Hey guys, I'm so sorry it took me so long, but despite having holidays, I've been keeping myself incredibly busy. For someone as lazy as I am it's almost torture! I'm leaving in two days for a trip to Bulgaria, but I didn't want to leave you stranded and starving for another portion of your story, so here you go! Chapter 11, yay!
!IMPORTANT QUIESTION! : How do I get someone to make art for my stories? I mean, is there like a site you can ask or you just gotta know the right people and wait if someone likes your story enough to draw for it? Because I often read that authors thank artists that have been assigned to them, and I wish I knew how to get one of my own. If he/she found my story worthy of his/her talent, that would make me the happiest girl in the world!
And as always, much thanks to my beta Tracey, she's the best!
Chapter 11
Dean finished dancing with Steven, who was really cute, but Dean wasn't really into him. He kept thinking about Sam. He knew he was pushing his friend away and he was contemplating talking to Sam and trying to explain where all Dean's coldness came from.
He excused himself to Steven, saying he had to go to the restroom with a polite smile and no intention of coming back.
He didn't even make it there and he was stopped by a very pissed off looking Ben.
"What the hell, dude?" he hissed.
"Um...what?" Dean blinked, confused.
"What do you think you're doing? Who was that guy?" Ben demanded.
"Did you turn into my wife when I wasn't looking?" Dean frowned. "What the heck is your problem?"
"My problem is that your boy just left the party, angry and most likely in tears. And I like him and I know you really like him and I don't see why you would screw something like that up."
"Sam left?" Dean looked around.
"Yeah, after he saw you and your new boy toy."
"Jesus, stop acting like you're Mother Theresa yourself," Dean spat out. He didn't like the way his friend was patronizing him.
"You stop acting like an idiot and go after Sam!" Ben retorted.
"Fine, fine," Dean rolled his eyes. "I'll go talk to him. Don't get your panties in a twist."
He acted as though it was a bother, but in fact, he was kind of scared of what he'd find when he got to their room.
He found it dark. And he also found that Sam was sleeping in his bed, that was moved back to its original place.
Dean sighed. Apparently, Sam didn't take this very lightly. But for what reason? They weren't an item, and nothing even happened! This was exactly the reason Dean was reluctant to say yes to Sam. His loss of freedom and this unwanted feeling of guilt when he hadn't even done anything wrong.
Dean dragged his ass to his own bed, thinking of something to say. He didn't buy Sam's sleeping for a second. He noticed the photo, so he sat down on his bed and turned his bedside lamp on to look at it.
"Oh, Sammy," he sighed. He wasn't sure what exactly was Sam trying to say by putting the photo on his pillow, but he got the point. What they had was beautiful and Dean ruined it. "Sam," he repeated louder to let his roommate know he knew he wasn't asleep.
"What?" Sam growled angrily, turning around. "Oh wow. You're alone," he said sarcastically.
"Ha ha, very funny," Dean said tiredly. "Sam, what the hell's gotten into you?"
"Seriously," Sam scoffed. "You really don't know?"
"I have an idea, but Sam, if that's really about the guy I danced with, then you're crazy. Nothing happened with me and that guy and it was never going to."
"I still don't get why you did it. When you knew I was there."
"I saw you dancing with Jess, so it wasn't like I left you stranded to have fun with someone else. Besides, I'm not bound to you or anything. I don't even know why I'm explaining myself to you," he said honestly. He hadn't done anything wrong. He had to remember that.
"So I guess our deal's off the table, huh? It's the last day anyway, so if this is your answer..." Sam said looking indifferent, but Dean saw the light of hope in his eyes.
He took a deep breath. He could just give in to the expectations of all their friends and say yes. He liked Sam, he liked him the most out of all the people he'd ever liked this way and he felt comfortable, even safe around him, but... But.
But there was this side of Sam, this jealous, possessive guy that made him feel tight up and who reminded him way too much of things passed for Dean's comfort.
So yeah, he could say yes and Sam's face would light up the adorable way it sometimes did when Sam was happy and he'd have a boyfriend. But he wasn't going to.
