my Max. The dishes had been washed and we'd managed to avoid the topic for a good hour. I guess some things never change.
"Sneaking into your room." she answered briefly. I caught her eyes starting to glisten so I took her hand in mine and held it.
"We talked for a little bit and then you seized, I called Bling and he came over to look at you." I sighed. I was hoping she'd remember something from the past. But no such luck.
She nodded and we sat in silence.
"Logan, what is really wrong? You can pretend it's nothing but I can tell something is bugging you." she started out finally looking at me.
I looked away. For all intents and purposes she seemed to know me and all my little moods. I hadn't thought I was so transparent.
"It's nothing." I offered but she wouldn't take it. "It's just, well I wish things were different."
She offered me a funny look then headed over to my window taking up her usual spot.
It made me wonder how many of her actions were subconcious and how many of them were planned.
"For the life of me Logan Cale I can not figure you out." she stated, her back to me. I forced a half laugh and continued to stare at her back.
"There's something I don't get. Last thing I remember before waking up-" Her comment was interupted by my phone.
"What?" I demanded.
"Is it safe for me to come over?" Alec's annoying voice filtered through my phone and I wanted to slam it down and disconnect on him.
"I don't think so." I shot back selfishly.
"She still doesn't remember?" he questioned in disbelief.
"No." I answered with venom. Rub it in why don't you. It wasn't like the fact that she didn't remember me, the man she'd claimed to love once upon a time, wasn't already killing me.
"It's just that everyone else here...well they are starting to remember." he stated simply. I wanted to shove the words back down his throat. It wasn't a good sign. Maybe she'd never remember.
"Good for them."
"Listen I'm sorry."
"Forget it Alec." I slammed the phone down catching a small smile light up her face. "What?" I questioned hopeful.
"What did he want?" she asked.
Oh. For a moment I'd thought that she'd remembered something. Couldn't get my hopes up.
"Nothing. Now what were you saying?" I questioned.
"It isn't important." she lied.
"Max. Look. I know this is hard for you. I know you probably don't feel like you can trust me but you can." I offered hoping to get something out of her. She turned to face me with a hurt look.
"Gee how sweet of you. I can't believe you just said that to me. I can't believe that after..." Max broke off and stormed from the room slamming the guestroom door behind her.
I had no idea what I'd done.
Shit he was an ass.
You'd think that after everything we'd been through, he'd know that I trusted him. You don't tell someone you love them if you don't trust them.
What the hell was wrong with him?
One minute he's confessing love and then I seize or so he says and the whole incident is forgotton.
I've heard of running from your problems, hell I've run from my problems. But his flat out lies bugged the hell out of me.
I heard him walk by my door and pause. If he thought he could just make nice now he had another thing coming.
He must of sensed my hostile mood and decided that self-preservation was a good idea because he left my door and headed toward his room.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I wanted to kick the crap out of him but at the same time I wanted to hold him while he told me what was bothering him.
Love wasn't fair.
It didn't play by the rules.
Ass or not, I still needed to know the answers the the questions I was going to ask him.
I still needed to know why I remembered shooting at Alec and finding Jace and Krit unconscious on the ground of some warehouse.
I still needed to know why I remembered being dragged out of his penthouse by my hair.
And why I was in his bed if all those things had happened.
Deciding that maybe I'd overeacted and that maybe he had a good explaination, I tiptoed to his door to find him on his bed with his back to me.
He was asleep.
Taking a closer look I noticed what seemed to be tears on his cheek.
Leaning over him I brushed one away gently, then slipped into the bed next to him.
I'd never seen Logan cry. I just assumed that like me, tears didn't come easily.
I guess I liked to think that he was invincible, that I couldn't hurt him like that.
But I was wrong.
Impulsively I kissed a tear from his cheek, waking him up.
"Max?" he questioned disoriented as he started to pull back.
Flinging my arms around him, I pulled him closer.
"Why did you say that?" I asked.
"Max you don't remember, but we were close. I don't know if I should be telling you this but I will anyway. I lost you once to Manticore, I lost you once to the virus, I lost you once to White, and I lost you again to the government of all people. I can't lose you again. You came back to me from Manticore, we cured the virus, you kicked White's ass, but I'm afraid I'm never going to get you back from the job they did on you when you spent time with Uncle Sam." he broke out pushing away from me.
What the hell was he talking about?
"Logan, you lost me." I cringed, realizing that those were not the best words to use. "I mean, I remember Manticore, the virus and White, I even remember being dragged out of your apartment. That is what doesn't make sense. How could I have been dragged out of your apartment yesterday and still be here now seizeing with you last night?" I corrected at his wince.
Logan turned back to me and crushed me into his arms. Shocked, but pleased I returned the gesture.
"I'd love to continue this and I promise we will but I need some answers." I lauged trying to remain serious.
"Max I love you." he said planting a kiss on my cheek. I couldn't help but forget my attempts at seriousness as a smile spread accross my lips.
"That I remember. Now seriously, I need some answers."
I think I might go back over that, it just seems like something is missing...