"Sam, I'm sorry-" he started, but Sam didn't let him finish.
"Save it," he said harshly. "I don't care," and with that he got up and into the bathroom.
Dean sighed heavily and changed into his sleeping clothes. He put the photo on his desk and looked at it one last time. His chest felt a little tight, all of a sudden.
He got under the covers and listened to the sound of the shower where Sam was either fuming with rage or crying. He probably had just lost one of his closest friends and the feeling of freedom didn't compensate for it the slightest.
When Dean woke up next morning, he was alone in his room, which wouldn't be anything unusual, but this time it felt weird. He got up, sighing. He looked over to Sam's empty, made-up bed and something pinched in his chest. This wasn't how he wanted things to go.
He dragged himself into class. The moment Ben and Jim saw him, they winced sympathetically.
"So...you and Sam didn't make up, I take it?" Ben asked.
"Shut up," Dean growled.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"Screw you," Dean said and sat down.
He didn't want to talk to anyone and he definitely didn't need his friend's pity. He was a big boy and this wasn't the first time he got hurt. He was going to be okay. Besides, this was what Dean wanted, right? To be single and free to do whatever he wanted without having to explain himself to anyone.
He pretended not to see Ben and Jim exchange a meaningful look and busied himself with going through his notes. Or, well, through the doodles he made while pretending to take notes.
If anyone asked Dean if he had any regrets and he felt like being honest, he'd have to say yes. But it wasn't his decision to decline Sam's boyfriend offer that he wished he could take back. It was the whole week that gave Sam the idea they could be something more than friends with benefits because that was the reason Dean didn't have a friend anymore.
He should have known, should have told Sam no from the very beginning and not get the freshman his hopes up. He was a virgin for Christ sakes, of course he would expect things to get serious when Dean was the first guy he was intimate with.
God dammit, everything was just so screwed up and complicated that Dean's head started to hurt from all the thinking.
Ben and Jim tried to talk to him to find out what happened between him and Sam, but Dean only told them that they had a fight and that they weren't talking at the moment. Then they tried to cheer him up and get his mind off of it, but Dean really wasn't in the mood for that, so he just mumbled something about being tired and went back to his room.
Sam was actually in the room when Dean got there, but when he saw his roommate walking in, he just shot him a dirty look, grabbed his stuff and walked out.
Dean sighed and sat down on his bed. He looked around the room that now seemed so hostile and cold, even though it was practically his second home and held some of his fondest memories.
His eyes fell on the photo on his desk. He picked it up and traced the outline of his and Sam's faces with his finger. They really did look in love in that photo, so much it scared Dean. He wasn't in love with Sam, was he? He liked his roommate a lot, loved him even, but in love...
The ringing of his phone broke his musings.
"Hey, Ben," he sighed into the phone. Not that he wasn't happy to hear his friend, he'd just preferred to be alone.
"Hey, Chester, guess what? There's this party tonight – nothing big, just a couple of friends from our class and a lot of beer – and you're coming with us."
"Ben, I-"
"I wasn't asking, Dean," Ben said with a finality to his tone. "We're picking you up at 9. Get ready."
"Ben, the last thing I want right now is to be around loud, drunken people," Dean said honestly.
"So you'd rather spend your evening locked in one room with Sam, getting the silent treatment?"
Dean had to admit Ben had a good point.
"Okay, fine. But just for a while, then I'm going to sleep, deal?"
"Wouldn't have it any other way, Chester," Ben said cheerfully. "See you then," he added and hung up.
Dean put his phone away and lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
To say this sucked was the understatement of the year. His friendship with Sam was beyond ruined and Dean felt like a broken-hearted, ditched prom date. He couldn't stop thinking about the way Sam's face fell when Dean denied to bring their relationship to a next level and he kept rolling it over in his head, regretting and justifying his decision at the same time. It was maddening.
At 9, when Ben and Jim arrived, Dean was still in the same spot on his bed. He didn't do his hair, didn't even change his clothes. He just hoped that Ben was right and that a night out might do him some good.
Dean went to the party thinking he'd drink less than usual, but ended up completely wasted. Ben and Jim dragged him into a game of beer-pong and the next thing he knew, he was outside on a lawn with a joint of weed in his hand that he stole from god knows whom and he was thinking of calling Sam.
He decided to do it, even though he was sure, the other guy was sleeping and definitely not wanting to talk to him.
"Hello?" Sam mumbled sleepily on the other side after the fifth ring.
"Heya, Sammy," Dean grinned. He was already ten times happier just from hearing Sam's voice.
"Dean? What the- Why are you calling me?"
"I know you don't wanna talk to me, but-"
"That's right, I don't, so-" Sam interrupted him.
"Come here, Sammy," Dean interrupted him right back. "I wanna see you."
Sam was silent for a moment.
"S'mmy, you there?" Dean slurred and checked the phone's screen to see if the call was still on.
"Y-yeah, I... Are you drunk?" Sam asked.
"Yep. I don't think I can come back in our room on my own," he laughed. For some reason it seemed funny to him.
"Where are you?" Sam sighed, resigned.
Dean didn't know exactly, but he gave him good enough description for Sam to find him. Besides, he was pretty sure he was the only one sitting outside on the ground.
When he hung up, he felt much better, lighter, as though a huge weight had been lifted off his chest.
He could see Sam from afar and waved at him and yelled until Sam noticed him too.
"What are you doing here, Dean?" he said sternly when he came closer.
"Waiting for you," Dean smiled innocently.
"Alright, I think you've had enough," Sam rolled his eyes. "C'mon, get up, big guy," he said taking his hand to pull him up.
Dean tugged and Sam lost his balance, which was how they ended up on the ground in one heap together.
"The hell?" Sam growled angrily, rolling off Dean.
"Sorry," Dean giggled. "Don't wanna go just yet. Sit down," he patted a spot next to him.
Sam rolled his eyes again, but obliged.
"Look what I've got?" Dean smiled proudly and held up the rolled weed.
"Is that...is that a joint?" Sam asked.
"Duh," Dean nodded. "Let's have it."
"I don't know, Dean," Sam looked around nervously. "I've never...it could be dangerous, you know?"
"Oh, come on," Dean said, already fishing out a lighter. "Let me be the one to pop your cherry," he said and then laughed to his own lame joke. "I think we both could use the cheering up."
Sam agreed reluctantly and Dean lit the joint up.
They took turns respectively, inhaling the smoke and letting it affect their heads. Dean didn't do pot very often, hardly ever actually, so the effect was quite quick.
He felt like flying and he laid back and just watched the night's sky. He felt Sam lie down next to him.
"Wow...it's beautiful," Sam whispered..
Dean burst out laughing. "You're high!" he announced.
Sam chuckled as well. "You're the one to talk."
"I'm not the one with the A+ scholarship," Dean pointed out.
Sam suddenly seemed nervous. "You're right, we should go before somebody sees us and we get into trouble."
"Chill," Dean grabbed his hand to stop him from getting up. "Just enjoy the moment."
Sam obeyed and relaxed again. Their hands remained joined.
"Thanks for coming, Sammy," Dean turned his head to his roommate.
"Well, you're welcome," Sam smiled back. "Not that you've given me much choice, but yeah."
"I've missed you," Dean said honestly, looking into Sam's eyes. "I've been miserable without you."
Sam's smile faded and he looked away. "You shouldn't have let me go, then."
"Sammy..." Dean squeezed Sam's hand. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.
Sam looked at him with big sad eyes. "So am I, Dean...so am I."
"Hey," Dean smiled at him. "We're high, remember? We're supposed to be happy."
"You're right," Sam sighed and rested his forehead against Dean's. "Tell me something happy, then," he asked softly.
"Hmm...let's see...oh, I'll actually pass my finals and graduate from this school," he grinned. "How awesome is that?"