Truthfully
"What do you remember?" I asked plopping down on the couch next to her. I decided it would be best for me to use the exo today in case we had a repeat of last night. Breakfast had been eaten in silence, Max hadn't cleared her plate, yet another sign that she wasn't really my Max. The dishes had been washed and we'd managed to avoid the topic for a good hour. I guess some things never change.
"Sneaking into your room." she answered briefly. I caught her eyes starting to glisten so I took her hand in mine and held it.
"We talked for a little bit and then you seized, I called Bling and he came over to look at you." I sighed. I was hoping she'd remember something from the past. But no such luck.
She nodded and we sat in silence.
"Logan, what is really wrong? You can pretend it's nothing but I can tell something is bugging you." she started out finally looking at me.
I looked away. For all intents and purposes she seemed to know me and all my little moods. I hadn't thought I was so transparent.
"It's nothing." I offered but she wouldn't take it. "It's just, well I wish things were different."
She offered me a funny look then headed over to my window taking up her usual spot.
It made me wonder how many of her actions were subconcious and how many of them were planned.
"For the life of me Logan Cale I can not figure you out." she stated, her back to me. I forced a half laugh and continued to stare at her back.
"There's something I don't get. Last thing I remember before waking up-" Her comment was interupted by my phone.
"What?" I demanded.
"Is it safe for me to come over?" Alec's annoying voice filtered through my phone and I wanted to slam it down and disconnect on him.
"I don't think so." I shot back selfishly.
"She still doesn't remember?" he questioned in disbelief.
"No." I answered with venom. Rub it in why don't you. It wasn't like the fact that she didn't remember me, the man she'd claimed to love once upon a time, wasn't already killing me.
"It's just that everyone else here...well they are starting to remember." he stated simply. I wanted to shove the words back down his throat. It wasn't a good sign. Maybe she'd never remember.
"Good for them."
"Listen I'm sorry."
"Forget it Alec." I slammed the phone down catching a small smile light up her face. "What?" I questioned hopeful.
"What did he want?" she asked.
Oh. For a moment I'd thought that she'd remembered something. Couldn't get my hopes up.
"Nothing. Now what were you saying?" I questioned.
"It isn't important." she lied.
"Max. Look. I know this is hard for you. I know you probably don't feel like you can trust me but you can." I offered hoping to get something out of her. She turned to face me with a hurt look.
"Gee how sweet of you. I can't believe you just said that to me. I can't believe that after..." Max broke off and stormed from the room slamming the guestroom door behind her.
I had no idea what I'd done.
Shit he was an ass.
You'd think that after everything we'd been through, he'd know that I trusted him. You don't tell someone you love them if you don't trust them.
What the hell was wrong with him?
One minute he's confessing love and then I seize or so he says and the whole incident is forgotton.
I've heard of running from your problems, hell I've run from my problems. But his flat out lies bugged the hell out of me.
I heard him walk by my door and pause. If he thought he could just make nice now he had another thing coming.
He must of sensed my hostile mood and decided that self-preservation was a good idea because he left my door and headed toward his room.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I wanted to kick the crap out of him but at the same time I wanted to hold him while he told me what was bothering him.
Love wasn't fair.
It didn't play by the rules.
Ass or not, I still needed to know the answers the the questions I was going to ask him.
I still needed to know why I remembered shooting at Alec and finding Jace and Krit unconscious on the ground of some warehouse.
I still needed to know why I remembered being dragged out of his penthouse by my hair.
And why I was in his bed if all those things had happened.
Deciding that maybe I'd overeacted and that maybe he had a good explaination, I tiptoed to his door to find him on his bed with his back to me.
He was asleep.
Taking a closer look I noticed what seemed to be tears on his cheek.
Leaning over him I brushed one away gently, then slipped into the bed next to him.
I'd never seen Logan cry. I just assumed that like me, tears didn't come easily.
I guess I liked to think that he was invincible, that I couldn't hurt him like that.
But I was wrong.
Impulsively I kissed a tear from his cheek, waking him up.
"Max?" he questioned disoriented as he started to pull back.
Flinging my arms around him, I pulled him closer.
"Why did you say that?" I asked.
"Max you don't remember, but we were close. I don't know if I should be telling you this but I will anyway. I lost you once to Manticore, I lost you once to the virus, I lost you once to White, and I lost you again to the government of all people. I can't lose you again. You came back to me from Manticore, we cured the virus, you kicked White's ass, but I'm afraid I'm never going to get you back from the job they did on you when you spent time with Uncle Sam." he broke out pushing away from me.
What the hell was he talking about?
"Logan, you lost me." I cringed, realizing that those were not the best words to use. "I mean, I remember Manticore, the virus and White, I even remember being dragged out of your apartment. That is what doesn't make sense. How could I have been dragged out of your apartment yesterday and still be here now seizeing with you last night?" I corrected at his wince.
Logan turned back to me and crushed me into his arms. Shocked, but pleased I returned the gesture.
"I'd love to continue this and I promise we will but I need some answers." I lauged trying to remain serious.
"Max I love you." he said planting a kiss on my cheek. I couldn't help but forget my attempts at seriousness as a smile spread accross my lips.
"That I remember. Now seriously, I need some answers."
I think I might go back over that, it just seems like something is missing...