"Congratulations!" Sam opened his eyes and pulled a little further away. Then he hesitated. "Wait, does that mean...that you're leaving at the end of the year?"
"Umm...yeah," Dean nodded. "You'll get another roommate, a smarter one, maybe," he smiled. "Definitely not more handsome, though," he added and Sam burst out laughing. "And you're not allowed to sleep with him. I'll be checking that," he grinned.
"Yeah," Sam sighed, turning his head back towards the sky. "I'm never making that mistake again."
"I wasn't a mistake," Dean muttered quietly. He didn't want to be a mistake. Sam was someone he'd always think fondly of and whom he'd remember gladly. He didn't want Sam to forget about him the first chance he gets. Sam was one of the most important people in his life. He needed to know that he was important too.
Sam turned his on his side and fixed Dean with a long stare. The senior was getting uncomfortable under the scrutiny, when Sam opened his mouth.
"No, you weren't a mistake."
And then Dean kissed him.
It was just a gentle press of lips against lips, nothing more at first. Sam's breath hitched and he pulled away, his face a display of pure surprise.
Dean was expecting either confused questions or angry curses, but instead, Sam just kissed him again, more passionate this time.
"Okay," Dean grunted when Sam rolled on top of him. "We should definitely get a room now."
He was sure people would have understanding for two drunken/high guys in the grass, but for two guys making out publicly like that, not so much.
"Good thing I know a room that's empty right now, then," Sam grinned.
Dean let the freshman pull him up on his feet and the hurried to their dorm, hand in hand. They took a few stop to make out on their way, but mostly they were just trying not to trip over their own feet.
"Dude, I feel like the right wall is gonna fall on me," Sam laughed, clinging to the left side of the hallway.
"I feel like flying," Dean replied, making funny huge steps like astronauts.
It almost felt like a miracle, but they did make it to their room, eventually.
"Shh," Sam scolded Dean when the older boy tripped over his shoe and sent their jackets and keys that were hanging by the door on the floor.
"Dude," Dean laughed when he regained his balance. "This is our room! Who do you think I'm disturbing!"
"What do you know, maybe I'm sleeping in here," Sam said with a completely serious face.
Dean laughed so hard at that, tears started falling from his eyes.
"Don't cry!" Sam hurried to him and started wiping his tears away, even though he was laughing too.
Dean touched Sam's hands and looked up and then everything stopped.
They were looking into each other's eyes, pupils blown wide and Dean could see everything, like it was in slow motion. Sam's surprised blink, the slight blush creeping up his cheeks, making him look four years younger, but four times more attractive and even the slight hitch of his friend's breath.
Dean leaned in, so they were just a few beats from each other.
"Dean..." Sam whispered.
"Sammy...?" Dean asked for the okay, even as he was backing the freshman against the wall.
Sam pulled him closer by his shirt and crashed their mouths together.
And then the slow motion turned into a fast-forward.
Dean tore Sam's shirt off in a few seconds and when he was undoing Sam's jeans, he realized his shirt was off as well.
"Bed..." Sam whispered shakily when they were down to their underwear.
Dean nodded and walked backwards to his bed, still kissing Sam and caressing his body. It'd been just days since he was able to touch it, but it felt like years already.
He pushed his roommate down on the bed and then got into his lap, kissing him hard.
"Dean," Sam murmured. "Dean, what are we-"
"Shh," Dean stopped his talking with a finger on Sam's lips.
He himself didn't know what this was or where it lead and he didn't want to think about it. He was happy, thanks to the weed, he felt like everything was right and he didn't need Sam to worry either.
He kissed his friend again, softly and gently this time, coaxing Sam's lips open and slipping his tongue in his mouth.
Sam hummed and closed his eyes, but Dean nearly fell off him as he tried to manhandle them down on the bed.
"You shouldn't have moved the bed," he growled as he got up and behind Sam.
"Shouldn't have cheated on me, then," Sam raised his eyebrow as he watched Dean get down on his back and then put his knees next to Dean's hips.
"I didn't!" Dean frowned.
"What was it, then?" Sam asked.
"I was dancing, Sam!" Dean exclaimed. "This is why we're not together."
It was only thanks to the marijuana in Sam's veins that he just scoffed and leaned down to look closely into Dean's eyes. Had Dean said it at any other time, he was sure their little private session would be over. Then again, Dean would've never said it if he hadn't been high.
"I'm so not sleeping with you for this," Sam said.
"We were never gonna sleep together," Dean said.
"No?" Sam raised his eyebrow, amused.
"No," Dean shook his head and reached his hand up to tuck a stray of Sam's hair behind his ear. "You said you wanted your first time to be special, right? I wouldn't take that away from you."
Sam's look softened and he smiled. "Thanks, but...you are special," he said.
"Not special enough," Dean said and kissed Sam's lips again. "Besides," he smirked. "There's plenty of other things we can do."
As Sam was undressing both their underwear, Dean reached under the bed where he always kept a bottle of lube. Even though it had been a while since he really had to use it.
Sam eyed the bottle curiously, but Dean just smiled and pulled him closer. They kissed deeply and Dean had his arms wrapped around Sam, pushing him flush against his body. Dean's cock, trapped between their bodies was filling out nicely as Sam's stomach kept brushing up against it.
Sam himself started to rut against Dean's thigh to stimulate his own erection, moaning softly.
Dean groaned in return and trailed his hand over Sam's spine, and then reached for his lube. He slicked his fingers up and ran one over Sam's asshole.
The younger boy gasped and pulled away, looking at Dean with wide eyes. "I-I thought, we-"
"Don't worry," Dean smiled. "Just wanted to try this. To show you something new."
And with that he proceeded to rub small circles around Sam's hole, not pushing in, just teasing. Sam eventually relaxed a bit and kissed Dean again.
When Sam's body finally wasn't resisting anymore, Dean dared to push one finger in, slowly and carefully. He didn't even get halfway in and Sam's inner muscles clenched and didn't let him any further, but Dean could be patient.
He kept his other hand on Sam's lower back, pushing him down to get as much pressure on his dick as possible.
Sam's muscles eventually let him in and he buried his finger up to the hilt in his ass. Sam moaned, his movements became a little frantic and his kisses more sloppy.
Dean worked his finger in and out of Sam with an increasing speed. Sam tried to both get Dean off and chase his own orgasm and it was sending Dean towards the orgasm, fast.
"Dean," Sam whispered in Dean's ear with a soft, needy voice and Dean reacted with adding one more finger, as he was sure Sam was stretched enough.
Sam cried out and clenched around Dean, but instead of a setback, it was apparently enough to send him over the edge. When Dean felt the hot wetness of Sam's come on his thigh, he came as well, painting both their stomachs white.
Then they just laid there, Sam on top of Dean and tried to catch their breaths.
"Wow," Sam sighed eventually.
"Wow, indeed," Dean smiled and caressed Sam's hair with his clean hand, pulling his fingers out of Sam.
"That was...much better than I expected," Sam admitted, resting his cheek on Dean's chest.
"Yeah, takes some getting used to, but you're gonna love it," Dean grinned.
"Maybe I want to sleep with you, after all," Sam said, tracing patterns with his finger on Dean's skin.
"Sammy, you're high," Dean pointed out. "You'd never forgive me if I took advantage of that. And I wouldn't forgive me, either."
Sam smiled up at him. "You're a good guy, Dean."
Dean felt suddenly incredibly guilty, looking into Sam's warm, hazel eyes.
"C'mon, Sasquatch," he said, pushing Sam off. "We gotta take a shower."
Sam made a weak sound of protest, but rolled off eventually and screwed his face in disgust when he looked down at himself.
"Yeah, you're right," he said. "Be right back."
When Sam was taking his shower, Dean checked his bed if the sheets survived their fun and he could sleep in it. It seemed that all the evidence of their orgasm was now stuck to their bodies.
The effect of the weed was slowly leaving his system and now he was getting super sleepy. And hungry. But he was more sleepy than hungry, so food could wait.
He sat down on the mattress and thought about him and Sam. Did he change his mind about Sam's offer? The answer was, sadly, no. He just hoped Sam would understand that in the morning. Dean really hated it when they weren't friends anymore and if Sam wasn't up for the whole 'with benefits' part, then so be it, Dean just wanted his friend back.
Sam came out of the bathroom, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"Dude, you totally broke me," he complained.
Dean just smiled and walked into the bathroom himself, too tired to explain to Sam that it was actually the after effects of the pot they smoked.
He took a shower, trying not to fall asleep in it. He wondered whether they fixed what was broken between him and Sam or whether things would be even worse than they were before. He really hoped Sam would understand this wasn't him saying yes, this was him reaching out and trying to close the gap between them, because it was wrong. Dean without Sam, it just...wasn't working anymore.
Dean dried himself up and went back to their room. Sam was already asleep in his own bed, a peaceful smile on his lips.
Dean smiled and adjusted Sam's blanket, then he kissed his forehead and caressed his hair. "Goodnight, Sammy," he whispered and returned to his own bed.
He was asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.
-xXx-
Sam woke up feeling weird, as though a car ran over him while he was sleeping. He had the hardest time getting out of bed, even though he wasn't sick, not like a hangover. He didn't feel like throwing up, he just felt weird. He wanted to get back to bed, but at the same time, he couldn't fall asleep anymore.
He remembered everything from last night. It was a little cloudy and he wasn't sure what was he thinking at that time, but he remembered what happened and he couldn't say that he was sorry.
He looked at his senior friend's sleeping body on the other bed and smiled. This was so much better than when they weren't even talking. Sam had been so freaking mad, but now...now he wasn't.
As he brushed his teeth, he noticed a hickey on his neck and smirked a little to himself. He wondered what this meant for him and Dean. Was Dean changing his mind? Were they getting together now?
He was gonna wait for his roommate to wake up, but Jess texted him, wanting to meet up for a breakfast and coffee. As he was getting dressed, Dean slowly raised his head up. Sam had to stop what he was doing to just look at him for a moment. Even like this, with sleep-wrinkled face, half closed eyes and hair sticking in all directions, Dean was adorable.
"Morning, sleepyhead," he smiled at him softly.
"Mhmm," Dean whined in protest.
"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Sam chuckled. "Going out with Jess. You gonna be okay?"
"'M fine," Dean growled and turned his back to Sam, hugging his pillow.
Sam rolled his eyes, but he was used to Dean not being a morning person. Not even when it wasn't that early in the morning anymore.
When he put his shoes on and closed the door, Dean was already snoring softly again.
Jess was beyond excited when Sam told her about what happened and she had news of her own. Gary told her he loved her last night and she was freaking out about it. Sam spent most of the time they spent over breakfast trying to calm her down. She didn't say it back and wasn't sure if Gary hated her now or what. Sam had to roll his eyes on the inside. Girls, he'd never understand them.
They got back around to the topic of Sam and Dean as they were slowly making their way back to Jess's dorm.
"Did you guys talk this morning?" Jess asked.
"No, not yet. He was still asleep when I was leaving," Sam said.
"You should. I mean, you were high, god knows what was going through his head..."
"I know that, but Jess, you should've seen him last night. It just felt like...like he was letting go of his walls and letting me see the truth," Sam sighed.
"Well, everybody knows you two are meant for each other," Jess smiled. "The question is, does he?"
They talked some more and then Jess kissed Sam's cheek and took a deep breath. Sam wasn't the only one with a serious talk ahead of him. Sam gave her an encouraging smile and then turned around to return to his own room.
Dean was already awake when he got there, all dressed up and he was just fixing his hair in the mirror. When he spotted Sam, he smiled at him.
"Hey, man, you sure got up early. How're you feeling?" he asked.
"I'm...weird, but fine, I guess," Sam shrugged. "You?"
"Nothing I'm not used to already," Dean smirked.
"You going somewhere?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, getting breakfast with the guys," Dean nodded. "Wanna come with?"
Well, being invited to go out with Dean together was a good sign that Dean might not regret what happened last night.
"I actually just had breakfast," Sam said, checking Dean's reaction to see whether his friend would be relieved or disappointed to hear that.
Dean's face remained neutral, though.
"You could always come with us and just have a drink. I'm sure they'd like to see you," he said.
"Okay, then I'm coming with," Sam shrugged.
"Good," Dean smiled and finished getting ready. "Let's go then."
"Sam, hey!" Tess and Julie hugged the freshman when they got to their diner. "It's been a while!"
"It's been like two days," Matt rolled his eyes, but he too stood up to shake Sam's hand. "Good to see you, buddy."
Sam was glad the other guys seemed so happy to see him. He could see the curious look Ben was giving Dean and he also saw the way Dean just smiled and ignored it. He wasn't sure what to think about that.
Sam ordered a cappuccino while the others had their breakfast. Everybody talked over each other and laughed at each other's jokes and Sam was happy to realize he was part of the group and everybody counted with him now.
The people he talked with tried to discreetly get out of him some information about him and Dean and what their current status was, but Sam honestly didn't know, so he couldn't give them anything. And apparently, they weren't getting any info out of Dean either.
Dean was really mysterious about that and Sam wondered if he even had any clue as to what was going on with them. But Sam definitely wasn't going to push it in front of everyone, he knew Dean way too well for that. He decided to wait until they were alone to even bring it up.
Suddenly, it hit Sam that next year; there would be none of the guys he was just sitting with, they would all have graduated by then.
"Sam?" Julie touched his shoulder. "Are you alright? You look like you've just seen a ghost."
"I just realized you all are leaving this year," Sam blinked.
"No! Don't even say that, shut up!" Everyone groaned.
"We don't wanna leave," Tess explained. "I'm seriously thinking of failing the finals just to stay one more year."
"What a plan," Matt chuckled which earned him a punch from his girlfriend.
"Hey, let's not talk about that, okay?" Ben decided. "It's far, far away. Let's focus on now."
Sam was actually curious about his friend's future plans, but he decided to leave his questions for later. They seemed stressed about it enough as it was.
"Dean?" Sam asked carefully, when they were back in their room. "Can we talk?"
"Sure," Dean said, plopping down on his bed. "What about?"
"Last night," Sam chewed on his bottom lip.
Dean sighed heavily and dragged his body back up into a sitting position and that alone wasn't a good sign.
"Did it...mean something?" Sam asked, clutching the ham of his shirt between his fingers. "To you?"
"Of course it did, Sammy," Dean said. "I really hated it when we didn't talk and last night...it was good, but..."
"But?" Sam asked, his heart sinking.
"But it doesn't change anything," Dean looked at Sam. "I like you, Sam, you'll always have a special spot in my heart, but we're friends. If you don't wanna repeat last night, that's okay with me, even though I find you really hot and I wouldn't mind some fooling around every now and then."
Sam felt like he should have expected this, but it still hurt. He felt so completely dumb and used and deceived, all wrapped into one.
"Wow, I..." he cleared his throat, that was tightening under the disappointment. "I guess I was hoping you'd changed your mind. Last night, you called me. You called me and you seemed so happy to see me and-"
"Sam, but I was happy to see you! " Dean said. "It just didn't feel right when we weren't even talking. Please, don't stop talking to me again," he pleaded.
Sam really didn't know what to think. Why did these things always happen to him? He'd fallen so friggin' hard for Dean and all it did for him was some sexual experience and a broken heart.
"I won't," he said dully. "I just...I need some time alone. I think I'll go see Jess," he mumbled and quickly walked out of the room, closing the door behind himself without looking at Dean.
-xXx-
A few days later, Dean was lying in his bed, waiting for Sam to get back from a party. It was absolutely ironic that Sam was the one out there and Dean the one in his bed, but it was a party to celebrate the end of the semester, which wasn't anything to celebrate, not for seniors at least. And Dean could use the sleep, his finals were coming up rapidly fast and he spent his days mostly just learning.
Things with Sam had been tense, but at least they were talking, even though it was really awkward. Whenever they met in the bathroom door, one just in a towel around his waist, Sam would turn red, look away and mumble some half-assed apologies. As though they hadn't already seen each other naked.
Needless to say, nothing physical happened between them since the night they got high and nearly slept together. Dean didn't really mind that, he just wished he and Sam had been on the same page when it happened. He probably wouldn't have started anything, had he been sober.
Dean actually gave up his hunting for girls, telling himself it was for the sake of having time to study, but in fact, nobody just interested him enough to invest his time in trying to win them over.
Sam was never a party animal and Dean never asked if he was looking for somebody new. He didn't want to know the answer.
He was slowly reconciling himself with the fact that he probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep until Sam got back, when the door opened.
Dean breathed out with relief and a grin flashed across his face as Sam stumbled in. He really didn't know how to drink. Dean's grin froze on his face and turned sour, though, when he realized that Sam wasn't alone!
At first, Dean just stared at the two dark figures making out by the wall, in denial and disbelief. Sam wouldn't do that, would he? How dare he? Dean's blood started boiling in his veins. How did he freaking dare to bring someone over when he knew that Dean was there, trying to get a decent sleep? Just like that, out of the blue? Sure, Dean used to do that too, but that was back when things were different and he did give Sam a fair warning beforehand. It wasn't his fault Sam stayed in the room.
He heard the other guy grunt and Sam moan and he didn't want to hear any more. He was the freaking senior in here and he wouldn't stand for a freshman to treat him like he wasn't even there.
He got up and pulled Sam away from the other dude by the collar of his shirt. Sam started protesting, but he ignored him.
"Get out," he told the other guy coldly.
"Huh, what?" the guy blinked. He was probably even more drunk than Sam.
"I said. Get. The fuck. Out," Dean opened the door and the poor guy stumbled backwards, trying to get away from Dean's wrath.
"No, wait-" Sam tried to stop him, but it was too late and the door was closed. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" he hissed at Dean, pushing him away, but only making himself stumble.
"No, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Dean growled. "Since when do you bring random guys over when I'm still in the damn room?"
"You're such a hypocrite, Dean," Sam yelled. "Besides, it's none of your business, what I do. You don't want me, remember? Why do you have such a problem when somebody else does?"
Dean absolutely denied that Sam might be right about this.
"Screw you, Sam! I'm not doing this to spite you, I'm doing it for you! You'll thank me in the morning."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Sam shouted angrily. "I think I know best what's good for me, thank you very much!"
"Really, Sam? Do you know what this guy wanted? To sleep with you! Do you even know his name?" Dean shouted back.
"I-I..." Sam hesitated. "He..."
"What happened to your first time being special, Sam? Was this really something you wanted? I don't think so!" Dean exclaimed.
"Yeah, because waiting for your first time to be special worked out so well for you!" Sam shot back.
And then there was silence.
Dean felt like someone just poured a bucket of ice cold water over him. He couldn't believe Sam just did that. Sam wasn't someone who would use a sensitive piece of information to hurt someone intentionally. But that was exactly what happened. And it knocked the breath out of Dean's lungs. It hurt so bad he felt like falling apart and crying right there, but he wouldn't give Sam the satisfaction.
He raised his eyes to his roommate's face and it was obvious that Sam knew how badly he'd screwed up. His cheeks were still red from all the shouting, but the colour was slowly draining from his face and he just stood there with his mouth opened, as though he couldn't believe what he'd just said.
To be fair, Dean had a hard time believing it too.
When Sam brought the guy over, he was just mad, pissed at Sam was behaving this way, but now he couldn't even stand being in the same room with the freshman.
"Dean..." Sam said softly, but Dean didn't care to hear it.
"No," he stopped him with a wave of his hand. "Don't bother."
He walked through the door and closed it just in time, so that Sam couldn't see the tears that started falling down his face.
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